toddpearson Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 aprox. a month ago dumbed my gf, we were dating for 2 years, and after a month i realized that i luv her like no other. every morning i wake up thinking about her and everynite i cry for her. So after a month i send a message to her about how i feel, she knows it. She said "While we were not together, i realized that i dont love you as much as before, I begged you for years to show me your love and i am tired, i wish you could prove that you love me but you could not,you are so nice person, maybe i wont meet someone like you again, and you are the only guy who deserves me, but i dont think i deserve you...if our destiny is to be together again, we will eventually, let the time deal, we will see what happens in time. You will still be very important person in my life and i will be there as your friend whenever you need." What is she trying 2 tell me? Should i move on with my life? Should i go to her and prove that i love her (we do live in seperate cities now) Thank you all for supporting! Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Frankly it does not look to good. There are two options: 1) Show her that you truly love her. As she is distancing herself more and more from you, that is probably the road to more hurt, with bad odds of things working out. What struck me, is the comment "... but I don't think I deserve you." When someone says that, you better believe that person. The more you give, the more she will withdraw, as she has done in the past month. The whole friendship talk, is in most cases given to make the break-up easier on the part of the dumper. Or they do it to spare the dumpee's feelings. It does not work that way, though. You would only be hurting yourself, as she will not give what you want, and that is more than friendship. She knows how you feel, and if the feeling was mutual, she would not be saying the things she said. 2) Get on with your own life. Your life does not revolve around a woman. Be independent, be yourself. It is the harder option at first, but the more rewarding one in the end. Don't use this as a means to get back with her, use this to deal with your own life and its issues. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author toddpearson Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 d'Arthez, thank you for your comment, my heart wants the first choice, and my brain wants the second choice. The email i sent, i attached a short diary about how i feel about her (before we broke up), and she said while reading, she cried alot and it hurted her so bad, gave her mixed feelings and thats where she says lets see what happens with time (btw during the relationship she was alyways complaining that i dont show my feelings enough) All i dont understand is, if she does not love me (she says that but i dont think she really means it) why she cannot say get out of my life, why she would want to be friend with me? and why she is mentioning about time? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 She might be mentioning things like that to make it easier for herself. She might do it in an attempt to make it easier for you. You can't be a boring old geezer, if she spent two years with you, so she might have her own reasons why she wants you to be a part of her life, albeit a much smaller part than you would like. If you would profess your love for her now, it would only make the imbalance in the situation worse, not better. Option #2 is not as dramatic as it might appear. You enforce a rule of 'No Contact' with her, as you had done in the past month it seemed (judging by the first paragraph of your initial post). You need to think about what you need to do for yourself, and not think of her primarily. Break ups are hard enough as it is, and you don't want to make it harder on yourself than necessary. Try to enforce No Contact, and work on yourself. Not for her, but for you. Even if things would not work out in the end with her, things will work out with someone else, especially if you have worked on your shortcomings. Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Todd, I was in the same position a few years ago.. My love broke up with me, and I was crushed! A few months later he came back to me telling me he'd made a huge mistake and had realised that he truly did love me and would do anything for me.... even get married. This was the man I wanted with all me heart! This was the man that I had loved! But it was also the man the put me through hell and forced me to move on... to grow up, to be independant again and to also start seeing someone else. I really really did think it through and I did still love him (I still do - years later) but I just couldn't go back. It was a feeling in my soul... Its so hard to explain.... I had loved him unconditionally and would have done forever, but I wasn't good enough for him and I knew by going back, I'd always test him to prove that he really did love me. I guess in a way he may as well have cheated on me, as he'd taken my trust away in the same manner. I too wanted to be friends, and I too wanted to see him/keep in touch which we did... The saddest part is that months later, I was single again and we fell into bed and it was on, then it was off, then it was on, then it was off... you get the picture? But it ruined our friendship and now we don't keep in touch. Incidentally he is married and has a child!!! And out of interest, I totally regretted my decision a few years ago, but I guess it was just never meant to be!!! But believe what she's says, she is telling the truth, as bizarre as it may sound. I guess when you do the dumping you have an odd kind of power, and its now shifted so I understand why this confuses you.... bloody relationships, they are such hard work!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author toddpearson Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 miss-gonewest , u'r post hurted me so bad, thats what i am afraid of exactly. i do not want her or myself to be like you. Did you tell him that you dont love and miss him as much as before? If a woman says this is that true? For example after that email i sent her text message, "i love you", "these are my last words, say something if you love me, before i feel that i should move on" and she said : you are so nice, and i love you (meant as friend i guess) but i do not want a relationship with you right now, she was so sure that she is in love with me and want marriage with me, how come they can change in a month. Damn, i know i wont find anybody like her, she was so damn special. We were dreaming about marriage I would like to ask you also, because you had somehow similar experience, should i fly to her and tell her that i love like crazy while i look her into eye. Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Of couse you will find someone just as special... it may not be her, but hey, they could even be better than her! I don't know if flying to her is the right thing to do - honestly I'd say its a bit of overkill and if she is feeling a bit pressured, you are only going to make her worse. The best thing you can do for her and your relationship is to GIVE HER SPACE. Let her think and clear her head and look at things in perspective. While you are pestering her and flooding her with emotional messages, she can't get her head together and you will only drive her away. And don't get emotional on her as its a pretty big turnoff... She knows you love her, trust me. Just try and calm down, take each day at a time and let her contact you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author toddpearson Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 thanks alot, it was a big relieve for me, especially hearing this advice from a woman who had this kind of relation before. I give her the space she need, i will just wait couple of months, if i dont hear from her, i will move on. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Hey Todd, out of curiousity can I ask why you broke up with her in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toddpearson Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 long distance relationship, we lived together 1.5 years, then needed to move another city(family related), this was the reason, i said i cannot do this like this, it was an excuse, i thought that i did not love her so much. I was so wrong Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by toddpearson What is she trying 2 tell me? Should i move on with my life? Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Originally posted by toddpearson long distance relationship, we lived together 1.5 years, then needed to move another city(family related), this was the reason, i said i cannot do this like this, it was an excuse, i thought that i did not love her so much. I was so wrong Ouch, that sucks. But I agree with West - she is trying to tell you to move on. Once you break up with someone it's really difficult to go back and you'll never be able to erase the initial damage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toddpearson Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 yes, i agree also , btw i am so drunk right now, there is still hope in my hearth, i still love her, and waiting to hear from her, i am giving her the damn space she needs. Worst thing i did not mention is i will be out for a mission (soldier) in 2 months, and god knows which city i will be in for a year. If she would contact me, she should do it in two months, i think 2 months is more than enough. If she does not, it means she really does not love me anymore and i wont be in pain anymore. I will update what happens, maybe years later i will show this post to her i know, if we get together again, i am %100 sure that i will make her the happiest woman on the earth. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Vaya con dios. Link to post Share on other sites
BLF04 Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 im going through something similar now and have been through it in the past (and have gotten the ex back). ur situation doesnt sound good... especially when they say ur too good for me. meet other women... its better to go 1 for 20 then 0 for 0. and whatever u do, do not tell her u love her (she already knows) it will only drive her farther and make matters much worse then they are for u. point is... be a man about things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toddpearson Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 weird... update before you read #1 (is the girl that i love now, always number one for me ) #2 (ex ex who still loves me) Women have so strong feelings, today #2 contacted me from msn, i have not talked with her for more than 4 years. and there is no way that she could learn that i broke up with my #1. I am feeling better, because i do know that someone still wants me but i could not use #2 to ease my pain. I am sure that #2 wants me back, and it was a good opportunity to revenge but i could not. I told #2 that i do love my #1 eventhought she dumped me. It is the truth, i dont care for anyone else but her. #1 knows the 2 year relationship i got with #2, and she hates her so bad. (She did not believe me that i do love #2 as friend) I will still go with NC, but If i tell her that i refused #2 , what reaction do you think she will give? miss-gonewest what reaction would you give (This post is mixed up heheh, i hope you can understand what i am saying) Link to post Share on other sites
miss-gonewest Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 So let me get this straight... you are thinking of telling your recent ex, that an older ex wants you back, is that right? Telling your recent ex (the love of your life) will not achieve anything... my guess is that she will know that you are only telling her out of spite. And she may even tell you to go date her, if that's what you what... You will just prove yourself to be insecure and that's not what you want. I suggest you take some time out for yourself - no ex's - and clear you head. Let the dust settle and and wait for your ex to contact you. If you are meant to be then what's the rush? You have the rest of your lives ahead of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toddpearson Posted June 11, 2005 Author Share Posted June 11, 2005 no, you get it wrong, i wanted to tell my recent ex gf that my older ex contacted me but i still want my recent ex. Well thats how i felt yesterday, and it was stupid idea, it will make her hurt(maybe wont) if she is happy she should stay happy, with or without me she should be happy. I take your your advise an i am taking a vacation for a week to clear my head. There is a song that i have recently discovered, it explains my feelings right now. (Tonic - Head on straight) I don't want be the one who hurts you I don't want to be the one who fails I'm keeping my head on straight So you can trust me again Link to post Share on other sites
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