Wedding planning is killing me! Guys: tips, hints, suggestions to live through it?

[billybadass36]

I'd have never known that planning a semi-simple wedding would require so much time, effort and expense. I'm 3 and a half months away from my wedding, and I'm SOOO ready for it to just be here. I'm defeated. Shopping and planning have overtaken my life. I wake up in cold sweats having nightmares of printing errors on invitations, wardrobe malfunctions at the ceremony, cake snafus, RAIN (partially outdoor ceremony and reception), guest list squabbles, bridesmaid shoe conundrums, etc... Oh no! A bird just literally crashed into my window! That is such bad luck.

 

Anyway, any tips on how to soldier on for the next few months? Guys that have been there? Unfortunately we don't have a mother of the bride that we can just dish this stuff off to. There's a mother of the bride, but it's a very arms-length relationship b/w she and my fiancee. I mean, it's just me and the fiancee doing this, and I'm not wired for this stuff. Alright this may be a little overly dramatic, but honestly it's f-ing up my mind. I thought my job was to pick the brand of beer and the various liquors in the bar, book the honeymoon and show up on time....not to mention foot the bill...ahhhh...the price we pay for the women we love...and I never figured flowers cost so much. Amazing. Cakes, too. Wow. Invitations...holy schnikees!

[seagirl]

All you have to do is take one day at a time because in the end something always goes wrong, where do you think all those great wedding stories came from? 31/2 months away I hate to tell you this but it is only getting started wait until about 3 weeks away and then you'll be wondering why you didn't just elope! I don't mean to scare you because believe me it is SOOOO worth it all!

 

BTW the day of my wedding we had the biggest ice storm in over 50 years, out of 200 people that where supposed to be there only 34 actually showed up-including me, my husband, our parents, and the minister! We had to go and get the organist so I would have something to walk down the aisle to! Can you just imagine all the food and cake that was wasted? Walking down the asile in an almost empty church? Best day of my life!

[Devildog]

Originally posted by billybadass36

I'd have never known that planning a semi-simple wedding would require so much time, effort and expense. I'm 3 and a half months away from my wedding, and I'm SOOO ready for it to just be here. I'm defeated. Shopping and planning have overtaken my life. I wake up in cold sweats having nightmares of printing errors on invitations, wardrobe malfunctions at the ceremony, cake snafus, RAIN (partially outdoor ceremony and reception), guest list squabbles, bridesmaid shoe conundrums, etc... Oh no! A bird just literally crashed into my window! That is such bad luck.

 

Anyway, any tips on how to soldier on for the next few months? Guys that have been there? Unfortunately we don't have a mother of the bride that we can just dish this stuff off to. There's a mother of the bride, but it's a very arms-length relationship b/w she and my fiancee. I mean, it's just me and the fiancee doing this, and I'm not wired for this stuff. Alright this may be a little overly dramatic, but honestly it's f-ing up my mind. I thought my job was to pick the brand of beer and the various liquors in the bar, book the honeymoon and show up on time....not to mention foot the bill...ahhhh...the price we pay for the women we love...and I never figured flowers cost so much. Amazing. Cakes, too. Wow. Invitations...holy schnikees!

 

I thought wedding plans and arrangements took care of themselves?

[UltimateZen]

I am 2 months away from our wedding and I can definitely sympathize with you. My outlook has been this: This is only going to happen once, it is an experience, it will have an end, so enjoy the ride while you can. Think of it as memories you are creating that you can reflect back on in your old age; having a mindset that you are enjoying the planning will get you through it.

 

Case in point: I just got back with a meeting between the coordinator from our reception site and both sides of the parents and of course my fiance/myself. The details were mindboggling down to how the napkins will be folded on the table (what will it be???? a rose? a swan? a fan?). If I would have concentrated on trying to provide input or make a decision I would have made myself crazy. Instead I sat back and enjoying watching my future wife decide on the best arrangement and getting complete satisfaction in watching her smile. When asked about what shape the napkin should be in I said "they are all beautiful, and the decision you make will be the best for our wedding." I got Big brownie points for my comment because she knew that I was interested, and respected that it is her personal touches that will make for such a great wedding. Bottom line: an enjoyable experience.

[Merin]

My advice.. keep it real.

 

Weddings are great and everyone wants thiers to be wonderful and special.. while there's nothing wrong with that, don't allow so much stress to overcome you and your fiancee that when the day finally comes niether one of you can enjoy it because the expectations are so high.

 

It isn't the Wedding that makes the marriage.. its the individuals.. so right there the 2 of you are special and the day will be wonderful because it's about the 2 of you NOT the cake, flowers or dress.

 

Congrats!

[Debster]

What I find amazing is that you are taking such an active role in this! My husband - who has never been a planner - left almost everything to me. He did find the DJ, minister, musicians for the ceremony and then was in charge of the tuxes. We registered together and picked the photographer together. I did everything else, and as you know = that is a ton.

 

I think, and don't take this the wrong way, that what you are going through right now is what all the brides go through. I was a stress basket before my wedding. Not because I was worried what I was doing was the wrong thing, but because there is so many things to think about. Because you are playing a more active role, you are getting the same stress that most brides get. Basically, it's normal.

 

My advice: choose two trusted friends who will act as 'wedding coordinators'. Create a document outlining how you want the flow of the day to occur, include all the readings, photography, $ and contracts for all the suppliers, who does what, when, etc. Everything they need to know about the wedding. I created about a 14-page document and had two friends in charge on the day. I knew they would do everything they could to make it what I wanted, and would solve any issues. I had an amazing day because I didn't have to worry about anything.

I also asked my bridal party to be my decision makers on the day. That if anyone asked a question they could decide (I trusted them completely) so I didn't have to focus on anything.

 

Good luck.

[TUDOR]

Just make sure she is happy! Girls dream about their wedding day growing up and not that this isn't a big deal for you but I'm pretty sure it is even a bigger deal for her (the actual wedding). No matter what part of the planning process you are in, if isn't important to you about the color, size, flavor, etc....then just make sure she gets what she wants. Sucks you are having to so do so much and not get off easy like most of us but hang in there! Good luck and don't forget to have some fun!

[blind_otter]

I hired a wedding planner. It was worth it. Granted the marriage didn't last, but damn it was an effing breeze. Anyways, the event is about your friends and family celebrating your union with your wifey. This means that if there are any snafuus, it shouldn't mean a damn thing - they should be happy standing under a tarp in the mud. Besides things that go wrong make funny stories later on...

 

Everything will work out in the end. Stop obsessing. Chill out. It doesn't have to be perfect. The gypsies say "perfection is death."

[imjustagirl]

Girls dream about their wedding day growing up

 

some women do...me on the other hand. I could care less about how it gets done. Quite honestly, I'd rather spend a few bucks, go to the court house in my jeans/t-shirt and spend the cash on a killer honeymoon.

 

Good luck man! Total reason why I'm for going downtown, no stress...just gotta stand in line. Vegas doesn't even do it for me...such an...I don't know...production I suppose.

[tiki]

I eloped, and it was still a pain in the bum.

 

I, too, think it's great that you're so involved. Don't turn into a groom-zilla.

 

Congrats to you, hang in there. Take a load off. And let other people help you!

[HokeyReligions]

It's not too late to elope you know!

[scarlyjones]

Run away to Vegas and then phone in a false kidnapping report.

[seagirl]

Ultimatezen--Your wife is a lucky woman!

[billybadass36]

I haven't been back here in a while. The wedding is at my parents' house, so they're taking care of most of that. 250+ people at their house should be interesting. Logistics are getting to be a pain in the ass. Two bands and a dj, a tent, lots of booze, food, dancing, cool people, not-so-cool people that I'm related to and that we were instructed HAVE to be invited. Actually getting married on an old hay wagon outside in a ceremony that we just finalized (I timed it at 13 minutes). That should be cool. I mean, it's a totally laid back affair but it takes a gazillion things to happen to do it right. Hauling in an executive washroom for our guests to use rather than the standard port-o-potties. Personally, I'm going to be using the various pine trees that form the line of demarcation between the yard and the hay field. Anyway, after the ceremony, the reception will be about 20 feet away in a giant assed tent adjoining a giant assed barn. Music, food, cake cutting and toasts from the get-go, and then party till dawn.

 

Everything is in line...making a run for the border (Indiana - they're illegal in Mich.) to pick up some kickass fireworks for the reception. The downside: I've been instructed by my fiancee that I have to stand by, holding her hand lovingly while the fireworks display is going off and I can have no part in lighting them...something about a photo opportunity or some such nonsense. Oh well.

 

It's all sort of coming together. Seems like each day that passes we get one little detail worked out. Still don't have the guest list nailed down and there's going to be some blood shed on that topic, but in my opinion, why deal with the stress...invite everyone. It's worth the extra money just to not hear my grandma bitch about so and so not being invited.

 

Anyway, the biggest and worst problem I foresee is the weather. If it rains, we'll just have random rearranging of plans and this whole thing will be totally impromptu. I'm pretty psyched for it, actually. My parents are being great. My fiancee is being as cool as possible. 3 months to go. 2 months to the bachelor party. No peelers involved because I'm an angel....or it's my passive-aggressive way to suggest to her that I'm "above" having strippers, so you should be, too. Anyway, I just veered off my own topic. Weddings are cool. Yay for weddings!

[theknot]

Don't GET MARRIED...STRESS NOW = HELL LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

If u are posting here, there is some SERIOUS PROBLEMS!!!

 

goodluck dude..

 

i would get out why u can..

 

my 2 cents

[Cecelius]

When I got married, I was so exhausted from all the dopey carp leading up to it, I basically do not remember the ceremony, the reception, or really anything. All in all, it was a miserable time because there is too much pressure put on it to be perfect.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by billybadass36

Anyway, any tips on how to soldier on for the next few months?

Yes...let the women do all the work. They enjoy it. Just show up.

[billybadass36]

Originally posted by theknot

Don't GET MARRIED...STRESS NOW = HELL LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

If u are posting here, there is some SERIOUS PROBLEMS!!!

 

goodluck dude..

 

i would get out why u can..

 

my 2 cents

 

Spoken like a true as$hole.

[HokeyReligions]

Originally posted by billybadass36

Spoken like a true as$hole.

 

No, like someone who only has two cents!

 

Sounds like its going to a great party! (I don't like fireworks -- wish they'd ban 'em here 'cause it's too hot and dry, but tell your bride that you have to make sure that they work and that you need to take care of it personally in the beginning, then once you know they work OK you will rejoin her for the photo op!)

[Debster]

You just have to bite the bullet. The two of you did after all choose a very complicated wedding. It would have been much easier to get married at a hotel, or on an island, or whatever. You chose this because you both wanted it. It's not going to be easy, but in the long run having the wedding you've always wanted is amazing. Plus think of it as trial for how the two of you will deal with conflict.

[billybadass36]

The only wedding planning conflict we've had to date is that she's fairly adamant that she wants the DJ to refuse to play under any circumstances the "Chicken Dance" and the "Hokey Pokey" whereas my family and myself (generally a bunch of hillbillies) love a rousing Chicken Dance and Hokey Pokey.

[JPMorgan]

Originally posted by billybadass36

whereas my family and myself (generally a bunch of hillbillies) love a rousing Chicken Dance and Hokey Pokey.

 

 

Buwahahah!

 

Now THAT's a party!

 

Compromise - Chicken Dance *OR* Hokey Pokey - but not both. **OR** do a medly and combine them? (ooh, there's a frightening though - a bunch of drunk wedding guests trying to dance the Hokey Pokey to the tune of the Chicken Dance!!! )

[tiki]

Welp, that leaves the Macarena and the YMCA.

[jmargel]

My wife was the same way, didn't want the chicken dance, but the DJ played it anyway. She was cool with it when it happened. We had the whole thing video taped, and it's quite funny to watch people act like a chicken.

 

It will all be worth it in the end, I know how the feeling of stress is. You seem to concentrate more on getting things setup then enjoying what is going to happen. The last month before our wedding I told my wife that we need to start enjoying this, not make it look like such work. That things will fall into place and they will for you as well.

 

Try and ask a friend or a co-worker to videotape the whole thing for you. It does so much more than just pictures. Remember you only get to do this once so ENJOY IT!