I Am Having an Affair

[Shenster]

On another note, I'm happy to see a 56 yo male with a roaring sex drive.

 

Oh, honey, let me tell you!

[Shenster]

No it is not a happy infidelity story. I respectfully disagree.

there are never happy infidelity stories....only happy cheaters.

 

You are screwing around behind your wife's back. The only person happy is you....and it still could end badly.

 

You don't know for sure that your wife will not find out. There is always that possibility.

 

and I have a feeling you don't want to tell her because you know she will disapprove.

 

Actually, our relationship has gotten a lot better. During that period between New Orleans and my finding this lady, who is really hot, by the way, I was so tense I could barely function. I was like a volcano ready to explode at any moment. Now we're getting along just fine.

 

 

Someone had asked if my wife works. No. She was forced into early retirement as a senior manager from a large corporation. I have an Internet business. Between that, investments, and savings, we are comfortable and solvent.

 

 

And, yes, we have two children, grown up and moved away.

[Tread Carefully]

What will you do when your ap starts to develop feelings for you and wants more from you than just sex?

[Shenster]

What's an ap?

[Tread Carefully]

Affair partner.

[Shenster]

Oh. I prefer fb.

 

 

That's unlikely. We like each other a lot, and sex is incredible, but she's resigned to her life as I am to mine, and we're content to have those few magical times together. Besides, she's had two other affairs in the past, both of which ended for one reason or another, so it's not like this is new to her and she's looking for a new life's partner, just someone who can add some magic and excitement to her life. She's happy with me, as she says that I look like I'm closer to 46 than 56, and she thinks I'm very handsome.

[Popsicle]

Shenster, I am curious, when you weren't having sex for those 10+ years, what did you do? Did you just masturbate? Sorry, you don't have to answer if this is too personal, I'm just genuinely curious.

[Tread Carefully]

I'm so curious as to why those other affairs ended. Very interesting.

 

But you didn't answer my question. What will you do if she decides to want more from you?

 

There are lots of stories on here where one (or both) of the AP's want more from the relationship and then everything goes crazy haywire.

 

Always prepare for the unknown and what you can't control. Affairs can be living breathing dangerous beasts with a life of their own.

[Shenster]

Shenster, I am curious, when you weren't having sex for those 10+ years, what did you do? Did you just masturbate? Sorry, you don't have to answer if this is too personal, I'm just genuinely curious.

 

Well, first of all I had an affair when I was 41 and then again when I was 45. In both cases, it wasn't something I was looking for, they just sort of dropped into my lap. So to speak. If you catch my drift.

 

 

I do love my wife, so I just sort of dealt with the sexless nature of our marriage and didn't think too often about sex, but, yes, there were times that I masturbated. Got pretty good at, too, if I do say so myself.

 

 

I can't believe, now, that I had suppressed my drive so much. I mean when I was reawakened I was ready to pounce on anything female! I mean, everywhere I turned there was someone I would have given a left nut for. I'd turn on TV to watch the news and all the anchor women look like Playboy models! Thank god I found my fb!

[Shenster]

I'm so curious as to why those other affairs ended. Very interesting.

 

But you didn't answer my question. What will you do if she decides to want more from you?

 

There are lots of stories on here where one (or both) of the AP's want more from the relationship and then everything goes crazy haywire.

 

Always prepare for the unknown and what you can't control. Affairs can be living breathing dangerous beasts with a life of their own.

 

I did answer your question. She's a mature woman who knows her own mind and knows what she's doing and why she's doing it. BTW, I don't believe I've ever known a true nymphomaniac before, but I have a feeling she would qualify.

[Popsicle]

Thank you for answering. You used the word "reawakened". That is my perception of the phenomenon, that some married folk go into a sexual slumber.

 

It's interesting that something just switched in you one day.

[Shenster]

It's interesting that something just switched in you one day.

 

New Orleans, baby, New Orleans! It embodied the lifestyle I once lived when I was young and free and single. The girls loved me and I loved them back.

[Shenster]

I'm so curious as to why those other affairs ended. Very interesting.

.

 

 

She told me that one of her lovers moved away and the other one got married.

[Popsicle]

New Orleans, baby, New Orleans! It embodied the lifestyle I once lived when I was young and free and single. The girls loved me and I loved them back.

 

They do know how to party (my family is from there).

[RRM321]

In addition to no sex for 10+ years, they are also in separate bedrooms.. Even if this is due to a medical condition it still implies they share little or no emotional intimacy as well.

 

Did they mutually agree not to have sex? A unilateral lack of interest or rejection by one party to me, would seem to preclude the kind of entitlement we imply when we say she should be informed.

 

I can't speak to this specific example but, when I think of the sex-less marriage I often consider that it may also be a life-less marriage, perhaps one that should have been dissolved and instead remains purely for economic reasons.

 

What if the character of the relationship bears no functional resemblance to a marriage? It seems an odd entitlement that we should expect him to communicate this emotional/sexual choice to his wife if the status-quo in the relationship is a de-facto elimination/denial of emotional/sexual communication.

[Shenster]

They do know how to party (my family is from there).

 

What a beautiful, magical, happening place that is! And I found people there to be so friendly! We stayed in the Andrew Jackson hotel, right in the heart of the French Quarter, which had been built by the Spanish, BTW.

[Shenster]

Did you know, Popsies, that during the French Indian war, French Canadians, known as Arcadians, were driven out of Canada by the British and they made their way to New Orleans, and they soon began migrating into the surrounding swamps and bayous. The word "Arcadian" was eventually shortened to "Cajun".

 

 

I just read a book on the history of New Orleans.

[sandylee1]

Did you have a question? Or you just venting here?

 

I was about to ask the same. What's the point of your post. You won't tell your wife and you won't stop the affair...... just carry on until it gets discovered.

 

TBH I don't understand how people don't suspect affairs in sexless marriages anyway.

 

Why don't you discuss getting your needs met outside with your wife. Does she really expect you to never have sex again?

[Popsicle]

Did you know, Popsies, that during the French Indian war, French Canadians, known as Arcadians, were driven out of Canada by the British and they made their way to New Orleans, and they soon began migrating into the surrounding swamps and bayous. The word "Arcadian" was eventually shortened to "Cajun".

 

 

I just read a book on the history of New Orleans.

 

Yes, I do know that. I tell people often.

[MidwestUSA]

What led you to the affairs at 41 and 45, as those were prior to your proclaimed ten year drought with your wife?

[Shenster]

In addition to no sex for 10+ years, they are also in separate bedrooms.. Even if this is due to a medical condition it still implies they share little or no emotional intimacy as well.

 

Did they mutually agree not to have sex? A unilateral lack of interest or rejection by one party to me, would seem to preclude the kind of entitlement we imply when we say she should be informed.

 

I can't speak to this specific example but, when I think of the sex-less marriage I often consider that it may also be a life-less marriage, perhaps one that should have been dissolved and instead remains purely for economic reasons.

 

What if the character of the relationship bears no functional resemblance to a marriage? It seems an odd entitlement that we should expect him to communicate this emotional/sexual choice to his wife if the status-quo in the relationship is a de-facto elimination/denial of emotional/sexual communication.

 

I really can't address this. A sexless marriage isn't something that I would have ever envisioned for myself. For reasons I don't want to explain, it just happened. But our marriage isn't lifeless. We do love each other.

[Shenster]

What led you to the affairs at 41 and 45, as those were prior to your proclaimed ten year drought with your wife?

 

The ladies involved led me to the affairs. By then, sex between me and my wife had all but dissipated.

[HopeForTomorrow]

Well, first of all I had an affair when I was 41 and then again when I was 45. In both cases, it wasn't something I was looking for, they just sort of dropped into my lap. So to speak. If you catch my drift.

 

. Been cheating for well over 10 years. Were you having sex with your wife that time?

 

Three pages of replies and you still haven't answered the question that many have asked. WHY has your marriage been sexless for 10 years when you are both so young (assuming your wife is about your age)? That would have put you in your mid-40's. But you were having affairs before that, so perhaps therein lies the answer.

 

Just wow. You blame your wife for your horrible behavior and then you come on here and call it a success story. Good luck with that.

Edited February 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[Shenster]

I was about to ask the same. What's the point of your post.

 

 

There is no point to my post.

[oldshirt]

I know this opinion is not going to be popular here but if the OP's wife has been refusing sex for a decade and has been sleeping in separate rooms etc etc then what the OP does sexually is none is none of her business and she has no need to know and has no say in the matter if she does find out.

 

 

She chose her fate by opting for celibacy. She has the right to chose celibacy for her own lifestyle but she has no right to involuntarily enforce celibacy onto Shenster if he did not consent to a sexless existence.

 

 

"should" he divorce her prior to carrying on with others?? some would say yes but if they have both chosen to remain in this sexless marriage for whatever reason then so be it. He knows how to look up a divorce attorney if he wanted one and so does she.

 

 

My point however is that if one partner unilaterally decides to end the sexual relationship, they have no right to insist on the sexual abstinence of the other party. Sorry, she simply doesn't get a say in what he does with his penis after she no longer wants it and she no longer gets to have an expectation of sexual fidelity when she chooses to no longer make any attempt to meet his sexual needs.

 

 

It's been ten years. IMHO this isn't even cheating. This is trying to etch out some form of human existence.

 

 

Do I think he's dumb for staying with her all these years? Yeah, I sure do. I can't understand how anyone could accept that kind of treatment. At their age, they surely do not have any minor children yet so unless she is some kind of Sugar Momma and he is an unemployed deadbeat living off her trust fund, I see no reason on God's green earth why he should stay - but irregardless, She has no right to expect his fidelity and has no right to point a finger if she does find out about it.