Emotional abuse---how to understand you were told lies about yourself

[Mischa101]

Emotional anise is meant to undermine the victims self esteem--to secretly send her messages that she is ugly, stupid, etc.

when you get over this depends on a number of factors.

There are some abusers who will go to great lengths to prove to the victim

She is ugly that he will force her to do something against her will after he calls her ugly. This proves she is ugly to him and to

Herself. How to get over this?

[CC12]

Are you still in a relationship with your abuser?

[Fruitee]

1. Leave abuser 2. NC 3. Therapy 4. Journalling 5. Exercise 6. Medication 7. Form new behaviour and thinking patterns 8. Understand what triggers your emotions 9. Analyse your emotions 10. Continue your life

 

That worked for me.

[ajaysutton]

Wow, that isn't an easy question you asked... "How do you get over this?". First of all I would agree with what others have said, if you're still with the abuser, you probably need a break. It may not be that you have to end the relationship if you don't want to, but I certainly think you may need a break for a time if you're still with them.

 

If you're done with the relationship and are trying to move on, I like what Fruitee shared in their post. Especially therapy/counseling, jounalling, and exercise. Those have been huge for me in the past, and I think are excellent places to start.

 

Are you able to provide more details?

[LaraC]

I was fortunate in that my abuser (grandmother) finally died. I was so happy. Didn't bother with her funeral, heard later from a cousin it was one of those funerals where no one was crying, seemed most everyone (except her favorite children) were kind of relieved.

 

But, a few weeks later, I realized, just because she is dead, it hasn't changed anything. She was living on in my head! The things she used to say to me about how bad I looked in clothes (fat, cheap), or how much I ate (like a pig), I still heard them when I tried on a new outfit or went to a restaurant, or met someone new(ugly girl! you repulse everyone with your ugly hair and your tacky clothes! they are silently laughing at you!).

 

And I thought, how is this possible? She's dead! She can't hurt me anymore. But that's the thing. They live on in your head whether they are dead, or you divorce them, or they leave and move away forever. I had to kill the last trace of her in my mind. All those years of negative messages were trapped in a loop in my mind. It's a slow process of recognizing when you hear those negative thoughts, to say, that's just grandmother's nasty memory talking. She's dead. Begone, words from a dead woman! Ghost words. Return to the grave to your rotting, nasty corpse. Neither you nor your words will ever affect me again, you're dead bitch and I won't keep your spirit alive in my mind either. Well that helped me.

[Methodical]

Recognizing the abuser used manipulative tactics to reinforce false assertions is a huge step in the right direction. And, it's the first step toward regaining control of your life. You stripped their power by not accepting lies as truth. Def. seek counseling.