Surviving after friendzone-ing

[EBGoo]

During freshman, sophomore, and junior year of high school, I made a good friend in my French class. We both had similar interests outside of school, so we often talked together. Few months before the Junior year ended he asked me to be his girlfriend. I had no desire to date or think of him like that so I said no to him. Needless to say, our relationship never recovered. After senior year, he went to the air force academy in Colorado and I stayed in CA working on my engineering degree.

 

During this year's Christmas break, we met up and had lunch. He apologized for the cracks in out relationship, and I said that it was ok.

Few weeks ago he wrote to me from his school, it was a 5-page letter about what he felt about me, and his past relationship with friends and girls. Unfortunately, no one in my family checks the mail as all the bill gets done electronically and all parcels are delivered straight to the door. So it took me a few weeks to check the mailbox and find the mail.

 

Some time later, I heard from another friend that I should check my mailbox. By the time I opened my mailbox, he had unfriended me on facebook and blocked me on facebook messenger. According to my other friend, he had given me enough time for me to respond back and that didn't want to stay in contact with me anymore.

So, I wrote to him that I have school 8am-6pm every weekday, take online classes, and even have a weekend job. Thus, I couldn't respond straight away and even got the letter weeks late. I apologized, wrote about my current life, asked him how he was doing, and send the letter to him ASAP.

 

Today, I got a facebook message that said he would like to work with me in our relationship but we are not friends yet. Turns out that he unblocked me from facebook messages, but still didn't add me as a friend again. There was another 1-page letter attachment sent to me on how our relationship turned from friends to barely acquaintance, why he was angry at me, and why he didn't want to stay friends with me anymore.

 

This made me angry. Shouldn't he understand my situation where I have to work and drive to school everyday, and still take the maximum amount of credit offered at the school? I know that I didn't try much to maintain the friendship after high school, but am I really at fault for this? I moved schools over 9 times from K-12 and know that realistically friendship will be lost after time and distance. I feel like putting me on a spotlight for being a 'bad friend' is quite childish.

 

While I would like to stay good friends with him, there is too much expectation for me now to keep up with. I'm not sure what to do now, and I'm already busy enough trying to keep up with college.

 

p.s. sorry for the super long post, just venting it all out for the first time.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I think this friendship has run its course. He is always going to want more which is going to leave him disappointed because you don't feel the same way.

 

You have enough going on in your life that you really don't need this added drama. He will also be better off without you in his life so he can finally move on.

[road]

Wake up he is what is referred to as an orbiter. He wants to date a girl. She shot him down so he stays in close proximity to her for the hope that eventually he can become her BF.

 

 

Dump him.

 

 

Another example of women and men can not be friends. Men want a girlfriend not a girl friend.

[Tayla]

When someone goes to the effort to convey a heartfelt message, the immature thing to do is defend your position. Most adults would show empathy towards the writer and not say "Ohh I was busy and you have to underrstand." That is the cop out approach. He gave you time and you choose to become defensive.

 

I personally would tell you to expand your empathy skills and learn ways to be accountable. An apology doesn't come with excuses. Yours did.

[Erik30]

He still likes you, and probably hopes you two will end up together.

If he was over it, he wouldn't have sent that essay, and he wouldn't care so much.

Maybe you can be friends again one day, when he finally gets that a relationship is never going to happen.

 

I would keep him at acquaintance level, or end the friendship if he keeps expecting more from you than you're willing to give.

[preraph]

Isn't it clear he doesn't want to be just friends? No man pursues a friend relationship with a woman like that. He thinks he's in love with you. If you are not in love with him and still don't want to date him, I think cutting him loose is the best thing you could do for him. This isn't about friendship for him. Guys really aren't into being friends with girls. They just use that to be around them and hope they will wear you down until you sleep with them or fall for them. So whatever you decide to do, don't do it assuming a guy who writes a 5-page letter "only wants to be friends." And be honest with him. If you know there's no way you're ever going to feel romantic toward him, tell him "it's never going to happen. I'm sorry." And then get him out of your life or, just as this message came through a friend, he will be blocking you from having other men in your life for as long as you let him.

]

And I don't like his punishing tone about we're not friends yet. Don't let him run that on you, that guilt. He's the one who's been misleading you into thinking he can just be friends when clearly he cannot. He's angry and entitled acting and my guess is even if you did turn the tables and decide to be a girlfriend, he'd be punishing you out of resentment for the rest of your life. A five-page letter is obsessive. Not a good sign.

Edited February 14, 2016 by preraph

[Lobouspo]

It's clear this guy has feelings for you and wants more than a friendship. No sense in leading this guy on. When you do meet someone eventually, he will really be bitter. Do him a favor and and do the fade out.

Edited February 15, 2016 by Lobouspo
typo