Red123 Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Basic background, I am 2 years past Dday and almost 2 years past the last time the MOW attempted contact. Things are going well and I am rarely triggered. We have made good progress in MC. The MOW works at the same company as my H, but in a different department, their departments don't work together and they met by fluke, no one at work knows they know eachother. So there has been a shift in some departments and my H had a new person join his team. She's been with the company for years but is new to his department and she is having a party and has invited us. I know his team and they will all be there, plus I love going places where I don't know too many people so I can talk to new people. The issue is that we don't know if this new woman knows the MOW. She has worked in many departments and may know her. We want to go and make her feel welcome but we can't really ask specifically if the MOW was invited, so we run the risk of her being there. I have never been in the same place as her and I have never sought her out, or her me. I don't want to not go just because she may be there, but I also don't want to be anywhere near her and I don't want to alter what I do because of her. Not sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Go, girl. And show your husband off. Be confident. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 I agree with Pop.... take back your power. Do not let her dictate anything about your life. Your husband is with you...hold your head proud. Keep your focus on him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 Thanks. That's what my instincts are telling me to do. There is very little chance of confrontation. On my end I would never ruin someone's party by making a scene about something that has nothing to do with the host(or any scene for that matter) and on her end she is not likely to expose herself to her coworkers and her H. I am also a big personality and appear very confident(even when I don't feel it, no one can tell) so I think it's unlikely on all angles a confrontation would occur. I just don't know how I would react if she attempted to speak to me or him. I believe I would be ok but you never know until you are in a situation how you will react. Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 I would for sure go but have an exit strategy if OW arrives, if you feel like leaving. There's no way I would choose to stay at the same place either OW would be. My fight flight reaction is just too strong and i deserve peace in my life. We would quietly leave if I needed to and go somewhere else for a good time. However, if you can handle this sort of thing just have a Plan B in place in case things go south... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 That's sound advice. I will definitely have a plan B. Who knows maybe she will leave if she arrives and we are there. I have nothing to be ashamed of but if I am uncomfortable I will leave. Thanks 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 It's been two years, she doesn't want to create an uncomfortable environment, either. I expect you are both able to handle a social situation like the emotionally stable women you have become. Enjoy your evening. You have nothing to be threatened by. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Thanks. That's what my instincts are telling me to do. There is very little chance of confrontation. On my end I would never ruin someone's party by making a scene about something that has nothing to do with the host(or any scene for that matter) and on her end she is not likely to expose herself to her coworkers and her H. I am also a big personality and appear very confident(even when I don't feel it, no one can tell) so I think it's unlikely on all angles a confrontation would occur. I just don't know how I would react if she attempted to speak to me or him. I believe I would be ok but you never know until you are in a situation how you will react. You two go and have a plan ready. Meaning if she's there and if either of you feel uncomfortable at some point, enough that you want to leave, then leave! Say you got an emergency call and have to go (tell the host) and quietly slip out. Do all that you can to avoid talking to exMOW if she's there. I doubt she'll have the balls to walk over and strike up a conversation with him or you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 Thank you. I don't feel threatened it's more about how I will react in the moment if we are in the same room, because it has never happened. I guess the thought has crossed my mind that she didn't want the A to end and only stopped attempting contact when my H threatened to contact her H and threatened harassment, so maybe she is bitter. I don't know that, it's just a thought. She doesn't scare me but I just really don't want any reason for her to attempt contact with either of us. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 You two go and have a plan ready. Meaning if she's there and if either of you feel uncomfortable at some point, enough that you want to leave, then leave! Say you got an emergency call and have to go (tell the host) and quietly slip out. Do all that you can to avoid talking to exMOW if she's there. I doubt she'll have the balls to walk over and strike up a conversation with him or you. Your probably right. I doubt she would too, but of course the thought crosses my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Your probably right. I doubt she would too, but of course the thought crosses my mind. If she did have the balls to walk over and talk to you or him, either walk away as she approaches or bluntly tell her to go away and talk to someone else. If she comes with her husband then she would be an idiot to take the chance to talk to your H. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 If she did have the balls to walk over and talk to you or him, either walk away as she approaches or bluntly tell her to go away and talk to someone else. If she comes with her husband then she would be an idiot to take the chance to talk to your H. I agree. She said at one point that he knew and was threatening to confront my H, this was a few weeks into the A, when my H didn't bite she dropped it. We found out after that was a lie and she said she wanted my H to fight for her. This was a 3 month A, litterally from start to finish. It baffles me, but I doubt she would risk him finding out now and honestly if she pulled anything I would be happy to tell him the truth. I would rather leave all as it is, they have little children and I don't want to create any drama. I think she is good at that without my help. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 Unless you are going to react by going for her throat... I know you are beyond that. And, I know you are beyond fleeing a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Head up, shoulders down, and smile. Princess wave, if you must. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 Unless you are going to react by going for her throat... I know you are beyond that. And, I know you are beyond fleeing a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Head up, shoulders down, and smile. Princess wave, if you must. Lol. I start practicing the wave:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 So we went last night and had a great time. It was a really small party so if the MOW had of showed up it would have been impossible to avoid her. As it turns out she cancelled last minute, but she was supposed to attend. I'm glad she didn't come and we had a fun night. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 I am very glad it turned out in your favor! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Red123 Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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