Honestly? I'm Glad He's Someone Else's Problem

[13Hearts]

Wow you just described my WH. It is these types of men that I think tend to cheat as no woman could possibly fit the shoes with a void about a mile long. It's exhausting, it's why I have stopped doing anything for my WH (we are in limbo), it's why I really do not want to be in a relationship ever again. I don't think I ever want to give that much of myself to ANYONE EVER AGAIN.

 

I hear ya' and agree on the exhausting thing. I think it's a big reason why so many women seek divorce. IDK why men are that way. Look around the world, men in other cultures seem to be the same. Blaming women for their own unhappiness.

 

It's weird because I did not get emotionally wrapped up in xMM and the idea that he was going to leave and we would live happily ever after. I remained detached and observant and while I believed the things he told me, I could see very clearly the way he was thinking. I think he was fooling himself, to be honest. But I believe he believes all the things he said. He complains and blames, and uses guilt for and against himself. It's very dysfunctional. I've witnessed the same dysfunction in a lot of people with substance addiction problems in the past. Just a really unhealthy way of thinking and behaving.

[minimariah]

I think he was fooling himself, to be honest. But I believe he believes all the things he said. He complains and blames, and uses guilt for and against himself. It's very dysfunctional.

 

like most WHs.

 

i believe affairs are super difficult and painful for WHs, too -- it's like they're living in some kind of double reality. things change literally every second. and most of them DO believe their future faking; in that moment. but then they come home and they are reminded of another reality and at THAT moment... they decide to stay. then they come back to the OW and it starts again.

 

it's like this constant state of flip flopping between two decisions. it can be incredibly draining.

[13Hearts]

LadyD. Part of me hates that I liked your last post but part of me sooooo agrees!

 

I was such a romantic. Blind love. Blind faith! Blind idiocy!!

 

I know I sound super cynical but I became convinced long ago that all that romantic stuff is hogwash; junk men use to convince us we should marry them. I don't believe in that stuff and told xMM that. He was a little upset about it because, he said, HE believes it. I let him convince me to let him be romantic with me, but tired of it after a while. There's more to relationships than just listening to someone be romantic. Your actions have to follow your words. Love by text message gets really old, really fast.

[13Hearts]

like most WHs.

 

i believe affairs are super difficult and painful for WHs, too -- it's like they're living in some kind of double reality. things change literally every second. and most of them DO believe their future faking; in that moment. but then they come home and they are reminded of another reality and at THAT moment... they decide to stay. then they come back to the OW and it starts again.

 

it's like this constant state of flip flopping between two decisions. it can be incredibly draining.

 

I know I sound like I hate men or man-bash, but I don't hate men and i'm not bashing. I've just had a lot of relationships (I tire of them quickly) and have had a lot of experience with men. From all walks of life, all different backgrounds, and can safely say that almost ALL of them live in some alternate reality. Not just MM. It has never been clearer to me than in trying to relate and live with a man, that they do not experience relationships, or life, the same way we do. They live very much in their heads and I've witnessed them fooling themselves about things I simply cannot believe. I think it's due, in large part, to their stubborness and unwillingness to change. They like to maintain the status quo.