Am I overreacting or is NC as important as I think?

[Whatoncewas]

I'll just be brief with the details. Just so you have some background to give good advice off of.

 

Married five years ago. No bio kids.

Seven months ago she cheats, leaves me for him, we briefly reconciled, she finds out she's pregnant and leaves again.

 

Second time only makes it six weeks. Calls me begging back. How horrible he is. She has to get out. Not safe.

 

So here I come to save her again. I guess I got sucked into all the love talk. But that's not my question. I realize I invited white trash drama into my life and now I'm dealing with the consequences.

 

So no contact. I'm not good at conflict and boundaries really but I told her it's just a given you never talk to your affair partner again if you are trying to reconcile. She said but she's pregnant. Sucks. I said only then strictly business. When the baby is born setting up child support or visitation. Whatever. I don't know.

 

She has been talking to him every day. At least she doesn't lie about it. It's just one excuse after the next.

First she says she just wants to get out of her moms house and home to me without trouble. She has already left his state. Her mom and her stuff stored there is a second state and I live in a third.

 

So she is always saying she is trying to keep everybody happy because she can't take anymore stress. I tried to put my foot down and say there is a limit to her avoiding stress and at some point thinking about the pain she is causing me and the fights we are having and she can't talk to him.

 

It's been four days now and every day he calls and she talks to him. I think last night he called her moms phone because she wasn't answering and her mom "stuck the phone in her face" when she was asleep and he was mad because I had her block him from Instagram because he was commenting on a lot of her pictures saying how pretty she looked. So she blocked him. He's crazy and calls to yell about it last night.

 

But she didn't have to take the phone. Especially not to be yelled at by a crazy person I had to come rescue her from.

 

So then I freak out about that and just really try to explain how it makes me feel and Why she shouldn't talk to him. So she agrees.

 

Then today. I'm almost there to get her. I'm trying to be happy and excited about my sorry situation and be nice to her and she is getting ready and out of the blue she mentions that he said he met someone else like a hooters waitress and just started telling her all sorts of weird stuff. I said what? He's sleeping with a hooters waitress? She no, he only has sex with people he is in love with and I'm really starting to boil here. And I'm a really easy going guy. But this is insane. I don't want to hear her sticking up for his fidelity. Then he asks her to unblock him from Instagram so he can show the jooters girl her picture. They probably had sex the first day. Anyways. She said she hopes he does because then he will stop calling. She's trying to call me now and I'm just not listening to it. I am truly embarrassed and ashamed I let my life turn into this.

 

My mouth was just pretty much hanging open. And then I hung up. And I'm 2000 miles from home and have no idea what is going on.

 

Why do you think she keeps answering? Does she like the attention? The drama? Is she trying to get us to be jealous over her? Or is she just too passive to not answer? I'm at a total loss here. We agree she shouldn't be talking to him right? Am I wrong?

[Satu]

She's mentally unbalanced.

 

Have you not noticed that?

 

Don't expect her behaviour to make sense.

 

It won't.

 

You have put yourself in a ridiculous situation.

 

She has no healthy feelings for you.

 

She doesn't love you.

 

There's nothing about this that isn't crazy.

 

Go no contact with her.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I agree with Satu

 

RUN out of this relationship

 

She is absolutely using you

 

geez...she is a piece of work

[AlwaysGrowing]

If your goal is to have a long term stable relationship....this woman is a poor candidate to be that person to you.

 

In this case....I think you would be better served by severing ties and moving forward alone.

[Whatoncewas]

Thanks. I hear your advice. I wish I wasn't driving. I guess I believe people too much or maybe pretend they are someone they aren't.

 

I'm really not trashy myself. I don't know why I did this.

 

So there isn't any way to understand why she is taking his calls? I hate not understand the why people do what they do. I mean. She spent $500 to get a uhaul to move back with me so she is serious I guess but then why sabotage it when I shouldn't be taking her back and she should be thanking her lucky stars. It was like the only boundary I had.

[TX-SC]

Dude, turn your ass around and go home. Don't be part of this crap. Let her parents take care of her. You don't need to raise this other guy's kid. Just nope the hell out of there right now.

 

Seriously, turn around and go home.

[Mrs. John Adams]

TX-SC....spot on my friend!!!! You said it well!

[Whatoncewas]

I think I know this. I'm just f-Ed in the head or something and having trouble DOING it.

If I had to guess, I would say being cheated on really messed me up. It was the first time it happened. Took it pretty badly.

[privategal]

I'll just be brief with the details. Just so you have some background to give good advice off of.

 

Married five years ago. No bio kids.

Seven months ago she cheats, leaves me for him, we briefly reconciled, she finds out she's pregnant and leaves again.

 

Second time only makes it six weeks. Calls me begging back. How horrible he is. She has to get out. Not safe.

 

So here I come to save her again. I guess I got sucked into all the love talk. But that's not my question. I realize I invited white trash drama into my life and now I'm dealing with the consequences.

 

So no contact. I'm not good at conflict and boundaries really but I told her it's just a given you never talk to your affair partner again if you are trying to reconcile. She said but she's pregnant. Sucks. I said only then strictly business. When the baby is born setting up child support or visitation. Whatever. I don't know.

 

She has been talking to him every day. At least she doesn't lie about it. It's just one excuse after the next.

First she says she just wants to get out of her moms house and home to me without trouble. She has already left his state. Her mom and her stuff stored there is a second state and I live in a third.

 

So she is always saying she is trying to keep everybody happy because she can't take anymore stress. I tried to put my foot down and say there is a limit to her avoiding stress and at some point thinking about the pain she is causing me and the fights we are having and she can't talk to him.

 

It's been four days now and every day he calls and she talks to him. I think last night he called her moms phone because she wasn't answering and her mom "stuck the phone in her face" when she was asleep and he was mad because I had her block him from Instagram because he was commenting on a lot of her pictures saying how pretty she looked. So she blocked him. He's crazy and calls to yell about it last night.

 

But she didn't have to take the phone. Especially not to be yelled at by a crazy person I had to come rescue her from.

 

So then I freak out about that and just really try to explain how it makes me feel and Why she shouldn't talk to him. So she agrees.

 

Then today. I'm almost there to get her. I'm trying to be happy and excited about my sorry situation and be nice to her and she is getting ready and out of the blue she mentions that he said he met someone else like a hooters waitress and just started telling her all sorts of weird stuff. I said what? He's sleeping with a hooters waitress? She no, he only has sex with people he is in love with and I'm really starting to boil here. And I'm a really easy going guy. But this is insane. I don't want to hear her sticking up for his fidelity. Then he asks her to unblock him from Instagram so he can show the jooters girl her picture. They probably had sex the first day. Anyways. She said she hopes he does because then he will stop calling. She's trying to call me now and I'm just not listening to it. I am truly embarrassed and ashamed I let my life turn into this.

 

My mouth was just pretty much hanging open. And then I hung up. And I'm 2000 miles from home and have no idea what is going on.

 

Why do you think she keeps answering? Does she like the attention? The drama? Is she trying to get us to be jealous over her? Or is she just too passive to not answer? I'm at a total loss here. We agree she shouldn't be talking to him right? Am I wrong?

 

Put your foot down. Throw her out. No care to change on her end. You wiped the slate clean and helped her. Time to cut your losses you have a cheater on your hands.

[R.Gant]

-is the child biological yours?

-if not be careful? (please talk to an lawyer!)

 

have you ever read that

if your wayward wife gives birth you become the "presumed father?" regardless of biology.

"presumed/assumed father" is good enough to be set for child support till the kid becomes 18.

 

there is case so similar to this,

ww leaves bh for om, ww gets pregnant, ww leaves om for bh, ww gives birth, ww returns to om, bh is stuck for child support!.

 

please talk to you Lawyer

Edited February 18, 2016 by R.Gant

[OneLov]

I realize I invited white trash drama into my life and now I'm dealing with the consequences.

 

Omg this made me laugh so hard. I mean no disrespect, but the way you phrased it made me laugh.

 

But you must understand this is 100% not your fault. You're just being a good husband by honoring your commitment to her. But like others have said, the writing is on the wall -- do not continue putting up with the disrespect. You honored her; now it's time to honor yourself. I wish you the best.

[malvern99]

Sorry for your situation Whatoncewas. Your story is truly heart wrenching, and some of that pain is your own doing. Reading your story, the only phrase that kept running through my head was "Alpha f*cks, Beta bucks". The boyfriend gets to f*ck, and you, the Beta gets to raise the boyfriend's progeny. I am sorry if you feel this is crude.

 

I normally don't try to tell people what to do, but in your situation, I say you run from her as fast as your legs can carry you. She is beyond toxic. Stop being the white knight. She doesn't need you to save her. Heck, you are better served saving yourself in this situation. She is a grown woman. Let her deal with her own problems. Not to rehash things, but come on man... she left you not once! Twice! The very idea of even considering taking her back should not even be on the table. You deserve so much better. She made her bed, now she must lay in it. Good luck OP.

[Marc878]

The biggest problem here is you.

 

Anyone would know better.

 

Any contact means the affair is ongoing.

 

Cmon!!!!!

[Whatoncewas]

Thanks. I know it's funny because it's so trashy if you look at it from the outside.

[aliveagain]

Trailer park all the way. She left you for him, why would you take her back? Who is the father of her child, have you done the math? Was she with you or him for the conception?

[Whatoncewas]

Oh there is no doubt I wasn't around for two months on either side of conception.

[Dancewithme]

Talk to a lawyer, like, yesterday. You don't want to be stuck supporting OM' s baby. Get your ducks in a row, then, get out.you and your feelings are your only concern. Her A is not over, it's now the OM's mess. Run!!!