My heart is hurting

[Lauracake]

I've been reading this forum for a good month now and it has kept me strong in my weakest moments since ending my affair and going NC.

I had what I thought was an incredibly emotional and physical affair with a MM I met at work. It started 14 months ago and straight away he moved out of his marital home and in to his parents (apparently) his wife was pregnant with their 3rd child.(I realise how hideous this makes me). We started off as friends, he would do odd jobs for me and we would talk, really talk. I always told him he would go home when the baby was born but he promised he wouldn't he loved me, I was the love of his life etc etc.

Long story short he went back when the baby was born as I always said he would, this should have been the end of the story but oh no........

He came back to work and I stayed as far away from him as I could but he wouldn't let it go push/pull for another 6 months.

He was always crying to me and telling me how hard his life was, I was the only happy thing in his life blah blah blah. He has just been diagnosed with depression. He left his job and I thought it would be the end. Every time I went Nc he turned up at my house in tears, in a complete mess, I always felt incredibly guilty so I let him in, every time!

2.5 months ago his wife found a message on his phone to me saying he loved me he said he felt relief that he didn't have to lie anymore but he still didn't leave her.

I went Nc three weeks ago for my own sanity, he was calling every day in tears, having panic attacks and professing his undying love for me, I literally couldn't take anymore.

I went to a work friends wedding reception last night, he turned up with his wife. I knew he'd been invited but I was hoping he wouldn't go.

So there they were the perfect happy smiley couple and oh my god did it hurt, I have sobbed my heart out today for the first time in 3 weeks. I have to realise that everything he said was lies but I just can't believe it. How do I get over feeling so stupid I thought I was over the worst but I was so wrong.

[sandylee1]

Stay strong and always know you deserve better than a man who cheats on his pregnant wife. There's way to much drama and you don't want to deal with the stress of an ex wife and 3 kids EVEN if he left her.

 

Then his alleged depression . because who knows if he's being truthful..... you don't need that stress in your life either. Leave him to his wife and know that the right man will NEVER want you to be a secret.. he'll happily show you of to his loved ones.

 

You have to protect your heart from the cold hearted person to cheat on a pregnant woman. One BW I know was thinking both suicide and termination when she discovered her husband was cheating. You never want to be a part of people's hurt.

 

Maintain NC and know what your worth.

[Satu]

No contact means no contact.

 

 

If you want to do NC, do it properly.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[Lauracake]

Thank you so much for your replies. I think today I'm hurting as she became real last night. In the affair fog I chose not to even think about their life together even though he claimed to be so unhappy and called me often in tears( I've never known a man to cry so much).

I think I needed to see them together for the final closure for me. I pity her I would never want to be with a person with so little thought for other people's feelings.

I can safely say my lesson has been learnt and I shall never get involved with someone 'separating'.

I know in time I'll feel better and knowing I will never have to see either of them again gives me a little peace.

I have blocked him on everything for a month and he has given up with the withheld number calls. I need to get back to feeling lucky I dodged a bullet.

[imsosad]

I know you are hurting. You seem confused and overcome with conflicting emotions.

This guy obviously messed with your head and its natural to feel upset.

I would not believe everything he says. You already know he has no problem lying and manipulating.

You mentioned "going nc" several times. The thing us,nc works only if you stick to it..every time you break nc, you are sending a nessage to him and to yourself that you do not mean business and that you'll be back. You are actually saying that you're ok with it.

I know you feel awful. My ex ap's wife was also pregnant during our A. Ugh. Still makes me sick to think about it.

I think it take a special kind of jerk to cheat on a pregnant woman. You dont want this man. Look at the way he is treating his wife and ask yourself if this is what you want for yourself.

After youve been in nc for a while and got over the immidiate aftermath, i think you should try to figure out what red flags you ignored and why.

Good luck. Stay NC.

[Satu]

So there they were the perfect happy smiley couple and oh my god did it hurt, I have sobbed my heart out today for the first time in 3 weeks.

 

Care about yourself by not caring about them.

 

They don't matter.

 

You matter.

[Lauracake]

Thank you, your right about the NC I just felt misplaced guilt now I'm just so angry at myself. Looking at these posts made me realise how much he manipulated me and I need to do some serious work on myself and never ever put myself in this situation again. It's so comforting to read the stories of people that have gone on to have decent normal relationships that's what I want for me.

[sandylee1]

Thank you, your right about the NC I just felt misplaced guilt now I'm just so angry at myself. Looking at these posts made me realise how much he manipulated me and I need to do some serious work on myself and never ever put myself in this situation again. It's so comforting to read the stories of people that have gone on to have decent normal relationships that's what I want for me.

 

You will have a normal relationship...because you really want to. A fair amount of OWs are so totally and hopelessly in love or whatever ...that they accept having a tiny percent of the man, rather than nothing at all.

 

Never be a number 2 woman to anyone. You want a man you can call any time of day without fear his wife will see your messages.

 

Don't settle for less and at the very least..you'll want honesty as a quality in a man ....a MM has shown you what he's capable of.

Time will help you get through it.