Wife was cheating and gave up on our marriage [updated 2016-07-04]

[happyman64]

BHG

 

 

I have a lifelong friend (a foot doctor) whose wife left very early in their marriage for another man.

 

 

He was upset, sad and had no idea what his future held for him.

 

 

We circled around him as did his family.

 

 

It took time but he eventually stopped looking over his shoulder at his old life and began to look ahead of him.

 

 

25 years later he has a smart, beautiful wife that held her own financially.

She has loved him through two bouts of cancer.

She gave him beautiful children that adore him.

 

 

I assure you that good things lie ahead of you.

 

 

Now get that divorce done. Stop thinking of her, her selfishness or the OM.

 

 

Your future is what you make of it.

 

 

Now get going, get her out of your life and go have fun with your Dog.

 

 

Who knows whom you will meet on that trip.....

 

 

Just have fun and enjoy life.

 

 

HM

[BrownHairedGuy]

BHG

 

 

I have a lifelong friend (a foot doctor) whose wife left very early in their marriage for another man.

 

 

He was upset, sad and had no idea what his future held for him.

 

 

We circled around him as did his family.

 

 

It took time but he eventually stopped looking over his shoulder at his old life and began to look ahead of him.

 

 

25 years later he has a smart, beautiful wife that held her own financially.

She has loved him through two bouts of cancer.

She gave him beautiful children that adore him.

 

 

I assure you that good things lie ahead of you.

 

 

Now get that divorce done. Stop thinking of her, her selfishness or the OM.

 

 

Your future is what you make of it.

 

 

Now get going, get her out of your life and go have fun with your Dog.

 

 

Who knows whom you will meet on that trip.....

 

 

Just have fun and enjoy life.

 

 

HM

 

HM - thank you so much for writing this. I needed to read this so bad today, for some reason Sunday's are the worst for me and I'm really struggling right now and it felt so good to see that someone posted on my thread and to see what you wrote. Seriously, thank you so much.

[jenkins95]

Hi BHG, just wanted to check in and say hi. I am in reconciliation, which is going generally well. But I agree that Sundays can be the worst and tends to be when we struggle a bit more.

 

She sounds like she fell bad for this guy, but she is in those early stages of love where he can do no wrong and she is blind to his faults. In a few months or a couple of years she may well realise the crazy error she has made and come knocking back on your door. But by then it will probably be too late because you will have moved on. You seem like a top guy BHG - I know you will be OK long term. I wish you so much happiness

Edited February 21, 2016 by jenkins95

[BrownHairedGuy]

Hi BHG, just wanted to check in and say hi. I am in reconciliation, which is going generally well. But I agree that Sundays can be the worst and tends to be when we struggle a bit more.

 

She sounds like she fell bad for this guy, but she is in those early stages of love where he can do no wrong and she is blind to his faults. In a few months or a couple of years she may well realise the crazy error she has made and come knocking back on your door. But by then it will probably be too late because you will have moved on. You seem like a top guy BHG - I know you will be OK long term. I wish you so much happiness

 

Jenkins - thank you. Sunday's seem to be the worst because it is the end of the week and there is no work or going out with friends for the night happening. I know I need to stay busy but after a busy Monday through Saturday I just want to recharge on Sunday's at the house and unfortunately it's almost impossible to relax by myself without thinking about things. I'm happy that you're reconciliation is going well, I wish you the best of luck!

[Oberfeldwebel]

I know I need to stay busy but after a busy Monday through Saturday I just want to recharge on Sunday's at the house and unfortunately it's almost impossible to relax by myself without thinking about things.

 

Emotionally, you are going to have to ride that roller coaster, with time it will get better. You are still new to the process, so you need to give yourself a break. As for her long term prognosis, I doubt they last. She is an entitled princess and is going to require more and more from him over time. He will find it easier to trade her in for the new flavor of the month and she will be back at mommy and daddy's house.

[BrownHairedGuy]

Emotionally, you are going to have to ride that roller coaster, with time it will get better. You are still new to the process, so you need to give yourself a break. As for her long term prognosis, I doubt they last. She is an entitled princess and is going to require more and more from him over time. He will find it easier to trade her in for the new flavor of the month and she will be back at mommy and daddy's house.

 

Oberfeldwebel - youre right, a roller coaster is exactly what it feels like. One day I feel like I'm at peace with everything and have a good day. The next it's all I can think about and I feel completely destroyed. Who knows what will happen with them, but it does make me feel better about the situation when I hear so many people say that they've made it tough on themselves to have a loving relationship due to the foundation it was built on and that they've seen similar scenarios happen and not work out well.

Edited February 21, 2016 by BrownHairedGuy

[Oberfeldwebel]

This is perfectly normal, we have all been there. On those occasions where you have doubts, concentrate on your part of the relationship and how you could have handled it better. Think of how you and your next partner (and there will be a next), might communicate better, what boundaries can you set to prevent problems from occurring. Look at self improvement, make a better, more interesting you. Hobbies are good, read the classics, volunteer work, exercise. The best revenge you can get is living a life that she will be sorry she was not part of, while you share it with a new woman. It is a brave new world out there.

[BrownHairedGuy]

This is perfectly normal, we have all been there. On those occasions where you have doubts, concentrate on your part of the relationship and how you could have handled it better. Think of how you and your next partner (and there will be a next), might communicate better, what boundaries can you set to prevent problems from occurring. Look at self improvement, make a better, more interesting you. Hobbies are good, read the classics, volunteer work, exercise. The best revenge you can get is living a life that she will be sorry she was not part of, while you share it with a new woman. It is a brave new world out there.

 

You're absolutely right. It's also smart to look at my side of the relationship as well. Throughout life there are struggles and rewards but attitude and action make the difference in the equations.

[happyman64]

BHG

 

Some great advice has been given. Especially the volunteer part.

 

I remember hurting myself and making bad decisions after infidelity entered my life.

 

The key to breaking these bad depressing thoughts was "change".

 

One of the positive decisions I made was to volunteer for the local Ronald McDonald house.

 

I realized quickly that my life was in a much better place than those kids and families I spent time with.

 

It completely changed my outlook on life.

 

I also took a few trips alone and with close friends.

 

I met a beautiful woman in Hawai. It turned out that she lived only 6 miles away from me at home. 30 years together, 23 years married and 3 beautiful children later is a result of positive changes in my life all those years ago.

 

You have been given a new lease on life with a better, different outcome that you had originally planned.

 

Make your life awesome. Go have a few adventures.

 

And don't feel bad smiling or laughing. You need to show others and yourself that you are invincible. And you are.

 

HM

[LifesontheUp]

BHG

 

I agree you have had some very good advice.

 

I was together with my xH for 18 years and thought I would never survive at the start. But I also did some volunteer work with a local pet rescue and took up some hobbies that I hadn't done in a very long time.

 

Slowly, but surely the good days become more frequent than the bad and I finally realised that what had happened was for the best and I started to love my new life and independence. Of course, I then met my current husband and we have a beautiful son.

 

So what I am saying is that you will get past this. Go make some new memories and good luck on your journey

[Lady2163]

I did want to say a couple of things...

 

Your wife and OM are not having a life of leisure, they will face many challenges. Believe me, you want them in the fog as long as possible. If they fall out of the fog, I do think she will come back to you. It's hard when you have someone begging and promising to do everything you want to fix the problem. I do think for the most part, you sound like a good guy.

 

Depending on how long this guy has been a doctor, they are not rolling in the money. Medical school is expensive. Internships and residents often make a pittance and have limited time to actually spend it. They still need a place to live and often a car, etc. It takes a few years to pay off the school debt and any other debt incurred during that time.

 

One thing kind of niggled at me. I think you were already a touch hypersensitive to her interactions with men. I would encourage you to NOT get involved with a woman who works in a predominantly male oriented environment. I was in the military, I have about 30 close male "brothers". I have a great rapport with several ex-boyfriends. A woman like me would probably make you very uncomfortable. I've always tried to be very transparent with the men I've been involved with. I haven't been involved with anyone since I got a tablet, but I've never had a problem leaving my phone accessible. I'm a little fussy about my computer only because I had a roommate look at porn, and a virus took out six years of pictures and college papers/projects.

 

She was totally guilty, totally wrong. I do wonder if she hadn't been, if you would still be headed for divorce and possibly have a restraining order filed on you. If I was innocent (again, she wasn't) and my husband put a tracker on my car or some other thing to monitor me secretly, we'd have problems. I'd have to decide about getting marriage counseling or a divorce.

 

My first marriage was a mistake. But I've learned a lot what NOT to do and who not to marry the second time around. Now, I've been divorced a single a lot longer than I had planned, but I've also gone from poor, lower class to either upper middle class or maybe even wealthy. I've traveled and met good people I wouldn't have met if I'd been married. My life has been so much better and more rewarding than if I had stayed married to him. It was a blessing. I don't hate him, we talk a few times a year. I haven't been to his location in many years, but if I did, we'd have no trouble having supper together. Dutch treat.

[BrownHairedGuy]

I did want to say a couple of things...

 

Your wife and OM are not having a life of leisure, they will face many challenges. Believe me, you want them in the fog as long as possible. If they fall out of the fog, I do think she will come back to you. It's hard when you have someone begging and promising to do everything you want to fix the problem. I do think for the most part, you sound like a good guy.

 

Depending on how long this guy has been a doctor, they are not rolling in the money. Medical school is expensive. Internships and residents often make a pittance and have limited time to actually spend it. They still need a place to live and often a car, etc. It takes a few years to pay off the school debt and any other debt incurred during that time.

 

One thing kind of niggled at me. I think you were already a touch hypersensitive to her interactions with men. I would encourage you to NOT get involved with a woman who works in a predominantly male oriented environment. I was in the military, I have about 30 close male "brothers". I have a great rapport with several ex-boyfriends. A woman like me would probably make you very uncomfortable. I've always tried to be very transparent with the men I've been involved with. I haven't been involved with anyone since I got a tablet, but I've never had a problem leaving my phone accessible. I'm a little fussy about my computer only because I had a roommate look at porn, and a virus took out six years of pictures and college papers/projects.

 

She was totally guilty, totally wrong. I do wonder if she hadn't been, if you would still be headed for divorce and possibly have a restraining order filed on you. If I was innocent (again, she wasn't) and my husband put a tracker on my car or some other thing to monitor me secretly, we'd have problems. I'd have to decide about getting marriage counseling or a divorce.

 

My first marriage was a mistake. But I've learned a lot what NOT to do and who not to marry the second time around. Now, I've been divorced a single a lot longer than I had planned, but I've also gone from poor, lower class to either upper middle class or maybe even wealthy. I've traveled and met good people I wouldn't have met if I'd been married. My life has been so much better and more rewarding than if I had stayed married to him. It was a blessing. I don't hate him, we talk a few times a year. I haven't been to his location in many years, but if I did, we'd have no trouble having supper together. Dutch treat.

 

"One thing kind of niggled at me. I think you were already a touch hypersensitive to her interactions with men." Really? My wife insists she's not cheating on me even though she admits constantly going over to a single male's house behind my back. Then i find out she gets an apartment behind my back and the weekend before she does that she's coming home at all hours of the night and keeping me in the dark about stuff? There were so many red flags there that I almost had no choice but to put a tracker on her car to have "proof" that she would still go over there and I was right. I have no problem with women having men as friends. But when that male friend is someone I've never met before and you're going over to their house and seemingly trying to hide that fact from me and don't even ask if it's something i'm comfortable with before you do it, that's cause for concern.

[Oberfeldwebel]

I have no problem with women having men as friends. But when that male friend is someone I've never met before and you're going over to their house and seemingly trying to hide that fact from me and don't even ask if it's something i'm comfortable with before you do it, that's cause for concern.

 

Friends should be friends of the relationship. There will be times when we are going to be alone with people of the opposite sex and we have to have a certain amount of trust in a relationship. Naturally, if your spouse is hiding things, this is a big red flag. Also we all have a built in mechanism that tells us when something is wrong (gut feeling), it is usually very accurate. Most people would read her story and believe that something was wrong, it just isn't doesn't pass the common sense test.

[Lady2163]

"One thing kind of niggled at me. I think you were already a touch hypersensitive to her interactions with men." Really? My wife insists she's not cheating on me even though she admits constantly going over to a single male's house behind my back. Then i find out she gets an apartment behind my back and the weekend before she does that she's coming home at all hours of the night and keeping me in the dark about stuff? There were so many red flags there that I almost had no choice but to put a tracker on her car to have "proof" that she would still go over there and I was right. I have no problem with women having men as friends. But when that male friend is someone I've never met before and you're going over to their house and seemingly trying to hide that fact from me and don't even ask if it's something i'm comfortable with before you do it, that's cause for concern.

 

Of all the things I said, this the one you fixated on?

 

When I went back to college as a non traditional student, I had male study partners and I had a couple of friends who had high speed internet, whereas all I had was dial up. Most of us at the community college were working adults, many and children. Our study time was limited. If my husband had insisted on meeting my study partners beforehand or banned me from going to a house that had high speed because it was a man's place, that would have been detrimental.

 

But I wasn't cheating and my 4.0 probably helped prove that.

 

So yes, I do think you may be hypersensitive to a woman's interactions with men in the future. I don't blame you. It isn't a bad way to be, as long as you are the same with women friends you aren't in a romantic relationship with. I just think a woman who has to work closely with men and is a male environment is going to make you unhappy.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Lady2163, I would think that you may have read the situation wrongly as far as BHG is concerned. In your case irrespective of the number of male friends you had, you have said that you were quite transparent with any one you were in a relationship with. Apart from that BHG's wife was constantly around this one man and she was NOT transparent about her interactions with him. Her intentions were suspect and I think BHG's radar (subconcious mind alerted him to the fact. In any case everyone's situation is different and I would like to say that one cannot make a comparison with one's own experience with that of someone else and then come to a conclusion about that person's reactions to a particular situation. You are right in your own conclusions about your own situation but so is he in his and his experience with his wife has proved him right. Your going to study with male colleagues at college is very different from his wife going over to a single man's place to rest(?). You would have told your husband in advance what you were goingto do whereas she did so on the sly and only owned up when her husband found out about it. Also he was able to see her comment about how this doctor was the most wonderful guy she had met made to a friend of hers. So I guess he had a lot to worry about whereas your husband did not. I guess it's all a question of perspective.

BHG, you have been given a lot of good advice and I think you are doing well overall. We are all human beings and prone to the vagaries of our feelings which we really cannot control. I guess you will have good days and bad days and there is very little that you can do about it. However remember that " This too, shall pass". The human mind is a very powerful tool. You can use it to control your thoughts the way you want to and you can develop a perspective on things which give a positive push to the way you want to view your life and live it. Be positive and you will keep attracting positive people and positive events to your life. Keep your self active and find something that you are passionate about and involve yourself in it. You will find all negativity disappearing from your life. Cheers!

[merrmeade]

Hi Lady2163, I would think that you may have read the situation wrongly as far as BHG is concerned. In your case irrespective of the number of male friends you had, you have said that you were quite transparent with any one you were in a relationship with. Apart from that BHG's wife was constantly around this one man and she was NOT transparent about her interactions with him. Her intentions were suspect and I think BHG's radar (subconcious mind alerted him to the fact. In any case everyone's situation is different and I would like to say that one cannot make a comparison with one's own experience with that of someone else and then come to a conclusion about that person's reactions to a particular situation. You are right in your own conclusions about your own situation but so is he in his and his experience with his wife has proved him right. Your going to study with male colleagues at college is very different from his wife going over to a single man's place to rest(?). You would have told your husband in advance what you were goingto do whereas she did so on the sly and only owned up when her husband found out about it. Also he was able to see her comment about how this doctor was the most wonderful guy she had met made to a friend of hers. So I guess he had a lot to worry about whereas your husband did not. I guess it's all a question of perspective.

Exactly! I selected 3 or 4 posts on the subject a partner's relationship with opposite sex colleagues but this is the one that would sum it up most accurately for yours and most situations. Mine as well.

 

My husband did the same thing less than 2 years into our marriage. He was in grad school in architecture and had lots (will never know how many were legitimate) of all-nighters that I never questioned. Like your wife, he hooked up with a colleague and spent those nights at her place.

 

Unlike your situation and unlucky for me, it ended on its own (how is irrelevant but still in question for me). Like yours, my antennae were tingling but didn't work as well as yours, and I didn't find out about it for 40 years - in fact, 3-1/2 years ago.

 

I don't believe it disrespects my beloved children one iota to say that had I known, I could have been rid of him and my life, saved. I've told him this in these words - often - because, you see, he went on to cheat again. My discovery of this in 2012 changed everything and me forever.

 

Believe me, getting rid of her was the best thing could've happened for you. This is not something to grieve. You're a great guy who was saved. Congratulate yourself on your healthy suspicions, your pro-active response and clear follow-up actions. I am sure that you will continue to get stronger, clearer and more resourceful as a person and mate, and she will not. Serial cheaters do NOT like themselves or, unless they're also psychopaths, take pride in their lives.

 

No, you are the winner here, BHG, in every way.

[Mrs. John Adams]

BHG...I am quite proud of the way you have handled your situation. You have not wallowed in self destructive behavior.....rather you have taken swift and educated action. Infidelity is so destructive....and it takes a long time to learn to live with the scars it leaves.

 

Your soon to be ex wife will someday realize what she has done...and what she has lost.....never to recapture again. She too will have to learn to live with her choices.

 

Anyway...I just wanted you to know that I admire you tremendously....and to encourage you to keep up the good work in dealing with this. Seek Therapy....read books....and keep a good support system in place for those times that it becomes overwhelming.

[puzzleddad67]

I wouldn't mess with his job or her schooling and potential career.

 

As much as it's tempting (I've had the same temptations)... just don't do it.

 

For one, karma.. it will get you back ten times worse. My rule of thumb is to never mess with someones job. BUT in these cases... I think of it as case by case.

 

Bc he's a doctor and she's a potential NP...I would NOT mess with their jobs.

they are ****ty people, YES, did ****ty things, YES, hurt you, YES... but they did go to school a very long time and have worked hard to get to where they are now. Not saying it's OK to be a cheating scumbag... but sometimes it's best to not go after someones career they worked hard for just bc they are a lying loser.

Be the bigger person on that one. Plus, you will just come off as psychotic.

 

I would only say go after the job situation if you two were going to work on your marriage and needed to enforce a no contact policy with the dr. but since shes moved on already- anything you do for revenge or what not will just make you look worse.

 

Oh but it feels SOOOO good. I got the POS my ex was seeing fired. Then again he wasnt very bright and used work resources to pursue an affair with a married woman, so it cost me a bit but was easy. Not sure what you could do to a surgeon more than you have with HR. KEEP IT LEGAL.

 

Yea, the POS my ex fell for won the war. he won 70-1 instead of 70-0.

 

BTW. A month after final, my ex found out the POS was cheating on her. She no longer has a boyfriend.

 

Anyway. Just be glad you have no kids or alimony.

[Just a Guy]

Hi BHG, I read your other post on the Karma train and in fact I had posted something about Karma but for some reason the post got lost. I will try and recapitulate it again later but since I primarily use a phone to post, it is more problematical than using a PC.

However, what I wanted to say here is that the way you wrote there and your likes of posts on this thread indicate that you are still tied up with your soon to be ex, emotionally. It seems like it is a festering wound that is septic and discharging pus. You have the power with you to rid yourself of this negativity that eating away at your insides and you should use it. Stop dwelling on what your ex and her new beau are doing or not doing and concentrate on your self. Remember your ex is really no more your concern and whether she lives happily ever after or dies an ignominious death it should be of no interest to you except in passing. So go out and live your life large as they say, don't worry, be happy as the words of the song go and chase your dreams. New dreams in which your ex had no role to play. Just do it as Nike says! Cheers.

[BrownHairedGuy]

Hi BHG, I read your other post on the Karma train and in fact I had posted something about Karma but for some reason the post got lost. I will try and recapitulate it again later but since I primarily use a phone to post, it is more problematical than using a PC.

However, what I wanted to say here is that the way you wrote there and your likes of posts on this thread indicate that you are still tied up with your soon to be ex, emotionally. It seems like it is a festering wound that is septic and discharging pus. You have the power with you to rid yourself of this negativity that eating away at your insides and you should use it. Stop dwelling on what your ex and her new beau are doing or not doing and concentrate on your self. Remember your ex is really no more your concern and whether she lives happily ever after or dies an ignominious death it should be of no interest to you except in passing. So go out and live your life large as they say, don't worry, be happy as the words of the song go and chase your dreams. New dreams in which your ex had no role to play. Just do it as Nike says! Cheers.

 

I know man, I know. It's just so hard not to think about because she didn't just walk over me on the way out the door, she trampled me. I never got angry at her, I never yelled at her. She took advantage of my softness to keep doing the things she was doing behind my back, and I hate how I handled the situation. All i ever tried to do was work on our marriage. What's sad is, in my head i knew what was going on even if my heart didn't yet want to believe it. Even though i knew, the hardest part during this whole ordeal was seeing my wife unhappy and struggling (with her guilt most likely). I know that sounds stupid.

 

I feel like she just came up and stabbed me and then left me to bleed out. After finding out some financial information during the divorce process, i feel like i just got completely screwed over. The unfairness of everything is just mind boggling and I can't get over it, no matter how hard i try. I wish i could delete that stupid karma thread, that was just me during a bad time grasping on to snippets of info that might show that everything isn't rosy for my wife.

 

The thing is, I don't know what will happen with her and her new guy and I know i shouldn't care. But no matter what - if they stay together or break up, right now during the divorce she has him to lean on while I go through this thing by myself. I hung out with a girl that is a friend a couple times and during those times I didn't once think of my wife, even though the girl is completely just a friend. That's how I know that this whole process isn't even 1/10 as difficult for her as it is for me and that's what kills me. She has him to text, talk to, spend time with, go to sleep with. Again, the unfairness of everything just eats me up.

Edited March 1, 2016 by BrownHairedGuy

[LifesontheUp]

She has shown you who she really is and how she can treat you. Remember that.

 

I think I posted on one of your threads that moving on with your life is the best "revenge" so to speak.

 

Its still raw, but over time, she will mean less and less to you.

 

Get busy, go out, get support from family and friends. You don't need her.

 

Thats the best advice I can give you. Honestly it does get easier and in time you will ask your self what did you ever see in her.

[happyman64]

BHG

 

Life is not fair. You feel it. You hear it. You see it.

 

I read the anguish that you are feeling and this normal. I remember those dark, lonely days just as you explained them.

 

 

But remember this.

 

Only you can move forward and make a conscious decision to be happy again.

 

And the sooner you make that conscious decision the faster you will get out of that crappy place you find yourself in.

 

When will the divorce be final?

When is that road trip coming up with your dog?

Have you volunteered for an activity to help others?

 

And last but not least do something this Sunday. Church, library or maybe the local Starbucks. Look at all the pretty people walking in and out. I call it window shopping and it will get you using your brain without thinking of your ExW.

 

Karma is real. It strikes everyone during a lifetime. But wishing for it to befall another just pains you as well.

 

Use your brain and heart to work on a happy outcome for you.

 

HM

[BrownHairedGuy]

BHG

 

Life is not fair. You feel it. You hear it. You see it.

 

I read the anguish that you are feeling and this normal. I remember those dark, lonely days just as you explained them.

 

 

But remember this.

 

Only you can move forward and make a conscious decision to be happy again.

 

And the sooner you make that conscious decision the faster you will get out of that crappy place you find yourself in.

 

When will the divorce be final?

When is that road trip coming up with your dog? ����

Have you volunteered for an activity to help others?��������

 

And last but not least do something this Sunday. Church, library or maybe the local Starbucks. Look at all the pretty people walking in and out. I call it window shopping and it will get you using your brain without thinking of your ExW.

 

Karma is real. It strikes everyone during a lifetime. But wishing for it to befall another just pains you as well.

 

Use your brain and heart to work on a happy outcome for you.

 

HM

 

HM - I'm hoping the divorce will be final by the end of the month. Part of the reason it's so hard to move on is answering questions and looking at paperwork for the divorce that keeps reminding me of what I'm going through. I'm currently looking into a new job to help me begin a new chapter in my life. I'm hoping as I'm in between jobs I'll have time to hit the road and go somewhere. I've been going to Church every Sunday, and haven't found anywhere to volunteer on the weekends yet. I would like to do habitat for humanity so I can learn new skills, since I have enjoyed remodeling the house I have lived in the past few years. Thank you for taking the time to write on here.

[Dyn80]

Hang in there man. I am going through the same thing for the most part. However my wife fell for a loser sociopath with no prospects, no money, and obviously no morals. He has a work sponsored apartment because he has no credit and went bankrupt a few years back. But he promised her the world and happiness and she bit the hook....hard. She is just starting to come out of her little fantasy and I'm seriously thinking about my life without her but unfortunately we have 2 young kids that obviously will always need their mom.

 

 

I am about 4 months out from d day and 1 month of separation, and it does get easier. Soon the things you miss most about your previous life will turn into stuff that you realize can be good things. I have bad days but the kids are with me lots and I no longer always think about what my wife is doing. If she wants to make changes in her behaviour that is up to her and I will decide if she will take any more of my time. Only when I KNOW she is telling the truth is when I will even consider talking to her.

[BrownHairedGuy]

Hang in there man. I am going through the same thing for the most part. However my wife fell for a loser sociopath with no prospects, no money, and obviously no morals. He has a work sponsored apartment because he has no credit and went bankrupt a few years back. But he promised her the world and happiness and she bit the hook....hard. She is just starting to come out of her little fantasy and I'm seriously thinking about my life without her but unfortunately we have 2 young kids that obviously will always need their mom.

 

 

I am about 4 months out from d day and 1 month of separation, and it does get easier. Soon the things you miss most about your previous life will turn into stuff that you realize can be good things. I have bad days but the kids are with me lots and I no longer always think about what my wife is doing. If she wants to make changes in her behaviour that is up to her and I will decide if she will take any more of my time. Only when I KNOW she is telling the truth is when I will even consider talking to her.

 

Dyn - Thank you for taking the time to write that. I am very lucky (as many people have told me) to not have children with her. I am so sorry to hear your story, but I'm glad that you are able to use your children to help you in the process of healing. Good luck with everything and I hope that everything works out for the best.