Do NPD/HPD woman ever get better and get lasting relationships?

[harvej]

After 7 months of NC, I looked at her Facebook page and saw my ex is with somebody new. The strange thing is that I was fine, and didn't even have feelings for her as she was an emotional bully, and severe NPD type, with self confessed NPD traits that her therapist stated that she had.

 

I was lucky to get away from her and I dropped her cold turkey after she for the last time, showed zero empathy for a loss in my family, and even started an argument about FB 2 hours after I buried my mother. I am suddenly depressed and wonder if a NPD/BPD type can brainwash a person, as I cant explain why I am possessed at the thought of her suddenly, and know she is awful for a relationship. She has literally been dumped by every single man she has ever had a relationship with over being so "intense" and self absorbed.

 

I blocked her on Facebook today and her inner circle, but cannot block her business page which keeps popping up. I also un-followed mutual friends and wouldn't see anything about her unless I looked. Why am I suddenly depressed? What was triggered? I had zero contact and felt empowered for once in my life for dropping her over abuse,and suddenly that anxiety of being around her or even missing her kicked in and I have not slept since. I even have some jealousy over her new guy, and cant figure out for the life of me, why I would?

 

Something deeply emotional has hit me like a truck and I need some advice and some sort of idea what just happened to me and how to get over it fast and support on why I am lucky to have gotten away from her. I think my dark thoughts about life is triggered by this and lack of sleep is making me think really dark thoughts, so I am trying to rebound. What would I be thinking this way when she was the worst partner that I can ever imagine being with? NPD enslaved?? Need feedback fast , i am fading and heart is feeling a little pain. I wont kill myself or anything, but wth is going on? I cant believe I went fro 100% over her to suddenly anxiety and depression and jealousy etc..

 

Would you block all mutual friend on FB? Deactivate FB? I have a business page so this effects my business because i have to have a personal FB page to manage it. Rescue needed! Also, do they ever get better, as her new relationship appears that she is blissfully happy and I am almost certain once he gets to know her, she will run him off, but why do I care? Again, this is a woman who started to argue with me 2 hours after my mothers funeral over "liking" a Facebook post of a female friend, then showed up at another friends memorial and started flirting with me to upset my ex wife. That's the day I punted her. So a classless narcissist and I still got weird out after seeing her on Facebook with a new dude. Stockholm Syndrome? NPD enslaved? PTSD?

 

I would never dream of being with this person, and feel i dodged a bullet, but again, I got these weird obsessive feelings when Ii glanced at FB. So shoudl I deactivate or block her? I have a business page and must have a personal page to manage it unfortunately.

 

Anybody else share this same issue? What did you do?

Edited February 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs, please use them

[BlueIris]

It sounds a little PTSD-ish. I have a mentally ill ex and even after we’d broken up memories would pop up sometimes and I’d have the same panicky hyper-vigilant feeling inside that I’d had when we were together. EMDR can really help. EMDR disconnects your old reaction from the memory so you don’t return to your reaction and instead you observe in a detached way. Wondering whether she’ll ever “get better” is part of that, returning to your old reaction to the chaos or threat. Another thing that can help is mindfulness meditation to focus on this moment and your own breath and body. If you don’t have a meditation practice you can listen to a YouTube mindfulness meditation online.

[FTM042014]

It is the all powerful ego. I was doing OK and didn't even want my ex until I knew she moved on to a different guy. I've been a wreck since. We want to be wanted. It is human nature. You have to keep telling yourself that she is not the one for you. As soon as we see that someone else has interest we subconsciously believe well this must be something I should want too. They seem so much more attractive once they move on.

[harvej]

Thx. You are so right. One side of my brain knows she is a disaster for me. You and her husband and all of her past boyfriends dumped her. Her personal personality is extremely self centered and phony. Her public persona, she created a totally different vibrant exciting woman. She went on match.com last summer and had 20 different dates in 30 days.

 

Not a single guy would date her again. She said they weren't the right guys in that they were not a good fit for her. They all told her that she was too intense. On another dating site, the site administrators wouldn't even allow her to post her profile, because they said she would not match any buddies expectations. It took me a long time to get away from her grandiose personality and entrapment, & I did leave with grace and dignity.

 

She devalued me and had all of our mutual friends also devalue me. I don't know what to think about them.

Edited February 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs, please use them

[Satu]

Stay away from her social media.

 

You know you should.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[fireflywy]

I ask this question a lot and partly from my own withdrawl last year dealing with a self absorbed woman who probably had narcissitice tendencies:

 

Is she an extremely attractive woman?

 

I dated two women who were virtual 10s and very successful. The first one, was, I suspect borderline and the last one last year gave me severe heart pains (yes there IS such a thing as broken heart syndrome so SEE a doctor from some anti-anxiety meds.)

 

In the former, the BPD woman, I KNOW that she never and permanently found a man even though it has been ten years. Yes, she may ATTRACT one, hold onto them a little while, but the end she is still broken.

 

The second one, as I know through the grapevine, has already gone through three guys the last year so far. Of course she is far more stable then the first one, and MIGHT make someone a good partner someday.

 

With her, I saw her out once and it hurt a bit and to this day I dread running into her and her man who she can point me out to. Every now and then, I still feel a little angst but no where NEAR how I felt this summer. In short, its going away.

 

The hardest part, honestly looking back, is the physical addiction and ego boost I got from being with her and thinking I won't have that again in another and probably won't. When I first heard she had someone, it was the worst feeling ever because I questioned, like you, what if she has changed for this other guy? What if she did because he's BETTER then me? It hurt. A LOT and especially on lonely days when im alone and thinking about how she may be out doing the things we used to enjoy with someone else when i dont have someone else mhself. It does hurt when I hear about her sometimes.

 

However, if your ex was as attractive as mine, and you bent over backwards to her will to please her like I did mine, you MUST assure yourself that boise's ARE better off and that no amount of beauty or glitter is worth losing your dignity for and have ABSOLUTE faith in that.

 

It DOES get better.

 

NC. Put away absolutely everything. No links, no connections, no contact, etc, etc, etc. Then give yourself time. Assure yourself everyday that you ARE better off. And see a doctor, I did, if your heart hurts. He'll give you a small supply of anti anxiety when it strikes. (I only need a few days worth and that was 6 months ago.)

 

And to answer your question about her future and who she is, read this. (I post to people here when they examine the actions of their significant others.)

The Scorpion and the Frog

 

One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.

The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.

 

Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.

 

"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"

 

"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.

 

"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"

 

Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"

 

"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"

 

"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.

 

"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"

 

So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.

 

Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

 

"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"

 

The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drownings frog's back.

 

"I could not help myself. It is my nature."

 

Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.

 

"Its my Nature", said the Scorpion...

Edited February 14, 2016 by fireflywy

[harvej]

Awesome reply. My ex was so self absorbed and would literally cut me off mid sentence of the topic wasn't about her, I felt relief when I dumped her. She was attractive, bur

Would over inflate how pretty she was. People would say she was very young looking for 50, and pretty, but very "ugly" as a person internally. She has been dumped,by all her suitors, so I guess I am sad for what I hoped for and not who she was. I assume she mirrors each man she wants, makes them think they got the hack pot, and then her true self comes out, and they run.

[elaine567]

Awesome reply. My ex was so self absorbed and would literally cut me off mid sentence of the topic wasn't about her, I felt relief when I dumped her. She was attractive, bur

Would over inflate how pretty she was. People would say she was very young looking for 50, and pretty, but very "ugly" as a person internally. She has been dumped,by all her suitors, so I guess I am sad for what I hoped for and not who she was. I assume she mirrors each man she wants, makes them think they got the hack pot, and then her true self comes out, and they run.

 

People like this typically love bomb at the start and you think you are in seventh heaven, until it all starts to go disastrously wrong, once you are hooked.

You remember that great time, and so you are jealous of that, and wonder if it is possible that she will continue happy with him and that all of this horror you went through with her, was more to do with you than you want to think about, hence part of the reason perhaps for the mini panic.

[DatingDirection]

I would definitely take my ex off my page. I think it would cause me some anxiety for some reason, if I blocked him altogether. Then again, that may be the best thing. It's totally normal what you're feeling. I feel like what you wrote is something i would write too. Maybe in a way, blocking your ex is a sign that you've completely and literally blocked them out of your life, because in some way, you were still hanging on to her in the slightest way by not blocking her, leaving it open for you to check out her page if and whenever you wanted to. But now, it's gone, even though you can unblock her at anytime. I hope this makes sense.

 

After my two year relationship, I felt I was brainwashed in some way. I felt different about myself, low self esteem, my communication style was off, my though patterns were off. This was because he was emotionally abusive towards me, and when i was so emotionally involved with him, the boundaries became diffused. Eventually...4 years later, I have my stride back in my walk, and I'm back to myself. It takes some time but it will happen.

[Fleur de cactus]

Sorry you are going through a painful time, I almost forgot my relationship with my ex. It was very hard for me to recover from depression he caused. I am sure you don't want her back, and I know that you are now thinking that she is happy with another man. I assure you that what you see is on the surface and NPD people are very good at showing that they have a new lover, a better life, just something to make their ex jealous. But give them some months and you will hear it is over.

 

What you are experiencing is normal ,i I went though similar situation. I even gave him a second chance to see if I could have peace of mind, thinking that I made a mistake. However, that second chance I gave him helped me to realize that I cannot change the unchangeable. There is a personal heartbreaking tragedy about me and my family, I always share with people in my life because I think about it everyday, and when I shared it with him, instead of saying sorry what happened to you and ask to know more, he said " I dont want to hear about that stupid story and stupid people,why did is happened to you. You are so stupid!! ". I realized he does not have a heart. He was very mad. I ran to to hill. I blocked him from everything and stayed away from his friends. I even left the area, and relocated. He tried once in while to send me friendship request from fake accounts and I delete them.

 

I don't know what you will do with your business website. if it was possible to start your own , it would relieve you a lot.

 

They don't change. no hope that they change and no medication to help them. Living with them is accepting to be abused. I hear that sometimes, they start changing when they reach 40's but for a 50 years old woman, I dont know when she will be mature. Also, i read somewhere those with NPD who are more likely to change are those who realize that their are lonely, no friends and they are afraid to die alone and start changing. However, how you paint your ex shows that she continues to have a circle of friends she continues to have around to maintain her ego and grandiosity, so people do not know her other side yet, because only closest partner, and relatives will find out the true face of NPD person.

 

Be strong and stay away from her and anything that remind you about her.