puzzleddad67 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 BHG. I read your story. Congrats on moving on. We seem to be at a similar stage. You are probably ahead of me a bit. Not at the dating stage yet, but the idea is no longer horrifying and I rather miss the feeling that someone has my back. How awkward is dating? I had one date that wasnt really a date. Do you still have anger moments? Had one when I wrote on the dear OM thread. First one in a while. Curious how fair/unfair your division was? My ex was so anxious to start her new life, ours, while expensive, was not a man destroyer. She just wanted the OM. We also avoided giving too much to the lawyers fighting over smaller amounts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted May 6, 2016 Author Share Posted May 6, 2016 BHG. I read your story. Congrats on moving on. We seem to be at a similar stage. You are probably ahead of me a bit. Not at the dating stage yet, but the idea is no longer horrifying and I rather miss the feeling that someone has my back. How awkward is dating? I had one date that wasnt really a date. Do you still have anger moments? Had one when I wrote on the dear OM thread. First one in a while. Curious how fair/unfair your division was? My ex was so anxious to start her new life, ours, while expensive, was not a man destroyer. She just wanted the OM. We also avoided giving too much to the lawyers fighting over smaller amounts. Puzzleddad - Since you have "dad" in your username I'm guessing you have kids so getting out in the dating world for you will probably be a little different than it was for me. I have no kids and will be 30 in a few months. That being said, dating was not awkward at all for me. I'm in sales so I meet new people all the time, so I feel I have a natural ability of carrying on a conversation and finding something to talk about with just about anyone. My ex made it pretty easy to get over her when I found out about a lot of other things besides the affair. Also, one of the benefits I've seen from being in my 6 year relationship with my ex is that I feel I am much better at talking to women (knowing when to give them space, what to say during certain moments, etc). In just a month of dating i've had more success than most of my friends who have been single for a while. Sometimes I get angry every now and then about the lies she told people, but I've come to grips with the fact I can't control that. It's still hard to understand how she did such a 180 when we spent 6 years together and she knows I didn't do anything and I always treated her good. I mean, I understand her lying to her parents to cover up her affair. It's crappy, but I get it. But telling her coworkers how she wanted to get $18k from me in the settlement to pay off school loans she'll have....I don't get why she would say crap like that. How she knows she had an affair and blew a bunch of money behind my back, yet wants to clean me out. My wife didn't handle her divorce, her mom and sister did and you could tell because they just threw out random numbers trying to get as much as they could for my ex wife. I stood my ground and we pretty much split our joint account, I didn't give her any of the equity in the house that i owned before we married, or my truck, while she didn't pay me back the money I helped with her school (the school that she told her parents I refused to help pay for). She came off way better than she should but I had more money in my personal account that I didn't have to give her so this deal was pretty much the only one that would make it so I didn't get completely boned. Sorry you had to go through a similar experience as I did. If you have any other questions just let me know, happy to help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I have a question for you... now that you're single, would you be opposed to creating and sharing a video of yourself with your friends on facebook of you painting half your face blue and screaming "Freeeeeedddoooooommmm!!!" ? I would think that would be kinda fun and have been considering it myself. I am just not good with the whole facepainting thing and wanted someone else to try it first and give me tips. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted May 6, 2016 Author Share Posted May 6, 2016 I have a question for you... now that you're single, would you be opposed to creating and sharing a video of yourself with your friends on facebook of you painting half your face blue and screaming "Freeeeeedddoooooommmm!!!" ? I would think that would be kinda fun and have been considering it myself. I am just not good with the whole facepainting thing and wanted someone else to try it first and give me tips. Hahaha, I actually sent a picture of Mel Gibson with "Freeeddoooommmmm!!" to all my friends once my divorce was finalized. I do look good in blue..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Wait'll The doc drops her completely. Then she'll just be another skank in the cheaters club. But, but they were in lurve!!! MEMORIES!!!!!! Her family is as dumb as she is. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 I saw my STBXW driving a few weeks ago, and looked at her and felt nothing. I turned away and am happy to say i went about the rest of the day and she didn't pop into my mind once. You are way ahead of the game. Next year at this time she will be like your Gf from Jr high that you can barely remember. If you were naïve before her betrayal you sure will not be any more. You got your emotions hurt, lost a little money, and had to hear all those lies she told about you. On the positive side you still have your home and you are healing nicely with your emotions and you had no children with your Ex-wife that is a serial cheater. I see no reason for you to have any residual effects in a few years. Do not want to make light of your crises but you should not have any long lasting pains from her. You do not have to ever deal with her gain as you do not have any children with her. My son had a wife somewhat like yours and now he is 100% recovered from her betrayals and is doing great. She has a history of a lot of cheating in her relationships and her now BF is banging two other women so make sure you keep her at a very long distance, preferably no contact ever with her, as she is going to crash and burn within a short time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 Wait'll The doc drops her completely. Then she'll just be another skank in the cheaters club. But, but they were in lurve!!! MEMORIES!!!!!! Her family is as dumb as she is. I know man, it's a little ridiculous. The things she told me about him, what she told her friends, how she talked about him to her hairdresser. You can tell she really fell head over heels for him and in her head most likely thought they would be in a relationship and she would have snagged a doctor. Don't really see how you can think a doctor (who have a bad rap for revolving women in their lives) who was single and courting a married woman would want to be in a committed relationship with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 You are way ahead of the game. Next year at this time she will be like your Gf from Jr high that you can barely remember. If you were naïve before her betrayal you sure will not be any more. You got your emotions hurt, lost a little money, and had to hear all those lies she told about you. On the positive side you still have your home and you are healing nicely with your emotions and you had no children with your Ex-wife that is a serial cheater. I see no reason for you to have any residual effects in a few years. Do not want to make light of your crises but you should not have any long lasting pains from her. You do not have to ever deal with her gain as you do not have any children with her. My son had a wife somewhat like yours and now he is 100% recovered from her betrayals and is doing great. She has a history of a lot of cheating in her relationships and her now BF is banging two other women so make sure you keep her at a very long distance, preferably no contact ever with her, as she is going to crash and burn within a short time. That's definitely the shining light of this whole thing is that it happened this early before kids. I am extremely grateful for that. I owe the doctor a beer for bringing her true self out in the open for me. Don't worry, I have no plans to be in contact with her. Full steam ahead. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 OP I would seriously send him a thank you card for getting that low life skank and her family out of my life. Maybe put in a small gift card from Starbucks. A little closure just to let them all know what you think of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 OP I would seriously send him a thank you card for getting that low life skank and her family out of my life. Maybe put in a small gift card from Starbucks. A little closure just to let them all know what you think of them. Lol, great idea. I should send him a gift basket at work in front of everyone to say thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 It's something I would actually do. But I'm an azz like that Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Maybe send one to the fam (sister and mom) thanking them for helping save you from a lifetime of crap. PS: I heard there won't be a Dr in the family afterall. Guess it just wasn't that good. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 You have to take these golden opportunities in life before they slip away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 It would be extremely funny but I don't know if I can bring myself to spend any money on something that would go to him. I have thought about sending him a simple Facebook message to thank him and leave it at that. I haven't decided if I want to do that though. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedCloud Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Every new relationship starts out wonderful - few end up that way. Relationship takes a lot of work, and if its built on a rocky foundation of lies and deceit, then what ground is there to build upon long term? What will she tell her future children if she stays with this guy? "Gee honey, mommy and daddy met when mommy was cheating on her then husband, it was magical!" No. She's 26. Very young. She might think she hit the jackpot being with a doctor, but she'll realize her mistake eventually. You're the one who came out on top - you divorced a cheater. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 It would be extremely funny but I don't know if I can bring myself to spend any money on something that would go to him. I have thought about sending him a simple Facebook message to thank him and leave it at that. I haven't decided if I want to do that though. What do you guys think? Nah, if you're gonna do it do it right. Send em all a cheap thank you card. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 You really need to block everyone on Facebook. Phone too. You have no reason to talk or see them any more. Link to post Share on other sites
hl1962 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 It would be extremely funny but I don't know if I can bring myself to spend any money on something that would go to him. I have thought about sending him a simple Facebook message to thank him and leave it at that. I haven't decided if I want to do that though. What do you guys think? Maybe a cheap fruit basket and let it sit at your place for a week... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 It would be extremely funny but I don't know if I can bring myself to spend any money on something that would go to him. I have thought about sending him a simple Facebook message to thank him and leave it at that. I haven't decided if I want to do that though. What do you guys think I wouldn’t send him any thank you message of any kind. Forgive the man so that you are free from any negative feelings but do not thank him for disrespecting you. I would post the truth on his Facebook and maybe other places telling every person that this doctor will screw your wife or girlfriend if he gets the chance. That is the truth and others need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 All of this gift card stuff or FB posting is funny but also not something that should be done. Its revenge. Its getting back at folks for doing you wrong. Honestly, you came out on top. She's a user and he's a user. She used you and then used him as an "upgrade". He used her as maybe "arm candy" or a notch. He's already on to more notches. She knows what's going on, but she honestly thinks she has a chance to "win" that game. It will go poorly. It could also go great, who cares? She was a cancer to you and was amputated from your life. Who visits their cancer? Who follows the progress of the amputated limb? Put another way, she was that ugly, nasty, vile skank at the end of the night after last call that you, for reasons unknown to you, had to have. The next day, you saw her true image. Now, at reunions, you dread anyone remembering you and her hooked up. You don't pat the next guy on the back who is banging her. You just hope no one remembers that you were once that guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Oh, i didn't mean he was an actual upgrade. I meant that perhaps that was her thought. Decent, honorable, honest people are THE cream of the crop. Degrees and occupations are not character traits nor on par with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 Yep, you guys are right. Sending him a thank you would pretty much be saying "thanks for being a terrible person and banging my wife behind my back". His current actions point to him eventually dropping my ex to the curb, but I wish they would just stay together. That way the only people they can hurt are each other. They both deserve to be cheated on since they both have no moral code it seems. Either that or be in an open marriage with each other. I just wish this guy would face some kind of consequence. Not for my sake because I don't need anything to happen to him to feel better about myself. I just hate to think of all the hurt he most likely will cause others in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 BHG, I think that everyone in the hospital already knows and the best the good doctor can ever expect is someone like your soon to be ex wife because they both have a history of cheating. Most professional women would consider him a high risk. So he's a doctor, big deal, he's still a low life for sleeping with someone else's wife. A good realtor with only his high school diploma can make a hell of a lot more income then most doctors and he doesn't owe a half million in student loans when he graduates. There are so many fu*ked up doctors out there, maybe it's because they see so much death, they all need serious counselling. Who cares what she now thinks or doesn't think, she's not your problem anymore. Your life was spared, your free to find miss right who will come into your life at some point. Maybe your ex can deliver your children, wouldn't that be karma? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 I just wish this guy would face some kind of consequence. Not for my sake because I don't need anything to happen to him to feel better about myself. I just hate to think of all the hurt he most likely will cause others in the future. That is why I said in an earlier post: I would post the truth on his Facebook and maybe other places telling every person that this doctor will screw your wife or girlfriend if he gets the chance. That is the truth and others need to know. We put sexual predators on a national registry in order to help prevent the sexual predator from hurting others. You would be doing a great service to your community by exposing their actions. They both knew exactly what they were doing when they betrayed and violated decency so why withhold the truth? Sometimes facing consequences forces some people to change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 That is why I said in an earlier post: We put sexual predators on a national registry in order to help prevent the sexual predator from hurting others. You would be doing a great service to your community by exposing their actions. They both knew exactly what they were doing when they betrayed and violated decency so why withhold the truth? Sometimes facing consequences forces some people to change. At the very beginning of all this I thought about putting him on one of those homewrecker sites, pretty sure if you searched his name on google it would pop up. Which obviously wouldn't be good for him if he's a GS and people want to find reviews on him or something. But he could also sue me for something like that. He wouldn't win most likely since I would just be telling the truth and I have plenty of evidence, but he could make me spend a lot in attorney fees and he comes from money I'm pretty sure. I don't know. I think it's best just to leave things be. The only people I feel bad about are any single women that fall for him, since he will most likely cheat on them down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
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