Wife was cheating and gave up on our marriage [updated 2016-07-04]

[Sub]

I would just leave it be. Thing is, you don't know how or if he would respond to anything. And there are probably things he could say that would just set you back, make you angry, etc. Just keep it pointed forward as much as possible. I know it's hard at times.

[NTV]

I actually had my foot amputated and keep it in a jar in the foyer as a discussion piece.

 

J/k. Lol... or am I? LOL

 

You will never know...

 

But if you haven't already, keeping a journal may do you good when she turns around in 3-4 years and bats her eyes and wiggles her rear and 'remembers all the good times'. Then you can quote her sorry a** words right back at her.... err I mean remember why you didn't work out lol. Yeah the negative feelings fade in time but you don't need her poisoning you again.

[BrownHairedGuy]

Someone was nice enough to forward a screenshot of my ex's instagram account with a bunch of pictures from the vacation she took to St Thomas with the doctor. I'm a little confused. That doesn't seem like something someone who is just using someone for sex would do, or someone that has other ladies lined up that he's banging behind her back. I guess it just goes to show that you have to take gossip with a grain of salt. Kind of ruins my small vindication thoughts.

 

I don't know why people think I would want to see that ****. Just pisses me off. Here I am trying to recover financially, haven't taken a real vacation in over 2 years and trying to get my work back on track. Meanwhile she's going to the beach either on his dime or on the money she saved by having mommy and daddy pay for everything the past 4 months.

[elaine567]

I guess it just goes to show that you have to take gossip with a grain of salt. Kind of ruins my small vindication thoughts.

 

I guess they were trying to make you feel better and stir the pot at the same time. Maybe some jealousy there too. I think it is best you just try and avoid all contact with her "friends" and hospital gossip.

[Just a Guy]

Hi BHG, don't worry, the odds are stacked against her. This is like the calm before the storm. One or the other or both will be cheating sooner than later. You should look after yourself and stop thinking of her. Do not let her occupy your mind space. Go out and find yourself a good , wholesome woman with whom you can actually start a family and build a home. Warm wishes.

Edited May 19, 2016 by Just a Guy

[aliveagain]

Stay away from the gossip. There will be enough gossip about you when you start dating, they hate it when someone else is making you happy. You quickly forget your ex when there is someone new and more exciting in your life. When I was broke I did road trips on my own, driving to the coast, met all kinds of great people. As long as you have a reliable vehicle, enough money for gas, some camping gear and a little money for the odd night in a motel, bar and the occasional restaurant, your good to go. The memories you make will be your memories and will help to push her memory out of your head. One day you will realize that you haven't thought about them and could give a sh*t about what they are up to. Those memories I made on my road trips are some of my best and they came at one of the worst times of my life.

[Mrs. John Adams]

You are trying to recover financially.. She has attached herself to a doctor so there are two incomes.

 

Your day wil come...happiness will return again.

 

The person that sent you the pictures did not have your best Interest at heart. Why would you send pictures of an ex wife having a good time to her ex husband. Really not nice.

[Mr. Lucky]

That doesn't seem like something someone who is just using someone for sex would do, or someone that has other ladies lined up that he's banging behind her back.

 

Actually BHG, companion with benefits on a vacation is exactly what you'd "use" somebody for.

 

Don't read too much into it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BrownHairedGuy]

Actually BHG, companion with benefits on a vacation is exactly what you'd "use" somebody for.

 

Don't read too much into it...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I seriously need to stop letting her "happiness" piss me off. I know that I'm setting myself up to be better in the long run. Also, what am I pissed about exactly? She pretty much just announced to her friends and family that follow her on Instagram that she had an affair since she's vacationing with a guy 5 months after being married to me. She's thrown aside almost all her close friends for this piece of sh*t guy and if she loses him she's going to have a hard come to Jesus moment.

 

My coworker told me how she found out her boyfriend of 2 years was pretty much dating another girl behind her back. Missed thanksgiving with her family in another state because of a work issue and later found out he had went to the Bahamas with another woman. So I guess there are people out there that are that f**ked up.

[EverySunset]

Oh BHG

 

If you stick around, you'll hear stories that will make you doubt human spirit in its entirety. But you can't focus on it.

 

Focus on yourself, your healing, your happiness.

[PennyP]

Brownhairedguy,

 

Sorry for your hurt. I am in a similar reversed situation. Even though she is with someone else I am wondering if deep down you want her to return so you two can try again or have you accepted she has moved on?

[BrownHairedGuy]

Brownhairedguy,

 

Sorry for your hurt. I am in a similar reversed situation. Even though she is with someone else I am wondering if deep down you want her to return so you two can try again or have you accepted she has moved on?

 

ABSOLUTELY NOT. Affair aside, to find out how much money she was spending behind my back hurt just as much. She knows how hard I've worked to save my whole life. We constantly talked about saving so we could afford nice things in the future and to be able to take our family on good vacations each year. I ate a sandwich for lunch at my desk almost every day for 6 years, while my coworkers went out to lunch.

 

To look at her personal bank statements and see how she bought lunch for herself almost every day she didn't work each week (4 - 5 days/week) was the biggest slap in the face. I spent so long hardly ever buying things for myself, and to find out how selfish and reckless she was with spending.....it just hurt really f'ing bad. Especially with the way the divorce went down and her and her family trying to get more money then she deserved from me. For her to give back the ring I spent way too much on so she would have a nice ring to wear the rest of her life, and then to come into the house while I'm at work and take it back.

 

To also see how she lied to me about things from the very beginning of our relationship. It's scary to see how a person can hide so much of themselves from you for so long, even her friends who had known her longer than me were surprised at everything that happened. So why would I want this person back in my life...?

[2.50 a gallon]

Why?

Simple in the years you were together your body built up a large reservoir of love chemicals for your EX and it takes time for the body to purge these now toxic chemicals.

For me it was a good year, before most of them were gone, even though I had gotten back into the dating scene.

When I was in your shoes, 30 plus years ago, my Ex wanted to try again, oh was that music to my ears. Actually it was harder than D-Day as all I had to do was say yes we will try again and then all of my pain would mostly disappear. But the logic part of my brain fought back and said get out while the getting is good. She did it once she will likely to it again, and who knows by then we might have a couple of kids, and I would be stuck paying for them while they grew up with another man in their life. So I forced myself to turn my back and walk away.

You are still young and have a long life to live. The good days are coming.

For me, I went on to have a fantastic sex life.

A few years back I Googled my Ex and found some photos. The years have not been kind to her. She is easily over the 200 pound mark. While for the past 20 plus years I have shared my life with a fantastic gal. Now a grandmother of a 20 year old and still has an hour glass figure. She is still eye candy. And at the same time it the most loving, caring and giving woman I have ever met.

[BrownHairedGuy]

Why?

Simple in the years you were together your body built up a large reservoir of love chemicals for your EX and it takes time for the body to purge these now toxic chemicals.

For me it was a good year, before most of them were gone, even though I had gotten back into the dating scene.

When I was in your shoes, 30 plus years ago, my Ex wanted to try again, oh was that music to my ears. Actually it was harder than D-Day as all I had to do was say yes we will try again and then all of my pain would mostly disappear. But the logic part of my brain fought back and said get out while the getting is good. She did it once she will likely to it again, and who knows by then we might have a couple of kids, and I would be stuck paying for them while they grew up with another man in their life. So I forced myself to turn my back and walk away.

You are still young and have a long life to live. The good days are coming.

For me, I went on to have a fantastic sex life.

A few years back I Googled my Ex and found some photos. The years have not been kind to her. She is easily over the 200 pound mark. While for the past 20 plus years I have shared my life with a fantastic gal. Now a grandmother of a 20 year old and still has an hour glass figure. She is still eye candy. And at the same time it the most loving, caring and giving woman I have ever met.

 

Dude, that is such a great thing to read. I'm really happy that everything worked out for you. Just from the way you write about her, you can tell she's a keeper.

 

But honestly, if my wife came to my door a week before our divorce was final and said how she made a mistake and wanted to make things better. There's absolutely no way I would take her back. I could never trust her again, my family hates her and my family is the most important thing in the world to me. I couldn't stand having them hate my spouse.

 

She treated me with such disrespect, and the things i've heard that she told people....she is just a broken selfish person. She is just a complete stranger to me at this point, I don't recognize the person i loved for 6 years. I've seen her a couple times while driving and my heart doesn't speed up or anything. I just look at her and see her as another person on the road, and then go about my day and don't give her a second thought.

[PennyP]

Brownhairedguy,

 

Sorry you have been through so much. Just reading how you have saved to provide a nice life for yourself and family. I understand why you do not want to go back.

[puzzleddad67]

BHG. Life will get better.

 

Life is pretty good now for me. Hurt like hell finding out but honestly. Now. Im truly good.

 

You can get there too.

 

Funny how music affects me much more now. I listen to the lyrics and see how many are so similar to my life. This change seems permanent.

[puzzleddad67]

Yep, you guys are right. Sending him a thank you would pretty much be saying "thanks for being a terrible person and banging my wife behind my back". His current actions point to him eventually dropping my ex to the curb, but I wish they would just stay together. That way the only people they can hurt are each other. They both deserve to be cheated on since they both have no moral code it seems. Either that or be in an open marriage with each other. I just wish this guy would face some kind of consequence. Not for my sake because I don't need anything to happen to him to feel better about myself. I just hate to think of all the hurt he most likely will cause others in the future.

 

Aww cmon. A little revenge is sweet if it takes little to no effort. Just stay legal and dont obsess until there is a situation that is just too easy...

[happyman64]

BHG

 

 

Keep the focus on you. Your Ex is no longer relevant. Period.

 

 

You will remake the $$$. But the money is the east important matter.

 

 

Heal. Get strong. Be confident in yourself again.

 

 

Then find the right gal and be complete.

 

 

Be happy for the following things:

 

 

You got rid of a selfish human being from your life.

That you never had children with her.

That you now have the opportunity to make new friendships.

 

 

Life will be great again. Just remind yourself you have to let it happen.....

 

 

Have a great 4th of July!

 

 

HM

[BrownHairedGuy]

BHG

 

 

Keep the focus on you. Your Ex is no longer relevant. Period.

 

 

You will remake the $$$. But the money is the east important matter.

 

 

Heal. Get strong. Be confident in yourself again.

 

 

Then find the right gal and be complete.

 

 

Be happy for the following things:

 

 

You got rid of a selfish human being from your life.

That you never had children with her.

That you now have the opportunity to make new friendships.

 

 

Life will be great again. Just remind yourself you have to let it happen.....

 

 

Have a great 4th of July!

 

 

HM

 

HM - hey buddy, hope you've been good. Don't worry about me, I've been keeping the focus on myself. Someone asked me a question about things and I was just answering her. I actually hardly ever think of my ex.

 

I start a new job at the end of the month that will provide me with a great career opportunity, and I finally took my trip last weekend and had a blast. I've also been casually dating an absolute knockout and taking things slow with her. She loves kids and is studying to be a counselor and currently teaches. She also teaches Sunday school after church. Still not sure how I got lucky with her lol, I keep expecting her to run away and yell that it was a joke. Ive seen my ex around town several times the last month (I really need to move), is it bad i was kind of bummed that I didn't have my new girl with me those times? Haha

[Marc878]

You've done well with with a bad situation. You should be realizing by now what you avioided long term.

 

X is probably still in the land of unicorns and golden rainbows. Wait till Dr Lurve dumps her.

 

I hope you have her, family and friends totally blocked.

 

Keep moving on. Nothing like a new job to help that.

[BrownHairedGuy]

You've done well with with a bad situation. You should be realizing by now what you avioided long term.

 

X is probably still in the land of unicorns and golden rainbows. Wait till Dr Lurve dumps her.

 

I hope you have her, family and friends totally blocked.

 

Keep moving on. Nothing like a new job to help that.

 

Marc - yep, all blocked. You are indeed right that she is still in the land of unicorns and golden rainbows. A couple weeks back I went to her Pinterest page because I wanted this recipe I couldn't find that I knew she had on there. I noticed she had been posting pictures of engagement rings and wedding ideas all to the same boards that still had ideas from our wedding! I had a good laugh at that.

 

I know that is frowned upon to go to one of her social media pages but I really wanted the recipe and I really am over her. Im pretty freaking happy that she's out of my life.

[Just a Guy]

Hi BHG, good to know you are doing well. Also, good to know you have a very realistic view of your ex and do not suffer from pangs of pain at losing her. She will soon be completely erased from your memory, at least your conscious memory. I guess she will always occupy a dark corner of your subconscious mind but that is irrelevant to your situation.

Now you should concentrate on your new romantic interest and build on that. Wish you the best for the future.

[BrownHairedGuy]

Figured I would give a year update in case anyone comes to this forum that is in the same situation I was last year and worried about the future.

 

I started a new job last July that provided me with a great opportunity to increase my income, and one of the perks is I get to travel every other week for a couple days to different parts of the country. I've been all over the place trying local food places and seeing the sights and racking up Southwest points to use towards personal vacations. I still live in the same house, but I recently remodeled the kitchen and with decorating it's almost unrecognizable from when she lived with me. My best friend needed a place to stay while saving for a house so he moved in and we've been enjoying the bachelor life.

 

I've dated quite a bit but haven't felt a true romantic connection with any of them. I've continued seeing a therapist to help with trust issues and working on making sure I'm not being so guarded with women. I loved being married and hope that the whole situation hasn't ruined my ability to form a connection and get to the point of marriage again. That's been the only negative to deal with so far still.

 

Oh ya, I guess I can give an update on my ex. As far as I know I've heard she is still with her AP. He changed jobs and she followed him to a different city not far away but luckily I don't have to see her around town anymore. They live together in a rented house. She doesn't talk about him to our mutual friends that are girls. Her friends have told me they've barely seen her.

 

As we all know, it's a small world. I've actually ran into people that I haven't talked to in years and heard they worked with her at her new job in the different city and everyone already knew about her affair at her last workplace. I guess when you work at a hospital and it's kind of like high school with the gossip ring so that stuff I guess follows you around. im just glad they're still together, everything I've heard about her seems like she hasn't done anything to become a better person. I hate the thought of them breaking up and then she goes and does the same thing she did to me to some other poor bastard. Except this time she's up there in age and they have kids. Yikes!

 

But I digress, the future can be scary when you have your world blown up. But it truly is what you make it. Don't let someone take away your happiness, make the most of every day.

[Just a Guy]

Hi BHG, good to know you are doing well. Keep up that spirit and things will work out really well with you.

 

I wanted to ask you what happened to the girl you were dating who you said was awesome? I hope that is still a possibility. You have'nt said anything about her so I was wondering. An update on that would be good. Warm wishes.

[BrownHairedGuy]

Hi BHG, good to know you are doing well. Keep up that spirit and things will work out really well with you.

 

I wanted to ask you what happened to the girl you were dating who you said was awesome? I hope that is still a possibility. You have'nt said anything about her so I was wondering. An update on that would be good. Warm wishes.

 

Oh man, ya she was fantastic. She was living alone at the time we met and then moved in with friends of hers from college. She was 4 years younger than I was. She slowly reverted back to college party mode by living with them and that kind of drove us apart. She started dating a good looking pilot (even I want to have sex with the guy and I'm a completely straight dude) a couple months after we ended things which kind of sucked to see. They're still together and look happy, so good for her.