Emotional Vday/triggers

[Privatelover01]

I spent most of Valentine's Day watching some of my favorite love stories on TCM. I received a few Valentine's Day texts from people I occasionally see( to me it didn't matter much). I spent all day wondering why my MM didn't reach out to me. Yes, I know pathetic. I feel pathetic. Maybe I am.

 

After months of NC I broke that rule almost 2 weeks ago and sent him a pic( a naughty) well he hasn't replied.

 

Apart of me struggles every single day. When I feel good, and happy, something triggers me and I start to think of him. I do not intend on breaking nc again, I guess in the moment I did, I wanted to show him what he would be missing.

 

My dating life sucks. It seems the dating pool is filled with men who are jaded or having the worse misconception of relationships.

 

I never thought I would be this person, feeling so alone and sad. When I am young, beautiful with an amazing body, educated and full of life. I ask myself everyday when will things be better...

As I watched Sabrina yesterday, there was a scene when she wanted to kill herself because she felt as if David would never love her the way she loved him.

 

Extreme I know.. But my heart hurts so much. Not sure what to do. So I come here, with hopes that uplifting words, and painful insight will help pull me out of the rut I'm in.

[RRM321]

Alone, sad, and looking backwards to the past I can relate too. The MM not so much. I think the whole point of NC is to force you to look and ACT forward. Until we not only find a way to do that but, also pickup some momentum the alone and sad feelings persist.

[Popsicle]

Do you feel that you are like Sabrina, and MM is like David, and your dating pool of men are like David's brother Linus? Remember in the end that Sabrina ended up with Linus, who turned out to be lovely, and they were happy and in love.

Edited February 15, 2016 by Popsicle

[whichwayisup]

Seems you've put your self worth and self value in your (ex)MM. Don't!!

 

Keep this in mind, he isn't thinking of you at all. He's in NC mode and ignored you email. I'm saying this so you will get mad enough to realize that he isn't worthy to be in your head, let alone in your heart. Why are you pining over someone who isn't interested in you anymore? It's a waste of your precious heart and energy.

 

Go hangout with friends and family. Try your best to live life and put a smile on your face, fake it until it feels real.

 

As for dating, you're obviously not ready so don't force it.

[Privatelover01]

yes I do see MM as David. But my dating pool is filled with lots of Linus. Apart of me feels like I will never know love. Maybe you are right, I should look at it from a different perspective, and try something different.

 

 

In my heart I love the MM beyond words, but maybe he doesn't care that I love him. But, truth is, he doesn't even know I love him. I've never expressed that. When I did express myself, I think it was too late, things had already happened in his life that forced us to end our relationship abruptly.

[Mayday2016]

But it wasn't a relationship. It was an affair, a secret. Even if you were truthful with each other, he could never offer you honesty. I was so in love with my exMM, still am a bit but thanks to the pragmatists and the realists here who are now 'on the other side' they're helping me get over to where they are.

 

You're still living in the dream but the thing is- when you spend time apart either they will miss you or they will forget you. Reminding him of 'what he's missing' is only downgrading your worth. If you are as lovely and educated and brilliant as you say, don't reduce yourself to that, you're better than that. If he wanted to talk to you, he would.

 

As far as other men, I get it. My exMM was very tall, model good looks, Ivy League educated, respectable career, hilarious, witty, charming, and connected with me on music, movies, the arts, and even our sense of humor. BUT he was a selfish ****head that treated me like garbage in the end. Yes, I will never meet a man as good on paper he was but maybe I'll meet a man with a good heart. You have to open yourself up to different possibilities. If you are fabulous you probably will attract someone on par with you but you need to think higher of yourself and start living better.

[imsosad]

I know you're in pain and feeling low. Contacting mm is not the answer.

You say you didnt speak your mind and thats what broke you up. Wrong. Your relatinship didnt progress and last because he is married. 97% of affairs do not lead to a long lasting relationship. I did not make up this number. Google 'affairs that work out" and such and see for yourself. He was never an option. Never.

You are holding on to a fantasy.

Sending him a naughty pic after months of nc is, in my oppionion, immature and not classy. If your genders were reversed, it would be creepy.

I also think 'showing him what he is missing' is a distorted view of the situation. You do realise an affair could cost him the life he built?

Im sure you are beautiful and smart and lovely. Why does your selfvalidation depend on him willing to have sex and put his marriage at risk?

He did not reply and that is a mesage. It is over for him. Not because you didnt tell him you love him. No. Hopefully, it is because he regretted straying and is trying to make amends.

I know dating can be hard, but as you are finding out, opting to date married men gets you nowhere.

Stay NC and concentrate on your own self worth.

There is a better future for you out there.

[BuddyX]

Please don't judge other men so hastily. You yourself, were involved with a MM. Think about that.

Step away from the whole ordeal. Take off the "love mm" goggles and start meeting as many men as you can.

Make yourself busy (to get your mind off), and available to others.

[Grey Cloud]

Before I went NC with my exMM I asked him on email if it wasn't in his nature to cheat then why did he allow it to happen? (Bearing in mind it was probably all lies when he told me he had never cheated and never would again).

 

His response was "because I wanted to. Because I allowed myself to get caught up in something I shouldn't. Women are my weakness, always have been".

 

Looking at that statement I don't see declarations of love for me as the reason to why it happened. I wasn't special to him, I was convenient. I was an ego boost.

 

I can't comment on everyone else's affair but the more stories I read on here the more similar the patterns seem to be.

 

He kept saying at the start how much fun I was but the minute his wife got suspicious he became distant. I then became more emotional, needy and more demanding of his time. It suddenly wasn't fun for him anymore trying to juggle the needs of two women.

 

Sending a naughty pic is a desperate, attention seeking act. I understand though. But he has given you a gift. He is not breaking NC and not continuing to give you crumbs. He has made up his mind.

 

It's time to make up yours. You are better off without him!

[SweetiePi]

Valentine's day truly sucks.

 

 

I saw MM's wife post pictures of the dessert she made him (his fave) and her friends telling her what a doting, wonderful wife she is. And yes, I am allowed to feel this way as I know her and see how she treats her H. She has checked out of her marriage, but wants to appear as a loving wife. barf

 

 

I spent the day at home wishing I was in his arms.