Are there other parents out there that feel this way?

[emerald86]

Today, a friend of mine was telling me about when she was a teenager many years ago, and we came upon the topic of mental health. She told me that when she was a teen, she struggled with anxiety and depression. It wasn't severe for the most part, but it affected her academic performance and social life to some degree. She told her parents many times that she wanted to go see a therapist, but they told her that they wouldn't take her to one. They had a strong belief that seeing a therapist would only make her (seemingly mild depression and anxiety) much worse.

 

One day my friend had a terrible week at school and it felt like everything was just falling apart. She thought about suicide, but deep down, she knew she didn't want to do it. She told her mother that she was having these thoughts, and her mother raced home from work to talk to her daughter and try to help her--but she was still unwilling to take her to any sort of therapist. Again, she was firm in her belief that it would only make matters worse.

 

Another day, my friend called a crisis hotline number because she was suffering from depression and wanted someone to talk to. When her parents found out, they were extremely upset about it. They were also upset when they found out their daughter tried to get self-help books from the library--again, they only thought that reading these things would make matters worse.

 

My friend never got help from a psychologist when she was a teen, but she did after she graduated high school and went to live on her own. Now she's

healthy and successful, and I'm glad everything turned out okay for her. From what she told me, her parents were otherwise very caring and supportive--but I just found it odd that they would be so unwilling to take their child to a therapist. Even when it seemed very clear that maybe she could benefit from seeing one.

 

Are there other parents that feel this way about therapists? Do they feel that seeing one would only make matters worse? Were my friend's parents in the wrong?

[basil67]

You don't say how old your friend is - only that her teens were 'many years ago'.

 

Thing is, therapy really hasn't been commonplace until the last couple of decades. And even then, it depends on your culture. Some cultures have a 'suck it up and get on with life' mentality and others seem to have half their population in therapy at one time or another (USA I'm looking at you)

 

I remember being about 22 and in a big depression. It was around 1990. Chronically ill because of the effects of stress on my body, crying constantly - even in Dr's rooms, underweight and sleeping far too much. I saw a number of doctors for my physical health and not one of them acknowledged my mental health or the effect it would have been having on my body. This is only 25 years ago.

 

I think your friend's parents are very likely a product of their time and culture.

[emerald86]

You don't say how old your friend is - only that her teens were 'many years ago'.

 

Thing is, therapy really hasn't been commonplace until the last couple of decades. And even then, it depends on your culture. Some cultures have a 'suck it up and get on with life' mentality and others seem to have half their population in therapy at one time or another (USA I'm looking at you)

 

I remember being about 22 and in a big depression. It was around 1990. Chronically ill because of the effects of stress on my body, crying constantly - even in Dr's rooms, underweight and sleeping far too much. I saw a number of doctors for my physical health and not one of them acknowledged my mental health or the effect it would have been having on my body. This is only 25 years ago.

 

I think your friend's parents are very likely a product of their time and culture.

 

This is exactly what I was thinking. My friend was a teenager around 20 years ago as well. Also, her parents come from an Asian culture. Half of my family does as well--I know that the thinking in general is a bit different, so I can see how that might be it.

[Satu]

When I was growing up, if I didn't feel OK, my parents would tell me there was nothing wrong with me.

 

Or conversely, if I was feeling good, they'd ask me what was wrong with me.

 

Confused? Me?

 

Never.

[preraph]

One of the hallmarks of some mental illnesses is an aversion to meds and doctors, including therapists. It can't hurt to get some help. If you don't like the therapist, change therapists. But if they prescribe drugs, you must follow directions and not change it on your own, and report all side effects and effectiveness and give them time to work and try new things when necessary.

[Tayla]

Three sets of parental influences from 12 til 18:

First set: Extremely open, caring and intuitive. So they would have encouraged/supported if I had asked or shown signs of concern.

Second set: No questions. They simply sent me, and read every note the therapist relayed. Totally blew any trust at that point.

Third set: Total dysfunction. Maternal foster parent was a nutjob. And her husband militant to the pt of family humiliation for the offspring. Nope They would not want the outside world to rain on their distorted and mental abuse.

 

Some ( as the dynamics above) parents understand that help is needed by a professional. Some themselves should see the professional.

 

Fast forward as an adult and I support the use of mental health services for some conditions. But some of the treatments or drugs are offlimits...

 

This is going back 30 plus, and I can't recall any shame or discreteness in asking for help... It was just not as readily available or mastered to the public.

[CarrieT]

My mother was like this.

 

I had a very troubled adolescence and was very suicidal. My mother thought there was a negative stigma towards therapy and didn't want to help me, thinking I was acting that way, "to get attention."

 

My own father - at the age of nine - witnessed his own father's suicide by gun and I distinctly remember my Mother and Father fighting over the issue with my father stating emphatically, " I don't want her [me] to end up like my Dad!"

 

It took me being 5150'd to finally get some help and even then, my mother thought I was putting on an act.

 

My stepdaughter has had similar issues and - thankfully - all involved are 100% onboard with her getting help but she, ironically, refuses to talk to someone and only wants anti-depressants, believing her depression is purely chemical.

[whichwayisup]

This is exactly what I was thinking. My friend was a teenager around 20 years ago as well. Also, her parents come from an Asian culture. Half of my family does as well--I know that the thinking in general is a bit different, so I can see how that might be it.

 

It's probably a cultural thing, not wanting to admit to mental illness and getting help. 20 years ago it was worse. Who knows if her parents still feel the same way?

[RRM321]

I think some parents' self image is just too heavily invested in their kids. They perceive the mere notion that their child is speaking to a therapist as a condemnation of themselves or their parenting.

[Tayla]

RRM- That has been a correct summation for some. Their pride gets in the way of the cause and treatment for the ailed one.

[turnera]

Today, a friend of mine was telling me about when she was a teenager many years ago, and we came upon the topic of mental health. She told me that when she was a teen, she struggled with anxiety and depression. It wasn't severe for the most part, but it affected her academic performance and social life to some degree. She told her parents many times that she wanted to go see a therapist, but they told her that they wouldn't take her to one. They had a strong belief that seeing a therapist would only make her (seemingly mild depression and anxiety) much worse.

 

One day my friend had a terrible week at school and it felt like everything was just falling apart. She thought about suicide, but deep down, she knew she didn't want to do it. She told her mother that she was having these thoughts, and her mother raced home from work to talk to her daughter and try to help her--but she was still unwilling to take her to any sort of therapist. Again, she was firm in her belief that it would only make matters worse.

 

Another day, my friend called a crisis hotline number because she was suffering from depression and wanted someone to talk to. When her parents found out, they were extremely upset about it. They were also upset when they found out their daughter tried to get self-help books from the library--again, they only thought that reading these things would make matters worse.

 

My friend never got help from a psychologist when she was a teen, but she did after she graduated high school and went to live on her own. Now she's

healthy and successful, and I'm glad everything turned out okay for her. From what she told me, her parents were otherwise very caring and supportive--but I just found it odd that they would be so unwilling to take their child to a therapist. Even when it seemed very clear that maybe she could benefit from seeing one.

 

Are there other parents that feel this way about therapists? Do they feel that seeing one would only make matters worse? Were my friend's parents in the wrong?

My DD25's best friend has had severe low self esteem and depression the whole time I've known her, and her mom would never even discuss therapy. DD and I have tried to talk to her about it several times. We were in her hospital room when she had her first baby, and the hospital psychologist came in because someone had reported her for 'observed' depression! And she refused it, lied and said she was fine.

 

She has told DD that her family doesn't believe in therapy. In fact, she told DD that it's a 'Black thing,' that Black people don't 'do' therapy. IDK if that's true or not, but that's what she said. But she needs it SO badly, she's so messed up it's heartbreaking. I get the sense that if she went to one, her mom would give her grief (more than she already does).

[SJS]

I remember being very depressed in my teens (in the early 90's) and I tried to talk to my mom about it. I stopped because she said, and will still say to this day, that depression is not real because it's a choice.

 

 

My best friend at the time went through some issues and tried to commit suicide and was admitted for some time. My mom took me to visit her but was very negative over the entire situation. It was better for all of us that I just kept everything to myself.

[emerald86]

I remember being very depressed in my teens (in the early 90's) and I tried to talk to my mom about it. I stopped because she said, and will still say to this day, that depression is not real because it's a choice.

 

 

My best friend at the time went through some issues and tried to commit suicide and was admitted for some time. My mom took me to visit her but was very negative over the entire situation. It was better for all of us that I just kept everything to myself.

 

Yeah, I hear that all the time even today. I think that many people still believe that depression is a choice.

[xxoo]

Same story, same era. They did the best they could.

 

Honestly, if one of my children were to suffer the same, I'm not certain that I'd make any better choices. It's really difficult to know what to do, when to medicate, etc, esp in the already tumultuous teenage years.