ls7878 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 He is my friend. I always feel he is a great person. He is nice, warm, helpful. As long as he knows who needs help, he would be willing to help. I always think he is a man who has a golden heart. I respect him a lot and see him like my old brother. But recently I know something about him which make me so confused and begin to doubt my judgement about him...please give me some advice about it...what kind of man he really is. He was in a senior management position and recently changed to a medium level management position. So I talked about it with another friend and she told me because he has an affair with a co-worker. He wants to end it but the lady did not. She wanted him continue the affair. She is a black woman and he was so afraid that his wife would know about this mess as the lady threatened to tell his wife....so finally he changed his job... I was sooooo shocked.....I cannot believe how he can involve with another woman to destroy his family, his wife....how would you think about this? What kind of people he really is ...I mean I do not what to judge people's life or overact about their life...but I just cannot believe how he could start the mess and end up to have to change a job....what do you think about it...I feel much less respect to him and feel he was not that great people I thought any more....am I too overact about it? Part of me feel maybe I am too judgemental but part of me feel he does not worth my trust any more...I feel pit for him but also really mad about what he had done....I do not even know how to face his wife and kid any more.....please help me... Link to post Share on other sites
MissCongeniality Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Okay so here's the thing people are flawed nobody is perfect. Take me for example I like to project myself as a good person but I have a history of doing bad. I don't think of myself as a bad person but if my own past got out nobody would look at me the same. The point is don't judge people by just one aspect of their personality has he done anything to you personally? If not I don't see why your opinion has to change about him. We all make mistakes it's called being human. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) He is my friend. I always feel he is a great person. He is nice, warm, helpful. As long as he knows who needs help, he would be willing to help. I always think he is a man who has a golden heart. I respect him a lot and see him like my old brother. But recently I know something about him which make me so confused and begin to doubt my judgement about him...please give me some advice about it...what kind of man he really is. He was in a senior management position and recently changed to a medium level management position. So I talked about it with another friend and she told me because he has an affair with a co-worker. He wants to end it but the lady did not. She wanted him continue the affair. She is a black woman and he was so afraid that his wife would know about this mess as the lady threatened to tell his wife....so finally he changed his job... I was sooooo shocked.....I cannot believe how he can involve with another woman to destroy his family, his wife....how would you think about this? What kind of people he really is ...I mean I do not what to judge people's life or overact about their life...but I just cannot believe how he could start the mess and end up to have to change a job....what do you think about it...I feel much less respect to him and feel he was not that great people I thought any more....am I too overact about it? Part of me feel maybe I am too judgemental but part of me feel he does not worth my trust any more...I feel pit for him but also really mad about what he had done....I do not even know how to face his wife and kid any more.....please help me... Im not going to read the other replies. My 1st thought is it is his personal life and not your business. If you were arrested for shoplifting or dui does that speak to your work ethic or does anyone at work need to know and discuss? Why does everyone know every one's businesses and gossip? Keep it professional and strictly to work. His marriage and affair are not your business that is outside your dealings with him. Judge all you want the company retained him and this is how he is trying to correct it and save his marriage so MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS this is not Enquirer magazine where you get the scoop each day. Focus on YOU and your job people's personal affairs are not the entire offices business to discuss and collectively form opinions on. High school is over. Edited February 16, 2016 by privategal Link to post Share on other sites
Author ls7878 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Okay so here's the thing people are flawed nobody is perfect. Take me for example I like to project myself as a good person but I have a history of doing bad. I don't think of myself as a bad person but if my own past got out nobody would look at me the same. The point is don't judge people by just one aspect of their personality has he done anything to you personally? If not I don't see why your opinion has to change about him. We all make mistakes it's called being human. Yes maybe he is too nice to I never feel he would do anything bad. he is always a smart guy who can get along with anyone and so helpful, supportive to anyone in his life. He is always a generous gentleman... so I never think anything bad of him.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ls7878 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Im not going to read the other replies. My 1st thought is it is his personal life and not your business. If you were arrested for shoplifting or dui does that speak to your work ethic or does anyone at work need to know and discuss? Why does everyone know every one's businesses and gossip? Keep it professional and strictly to work. His marriage and affair are not your business that is outside your dealings with him. Judge all you want the company retained him and this is how he is trying to correct it and save his marriage so MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS this is not Enquirer magazine where you get the scoop each day. Focus on YOU and your job people's personal affairs are not the entire offices business to discuss and collectively form opinions on. High school is over. I even do not work with him and I do not think I am trying to gossip about him as if it is the case, I should discuss about it with the people who know about him. Not everyone has shop lifting experience here but if I do and I feel so depressed about it, I can say he is person I can tell and I know my secret would be safe with him and if in any form he can help me, he would do that...not just for me, everyone in his life, he provide kindness, support and help...he is indeed such a wonderful person...so I just cannot process in my mind that he did this stupid thing.. I hope I can heard a 2nd opinion. I feel maybe I am too serious, too old school or maybe it is just normal for man even he is such a nice person with a heart of gold... Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I think its good common sense to re-evaluate after new information has been presented. When people learn of poor judgment and actions, we do need to take a step back and re-access. And Yes its a sign of character if the person has taken positive steps to move away from poor choices. Which this friend seems to have done. Anyone who says its "not" their business when a current friend has a past reputation, then they are rowing in the boat with one oar not operating. Has the person dropped back into that old way? Have they shown thru their actions they have indeed modified their life choices? Its not being judgmental to have sound judgment in character and values. ITs how we weed out the folks in life. If you see your friend in a different light, then understand that there are more facets to this human then one dimensional. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ls7878 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 I think its good common sense to re-evaluate after new information has been presented. When people learn of poor judgment and actions, we do need to take a step back and re-access. And Yes its a sign of character if the person has taken positive steps to move away from poor choices. Which this friend seems to have done. Anyone who says its "not" their business when a current friend has a past reputation, then they are rowing in the boat with one oar not operating. Has the person dropped back into that old way? Have they shown thru their actions they have indeed modified their life choices? Its not being judgmental to have sound judgment in character and values. ITs how we weed out the folks in life. If you see your friend in a different light, then understand that there are more facets to this human then one dimensional. Thank you so much for your reply! I guess I am too serious for life and make it really hard for everyone in my life...like this friend, even though he made steps to correct his mistake, I still cannot accept the truth he made the bad choice at the first place just because I feel he is too good, too kind, too smart, too everything for it.... no matter what, I hope he can finally find truely happiness in his life, no matter with his wife or a woman he love. Affair definitely is not his thing and not an answer for him...I will not talk about it with him except he feel comfortable to talk about it with me. But I will give him all my best wishes and pray for him to find his way to the truely happiness. He is really a great person. He deserve a great life. Link to post Share on other sites
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