Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 He will respond eventually. Just ask him the usual, what he's looking for, etc. What category did he put himself in? Serious relationship? Long term dating amd new friends... the options were casual sex, new friends, short term dating, and long term dating. He also answer out of the how long do you want your next relationship to last... He answered the rest of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 That's what is confusing. He acts very much like he is looking g for a longterm relationship. When we have discussed relationships in the past very briefly, he said he was single becuase he chose to be. He wants to find the right person. He doesn't like to spend time dating people he doesn't see a future with. And yet we r 6months in and we spend a whole bunch of time together. From spending time with him, I know he is looking g for a relationship, I just don't think he can. It takes him a long time to open up, and really I think he is just doing that now with me after 6 months. He has been single for a really long time and I think he is afraid, and likes thinga his way, and I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Long term dating amd new friends... the options were casual sex, new friends, short term dating, and long term dating. He also answer out of the how long do you want your next relationship to last... He answered the rest of my life. For me it's always been a big no-no to reply to men that had sexual encounters along with serious relationship. Men looking for a relationship and having fun along the way AND advertising it, aren't relationship material. Not the kind I am looking for. Whether you had a conversation or not, obviously he likes you but you're not 'the one'. He should be too busy being happy with you to even think of checking women online and freaking too happy to message them!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) For me it's always been a big no-no to reply to men that had sexual encounters along with serious relationship. Men looking for a relationship and having fun along the way AND advertising it, aren't relationship material. Not the kind I am looking for. Whether you had a conversation or not, obviously he likes you but you're not 'the one'. He should be too busy being happy with you to even think of checking women online and freaking too happy to message them!!! He didn't check the casual sex part. He checked new friends and longterm But why waster his time. And why ask me to come over more. And progress the relationship. I just met his friends a month ago. He just started talking about longterm plans. And where we were going this summer. Just seems so weird. Like he moves real slow. We are at now where most people are a few months in. Edited February 16, 2016 by Renae Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 He didn't check the casual sex part. He checked new friends and longterm But why waster his time. And why ask me to come over more. And progress the relationship. I just met his friends a month ago. He just started talking about longterm plans. And where we were going this summer. Just seems so weird. Like he moves real slow. We are at now where most people are a few months in. Like I said, who knows, he's got his distorted reasons to do it. Maybe like my ex he wants someone stable in his life and continue chasing online to get a thrill. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Thanks Gaeta. I appreciate your help. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Did you get something for Valentine's Day? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Did you get something for Valentine's Day? I did actually. He made me the fries that were discontinued from Wendys that I have been craving. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I did actually. He made me the fries that were discontinued from Wendys that I have been craving. Nothing romantic like a card with hearts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 I know in should wonder about the whys. It is just I have a fixer personality. And I think if I can just give him time and space that's all he needs which has really worked this far. It took a long time for him to open up to me about emotional stuff, or really just his day to day frustrations. But we seriously click majorly. We spend most of the time together laughing about stupid stuff, and he really gets me. He just takes a really long time to open up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Nothing romantic like a card with hearts? No but that's not really me either. I have been complaining for a few.weeks that Wendys discontinued their pulled pork fries. They had fries and cheese and BBQ sauce and pulled pork. So he made them for me aND said. I know you have been craving the so I looked up how to make them. He made himself something else bc he doesn't eat that kind of stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I know in should wonder about the whys. It is just I have a fixer personality. And I think if I can just give him time and space that's all he needs which has really worked this far. It took a long time for him to open up to me about emotional stuff, or really just his day to day frustrations. But we seriously click majorly. We spend most of the time together laughing about stupid stuff, and he really gets me. He just takes a really long time to open up. He's had plenty of time and space it's been 6 months. Men know pretty soon if they like a woman 'that way', under 3 months. It took a long time for him to open up maybe because he didn't feel like opening up, or he had nothing to open up about. Sometimes women will say things like : Oh he doesn't like talking about his feelings. They don't think maybe it's just that he doesn't have any feelings to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I'l didn't have a photo. I didnt takw the time to answer any questions or fill out the profile at all. I seriously .made the profile just to show my friend his profile, his responses to the questions, and then he messaged me. Hmmm, to me that is a bad sign (sorry ) . I think most people don't contact anyone without photos. Thus if he is, it sounds like he is trying to bait someone for a hookup. I mean neither way is good. If you had a fake photo up, and it was so enticing that he just had to get in touch with the person, it also says he is still looking. But without a photo, I'd be worried that he is constantly on hunt for hookups of any kind and also a liar. If it had a photo, and you haven't had the talk, you may just be on different pages that need to get clarified (still shaky but perhaps not impossible). I try not to be throwing out unnecessary "run" posts. But I don't like the sound of this guy. Not sounding that honest/trustworthy. Gaeta is giving you some good advice. Even if he clarifies that it's you and only you after the talk (i think he will say something like this), I would be very very cautious. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Lol. Sorry that made me laugh. He made not have feelings. He talks about how he feels about me, just doesn't talk much. So he tells me he likes it when I come over. He likes when i stay the next day. That he misses me when I have to leave early. That he likes it when I sleep over, and we don't always have sex so it's not just for that. But it took a long time for him to say those things. He is also really quiet and doesnt talk much in general. Even around his really close friends. I am going to talk to him tommorow though. I plan on saying. I really like spending these past 6 months with you. I am not dating anyone else and I would like to keep seeing you, and just you. I am looking for a seriosu relationship, what do you want? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Hmmm, to me that is a bad sign (sorry ) . I think most people don't contact anyone without photos. Thus if he is, it sounds like he is trying to bait someone for a hookup. I mean neither way is good. If you had a fake photo up, and it was so enticing that he just had to get in touch with the person, it also says he is still looking. But without a photo, I'd be worried that he is constantly on hunt for hookups of any kind and also a liar. If it had a photo, and you haven't had the talk, you may just be on different pages that need to get clarified (still shaky but perhaps not impossible). I try not to be throwing out unnecessary "run" posts. But I don't like the sound of this guy. Not sounding that honest/trustworthy. Gaeta is giving you some good advice. Even if he clarifies that it's you and only you after the talk (i think he will say something like this), I would be very very cautious. Good luck I agree about him messaging an empty profile being bad news. That tells me he's on the prowl for anything female on 2 legs. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 He is also really quiet and doesnt talk much in general. Even around his really close friends. His shyness don't keep him from messaging women on the net while in a relationship. Sorry I know it's not nice of me but shy or not ..he is doing what he's doing after 6 months with you, spending the night together, going into your family, and all. I am going to talk to him tommorow though. I plan on saying. I really like spending these past 6 months with you. I am not dating anyone else and I would like to keep seeing you, and just you. I am looking for a seriosu relationship, what do you want? Don't mention the profile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 You don't have to be sorry. You can tell me what you really think. I am not saying anything about the profile. I know it will get turned into that I am crazy or stalking him, etc. And it might come in handy LOL 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 BTW, I might revise based on the continued info that you've given, if or if not you should tell him what prompted the "talk". On one hand you may want to keep quiet about it after the talk so you can play out the fake profile and your interaction with him (ugh, hate that I'm advising this but you are already entangled and he is already corresponding with fake you). Let's say he clarifies that you are a solid couple and then shortly thereafter pings fake you. You would know something very significant. OR you can tell him during the 'talk' but then if he is gonna cheat, he will just be more underground with it. Though if you have an honest guy on your hands, you tell him what happened so you can truly get on the same page. IMO, though 6 months in (even if he is not all the way opened up!) kinda gives one the impression that it's just you and him. Especially spending lots of time together. I do like the fries idea--it was thoughtful. What I'm worried about for you is that you either have a serial cheater OR he is still looking and does not think you are the one. That's what his actions with the dating site say. I'm so sorry. The other stuff you experience with him may say differently (good fun stuff) which is why he may need the wake up call that you know what he did. IMO, it's a terrible idea to be a "fixer". I don't want to put you down but it's not admirable even though I think some ladies can feel like they are being that way. Patient can be ok. But at what point are you going to sacrifice your own happiness hoping someone will "get there". Fix him for him to run off with someone else? You will resent each other likely too. ok, good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 His shyness don't keep him from messaging women on the net while in a relationship. Sorry I know it's not nice of me but shy or not ..he is doing what he's doing after 6 months with you, spending the night together, going into your family, and all. . And now i'm thinking what a careless man he is. You've met each other's friends and family and he is showing himself with pictures and all online with no care how it would be embarassing for you if someone in your entourage saw him there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 After 6 months of dating, he still has his dating profile up?? Oh no way would I continue seeing him. Goodbye. Absolutely agree! Spending every weekend together, meeting friends and family, texting throughout the day, lots of I miss you's, etc....for SIX months ... and he's still emailing other women on a dating site? I am sorry, no it's not time talk to him to *clarify* anything -- this should be a dealbreaker and if this were me, I would just dump him. Un-freakin believable! And yes Gaeta you called it! I am shocked though.....and yes RH, he most certainly did do something wrong. He and Renae have been in a *relationship* -- for SIX MONTHS ...and he's skulking around searching for other women! I don't care if they never had "the talk" -- his actions did all the *talking* she needed to know. And those actions said they were in a relationship. What the hell is with these guys anyway? Do a man's *actions* not mean anything anymore? What's left? Words mean jack shyt, and now actions do too? Jesus. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I agree about him messaging an empty profile being bad news. That tells me he's on the prowl for anything female on 2 legs. Yup, and on the prowl for the "newbies." 3-2-1 LAUNCH. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Renae Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Absolutely agree! Spending every weekend together, meeting friends and family, texting throughout the day, lots of I miss you's, etc....for SIX months ... and he's still emailing other women on a dating site? I am sorry, no it's not time talk to him to *clarify* anything -- this should be a dealbreaker and if this were me, I would just dump him. Un-freakin believable! And yes Gaeta you called it! I am shocked though.....and yes RH, he most certainly did do something wrong. He and Renae have been in a *relationship* -- for SIX MONTHS ...and he's skulking around searching for other women! I don't care if they never had "the talk" -- his actions did all the *talking* she needed to know. And those actions said they were in a relationship. What the hell is with these guys anyway? Do a man's *actions* not mean anything anymore? What's left? Words mean jack shyt, and now actions do too? Jesus. That's how I felt when I saw he messaged me. It made me feel like I was gonna puke. He has given me every indication that is 100% in this relationship. And was even progressing it to the next step. The crazy thing is that I have a hard time just walking away. I this is stupid but I think if he has been screwed over by women before, which ink ow he has, then maybe he takes a really long time to be sure. It took him a long time to introduce me to his friends, family, and to really open up to me. He isn't shy just super quiet, doesn't talk much but lately has been talking about everything. Asks me my opinion on his projects at his house, all kinds of stuff. It's hard to not say he just need more time to really commit. And part of me is okay with giving him that time. I didn't go into the relationship thinking I wanted a serious relationship. It just kinda happened becuase we really click very well. Part of me says to not bring it up at all, just remind myself of where he stands and give him more time. Which I know is stupid, but maybe that's all he needs is more time. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 That's how I felt when I saw he messaged me. It made me feel like I was gonna puke. He has given me every indication that is 100% in this relationship. And was even progressing it to the next step. The crazy thing is that I have a hard time just walking away. I this is stupid but I think if he has been screwed over by women before, which ink ow he has, then maybe he takes a really long time to be sure. It took him a long time to introduce me to his friends, family, and to really open up to me. He isn't shy just super quiet, doesn't talk much but lately has been talking about everything. Asks me my opinion on his projects at his house, all kinds of stuff. It's hard to not say he just need more time to really commit. And part of me is okay with giving him that time. I didn't go into the relationship thinking I wanted a serious relationship. It just kinda happened becuase we really click very well. Part of me says to not bring it up at all, just remind myself of where he stands and give him more time. Which I know is stupid, but maybe that's all he needs is more time. How long would you wait? Once l was in your shoes. I gave the man a full year, he still was on the fence! Think about it this way you met him with no expectations. You got into spending time together. Did you feel like going back online and look at other men's profile? I know the answer is no. Even if you are not looking for someine to settle right now you were happy enough with him to lose interest in checking online. What type of frame of mind do you think you'd need to be in to go ahead and check other men online? Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I agree about him messaging an empty profile being bad news. That tells me he's on the prowl for anything female on 2 legs. Yeah when I read this originally it sounded bad enough, but the fact that he is messaging profiles without even photos....that seems like he would message anything. I don't know many guys that would message a no pic profile. It's underhand and sneaky, but I know if I were you I would draw him in using the fake profile - not OTT stuff, but just to gage what his interest level is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ilovemefirst Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 How did the talk go? Link to post Share on other sites
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