v3o3d3 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 A girl i worked with recently quit . Ive know her for a few years and developed feelings for her which i was able to reel in. She has a boyfriend who she lives with. When she left, my feelings for her resurfaced and i miss her dearly. Last week we met up with other workmates where i told her i miss her and that if she was single i would date her. Was this something i should not have said to her? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 A girl i worked with recently quit . Ive know her for a few years and developed feelings for her which i was able to reel in. She has a boyfriend who she lives with. When she left, my feelings for her resurfaced and i miss her dearly. Last week we met up with other workmates where i told her i miss her and that if she was single i would date her. Was this something i should not have said to her? She is not married. She is not engaged. She is fair game. You were up front, you told her if she becomes available you want to date her. Link to post Share on other sites
RRM321 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Are you sure this is the first time your feelings have become apparent to her? What was her reason for quitting? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 If I could go back in time and change one thing from my youth it would be that I would make a sincere offer to whoever I was interested in whether they had a BF or not. IMHO single is not being engaged or married and is fair game. In my opinion you should've simply asked her out and let her decide what she wants to . you shot yourself in foot by putting in the stipulation that she be clear of her BF. Now she won't see you for fear of being labeled a cheater by you. Unless they are engaged or married, ask out whoever you want without stipulations. It's up them if they want to date you or stay with their BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Author v3o3d3 Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 Are you sure this is the first time your feelings have become apparent to her? What was her reason for quitting? Ive never openly said i like her She needed more money If I could go back in time and change one thing from my youth it would be that I would make a sincere offer to whoever I was interested in whether they had a BF or not. IMHO single is not being engaged or married and is fair game. In my opinion you should've simply asked her out and let her decide what she wants to . you shot yourself in foot by putting in the stipulation that she be clear of her BF. Now she won't see you for fear of being labeled a cheater by you. Unless they are engaged or married, ask out whoever you want without stipulations. It's up them if they want to date you or stay with their BF. Even if she lives with him?. Would it not be disespectfull asking her out knowing she has a boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 What did she say when you told her this? Link to post Share on other sites
RRM321 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) IMHO single is not being engaged or married and is fair game. I might agree with you if she was not LIVING with the BF. Dating someone in that situation forces them to be something other than genuine with everyone around them including their own family and friends. The economic implications of cheating are also an important dimension of the deceit with a live-in relationship. You could be perceived as a con-artist as well as a wanderer. I think the condition is a wise thing to express.. If they can cheat with you - they can cheat on you. Edited February 17, 2016 by RRM321 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author v3o3d3 Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 What did she say when you told her this? She said that she missed me aswell Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 The fact that they are living together doesn't change anything I said. If you. Like someone and want to take them out, ask them out. It's up to them whether they will take you up on the offer or not. Now realistically, if you don't want to mess with the drama and issues of dealing with all that baggage and drama, that's your call. If you don't want to mess with her baggage and drama, it's fair to put in the stipulation that your offer is contingent on losing the BF first. If nothing else you'll be towards the front of the line of dudes wanting a crack at her when she does dump the BF. When people become engaged they incur some legal obligations and ramifications. Until then people are single and fair game. Their bunking arrangements aren't really your concern, it's all free market place. Make your offer and it's up to her who she thinks is the better option. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think the remark was a decent way of making your feelings known. You didn't ask her out. She isn't married. Don't know if she has kids or not with the guy, though, which is another thing that might stop me from saying something. Butt he way you put it was honest and a good way to put it. I don't think you can be faulted for it. You did wait until you weren't working together, which is the most important thing. Maybe if things fall apart with her current love, she will keep you in mind The ball is now in her court, though. You've said it. I wouldn't bring it up again unless she did. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 The fact that they are living together doesn't change anything I said. If you. Like someone and want to take them out, ask them out. It's up to them whether they will take you up on the offer or not. Now realistically, if you don't want to mess with the drama and issues of dealing with all that baggage and drama, that's your call. If you don't want to mess with her baggage and drama, it's fair to put in the stipulation that your offer is contingent on losing the BF first. If nothing else you'll be towards the front of the line of dudes wanting a crack at her when she does dump the BF. When people become engaged they incur some legal obligations and ramifications. Until then people are single and fair game. Their bunking arrangements aren't really your concern, it's all free market place. Make your offer and it's up to her who she thinks is the better option. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeForTomorrow Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 The fact that they are living together doesn't change anything I said. If you. Like someone and want to take them out, ask them out. It's up to them whether they will take you up on the offer or not. What I find interesting about this is that if a woman who was in a committed relationship and her boyfriend came on here and posted about how she was seeing some other man, people would be all over her about infidelity and how horrible it is. So based on that, it seems that most people don't see it that way. (I don't see it that way. If I am in a committed relationship with a man, either living with him or not, that means I DON'T see other man and he does not see other women. That's what the word "committed" means). When people become engaged they incur some legal obligations and ramifications. What legal obligations come with being engaged? I have been engaged a total of three times, and I don't remember signing any papers until one of them resulted in a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I don't think you crossed the line at all when you made that comment, OP. You expressed your interest without disrespecting her relationship. I think you played it perfectly. I, for one, am very committed in my relationship although not married or living together. I would have been completley turned off by someone who straight up asked me out or persued me knowing that I had a bf. To me, it shows lack of respect and honor. Just my $0.02. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelife32 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I really don't think you were disrespectful to her. It will be up to her if she will date you or not when (if) she'll be single. Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 All is fair in love and war. And you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Link to post Share on other sites
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