Men shooting themselves in the foot by not agreeing to "friendships" with women

[Cookiesandough]

I asked a woman out from a Meetup group, yes she was single and she said, "If you're asking me out for anything other than friendship, then I'm not interested, but I appreciate the invite."

 

I said, "Okay, I appreciate your honesty." and I moved on.

 

When I told this scenario to the woman I just spoke of here that kept putting walls up in declaring friends with these guys she said, "So, you aren't open to being friends with her?" as if it was silly that I didn't go along with it.

 

And I said, "Nope, why waste my time?"

 

She said, "Well, I guess different people have different agendas."

 

 

That means she's not interested you in the romantic/sexual sense, and she was being polite. I agree with you...not your friend. I think it's bad form to try to be friends with someone you have romantic interest in. And worse depending on how much interest there was. Is there a slim chance they could change their mind? Sure, anything's possible. But it's much more likely you'll be friends, and your interactions will have an undertone sadness, insecurity, jealousy, and/or resentment on your end. Especially when your friend starts dating someone. It's just too complicated, in my opinion. There are many other people to be befriend other than a person you only engaged with because were romantically or sexually attracted to them.

[elaine567]

I also agree with @Silver_Lining. A slow progression during the early dates is perfectly acceptable as long as there is some progress.

 

"Progress" IS the operative word.

Both sides need to see some progress.

[elaine567]

That means she's not interested you in the romantic/sexual sense, and she was being polite. I agree with you...not your friend. I think it's bad form to try to be friends with someone you have romantic interest in. And worse depending on how much interest there was. Is there a slim chance they could change their mind? Sure, anything's possible. But it's much more likely you'll be friends, and your interactions will have an undertone sadness, insecurity, jealousy, and/or resentment on your end. Especially when your friend starts dating someone. It's just too complicated, in my opinion. There are many other people to be befriend other than a person you only engaged with because were romantically or sexually attracted to them.

 

Some Meet up groups can be used by people to just make friends, other people use them for finding people to date.

LATP is mixing in an older demographic, so many thrust back on the singles market may not really want dates, they may only want to cultivate a new circle of friends, as marriages and LTRs can isolate many from having friends of their own.

The woman in question was upfront, she could have strung LATP along for quite a few dates before delivering that news.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Some Meet up groups can be used by people to just make friends, other people use them for finding people to date.

LATP is mixing in an older demographic, so many thrust back on the singles market may not really want dates, they may only want to cultivate a new circle of friends, as marriages and LTRs can isolate many from having friends of their own.

.

 

Good point, although in my area I would say a good percentage of people in the Meetups are unattached. We'd get an occasional 2 or 3 couples joining our hikes with the outdoor Meetup, but it was funny, because one of the single women said, "Ever noticed that most of the people in these groups are single and likely looking for someone to date?"

 

Funny she was that open to talking about it in mixed company.

 

Some of us singles would find it odd seeing a married person come to Meetups without their spouse...which was usually telling of a marriage spiraling the drain and that person was checking out other options. I pretty much called it on a lot of those ended marriages.

 

We have singles focused Meetup groups, but they are mostly speed dating Meetups...well, actually a business looking to make money off the site, nothing more.

[Cookiesandough]

I totally agree. I have been to a few meetups looking for friends. I think a lot of meetups, even meetups not geared specifically for romance(like hiking)attract guys looking for women to date because I had quite a few ask me out. I told them the same thing... I am only looking for friends. I was not interested.