Celebrating the end

[imsosad]

This discussion is so interesting.

I hope i am not hj the thread by asking, how would you interpret my ex ap, who had no guilt at all? None. He didnt feel at all conflicted. He was bummed on weekends because we couldnt meet, he nearly lost his job because he more or less stopped doing it and his wife complained he was distracted and moody.But this messy inside feeling of being torn,he just wasnt there. My guilt really kicked in post A, but from the few (disgusting) things he mentioned about her in his letter,it still hasnt for him. He never got caught up and wanted to end things, he told me several times, i can do this forever.

I dont get it.

Im also thinking about control. I dont know, i cant say he was controlling. A little jealous sometimes,but he made fun of himself for being jealous while we are both M. It was more mocking himself.

I need to think more about the control aspect because it makes a lot of sense.

[Popsicle]

Have you ever seen "The Seven Year Itch"? I am watching that right now. I think it captures a lot of the emotions of a MM. So funny!

[jenkins95]

I'll definitely be there in spirit at your 100 day NC party next week! That's a great milestone. Then on June 10 we can have my 100 day NC party which will be almost halfway before we have our massive Christmas LS party!! The party to end all parties

Yes! Great plan GC! It's great to have these milestones and to celebrate them together! June 10 is now on MY calendar too. Very important party - I wouldn't miss that one! Great to hear of your getaway with you H too GC - just what you need!

 

GC, did he reply to your final email with a final one of his own in the end? Or did he do as you asked and not respond? It's nice that you wished him well at the end. I think when we look back years later, we will be glad for the small acts of kindness and goodwill that we offered our APs when it was ending and they us. I always think that when it ends in shouting and heartbreak and no kind words, it must be difficult to get closure.

 

I feel so much better today. I think I had to go through the whole relapsing NC thing to get to the 'genuine NC' phase.

Great! Wonderful news that you feel better. I'm so pleased to hear this GC, and it shows that you didn't in reality go right back to square one. You just took a step back after so many steps in the right direction. And now your resolve seems so strong! Well done!

 

Can I ask if your W got suspicious at all prior to D-day? Did she ever question you being more secretive, on your phone more, being distracted etc? My H never got suspicious but I think women generally are more intuitive and instinctively know when something is 'different'.

Oh Grey Cloud, yes she did. And when I think back, I am so ashamed and embarrassed of how I was with my family during my A. She never accused me straight out of having an affair (until she found evidence), but she knew something was wrong - she could tell I was withdrawn, secretive and joyless and that I never really talked about anything - other than just small talk, day to day stuff, etc. I think she thought I had fallen into a depressive state (I had issues with depression earlier in life), but I don't know to what extent she considered that it could have been caused by an affair.

 

She was sad and hurt and said that I had become closed and distant. I was so deep in the fog that all I could think about was my own survival - my own self-preservation and reassuring my wife's suspicions so that I could keep on cake eating. I think I blamed stress at work, tried to make light of it and just tried to paint a false smile on my face.

 

When I think back, I was one big walking red flag! I became secretive and absent (even when I was there). I would always be disappearing to the bathroom, so I could contact OW in peace, or finding a quiet corner of the room where I could check my messages. My phone had previously been open to the family for my wife to use and my kids to play on. Suddenly it disappeared from family use and was guarded jealously and constantly and I added a PIN to lock the screen. I remember that even the act of leaving it to charge for an hour or so was a major ordeal and I panicked if anyone went anywhere near it! The same with my email account and social media accounts which I previously just left logged on at home. Suddenly they all disappeared from the family computers. I have always been a dad and H who loves going out and doing things with the family - walks in the park, going to the zoo, theme parks, etc and I love to arrange and organise those things. But suddenly I was looking for any excuse to stay at home and just let them go on their own. I usually made the excuse that I was snowed under with work. I even once said that the dog was ill and that I should stay home and look after him! WTF!?!

 

One thing that really made me look at myself even during the fog was when one of my kids became annoyed at me because I wasn't paying attention to what he was trying to show me - some game or other. I was trying to make the right noises - saying yes and no in the right places, but I wasn't really there - I was lost in A land on my phone. It was obvious to him and he looked sad. He said something like "You've changed, Dad. Why are you always on your phone?". That's one of the little memories that makes me feel really ashamed - there are plenty!

 

I am not at all proud of the lying duplicitous cheater I had become, but I'm getting back to my old self now!

 

Keep posting GC and the gang!

Edited March 4, 2016 by jenkins95

[jenkins95]

Ahh, yes, it makes sense.

 

You mentioned that your MM was grumpy with his wife. Mine was too. And he was grumpy with me too sometimes. I never understood that, but I think it was the sense of feeling out of control and frustrated that he could not have everything he wanted and could not reconcile the situation in a most optimal way for him, made him grumpy.

 

Yeah, I don't know how many times my xMM said to be "I'm just tired" or "I'm just stressed". He didn't know how to deal with the sense of feeling out of control so they were his fallback reasons. I have no doubt he told his w the same things in answer to her questions about his grumpiness! Of course this wasn't an issue in the first 3 months! He was upbeat, energized and seemed excited. Bloody limerance!! After then the stress set in....

 

Absolutely Pops and GC - recognise myself there. You play everything out in your mind all the time - constantly, but however hard you try, you cannot think of a happy solution to the mess you are in - all roads seem to lead to hell. You feel trapped, frustrated.....and grumpy!

 

The happy, care free days of limerence are replaced by a stressful struggle for survival.

 

Guys, I know we must occasionally go off topic on this thread, but wow - it's been such a valuable thread to me. There's so much experience, analysis and wisdom played out in these posts! Long may it continue!

Edited March 4, 2016 by jenkins95

[jenkins95]

Have you ever seen "The Seven Year Itch"? I am watching that right now. I think it captures a lot of the emotions of a MM. So funny!

 

Thanks Pops - now on my "to watch" list. I think I watched it when I was about 14, but I'm sure it would get a lot more out of it now. Would it likely to be uncomfortable watching it with my W so soon into recovery?

[jenkins95]

This discussion is so interesting.

I hope i am not hj the thread by asking, how would you interpret my ex ap, who had no guilt at all? None. He didnt feel at all conflicted. He was bummed on weekends because we couldnt meet, he nearly lost his job because he more or less stopped doing it and his wife complained he was distracted and moody.But this messy inside feeling of being torn,he just wasnt there. My guilt really kicked in post A, but from the few (disgusting) things he mentioned about her in his letter,it still hasnt for him. He never got caught up and wanted to end things, he told me several times, i can do this forever.

I dont get it.

Im also thinking about control. I dont know, i cant say he was controlling. A little jealous sometimes,but he made fun of himself for being jealous while we are both M. It was more mocking himself.

I need to think more about the control aspect because it makes a lot of sense.

 

It's a strange one imsosad. From what you describe, he loved and wanted you and felt almost nothing for his wife. Sounds like he had completely checked out of the marriage. So why did he, and why does he still stay in that marriage? Do you think if you had been single or left your H, he would have left her?

 

Strange that he doesn't feel that guilt, that feeling of being torn. It makes me wonder if he has a personality disorder of some sort? Or do you think he does feel that deep down but has become an expert in denial and not showing it?

[Popsicle]

Thanks Pops - now on my "to watch" list. I think I watched it when I was about 14, but I'm sure it would get a lot more out of it now. Would it likely to be uncomfortable watching it with my W so soon into recovery?

 

No, do NOT watch it with your wife. It might trigger and annoy her.

I think it would be amusing to you though.

 

I definitely get a lot more out of it now.

[Grey Cloud]

Jenkins - no he never responded to my final email but I didn't expect him too as I asked him to please not reply. Even though I wished him well at the end the rest of the email was a bit of an emotional rant. So he is probably thinking overall he is better off without me and my irrational mood swings LOL And I was such an even keeled person before this mess. I am looking forward to stabilizing again!

[Grey Cloud]

This discussion is so interesting.

I hope i am not hj the thread by asking, how would you interpret my ex ap, who had no guilt at all? None. He didnt feel at all conflicted. He was bummed on weekends because we couldnt meet, he nearly lost his job because he more or less stopped doing it and his wife complained he was distracted and moody.But this messy inside feeling of being torn,he just wasnt there. My guilt really kicked in post A, but from the few (disgusting) things he mentioned about her in his letter,it still hasnt for him. He never got caught up and wanted to end things, he told me several times, i can do this forever.

I dont get it.

Im also thinking about control. I dont know, i cant say he was controlling. A little jealous sometimes,but he made fun of himself for being jealous while we are both M. It was more mocking himself.

I need to think more about the control aspect because it makes a lot of sense.

 

This is an interesting one because it doesn't seem to be following the "normal" affair story. Maybe he is still stuck in the limerance phase because the EA only ran for 4 months. I must admit the first few months I managed to push guilt aside but it all came out in a tumbling mess later. My xMM always said he was good at compartmentalizing and he remained that way until the very end until his two worlds starting crashing into each other and he felt out of control. Maybe your xMM is able to keep his fantasy world about you separate from his home life?

[Lovetoohard]

One word of defence on behalf of the MM in all of the above. Yes, it's horrible how the balance of power is and that the MM seems to have most control, and even as the MM I was very uncomfortable with it myself. But, having said that, any OW signing up to an affair with a MM must surely expect a certain degree of this and that he is not going to be available at the click of a finger - is that fair?

 

True, going in, that's the expectation. But interestingly, my xMM got needier and needier and with all the love bombing and nuggets of future faking, my expectations were going up as was my level of emotional attachment. Also, he expected ME to be available at the click of a finger and when I stopped being as available, it drove him nuts and he made me feel guilty. Yet more evidence that nothing about an affair is logical, or fair for that matter.

[Lovetoohard]

Jenkins - no he never responded to my final email but I didn't expect him too as I asked him to please not reply. Even though I wished him well at the end the rest of the email was a bit of an emotional rant. So he is probably thinking overall he is better off without me and my irrational mood swings LOL And I was such an even keeled person before this mess. I am looking forward to stabilizing again!

 

You sound like you're an even keeled person and this stupid affair just goes to show you how far you'd gone off course from your usual personality traits. I can relate. I cringe at some of the things i've said and done in the past. Anyone that knows me well wouldn't recognize me. Hell, I wouldn't recognize me!

[Grey Cloud]

I mentioned on another thread that NC was broken on Day 30 so just thought I would post an update as there are a lot of us in the same situation at the moment!

 

To re-cap, my xMM were sort of ending "amicably" (if there is such a thing!) but when he made a comment that "things were better than ever at home now" and he seemed to have absolved himself of all guilt I saw red! I was riddled with guilt about my marriage and totally struggling and he had flicked the switch and could play happy families again because there was no d-day. I was in the angry stage and I basically let loose on one final email saying we couldn't be friends, I had blocked him on Facebook and please don't contact me again and don't respond to this email. Plus I called him out on a few things. I was hurting and wanted him to hurt as well.

 

That angry email allowed me to get into NC without romanticising the whole thing which I was probably doing before. I was strong for the first couple of weeks but must admit as the anger wore off I was struggling with the way things were left. I am not an angry person but it was left horrible and cold.

 

So on NC day 30 my boss at work asks me to email xMM to get some login details for an account he opened. My boss (having no clue of course!) said that xMM had left his forwarding email and said we could email him with any questions. I couldn't believe it! I thought about getting someone else to do it but it was my job to reconcile the credit card accounts so it would have looked strange hand balling my work off to someone else. I wrote a very short, friendly yet professional email to xMM requesting the work information. As I sent it I got major anxiety and physically started shaking. Like I had no control over my body! I thought I would get a reply with the login details and move on.

 

Except I got no reply at all! I started thinking maybe he had blocked me! About a day and a half later I decided to text him. By then curiosity about whether he had blocked me got the better of me. I even had to look up his number on the work system as I had deleted it. I said "did you receive my email yesterday as I am still waiting on the work info".

 

Again, no response! I don't think he has ever sent a text back to me later then 10 minutes at the most even when we were ending things. Of course my mind was going overtime and I thought it may have to do with the last email I wrote.

 

Hours later I get a response to my original email. It was polite but very cold. He clearly wasn't happy to hear from me. He answered the work question and said "I can't help you further".

 

I know I should have left it at that. But I didn't. I felt like there was something I needed to do. I sent more of a heartfelt email apologising for the email I had sent over 30 days ago. That I realise I was lashing out at him in anger because I was hurt. That I couldn't believe it had come to this etc.

 

He replied pretty much straight away thanking me for my email and saying he had been really pissed at my last email and frustrated how things wound up. But he understands where I was coming from. That he has been respecting my wishes of no contact. Then he said "things are great on my end" and he hoped they were for me too but in the next sentence said "I think about it and you a lot. I drove past (old) work the other day as I had a meeting in the area and I felt sad".

 

I know I have healed somewhat because a month ago I would have flipped out at hearing everything is great. But now I kind of expected it! i think he is referring to home life and his new job. His wife was very suspicious of us and watching him like a hawk so I think he is genuinely happier not to be under so much scrutiny and can leave his phone lying around the house etc and not be so secretive. It we like how Jenkin's mentioned on another thread that during the A there is a lot of compartmentalising going on - 50/50 for the affair and home life and when the affair is over some MM's can go back to 0/100 and focus completely back on their marriage. That is what my xMM has been able to do, he was always upfront about loving his w. I am however glad that he said he thinks about me a lot because if he didn't say that then I would have more struggled to understand why he could move on so fast.

 

And I truly am also in a better place at home with my h. I wouldn't say "everything is great", it's a bit early to say that from my point of view but I am on the right path.

 

As for me I do feel better that we have cleared the air. For those in the anger stage I advise to not lash out if you can. Try and maintain your dignity. Because there may come a time when you regret lashing out as the anger subsides and go about the steps of trying to fix it.

 

In my case he is not begging to come back or vice versa. We are both moving on and know it couldn't continue. But I feel better knowing he doesn't hate me and I feel better knowing that he knows I don't blame him for everything. We are both equal parties to blame here.

 

So back in NC!! It feels different now. I don't feel pissed off of angry anymore. I feel sad but hopefully in time more accepting of everything that has happened and will continue to learn from it.

[solonely9]

Hi, Grey Cloud.

I can totally relate to the anger part. When XMM started withdrawing and expressing his reservations in regards to me, I was hurting so much that I said some pretty mean things, wanting him to hurt, too. After that, I was feeling okay for a few days, but when the anger wore off, all that was left was extreme sadness. I too reached out to him and apologized. As your XMM, mine was pissed as well, but, in the end, accepted my apology.

You're right. It does feel better, when things end somewhat amicably. You obviously needed this, so it's good that you had the chance to express your feelings. When I apologized, I did it for both of us. On one hand, I wanted him to know that I didn't mean to hurt him, and, on the other, I didn't want to dwell on anger anymore, meaning I did it for myself as well.

Finally, I have the feeling that your XMM will come back. It sounds like he was waiting for you to reach out, as you're the one who lashed out at him and intiated NC. What are you going to do, if he reappears?

[Grey Cloud]

Hi Solonely,

 

He did end his email by saying he wouldn't contact me but I could contact him whenever. And he finished the email with a question asking if things were ok for me at home?

 

So he does continue to leave the door open a crack. He will abide by NC but I'm open to contact him.

 

I'm not sure why. He has made it pretty clear he he has happy at home. I really would be very surprised if he came back in anyway in terms of wanting to resume the affair. Ours was conducted at work so now we no longer work with each other it would take a mammoth effort to resume something. Seeing each other every day creates that opportunity even if you are trying to let go. The guilt was getting to him at the end and we almost got caught which really scared him and he was faced with what we both could lose.Maybe he just wants the odd ego boost if I email him? Maybe he thinks he is doing nothing wrong by staying in touch as for him the physical side is what made him feel guilty and what conflicted him the most.

 

I think I am going to have to be the strong one here. Because I lashed out at him, I hurt him and made him angry but in one apologising email to him, he replies saying things are great but has also continued to leave the door open a crack for me to stay in touch. He could have easily told me to F off or even say things are going well, I'm not angry with you but we need to maintain NC to move on.

 

Who knows!! I know it totally threw you when your xMM appeared at your door. Understanding their thoughts is near on impossible.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Grey Cloud

[solonely9]

You're right. Knowing what is going on in their minds and why they do the things they do is impossible, but, probably, we are a mystery to them, too. Probably, they're like, but why can't she do what I'm doing and move on.

 

And yes. He is leaving the door open, but it seems as if he expects you to pursue him. As in my case, they are incapable of taking a decision and owning it. If you contact him, he will reply. If you stay in NC, that's okay, too.

 

Also, as you said, he could have easily cut you off after the work email, but he didn't.

[Grey Cloud]

Part of me thinks he is only leaving the door open so that if I flip out over what I have done, I can use him as an avenue so he can talk me down from the ledge. That it is all about protecting the dirty secret so his w never finds out. He said that to me when it ended, that he would prefer I talk to him first if I was feeling guilty etc. sadly, I don't think it has anything to do with me but him protecting himself.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Grey Cloud

[MidnightBlue1980]

Hi Solonely,

 

He did end his email by saying he wouldn't contact me but I could contact him whenever. And he finished the email with a question asking if things were ok for me at home?

 

So he does continue to leave the door open a crack. He will abide by NC but I'm open to contact him.

 

I'm not sure why. He has made it pretty clear he he has happy at home. I really would be very surprised if he came back in anyway in terms of wanting to resume the affair. Ours was conducted at work so now we no longer work with each other it would take a mammoth effort to resume something. Seeing each other every day creates that opportunity even if you are trying to let go. The guilt was getting to him at the end and we almost got caught which really scared him and he was faced with what we both could lose.Maybe he just wants the odd ego boost if I email him? Maybe he thinks he is doing nothing wrong by staying in touch as for him the physical side is what made him feel guilty and what conflicted him the most.

 

I think I am going to have to be the strong one here. Because I lashed out at him, I hurt him and made him angry but in one apologising email to him, he replies saying things are great but has also continued to leave the door open a crack for me to stay in touch. He could have easily told me to F off or even say things are going well, I'm not angry with you but we need to maintain NC to move on.

 

Who knows!! I know it totally threw you when your xMM appeared at your door. Understanding their thoughts is near on impossible.

 

Grey Cloud, xMM said the exact same thing to me, that I could contact him anytime but not once did he initiate since it ended and he told his wife. However when I did contact him over the last few months, he would respond. He did this weird dance, wouldn't use the email he set up for me, lied and said he deleted it but I know he didn't - he then admitted he had lied and to just use his work email or text. He said he loved me a few times but at the same time that he was trying to fix things. Eventually 3 weeks ago now I just stopped cold turkey. He sent the last text about me being so special and so on and I just never responded. I admit I like to think of him looking at his phone sure that a text is coming, just as I stared at my phone for the months. I just realized, what the heck am I doing? He was making me crazy, I still have no idea what he was after. Like you said, he was very sure about fixing things, he didn't want to leave, but they are just roommates (she confirmed this with my husband). I guess he wanted to keep a foothold with me, yet he was 100% perfect in not contacting me first. He's really not that strong a person so I've come to conclusion I fed his ego, gave him the attention he wasn't getting at home, but I didn't mean that much.

 

I still see him weekly but I am trying very hard to just disconnect from whatever he is doing. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

[privategal]

Hi Solonely,

 

He did end his email by saying he wouldn't contact me but I could contact him whenever. And he finished the email with a question asking if things were ok for me at home?

 

So he does continue to leave the door open a crack. He will abide by NC but I'm open to contact him.

 

I'm not sure why. He has made it pretty clear he he has happy at home. I really would be very surprised if he came back in anyway in terms of wanting to resume the affair. Ours was conducted at work so now we no longer work with each other it would take a mammoth effort to resume something. Seeing each other every day creates that opportunity even if you are trying to let go. The guilt was getting to him at the end and we almost got caught which really scared him and he was faced with what we both could lose.Maybe he just wants the odd ego boost if I email him? Maybe he thinks he is doing nothing wrong by staying in touch as for him the physical side is what made him feel guilty and what conflicted him the most.

 

I think I am going to have to be the strong one here. Because I lashed out at him, I hurt him and made him angry but in one apologising email to him, he replies saying things are great but has also continued to leave the door open a crack for me to stay in touch. He could have easily told me to F off or even say things are going well, I'm not angry with you but we need to maintain NC to move on.

 

Who knows!! I know it totally threw you when your xMM appeared at your door. Understanding their thoughts is near on impossible.

 

 

Im glad you got what you needed but trust me, dont analyze or try to break it down further. If you need to refer back to anything...think of the work email endibg with "I cant help you further "

Hes beyond it, saying something semi nice was an effort to not rile you up.

I wont reach out to you he says...he's letting you know he's done but doesnt want to instigate rage by saying leave me alone now. But you need to. Sending a hug as you continue to heal.

Edited April 3, 2016 by privategal

[Jersey born raised]

Hi Grey Cloud,

 

He could still playing you. Basic 101 player move, be charming but generally indifferent but somewhat open. Keep on keeping your focus on your marriage.

It's hard I know. In most cases a work related relationship is the hardest. The bond created between a man and a woman successfully working together and achieving is very addictive and it is very real. I had one work place affair in my early twenties. The two of us clicked. We reached goals, we laughed together, we teased each other, and the grind and stress of the job disappeared. Does that sound familiar? Do I really have to say how it ended.

 

Later in life I worked with a women that had many elements of this past relationship. This time I resisted the urge to take it further then that from day one. I realized very early on I could go down that road again but in a moment of clarity I said hell no you can't have both. She has since pasted and instill mourn the loss. I lost one of the best friends I ever had. So it is possible for a man and a woman to be friends, if both stick to healthy boundaries.

[Jersey born raised]

Oh, have you read any or started any threads on how you cab reconnect with your husband?

[Grey Cloud]

Im glad you got what you needed but trust me, dont analyze or try to break it down further. If you need to refer back to anything...think of the work email endibg with "I cant help you further "

Hes beyond it, saying something semi nice was an effort to not rile you up.

I wont reach out to you he says...he's letting you know he's done but doesnt want to instigate rage by saying leave me alone now. But you need to. Sending a hug as you continue to heal.

 

Privategal - believe me, I wont continue to analyse!! We have sent a few more emails back and forth and I have got the answers I need. I think xMM like Jenkins are few and far between because mine is very logical and rational in his thinking and has totally moved on! It has made me realise why am I dwelling on things? It has almost given me a lesson in what I need to do. Here are some of the things from his emails today that have stood out the most and may help others in the same situation realise how they think:

 

 

"Anyway, of course I missed everything, but made the decision to move on like you did and when I did that things got better at home. Surely that has been the case for you too? Of course I was sad, but we were both headed towards a trainwreck so it was good to leave from that point. We have both talked about this 1000 times so there is no point going over it again. I just thought I was doing the right thing in leaving you alone so here we are!"

 

 

"I hope it is all ok for you at home and you are moving on from the guilt stuff. Doesn't achieve anything and its not like you are running around doing this all the time. We were lured in and pulled away. End of story".

 

 

"Remember I am only moving on because I had to. Its not like I am "Grey Cloud who?".

 

 

Then he starts saying stuff that by emailing me again I am back in his thoughts and he doesn't want to go back to thinking about me all the time and remaining attracted to me. So it is definitely a case for him of out of mind, out of sight.

 

 

I am going to take a leaf out of his book and do the same. I don't feel hurt or angry anymore. I think I understand better from his point of view. I just want to move on now!

 

 

Hope this post helps others too!

[Grey Cloud]

By the way Jenkins - I hope you didn't take offence in regards to my mention of you in my last post to Privategal! It's just that my xMM appears to be the COMPLETE opposite of you!! It's good to be able to hear your perspective on things

[solonely9]

Hi, Grey Cloud.

 

I'm glad that these email exchange didn't set you back.

 

Your XMM sounds a lot like mine - rational, made up his mind, moving on, because he has to, out of sight, out of mind... He always used to tell me how disciplined and determined he can be, and how easy it is for him to pull the plug with people when necessary. I don't blame him. That's what works for him.

 

I don't understand one thing only. Why is he keep on asking you how your situation is?

 

Hugs.

[Adoraxx]

Privategal - believe me, I wont continue to analyse!! We have sent a few more emails back and forth and I have got the answers I need. I think xMM like Jenkins are few and far between because mine is very logical and rational in his thinking and has totally moved on! It has made me realise why am I dwelling on things? It has almost given me a lesson in what I need to do. Here are some of the things from his emails today that have stood out the most and may help others in the same situation realise how they think:

 

 

"Anyway, of course I missed everything, but made the decision to move on like you did and when I did that things got better at home. Surely that has been the case for you too? Of course I was sad, but we were both headed towards a trainwreck so it was good to leave from that point. We have both talked about this 1000 times so there is no point going over it again. I just thought I was doing the right thing in leaving you alone so here we are!"

 

 

"I hope it is all ok for you at home and you are moving on from the guilt stuff. Doesn't achieve anything and its not like you are running around doing this all the time. We were lured in and pulled away. End of story".

 

 

"Remember I am only moving on because I had to. Its not like I am "Grey Cloud who?".

 

 

Then he starts saying stuff that by emailing me again I am back in his thoughts and he doesn't want to go back to thinking about me all the time and remaining attracted to me. So it is definitely a case for him of out of mind, out of sight.

 

 

I am going to take a leaf out of his book and do the same. I don't feel hurt or angry anymore. I think I understand better from his point of view. I just want to move on now!

 

 

Hope this post helps others too!

 

Thanks for posting this!!! very helpful

 

xx

[Adoraxx]

Hi, Grey Cloud.

 

I'm glad that these email exchange didn't set you back.

 

Your XMM sounds a lot like mine - rational, made up his mind, moving on, because he has to, out of sight, out of mind... He always used to tell me how disciplined and determined he can be, and how easy it is for him to pull the plug with people when necessary. I don't blame him. That's what works for him.

 

I don't understand one thing only. Why is he keep on asking you how your situation is?

 

Hugs.

 

If my xMM would ask how my situation is, I'm pretty sure he would do this to make sure that I'm only focused on xMM and not on H. It would give him a massive ego boost, I'm sure!!