Overanalyzing and knowing if it is real vs. perceived

[newheart]

I think there have been a few on here who have acknowledged they have experience with relationship anxiety and over analyzing things, so I thought I'd pick everyone's brain on this.

 

I am a classic (exhaustive) over-analyzer. For example, we have weekly mid-week date nights and I will actually compare how he held my hand one evening versus the next during a show we watch, or each time I see him I will compare how he kissed me hello. It is excessive, and it does tend to occasionally ruin my night. I am working hard to not have it ruin my relationship (and yes, I am in therapy!)

 

But for those of you who have this bad habit, how do you decipher what is merely your worries and your brain in overdrive, versus what are real issues? For example, I had an amazing evening a few nights ago with my BF - he couldn't have been any more attentive and affectionate. Then last night, he was still sweet but not nearly the same level of affection. Part of me realizes - I can't expect someone to be over the top, 100% of the time. But, (and this is my issue), every time we have an amazing evening like this, it is almost as if it sets the bar higher or I expect similar treatment the next time, and I am upset when I don't get it. I need to stop this so that it doesn't show and I end up with a self fulfilling prophecy of sabotaging my relationship.

 

Anyway - back to my initial question. Because of how I grew up, I definitely have a skewed interpretation of things. So, how do I / can I decipher what is ME over-analyzing something, versus when a true issue arises? I also don't want to make excuses for someone's unacceptable behavior, blaming it on my anxiety. Does that make sense?

[rickdiculous]

This is what I do;

 

I Imagine the perfect version of myself. This version of myself sounds like the people I love, and who love me. She sounds a lot like my councillor, or my dad.

 

Whenever, I think I'm having skewed interpretation of things. I stop and imaging my perfect self. I imagine what they would say or interpret a thought.

 

Example/thought: I'm a idiot.

 

Best Version of yourself: No your not because of these facts; you finished university. A idiot couldn't do that. I love you, your amazing. Your just being hard on yourself in your cause (over-analyzer) . It's normal, life is scary.

 

She makes me feel better.

 

I sound a little crazy, by my imaginary friend helps me.

Edited February 16, 2016 by rickdiculous