smackie9 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 I'm sure there has been a discussion between him and his parents that he didn't want to exchange gifts at Christmas. I have the same policy with my mom, and the rest of my family and husband. My mom ended up giving us a little something anyways.... As for Valentine's day, just cook him a nice dinner with say cutely decorated cupcakes for dessert. Keep it simple. I'm sure he will purchase some gas station flowers on the fly but so what....it's about spending time together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 I think part of the problem is that I don't have any expectations. Yes you do. You just don't want to admit it. You expect he's going to disappoint you. As evidence you pointed out that he did not get his own parents a Christmas present. You also expect that you will be gracious. If he does get you something you want to have an equivalent reciprocal gift for him but right now you can't predict what if anything he will do. You also expect that this your 1st V-day together that the "appropriate" exchange involves you giving him a homemade cupcake & based on your preferences for parity, that he gives you something of similar value (small box of chocolate, a single flower, at least a card). Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 2 separate things: 1. What do YOU want? Not him, his work, his desires, his RS with his parents. What do YOU want ? Do YOU want to celebrate ST V or not ? 2. Read The 5 langages of love. Everyone has a strong one and a weak one. His are obviously presents. Personally, i love celebrating. I don't care about ST V but if I had a bf, i would loooove to find a sweet way to celebrate it with him. Even if it's just buying a really good bottle of wine & having it while eating cheese. It's the sharing, the intimacy, the complicity... I want gifts & célébrations for 6 months. Not because I am a matérialisait b*tch, but because that is how memories happen. It's a good moment, be grateful & celebrate it fully. Really, YOU see sooooo lucky. So... basically i think you should figure out what you want & talk to your bf. YOU sound reasonsable. Stop being so scared. No, he is not keeping you dangling on a chorde. He is consistent & he made room to see you for the last 5 months. That is solid. So just... talk. Share. Do feelings - i know that sounds scary, but if you don't do this with him, then who with ? The RS needs to grow & evolve, so allow it. Start with acknowlegdging your feelings & desires. Then communicate them, see what happens. You may be surprised !! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Httm Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Run. This says bone idle and selfish to me. Run. Not everyone is into holidays and as long as there is an understanding between him and his parents, there is abolutely nothing wrong with this. Your response is absurd. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Thanks everyone for responding. I really am lost when it comes to dating. And I know I have some issues from being in an abusive marriage so sometimes that trips me up. I guess I do have expectations in that sense, but don't want to get my hopes up. My Ex never did birthdays, vday, or really Christmas even. He did sometimes get me something but it wasn't ever anything for me really, like a toaster bc ours broke a week before Christmas, even though I didn't ever use the toaster. That kind of stuff. I try to set my self up to not get hurt so I juse would rather say I hate that day so I don't have to be disappointed. And I know I have to talk about my feelings, but I can't do it. I go over there with the intention of saying something, and I just cant. Because feelings are scary. I am trying hard to get past the fear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 I wouldn't bring it up at all in advance. I feel like it's too soon to have that discussion. Just sit back and see what he does. I think it'll tell you a lot. I would personally either get him either cupcakes and a card, or a nice box of chocolates and a card. Don't worry about if he's embarrassed or whatever if he didn't get you anything. It's not about that. If you want to get or give him something, do it. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 BUT then I worry becuase we really don't have a confirmed relationship that u don't want him to think wtf? I'd be much more concerned about not having a confirmed relationship after 5 months than V. day gifts. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 I'd be much more concerned about not having a confirmed relationship after 5 months than V. day gifts. I wish I could double "like" this . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 I'd be much more concerned about not having a confirmed relationship after 5 months than V. day gifts. I understand. I am really really new at this dating thing. I havent dated since I was 19, and I only ever dated 3 guys, or kids really. I didn't know there was such a thing as an exclusivity talk, or defining the relationship, or anything like that, until I started reading here like last week. I just kinda rolled with how things were/ are progressing. I decided just to enjoy the time with him and allow it to go where it went. To show him I liked him, and to get to know him and not focus on where it was going. His actions show he is really into me. He makes time for me, asks me about my day, pays attention to things I like, is a great chef and makes me food that he knows I will really like, and goes out of his way to show me he cares through his actions. That being said he is kinda guarded. He is older than I am, has been divorced for almost 17 yrs and last serious relationship was 8 years ago. I think he had a bad experience with both of those relationships. The first one cheated on him, and he never mentions the secound one. He is a quiet person by nature, even around his really close friends, so it might just be that. He is very affectionate towards me, even in public or around his close friends and family. I will admit that I am very anxious person, and becuase of my past really fear asking him where he stands. I know I would be fine, and really if he doesn't want to be with me after 5 months then I would rather know now. The other part of me says, I really enjoy his company. And what we do have is fun, I love spending time with him. I think if he wasn't into me he wouldnt keep inviting me out. I enjoy whatever undefined thing we have. I don't want to casually date, but I am.not really seeking a life partner either at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I guess I do have expectations in that sense, but don't want to get my hopes up. My Ex never did birthdays, vday, or really Christmas even. He did sometimes get me something but it wasn't ever anything for me really, like a toaster bc ours broke a week before Christmas, even though I didn't ever use the toaster. That kind of stuff. I try to set my self up to not get hurt so I juse would rather say I hate that day so I don't have to be disappointed. And I know I have to talk about my feelings, but I can't do it. I go over there with the intention of saying something, and I just cant. Because feelings are scary. I am trying hard to get past the fear. Renae... My story is a long pretty dire one with my ex. It is splattered with all the little things that you are saying here. I was walking on egg shells the whole time. Some little facts here. You can't be honest with this guy. He has shown a lack of consideration not just to you but also to others. Seriously. Get the hell out and make yourself available for the better guys. Quit hanging on to this nothingness. Its just not worth it. Chin up chook. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 I'be made a few threads about a guy I am seeing. We talk all the time, see each other frequently, and have been together for about 6 months. We never had a talk but through his actions I thought he was really into me, and that we were seeing each other exclusively. Things have been really good. So tonight by friend and I were talking about OLD and his profile came up in the conversation. I wanted to show it to her, so I made a fake name and pulled him up. I didn't snope around d for his last login just wanted to show her how he answered the questions. Anyways I never logged out of this fake account, though i plan on deleting it, and I received a notification on my phone saying that he messaged me. It must have notified him someone looked at his profile. Looks like tomorrow night I need to.have the what are we, where do you see this going conversation. Truthfully I am really disappointed. Could he be wondering where I stand and want to keep his options open, or is just addicted to the site, or just not that into me? Nothing he has ever done has ever made me question if he likes me until this. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) I'be made a few threads about a guy I am seeing. We talk all the time, see each other frequently, and have been together for about 6 months. We never had a talk but through his actions I thought he was really into me, and that we were seeing each other exclusively. Things have been really good. So tonight by friend and I were talking about OLD and his profile came up in the conversation. I wanted to show it to her, so I made a fake name and pulled him up. I didn't snope around d for his last login just wanted to show her how he answered the questions. Anyways I never logged out of this fake account, though i plan on deleting it, and I received a notification on my phone saying that he messaged me. It must have notified him someone looked at his profile. Looks like tomorrow night I need to.have the what are we, where do you see this going conversation. Truthfully I am really disappointed. Could he be wondering where I stand and want to keep his options open, or is just addicted to the site, or just not that into me? Nothing he has ever done has ever made me question if he likes me until this. Welcome to the "new" world of dating . . . however, do not make any assumptions or allude to the dating site. The fact is, that since you never did have that conversation, he doesn't owe you anything and sure he might be wondering too. You are simply at the point where it's time to clarify. Simply open a casual conversation with him and say something like "I've been enjoying the time we've been spending over the last six months. I am looking for a long-term, exclusive relationship for myself. I am not seeing anyone else and don't intend to. What are you looking for?" and then let him talk. If he says anything like "I don't know what I want", "I am not ready for a relationship" or "I just want a casual dating scenario", you tell him it's been very nice knowing him, but since you aren't on the same page, you are going to move on. Nothing he has ever done has ever made me question if he likes me until this. -- He may very well like you very much, but he may not want the same thing you do. He's not going to date someone for six months if he doesn't like them . . . he just may not want to do it forever or exclusively. And, something else you need to think about -- earlier in the thread, you said you weren't looking for a life partner == how long do you want a partner to be around? I'm just saying, you need to get clear in your own head about what you want. Either you want a long-term partner or you don't. You've been dating him for six months now, without wanting a life partner . . . someone who doesn't want a life partner usually plans to move on at some point anyway. Edited February 16, 2016 by Redhead14 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Sometimes I hate being right.... What did his message say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 I guess I just don't understand why he would chose to spend so much time with me, and still be actively searching. He is attractive and has other options. I am not clingy, he intiates dates jus as much as i do.. He has asked me to get sitters to add more days that I can see him. He meets me for lunch, invites me on weekends away where there were tons of single women he could have hooked up with. It just doesn't make sense to me how you can be so into some one and yet be searching. I know he has been screwed over by past relationships. It just doesn't make sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 You've been dating him for six months now, without wanting a life partner . . . someone who doesn't want a life partner usually plans to move on at some point anyway. OP can correct me if I am wrong but I think when she said she's not looking for a life partner at this time she met she is not looking to move-in with someone soon. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 All you know for sure is he's still looking and isn't settled on you. So if that's a dealbreaker, dump him or start seeing other guys in addition to him. You didn't say you had a commitment. But if you do, then he's broken that. So date other guys at the very least. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Sometimes I hate being right.... What did his he messaged me a simple Hi there. I messaged him back like 5 minutes later and he didn't respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 oh sh*t! Did you have a photo on the fake one? Yeah, I would have the talk. I wouldn't say what prompted it (that's just me). This sucks. But it's important to get it sorted out. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I guess I just don't understand why he would chose to spend so much time with me, and still be actively searching. He is attractive and has other options. I am not clingy, he intiates dates jus as much as i do.. He has asked me to get sitters to add more days that I can see him. He meets me for lunch, invites me on weekends away where there were tons of single women he could have hooked up with. It just doesn't make sense to me how you can be so into some one and yet be searching. I know he has been screwed over by past relationships. It just doesn't make sense to me. No use trying to understand his whys, it won't make sense to you anyway. I dated a man serious who spend all of his time with me. After a year we bought a house together, after 4 years I learn he was still on a dating site cheating on me left and right. Don't waste time figuring it out, just leave it if it's not for you. ALSO, answer to that message he sent you and play the game. Ask him what he's looking for. It's the ONLY way you will know the truth about his presence online. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 OP can correct me if I am wrong but I think when she said she's not looking for a life partner at this time she met she is not looking to move-in with someone soon. I didn't mean it like I wasn't looking for a serious relationship. I am not looking for a hookup, or to casually date. But I am also not looking to to move in with someone or get married anytime soon. Not ever, just not now. I have 3 small children and that makes things different. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I didn't mean it like I wasn't looking for a serious relationship. I am not looking for a hookup, or to casually date. But I am also not looking to to move in with someone or get married anytime soon. Not ever, just not now. I have 3 small children and that makes things different. That's what I understood. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 It won't let me edit my response... So he messaged me Hi there. I repainted back within 5 minutes and he didn't respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 I'l didn't have a photo. I didnt takw the time to answer any questions or fill out the profile at all. I seriously .made the profile just to show my friend his profile, his responses to the questions, and then he messaged me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 It won't let me edit my response... So he messaged me Hi there. I repainted back within 5 minutes and he didn't respond. He will respond eventually. Just ask him the usual, what he's looking for, etc. What category did he put himself in? Serious relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 After 6 months of dating, he still has his dating profile up?? Oh no way would I continue seeing him. Goodbye. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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