Flirting With Danger?

[LoveAiko]

Hello, everyone. I hope you're all having a lovely Valentine's Day.

 

I, on the other hand, am not. Well, I guess it's not terrible. I had a nice meal and watched a few movies with family. But, I've had something weighing on me the past few weeks and I'm not sure whether I'm just being needy or whether I am right to be feeling this way.

 

So, I'll attempt to making this story short.

 

A few weeks ago, while intoxicated and bored, I messaged a few people I hadn't spoken to in ages on Facebook. That was fine, I actually had decent conversations with most of them, catching up on their lives. But one in particular happened to be a guy from school I never really spoke to. Mainly because he was the kind of guy most parents would prefer you stay away from. Drinking, drugs, having sex, all the "bad boy".

 

He moved here from Florida to my small neighborhood of all places, but other than the occasional conversation on the bus, we never really talked.

 

Anyway fast forward nearly 8 years to now, we started talking. He was flirting. I was flirting, but just for fun until he mentioned wanting to meet up. Now, we literally live less than a minute car ride from each other. But I made up every excuse under the sun to not meet up.

Finally, I guess he reached the last straw and was like yeah whatever its obviously not going to happen, I don't want to talk anymore if it's going nowhere. So I caved and decided, let's go for a walk in our neighborhood.

 

(Both of us are currently home from college, which is why we're in our old neighborhood.)

 

The walk was nice, but I could tell he wanted to like touch me more, hug longer, kiss, all of that. I let him kiss me, but that was it.

 

I assumed once he got that kiss and nothing else he'd move on or try to get what he really wanted elsewhere.

 

He's told me that he's had a crush on me for ages. He used to tell his friends that a " pretty girl" lived in my house. All of this could be bull, I know.

 

Over the next couple of days, we took a few more walks and kissed more, hugged more. And it's actually been really nice.

 

He hasn't mentioned wanting to the past few times, but he wants sex. He for sure wants that. He jokes about it. He kinda presses himself against my bottom and things like that. That's fine. But I don't want to do this and be a random hump and dump.

 

Anyway, this past weekend, we've talked bu t its been kind of weird. He's been sleeping A LOT. Apparently he's sick. I believe him. But we have been talking a lot less. He still makes cute little jokes and gives me pet names, but I feel like I'm being pushed away. But, I think I feel that way because it's happened a few times before and now I'm just being paranoid.

 

Basically, I'm wondering if he's just playing with me.

 

He's lonely, I'm lonely. He's cleaned up a lot. He doesn't even drink anymore and he seems to be extremely focused on his work. He's also mentioned not wanting to get into anything serious (not with me, but just in general conversation before we actually started like talking talking) because he plans on moving soon.

 

Can I trust him? Should I ask him? Should I be worried or am I just freaking out for no reason?

[ExpatInItaly]

There's nothing to ask him, the way I see it. He already said he's not looking for anything serious because he's moving away. You essentially already have the answer you're looking for: he's probably up for a little fun, but nothing more.

[LoveAiko]

I'm just a little afraid that I'm getting attached. But you're right.

I'm not sure what I want from this. It's nice to have someone when you're lonely, but at the same time, I don't want to be used. He seems to enjoy our time together, but again he could just be trying to get in my pants. Or he could genuinely enjoy my company.

 

I probably wouldn't question it if I didn't know his past. He was a jerk to be honest and now he's sweet.

 

I'm just afraid it's all a sham, haha.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think he probably enjoys your company and wouldn't mind getting you in bed. But don't expect more, really. He's told you what you need to know about his thoughts on serious relationships right now.

 

If you feel yourself getting attached, I would take a step back. You will probably get hurt if you get too involved, because he already told you he's leaving.

[LoveAiko]

I feel like I have to take that with a grain of salt. He just got a job less than 15 minutes away. If he moved, he would be moving to pursue a dream of his, which I fully support.

 

I'm just wondering if he's leaving soon or if it will be a while.

 

But, yeah. I do think I need to take a step back. I was doing my own thing before this and now I've kind of pushed it to the wayside.

 

I think having attention has gotten the best of me. I hate that.

[d0nnivain]

You set the pace you want. He may very well want sex but if you are not ready to have sex with him then stand your ground & don't have sex with him. You are not obligated to have sex with somebody just because they want to have sex with you

 

 

Enjoy the time you spend with him. Get to know the person he is now, as opposed to the bad boy you went to school with then. See where it goes but do keep your emotions & attachment in check. It's too early to invest just yet

[LoveAiko]

I guess I don't have to worry about it anymore.

 

I asked him what was up. Why he's been kind of distant lately and he said because I want to date him.

 

I wouldn't mind that, but I've never mentioned it to him. Ever. If anything, I've been the skeptical one, taking steps back when he gets a little too "friendly".

 

I got mad at that though. It's a bit childish to ignore someone because you're afraid they want to date. We're adults. We should talk about these things instead of pretending like its not there.

 

Anyway, I told him that I don't want to date him and he was like, oh okay, well its because when I talk about sex with you I feel bad. Really? Since when have you felt bad about it? Plus we haven't talked about it lately at all because I told him I don't want to yet.

 

He also asked me to be his Valentine. Who does that if they don't like you? Also who says I love you just out of nowhere?

 

Then he claimed his throat hurts and he's having a bad day and that I just need to go away. So I said fine, enjoy your pity party. And I said I'd leave it at that because at this point he's acting like a child.

 

I honestly thought he'd grown up a bit more than that.

[ExpatInItaly]

Looks like he hasn't matured much since his highschool days.

 

He was just looking for sex and some casual fun in the end. The way he went about letting you know sucked, but at least now you have your answer.

[LoveAiko]

After I left him alone (for only like an hour) he messaged me and asked why I was being so mean to him. And he was like joking and saying I'm too serious.

[smackie9]

Good lord this guy just wants to shag you and he was passive aggressively trying to make you feel guilty for not stepping up to the plate to serve up some sex. He is playin ya for sure. it's plain as daylight.

[LoveAiko]

I think it may be a little worse than that. I experienced a new level of crazy last night.

 

He ignored me all day, so I called him on it (I shouldn't have but I'm glad I did).

 

He went through a VAST array of emotions. From begging me to call him, to saying I hate him over and over again, to saying he doesn't care, to joking about it within the span of an hour.

 

The last thing he said was "I wanted to tell you that fighting turns me on." And I was like okay...no thank you. Then he said he was just joking but he misses me and he wants to Skype and that he hasn't been talking to me because it takes him too long to send texts and if we Skype he can still do other things.

 

Then I said no thank you because you keep changing your stories. And he replied with "I know. I'm insane."

 

So....yeah. The list or like or whatever I had for him was extinguished after that. That was by far the strangest conversation I've ever had.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think it may be a little worse than that. I experienced a new level of crazy last night.

 

He ignored me all day, so I called him on it (I shouldn't have but I'm glad I did).

 

He went through a VAST array of emotions. From begging me to call him, to saying I hate him over and over again, to saying he doesn't care, to joking about it within the span of an hour.

 

The last thing he said was "I wanted to tell you that fighting turns me on." And I was like okay...no thank you. Then he said he was just joking but he misses me and he wants to Skype and that he hasn't been talking to me because it takes him too long to send texts and if we Skype he can still do other things.

 

Then I said no thank you because you keep changing your stories. And he replied with "I know. I'm insane."

 

So....yeah. The list or like or whatever I had for him was extinguished after that. That was by far the strangest conversation I've ever had.

 

Maybe you've just discovered the real reason he is single.

 

He sounds...unbalanced. Continue to stay away from him.

[Qboro90]

I think it may be a little worse than that. I experienced a new level of crazy last night.

 

He ignored me all day, so I called him on it (I shouldn't have but I'm glad I did).

 

He went through a VAST array of emotions. From begging me to call him, to saying I hate him over and over again, to saying he doesn't care, to joking about it within the span of an hour.

 

The last thing he said was "I wanted to tell you that fighting turns me on." And I was like okay...no thank you. Then he said he was just joking but he misses me and he wants to Skype and that he hasn't been talking to me because it takes him too long to send texts and if we Skype he can still do other things.

 

Then I said no thank you because you keep changing your stories. And he replied with "I know. I'm insane."

 

So....yeah. The list or like or whatever I had for him was extinguished after that. That was by far the strangest conversation I've ever had.

 

 

I hope you're smart enough to realize that you need to end things with this guy. You're definitely a bit blinded by the fact you enjoy the attention and having someone where there's mutual attraction and flirting, but by now you should be able to see that this guys just going to lead to trouble and bad situations. I'd be praying he moves away. Now because he sounds like the type who is going to keep trying to "run into you" if you live this close to each other.

 

Stop replying to his antics and texts. You're probably going to have to flat out tell him "sorry but I don't think we should talk anymore, I just don't think it's going to work out. We don't want the same things and don't want to drag it out before I go back to school" or however u decide to say it.

 

When you answer and fall into his traps of accusatory texts or arguing or teasing, then you're just encouraging him. He's looking for sex. Made that very clear. Have higher standards for yourself going forward and don't just slum it with the high school drug addict because he cleaned up a little and gives you attention that's been missing in your life.

 

It's also not a smart idea to drunk message guys on Facebook or text. No guy is going to take you seriously or respect you if you do that. Trust me. Anytime a girl messaged me on FB or texted after not talking in a long time, it's just telling me that the girl is lonely, looking for intimacy, and with a few flirtatious texts I can probably hook up with her. Don't be that girl. Be the girl who gets messages from guys... Not the one who sends them out by the dozen.

[LoveAiko]

I hope you're smart enough to realize that you need to end things with this guy. You're definitely a bit blinded by the fact you enjoy the attention and having someone where there's mutual attraction and flirting, but by now you should be able to see that this guys just going to lead to trouble and bad situations. I'd be praying he moves away. Now because he sounds like the type who is going to keep trying to "run into you" if you live this close to each other.

 

Stop replying to his antics and texts. You're probably going to have to flat out tell him "sorry but I don't think we should talk anymore, I just don't think it's going to work out. We don't want the same things and don't want to drag it out before I go back to school" or however u decide to say it.

 

When you answer and fall into his traps of accusatory texts or arguing or teasing, then you're just encouraging him. He's looking for sex. Made that very clear. Have higher standards for yourself going forward and don't just slum it with the high school drug addict because he cleaned up a little and gives you attention that's been missing in your life.

 

It's also not a smart idea to drunk message guys on Facebook or text. No guy is going to take you seriously or respect you if you do that. Trust me. Anytime a girl messaged me on FB or texted after not talking in a long time, it's just telling me that the girl is lonely, looking for intimacy, and with a few flirtatious texts I can probably hook up with her. Don't be that girl. Be the girl who gets messages from guys... Not the one who sends them out by the dozen.

 

I think I'm quite smart Qboro90. I hope you didn't mean that as an insult. I do agree that I shouldn't have messaged him. That was irresponsible on my part.

We never talked that much growing up, but he was always that guy that was there, you know? I'd always see him around town, we had the same friends, and I guess I figured why not.

I didn't think he was this way though.

 

I guess I wanted to believe that he was better or nicer than I remembered him? He's been through A LOT. His father died recently. And like I said, he's struggled with drugs and alcohol. He went into a detox mental health facility TWICE because he was that far gone. And he's been clean 3 years now.

The reason I wasn't as turned off by that is because I've been there too. I deal with depression and anxiety as well and at one point I had to go there to get myself back on track.

So, I guess I sympathized. I figured we could help each other be better. But he's...something else.

 

And @ExpatInItaly that could be the reason. According to him, his last gf never wanted to be intimate with him and never wanted him to touch her.

 

And there's no chance of me talking to him again. After something like that, you kinda lose the attraction you had for them. He's still cute, but I can't even be friends with someone like that. It wears me down and then I start to believe maybe I'm the one that's crazy.