Is this Cheating?

[ggekko]

I recently discovered hundreds of emails between my husband and multiple women, about ten, discussing meet-up times and places for them to go on lunch dates as well as general intimate and explicitly sexual conversations. He was talking to women out-of-state, sex camming with them and talking about flying them in so they could spend time at a hotel together. He was also talking to women who live in town and telling them where and when to meet. He gave most of them his phone number. I confronted him with this but he insists it was all 'fantasy' and that he never actually met with any of them. Frankly even if he didn't meet with any of them, which is unlikely, I'm very disturbed. He talked to one girl about flying her here so he could take her virginity but as far as he's concerned it's ok because it 'never happened', according to him anyway. I've more or less decided to leave, set up separate checking account, found apartment etc. I guess what I'm wondering is if I'm the only one who would consider this a deal breaker, because he says I'm being irrational.

Edited February 14, 2016 by ggekko

[road]

Yes it is cheating. Known as an emotional affair, EA. EA's quite often lead to a PA.

[Satu]

Yes, it's definitely cheating, and he's up to no good.

[CarrieT]

Read up on the concept of Gaslighting - if he starts spewing things at you like "you are crazy," then there is a good chance he has acted upon his desires and it is more than a fantasy.

[soleilesquire]

This is absolutely cheating. I would gather everything you have found so far and expose to any close friends or family who might be able to support you. If he thinks it is harmless fantasy then he should have no problem sharing it.

[Mrin]

Absolutely cheating. Whoa

[Satu]

I've more or less decided to leave, set up separate checking account, found apartment etc. I guess what *I'm wondering is if I'm the only one who would consider this a deal breaker, because he says I'm being irrational.

 

*No, you're absolutely not the only one.

 

There are many posts here on LS, from people who also saw this as a deal breaker.

 

But even if there wasn't anybody else in the same boat, you feel the way you feel, and have to act accordingly.

 

Always listen to yourself.

[Zahara]

I confronted him with this but he insists it was all 'fantasy' and that he never actually met with any of them.

 

At this point I'd take his words with a grain of salt. It doesn't matter whether he's met them or not.

 

if I'm the only one who would consider this a deal breaker, because he says I'm being irrational.

 

It's a dealbreaker.

 

You're not being irrational. It's called gaslighting. Look it up. It's his way of manipulating the situation to make you doubt yourself.

[Space Ritual]

I'm wondering is if I'm the only one who would consider this a deal breaker, because he says I'm being irrational.

 

Yes this is deal breaker

 

No you are not being Irrational

 

Please get tested for STD's. Anyone that is that determined to attempt to get women to meet him in hotel rooms has probably at least taken a hooker there.

 

If he insists it was all "Fantasy" I submit to you he is full of crap. No one dedicates that much time and effort to a fantasy unless they have had it fulfilled at least once. It's not Dungeons and Dragons...