Gaeta Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I'm not here to get flogged. I'm just trying to get people's opinions on whether or not its possible to mess things up with someone you're supposed to be with. I'm not saying this guy was The One, but what if he was and I ended up ruining my chances by not being a little more mindful of the way I conducted myself on this date? Men aren't like women. They don't get offended or annoyed at little things like a joke. That's women's department. We like standing on our high horses and judging a man by the way he chew, the jokes he makes, the size of his hands, is his shoes matching his belt. Men don't function that way. They like, or they don't like. And if they like you they don't get shaken by a joke, or a snort, or a fart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I just think maybe God was like, "Here's the awesome guy I have just for you!!" And then I went and blew it, and God's just like "Seriously? You messed up. Greag job, now you'll end up alone. You should have thought about your actions more." OP, I'm sorry in advance for how harsh what I'm about to say might sound. But what kind of God is that? I used to have this mindset, too, constantly overthinking my actions and waiting for some cosmic smackdown. It's also what eventually spurred me to rethink my religious beliefs (but that's another story). Anyway, I had to read this over twice and had to stifle a groan because I'm out in public. Just ... no. If that's the kind of God you serve, what kind of religion is that? It doesn't work that way. WHY would a supposedly all-knowing, benevolent being bring a man into your life if he knew you were gonna "mess it up" with off-colored jokes? I mean, can you think about it from that perspective? I have a secret for you. I don't think God cares all that much who you date. And even if he did, wouldn't he be a much more awesome God if he actually brought you one who would looooooved your crude humor? This has nothing to do with God. You and this guy are simply not meant for each other. End of story. You have posed this question on here several times now; what kind of answer are you truly seeking? Pretty much everyone on here has told you to not fret (isn't that dictate in the bible somewhere, too?), yet you can't stop beating yourself up over it. Why? Can you explain why you can't let this go? Jesus. Link to post Share on other sites
Author giggik Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 OP, I'm sorry in advance for how harsh what I'm about to say might sound. But what kind of God is that? I used to have this mindset, too, constantly overthinking my actions and waiting for some cosmic smackdown. It's also what eventually spurred me to rethink my religious beliefs (but that's another story). Anyway, I had to read this over twice and had to stifle a groan because I'm out in public. Just ... no. If that's the kind of God you serve, what kind of religion is that? It doesn't work that way. WHY would a supposedly all-knowing, benevolent being bring a man into your life if he knew you were gonna "mess it up" with off-colored jokes? I mean, can you think about it from that perspective? I have a secret for you. I don't think God cares all that much who you date. And even if he did, wouldn't he be a much more awesome God if he actually brought you one who would looooooved your crude humor? This has nothing to do with God. You and this guy are simply not meant for each other. End of story. You have posed this question on here several times now; what kind of answer are you truly seeking? Pretty much everyone on here has told you to not fret (isn't that dictate in the bible somewhere, too?), yet you can't stop beating yourself up over it. Why? Can you explain why you can't let this go? Jesus. I honestly am not religious and dont follow the bible or any religions, but I do believe in God and think that he sends people opportunities and that it's up to us to either take them or not take them. I took it but still kinda messed up by putting a lot out there way too soon in the dating process. I just wanted to know if it's possible to eff up the opportunity that God gave me. I'm worried that because I messed up this opportunity that I may end up alone or settling. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I honestly am not religious and dont follow the bible or any religions, but I do believe in God and think that he sends people opportunities and that it's up to us to either take them or not take them. I took it but still kinda messed up by putting a lot out there way too soon in the dating process. I just wanted to know if it's possible to eff up the opportunity that God gave me. I'm worried that because I messed up this opportunity that I may end up alone or settling. No. I think this is a fairy tale mind set. Do you know anyone this has happened to? Anyone who had one shot at something, messed it up, and then never get another chance at it? That doesn't happen. There are very few mistakes that can be made in life that are completely irreparable. Ok, maybe you "messed up" with this one particular fellow (though I doubt it), but there will be others. To think that at 22, you told a few crude jokes on your date and you're going to be alone forever? Again, listen to what you're saying. I'm sure God or whoever will bring you someone else eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 OP.... think about it. Why would God send you someone who grabbed your ass inappropriately twice on your first date -- first meet!? Perhaps He sent you a guy like that so you would learn boundaries and to respect yourself. Which you DID by speaking up after he grabbed your ass. You say in your initial post you met this "awesome" guy. No hun, this guy was NOT awesome. He grabbed your ass inappropriately, what's so awesome about that? He's a creep....and the reason he's not calling you has NOTHING to do with your "crude jokes." My guess is he wanted sex, and when you told him you were not interested in a hook up, he moved on to find a woman who is. Simple as that. So please stop beating yourself up. You did nothing wrong and made no mistake.... on the date. The only mistake you are making now is beating yourself up over a guy who was only looking for one thing... and not worth your time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Haha noo it's just that I always think to myself, "Well what IF this guy was the one for me and because I made these mindless and thoughtless mistakes, I ruined my chance with the right guy and might end up alone." You seem to have some kind of Hollywood movie playing in your head, where you think about this ONE guy who is sent from heaven just for you. There isn't any "one" there are literally millions of guys out there somewhere that might be a great match Right now you could be missing out on one of them while you are too busy to notice because you are obsessiing about a joke you made on a date. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Well, I told like three crude jokes over thr course of the date. I do admit that because I lost my filter from drinking, I put too much out there too soon. Yeah, I do want him to like me for me, but I could have given him tastes of my humor in doses throughout the dating process. I feel like he probably saw me as u classy and immature to just lay it all out there on the first date. I just think maybe God was like, "Here's the awesome guy I have just for you!!" And then I went and blew it, and God's just like "Seriously? You messed up. Greag job, now you'll end up alone. You should have thought about your actions more." Sorry but no. It's not as if you got drunk and took your panties off and rubbed them in the face of some guy who wasn't your date. You're "bad" behavior was actually good from a normal guy's point of view -- a girl who makes dirty jokes? Hell, yeah! As for God, if you're a believer, I'll let you in on a little secret: God doesn't set you up to fail. If your god does, it's time to dump that god. I mean, you might as well worship Baal, right? At least he organizes fun orgies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author giggik Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 Thank you guys for all your advice, I appreciate the replies! The fact he blocked me on Facebook made me feel even worse about the whole thing. It made me feel like he thinks I'm psychotic or something. It was just a giant "I'm totally not into you AND I don't want to ever have anything to do with you again" statement Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Thank you guys for all your advice, I appreciate the replies! The fact he blocked me on Facebook made me feel even worse about the whole thing. It made me feel like he thinks I'm psychotic or something. It was just a giant "I'm totally not into you AND I don't want to ever have anything to do with you again" statement Sweetie, he wanted sex and you told him you aren't into hook ups. That is ALL it was. PLEASE stop beating yourself up. The reason he blocked you is because he is pissed off that he didn't get his way and have sex with you! Let him cry in his beer about it.... good riddance! Next! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author giggik Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 Let him cry in his beer about it.... good riddance! Next! Lmfao!!! I love that:lmao: Thanks Katie 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Well, I told like three crude jokes over thr course of the date. "f*ck 'em, if they can't take a joke" - Mick Jagger. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 No, no, no. The response above is way to close to one of those "meant to be" delusions. If being myself is delusional, why did it always work for me? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Between this post and your last, what's coming through really strongly is your self blame. You're going to date many men. Some won't want to date you again and you won't want to date others again. In most cases, it's not because you've done something wrong, but because you simply don't work for each other. I think it's really important to learn to shake it off....otherwise you'll be beating yourself up each time this happens. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Any one else experience this feeling? The feeling of knowing you could have possibly experienced a great relationship if only you had not messed up? I know all too well how this feels. How I deal with it, I just keep myself busy doing other things, hobbies, work but yes ultimately I do feel quite bad about it. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think it's really important to learn to shake it off....otherwise you'll be beating yourself up each time this happens. Very, very good advice! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 No, no, no. The response above is way to close to one of those "meant to be" delusions. Behave yourself on first dates and save the unfiltered version for after you've gotten to know the guy better. Don't drink too much on a first date. This is just normal social behavior 101, nothing extraordinary. Don't beat yourself up, but learn from it. Some mistakes are correctable, but errors in etiquette and social graces are usually not. Learn and move forward, never to repeat the same mistake a second time. Before going out on a first date, visualize the kind of behavior that is appropriate, and go over your list of mistakes you'll never make again. Hang on, don't be too quick to judge. It's not like I fart on the first date. I do wait till I know him a little better before I do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer3 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Haha noo it's just that I always think to myself, "Well what IF this guy was the one for me and because I made these mindless and thoughtless mistakes, I ruined my chance with the right guy and might end up alone." Are you referring to Mr. Butt touch? I hope not. That dude was creepy. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 The fact he blocked me on Facebook made me feel even worse about the whole thing. It made me feel like he thinks I'm psychotic or something. It was just a giant "I'm totally not into you AND I don't want to ever have anything to do with you again" statement Well.... You did start 3 threads, within in a few hours, about a man you met once only and how you cannot get over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer3 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Well.... You did start 3 threads, within in a few hours, about a man you met once only and how you cannot get over him. Yeah...but I've been there and know what she's going thru. She's head over heels for him now. That will pass and she will be head over heels for some other guy and making threads about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author giggik Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 I'm not head over heels for him. I just liked him enough to want to see how things go. I'm not saying he's the one, but I am beating myself up for messing up on something that could have possibly, potentially, been right. I started three threads not because of this one guy, but because I'm tired of making dating mistakes. Obviously this bothers me because I havent had a bf before, have a hard time finding people I like, and also want to be loved. Its a number of factors that go into it, and I've reached a point in my life where all these factors have piled up, making me feel even WORSE about messing up my last date. No one wakes up one day and decides to be emotional about something out of thin air. To say, "Well you posted three threads about him" is basically saying that you think I'm wacky for being upset about this. But you don't really know about the past I've had, experiences that made me feel like I messed up so badly on this one date. I'm tired of messing up and just want to get it right, and to get advice about it and have discussions helps me. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I'm not head over heels for him. I just liked him enough to want to see how things go. I'm not saying he's the one, but I am beating myself up for messing up on something that could have possibly, potentially, been right. I thought we settled that. You did not mess up.... again he only wanted sex and you told him you weren't into hookups. So why are you STILL blaming yourself? I don't get it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 To say, "Well you posted three threads about him" is basically saying that you think I'm wacky for being upset about this. But you don't really know about the past I've had, experiences that made me feel like I messed up so badly on this one date. I'm tired of messing up and just want to get it right, and to get advice about it and have discussions helps me. That's perfectly legit hon but you keep begging the question right in your thread titles, which openly state that you feel you've screwed this or that up. Ppl keep telling you you haven't. Even the ppl who didn't agree that butt-touch man was in the wrong still mostly maintained you were justified in having your own standards. You keep coming back to the original question tho no matter what anyone says, which is why I think you just want to punish yourself. If you get some satisfaction out of that and if it does indeed help you, that's great, but I think you can see why it'd be frustrating for others. I think probably only Redhead is really qualified to actually help you here, as this issue seems to be pretty core for you and pep talks don't seem do the trick. But we all want to help in general, even if we're showing frustration. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author giggik Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 That's perfectly legit hon but you keep begging the question right in your thread titles, which openly state that you feel you've screwed this or that up. Ppl keep telling you you haven't. Even the ppl who didn't agree that butt-touch man was in the wrong still mostly maintained you were justified in having your own standards. You keep coming back to the original question tho no matter what anyone says, which is why I think you just want to punish yourself. If you get some satisfaction out of that and if it does indeed help you, that's great, but I think you can see why it'd be frustrating for others. I think probably only Redhead is really qualified to actually help you here, as this issue seems to be pretty core for you and pep talks don't seem do the trick. But we all want to help in general, even if we're showing frustration. Yeah, you're right. Thank you everyone who has replied to my threads!!! I appreciate the honesty and the want to help me 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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