Peachykeen85 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 I've got this guy friend of a few years who knows I get the blues sometimes. He asked me to message him each day and tell him how I'm doing. Lately we've been becoming closer. On day I didn't feel like messaging him and he messaged me saying that he loved me and to please not stop messaging him, that even if he doesn't answer right away he will read all my messages as soon as he can. I have to say I was surprised. Could our friendship be becoming something more? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Based solely on your post it's impossible to tell. There are many kinds of love besides romantic love. The next time you see him in person ask him what he meant by the comment that he loves you. If you don't want to be involved with him romantically you need to put distance in this now. Link to post Share on other sites
deep_night Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 hmmm, it could be that he likes you that way. i think this kind of neediness hides romantic interest. in my experience, these are quite positive indications: jealous of other men in your circle jokes about dating you/marrying you/having kids with you compliments your physical appearance doesn't ask your advice about other women or mention them flirts with you people think you're a couple your female friends tell you that he's into you after seeing you two together 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RRM321 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 I've got this guy friendof a 4 years who knows I get depressed sometimes. He asked me to message him each day and tell him how my day was. Lately we've been becoming closer. On day I didn't feel like messaging and he messaged me the next day saying that he loved me and to please not stop messaging him, that even if he doesn't answer right away he will read all my messages as soon as he can. I have to say I was surprised. Could our friendship be becoming something more? Stay focused on what was initially agreed - that you sometimes get depressed and that you have a good friend who cares about you. Frame the love inside of that reality first, and finish the work of resolving depression. You need loving friendships to do this work - and escalating their potential can be both a distraction, and a factor that undermines friendship. Time will make things more clear, and if there is an intention on the other side - you being healthy and ready for a relationship is still the priority. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Try not to overthink it. Be nice, positive, ask questions sometimes when it throws you off, it's ok to say "hey, I never heard you express you love me, I was pleasantly surprised it meant alot, or please elaborate" But friends do express love and often its platonic as they are close and value eachother. If you find you are developing true romantic feelings you might want to address that so it doesn't get confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 He was saying he cares about you and worries about you. If it was going to be something more, as long as you haven't already told him no, then it would have happened by now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachykeen85 Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 He's been in a relationship for a while and got out a 5 months ago. . He's studying abroad right now. But each day I tell him about my day, kind of like a journal entry. I tell him my thoughts and feelings and what happened that day. He's never been like this before and has never said he loved me which is why I asked. Link to post Share on other sites
Gold Pile Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Maintain a glimpse on his pants for any "indications" of his intentions Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Maintain a glimpse on his pants for any "indications" of his intentions I would have saved myself a bunch of confusion and tail chasing if I had only been a crotch watcher. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bu2002 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 He's becoming more attached to you. He wants to know more details likely in the hopes of finding out if you're dating someone. He feels strengthnig this friendship will make you closer to him, but in reality he's going to end up pushing you away. What are your feelings on him? Be completely honest. You either have a sexual attraction to him or don't. But one or another, it sounds like the two of you need to have a talk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachykeen85 Posted February 22, 2016 Author Share Posted February 22, 2016 Me and my guy friend really love and care about each other. However he doest look at me in "that way" because of my weight. If I lost weight and became healthier could it turn into something more since our feelings for each other are strong? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Its impossible to say, but you would benefit from working on your health anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Possibly. But it is important to have intrinsic motivation too. That way, if you drop the weight and he still doesn't see you as a romantic partner, you'll still have your own reasons for staying healthy and keeping the weight off. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 he doest look at me in "that way" because of my weight. How did you come to that conclusion? If I lost weight and became healthier could it turn into something more since our feelings for each other are strong? Some people just remain friends all their life long. How old are you? And how old is he? Maybe he just sees you as a sister, regardless of your weight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peachykeen85 Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 I know because he said so. And he said he's not attracted to bigger women. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I know because he said so. And he said he's not attracted to bigger women. I'm not sure what he means by "bigger women". For some it means 170 lbs, for others it means 250 lbs, etc. I don't know your weight, maybe you feel like sharing that with us, so that we can understand if this guy is just shallow or what. Anyway, based on what he said, I would just look elsewhere. I guess that's not how you want to start a love story. All the "connection" you talk about amounts to practically zero, as soon as looks get in the way. Just come to terms with the fact that he's not in love with you. Even if you lost weight, that doesn't mean he'd fall for you. And since I think your goal is being romantically involved with him, I see no romantic material there. Start spending less time with him and meet new people. Go out with other guys. Stop gushing over him. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 ok say it works and you drop the weight and he falls for you all the way .....then one day you take some medication or you develop a thyroid problem or end up putting on weight again......what happens to his love attraction and devotion then...drop the weight because you want to because it will make your life better ...not for a guy..and not for a guy who cant see or love who you are enough to want to be your one and only,unless you are the ideal weight for him.....doesnt work...if it was about him wanting you to be healthy...but its not its about his attraction and desire...not your health...or he would want to get to that healthy place with you and want to be with you regardless of weight...thats love....love is not on condition of a weigh in.....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I'm guessing he's a modern day Adonis that all the girls fall for and has no faults whatsoever then? You say he really loves and cares for you, but won't take it further because of your weight... hmmm... me calls BS on that one. How could he love you yet also judge you so harshly? When you truly love someone, you love them for all of their being, inside and out. The fact is, we all age, we all change, it's the person on the inside that matters. Say you do change for him and then he starts finding more faults, what then? You should want to change for you and in the meantime go find someone who isn't quite so Shallow Hal. Link to post Share on other sites
risjurad Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 I'm not sure what he means by "bigger women". For some it means 170 lbs, for others it means 250 lbs, etc. I don't know your weight, maybe you feel like sharing that with us, so that we can understand if this guy is just shallow or what. Anyway, based on what he said, I would just look elsewhere. I guess that's not how you want to start a love story. All the "connection" you talk about amounts to practically zero, as soon as looks get in the way. Just come to terms with the fact that he's not in love with you. Even if you lost weight, that doesn't mean he'd fall for you. And since I think your goal is being romantically involved with him, I see no romantic material there. Start spending less time with him and meet new people. Go out with other guys. Stop gushing over him. Also, I've met and seen some women where even if they did lose weight to something around 90 to 120 lbs, or whatever a health professional would deem to still be healthy for a given woman, they'd still look "big". Nevermind if there's really an emotional or mental connection... he may be asking the OP for something that's physically not possible anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
MissCongeniality Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Its impossible to say, but you would benefit from working on your health anyway. This exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Men very rarely friendzone women. Friendzoning is almost an exclusively female concept. When men aren't interested in a woman romantically/sexually at all, they will generally not have any personal interaction with them at all if they don't have to. If he is initiating interactions with you on a personal level, he is open to some kind of romantic/sexual interaction on some level. Now that may be for booty calls or FWBs or just some occasional hook ups when his other FWBs aren't available and it may not mean that you will end up together as an actual couple in a legitimate relationship. But generally speaking, if a man interacts with you on a personal level, he is open to the idea of having sex with you. Losing the extra weight can only help you in a wide variety of ways including health and vitality and feeling better and functioning better as well as increasing your options for love and relationships. When he says that is attracted to healthier women, he is likely saying that he prefers healthier weight women for actual relationships. He would probably still have sex with you if you made the offer as a FWB/FB and didn't ask for any other strings attached or any kind of serious, exclusive relationships. Overweight women typically have as bout as many sex partners, FWBs and opportunities for hook ups as their healthier sisters, it's relationships and the quality of men in relationships that they struggle with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 ....so to answer the question of the title on how to tell if a guy likes a girl for more than a friend, the answer is if he talks to her when he doesn't have to. Men don't friendzone. The sign that a man wants to have an actual relationship with a woman is he will ask her out on proper dates and then once they get to know each other on a more personal and intimate level he will ask her to be in an exclusive relationship with him. Until that happens it's just NSA hook ups, FWBs or booty calls. But there is no friendzone or 'just friends' for men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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