Dancewithme Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Not trying to judge here, but this conversation turns my stomach. All of these random bodily fluids being exchanged, with no one really knowing who else's funk they've been exposed to... And not to mention, the poor BSs , who don't have a clue all this is going on, and that others are playing Russian Roulette with their health. People, please heed the advice given on this board. If you can't keep your legs closed or your pants up, please wrap it up. And that's no guarantee. Herpes can be caught while a condom is worn, depends on the location of infection. Did you guys know that over 50% of adults are thought to be infected with herpes, but many do not know it? They may never have symptoms, but can shed the virus, thus infecting their unsuspecting partners. This is too much to risk for light hearted moments of fun. Undiagnosed STDs can cause infertility, stillbirths, risks to the health of the unborn, and the unsuspecting BS. Wow. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 Its amusing actually. I know I wouldn't get any answer if I ask that.. Even if he does answer, that wouldn't be the entire truth. So I have never really been bothered to go there. I did try to probe once.. asking him did he do anything scandalously fun in New York like visit a strip club or anything like that (coz he was flying all the way from the other side of the globe to NY), he dodged it... I'd say that you have your answer with him dodging the question really. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AngeliqueC Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Kath, It seems to me the real issue for you is that you want to have multiple partners yourself for psychological reasons, or you have a high libido and one man isn't enough to satisfy you. I don't think that having multiple partners is the norm for most OWs; I think most are actually quite monogamous with their AP. If the M AP is sexually involved with more than the OP (or more than just the OP & BS - and the BS is faithful) then you have reason to take proper precautions (against pregnancy, if you can get pregnant, and against STDs). Personally, I couldn't handle it emotionally to be sexually involved with multiple partners - one man is enough to worry over and cope with. If I need more orgasms - well, that's what BOBs are for. Keep your MM happy by keeping yourself healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KathL Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 Kath, It seems to me the real issue for you is that you want to have multiple partners yourself for psychological reasons, or you have a high libido and one man isn't enough to satisfy you. I don't think that having multiple partners is the norm for most OWs; I think most are actually quite monogamous with their AP. If the M AP is sexually involved with more than the OP (or more than just the OP & BS - and the BS is faithful) then you have reason to take proper precautions (against pregnancy, if you can get pregnant, and against STDs). Personally, I couldn't handle it emotionally to be sexually involved with multiple partners - one man is enough to worry over and cope with. If I need more orgasms - well, that's what BOBs are for. Keep your MM happy by keeping yourself healthy. You see, the thing is MM doesnt demand or request me to be faithful. Not sure to what extent he cares and not sure if it makes me a fool to discuss about being monogamous with him. It would be silly of me if I just make myself available to him only while shutting off and missing out other opportunities. Honestly I would probably happily agree if he demands exclusivity in exchange of his. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 You see, the thing is MM doesnt demand or request me to be faithful. Not sure to what extent he cares and not sure if it makes me a fool to discuss about being monogamous with him. It would be silly of me if I just make myself available to him only while shutting off and missing out other opportunities. Honestly I would probably happily agree if he demands exclusivity in exchange of his. Well, he may not care if you are faithful. He may even get turned on with the idea of you being with someone else. Who knows. From what you described he sounds like a "woman in every port" kind of guy. If he were to get caught I have the feeling you would be one of many that his wife will have to go through. You only see him once a month, right? That is a hook up, not a relationship. Which is all fine and dandy, just as long as your expectations don't go beyond that. And don't go bareback with him, like ever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 You see, the thing is MM doesnt demand or request me to be faithful. Not sure to what extent he cares and not sure if it makes me a fool to discuss about being monogamous with him. It would be silly of me if I just make myself available to him only while shutting off and missing out other opportunities. Honestly I would probably happily agree if he demands exclusivity in exchange of his. I see no reason for you to be monogamous with him TBH (as long as you use protection). He's married. ..He's committed...... why should you miss out on the opportunity of finding a single guy. That's really what you should be aiming for as there's no future for you with this guy who has a gal in every town. Remember you don't know if his wife is faithful ... many married women are not. Primarily you need to take care of your sexual health. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Its amusing actually. I know I wouldn't get any answer if I ask that.. Even if he does answer, that wouldn't be the entire truth. So I have never really been bothered to go there. I did try to probe once.. asking him did he do anything scandalously fun in New York like visit a strip club or anything like that (coz he was flying all the way from the other side of the globe to NY), he dodged it... He doesn't answer the questions you ask because you don't answer the questions he asks. I can understand this because that's what happened with my xMM after a while -dodging of questions. I wasn't sleeping with any guy but I decided he didn't deserve the verbal assurance of my monogamy, if I couldn't have the verbal assurance of his (and yes with his wife - I'm wise enough to know that some married couples no longer have sex). So I dodged when asked. And this continued to be something that each other worried about, until it ended. Maybe that's how it will end up being for you. It'll just end because it's ridiculous to continue if neither of you can or are willing to give exclusivity in such a situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AngeliqueC Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 You see, the thing is MM doesnt demand or request me to be faithful. Not sure to what extent he cares and not sure if it makes me a fool to discuss about being monogamous with him. It would be silly of me if I just make myself available to him only while shutting off and missing out other opportunities. Honestly I would probably happily agree if he demands exclusivity in exchange of his. Everyone has different experiences. My MM has never "demanded or requested me to be faithful" in twenty-plus years. I choose to "shut off and miss other opportunities" because I love him, I know he trusts me and I would never betray the intimacy we have by giving myself to another person that way. I don't think chosing to be monogamous isn't "silly" at all - I think it shows love, trust and commitment within the relationship. It sounds to me as if you view the MM as just another hook up and nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Everyone has different experiences. My MM has never "demanded or requested me to be faithful" in twenty-plus years. I choose to "shut off and miss other opportunities" because I love him, I know he trusts me and I would never betray the intimacy we have by giving myself to another person that way. I don't think chosing to be monogamous isn't "silly" at all - I think it shows love, trust and commitment within the relationship. It sounds to me as if you view the MM as just another hook up and nothing more. Love, trust, committment. The very things disregarded which allowed the affair to linger 20 years. Sure its silly to think that monogamy exists, more then two ppl are affected from the tryst. And one or more of them wasn't asked the choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I'm a workaholic, so I was monogamous most of the time I was with MM. I'm also quite confident he was not sleeping with anyone else and neither was his wife. Now, that said, I have friends who are swingers. A few times I went to parties. Most of the time I didn't play. I was up front with MM. We rarely talked on the weekends, but whenever I had a party, he always seemed to text FREQUENTLY. Again, since I'm a workaholic, the relationship with MM suited my timetable. I dated infrequently, but just never found anyone worth giving up my free time for. I'm in a small town and traveling for dates with men I found uninteresting after a couple of hours was not something I was motivated to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 It was physical, not emotional - initially we were both only seeing each other (besides our spouses), not so much because it was an agreement to be exclusive, just that it was the first that either one of us stepped out. Later, we ended up seeing each other only sporadically, and I saw someone else and told him I had. Besides that, never really talked about it much. Kinda a don't ask don't tell policy. Safe sex practices always adimately used. Link to post Share on other sites
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