For How long...

[Mr. Kola]

Do usually girls drag guys around before they decide, that the "relationship" is steady and they have sex with them? Is there like a period, a test, guys need to pass, before they get some, a number of dates, whatever the rules you girls have. I hate this, why can't you girls jsut play from your heart, and not play by the rules. It is so obvious that you are as much interested in sex as we are, so why don't you stop playing hard to get, because it will happen today or tomorrow, so why stretch and make everyone frustrated. I just dumped my stupid girl-friend for playing hard to get. I went out with her like 3 months, and then i realized that she was just using me for dinners, movies, and when It was coming to sex, she was backing off and afraid. Well, she was not afraid to use me and enjoyed the places I took her??? Did not she?

 

Now she is crying, and I told her to get on with he miserable life and find someone as stupid as herself.

 

Is not this crap too much?

 

It's like if I leave a girl after having sex, does not matter whether the sex takes place in a week or 6 months....

[Miss Mojo]

hi mr kola,

 

i feel like saying "wake up, peckerhead", but that might be considered as rude.

 

where's your respect for girls, buddy? did it ever occur to you that maybe she didn't want to give herself to you sexually because it means a lot to her to be with a guy she loves, perhaps? or maybe she is nervous? or maybe sex isn't the only thing on her mind like it is on yours?

 

go and get a porno and release some of this pent up anger and tension that has so obviously built up inside of you, stop being so selfish, and learn to develop some respect.

 

by the way, i don't think she was stupid miserable one in this situation.

 

p.s. since when is dinners and movies using? or are you just pissed off because you want to get laid? please....grow up and wake up.

[Tony T]

You'll have a lot better luck with relationships when you change your agenda. Dating ladies, taking them out to movies and dinner with the express purpose of getting into their pants is not really what it's all about and they can sense you are doing that. The girl who held out on you was just giving you back some of your own medicine.

 

It is absolute fraud to show interest in a female with only the intent to have sex with her. On the other hand, if you have a genuine interest in a lady and she senses that, she will open happily open herself up to sex.

 

Now, everybody's different. There are many ladies who just don't care what your motives are and will gladly have sex with you and not think anything about it. Maybe those are the ones you are looking for.

 

You can't generalize about all women. At certain ages, both men and women, many of them anyway, are far more likely to go for sport sex. As women get older, some more than others, they tend to want a relationship that has deeper meaning and when they sense they have that the sex goes with it.

 

If having sex is your primary goal, make that clear from the very start. Don't take them out and spend all kinds of time and money with them. Go out to bars on Saturday night. There are ladies who get drunk and will freely go home with you. There are even sober ones who will do the same thing.

 

This is the year 2001. You don't have to go through all kinds of contortions to get laid. But go on your mission honestly. Don't misrepresent yourself. When you do, don't be surprised if these ladies don't cave in to you like the one you cited.

 

As you said yourself, women are interested in sex as much as men. While most of them like to mix some love and caring along with it, you'll find many who don't...and those seem to be the ones you are looking for.

 

One day hopefully you will go with the flow and look for much more than sex in a relationship. And when you do you will get more sex than you can handle.

 

Good luck this weekend!

[Mr. Kola]

Well, dinners, movies, gifts..she used to like them very much. I think what it is is that when you start treating girls good, they get scared and think that you are doing it to get laid. I can get laid whenever I want, and I do not need to chase girls for 2 or 3 months for that. I did that because I liked her very much but when she started playing really hard to get thats what pissed me off. SO I told her to just move on, and I was not the kind of guy she could use for paying dinners, movies and gifts, and yet refrain from being sexual with. Please spare me of your ignorance Miss Mojo. If you don't feel like giving yourself sexually to a guy, do you feel like letting him pay for your dinners and getting nice gifts from him?? DOn't you??

 

hi mr kola, i feel like saying "wake up, peckerhead", but that might be considered as rude. where's your respect for girls, buddy? did it ever occur to you that maybe she didn't want to give herself to you sexually because it means a lot to her to be with a guy she loves, perhaps? or maybe she is nervous? or maybe sex isn't the only thing on her mind like it is on yours? go and get a porno and release some of this pent up anger and tension that has so obviously built up inside of you, stop being so selfish, and learn to develop some respect. by the way, i don't think she was stupid miserable one in this situation. p.s. since when is dinners and movies using? or are you just pissed off because you want to get laid? please....grow up and wake up.

[Mr. Kola]

I live in New York, and I don't have prolem getting ladies to have sex with. The problem is not that. The problem is when you sense that you are being used. I am 23 years old, and I am not going to chase a girl for 2 or 3 months (even that is too much) just to get laid. I gave her more than she deserved. She was afraid that once I would have sex with her I would dump her, because she thought the relationship was not "steady" yet. On numerous ocassions. we have had a chance to have sex, and she did not want it. So I was like, what the hell, why are you playing a virgin girl with me, when in fact I know that she had 3 or 4 boyfriends before me, and all of them treated like S**T, and she fails to see that I am much better than those dweebs she dated, and she plays hard to get with me, and not with the ones she was supposed to be careful with.

You'll have a lot better luck with relationships when you change your agenda. Dating ladies, taking them out to movies and dinner with the express purpose of getting into their pants is not really what it's all about and they can sense you are doing that. The girl who held out on you was just giving you back some of your own medicine. It is absolute fraud to show interest in a female with only the intent to have sex with her. On the other hand, if you have a genuine interest in a lady and she senses that, she will open happily open herself up to sex. Now, everybody's different. There are many ladies who just don't care what your motives are and will gladly have sex with you and not think anything about it. Maybe those are the ones you are looking for. You can't generalize about all women. At certain ages, both men and women, many of them anyway, are far more likely to go for sport sex. As women get older, some more than others, they tend to want a relationship that has deeper meaning and when they sense they have that the sex goes with it. If having sex is your primary goal, make that clear from the very start. Don't take them out and spend all kinds of time and money with them. Go out to bars on Saturday night. There are ladies who get drunk and will freely go home with you. There are even sober ones who will do the same thing. This is the year 2001. You don't have to go through all kinds of contortions to get laid. But go on your mission honestly. Don't misrepresent yourself. When you do, don't be surprised if these ladies don't cave in to you like the one you cited.

 

As you said yourself, women are interested in sex as much as men. While most of them like to mix some love and caring along with it, you'll find many who don't...and those seem to be the ones you are looking for. One day hopefully you will go with the flow and look for much more than sex in a relationship. And when you do you will get more sex than you can handle. Good luck this weekend!

[Tony T]

OK, I stand corrected. The way you wrote your original post it sounded like you had this problem with all women.

 

You can't start dating ladies with expectations of having sex with them. That isn't the way it works. You don't meet someone and decide in your head if you take them out for a few weeks or a few months it will lead to sex.

 

So you lost out here. You need to respect this lady's feelings. What it really sounds like is she cares deeply for you and therefore is not wanting to mess things up by going to bed too soon with you. Some ladies are far more likely to bed a guy sooner if she's not as interested.

 

So take it as a compliment. Once you get ready to find a nice girl to settle down with for a lifetime, just appreciate the fact that she takes her time with this. For a woman, making love with a guy she really cares about is incredibly meaningful and is done with a great amount of thought and consideration.

 

So have respect for her wishes. If you don't like what she's doing or not willing to do, move on. But be nice to her and let her know you are not ready for a long term committment if that's the case.

[Mr. Kola]

I agree with you on this. But, it just pisses me of when women are totally clueless. They will jump in to bed with some morons, and then they regret it, and then they are being overly careful with people who treat them nice. Now she cries and sobs. She will run back to me I know, but I will torture her for a while... These kind of women have to understand and learn the lesson, that guys can not be thrown around and we are persons too, and just because they are women and (I know there is too much testosterone out there, supply and demand is in favor of women) they can not control this issue as they wish. I think the realationship needs 50/50 in terms of putting effort and compromising. I never pushed her into having sex with her, and the main reason I broke up with her is because she really "pissed" me off by playing silly with me. SO I am teachin her a lesson. She keeps e-mailing me and calling, maybe I will get back to her when she comes to her senses.

 

OK, I stand corrected. The way you wrote your original post it sounded like you had this problem with all women. You can't start dating ladies with expectations of having sex with them. That isn't the way it works. You don't meet someone and decide in your head if you take them out for a few weeks or a few months it will lead to sex. So you lost out here. You need to respect this lady's feelings. What it really sounds like is she cares deeply for you and therefore is not wanting to mess things up by going to bed too soon with you. Some ladies are far more likely to bed a guy sooner if she's not as interested.

 

So take it as a compliment. Once you get ready to find a nice girl to settle down with for a lifetime, just appreciate the fact that she takes her time with this. For a woman, making love with a guy she really cares about is incredibly meaningful and is done with a great amount of thought and consideration. So have respect for her wishes. If you don't like what she's doing or not willing to do, move on. But be nice to her and let her know you are not ready for a long term committment if that's the case.

[Ed]

Learn to give of yourself freely. If you cannot take a lady on a date and spend money on her without expecting something in return, then you are going out with her for the wrong reason(s).

 

It seems that when you select a lady for dating, you have the motive of having sex with her at some point. You are not alone. There are many men that have the same MO. I read your other responses and you said you don't have any trouble getting some women to have sex with you. Why don't you just keep dating them?

 

You are apparently jealous of the other guys this particular lady has "given herself" to and are wondering "why she wouldn't give herself to you?". Well it is pretty simple. She is taking her experience from those past relationships that didn't work out and trying to make better choices. Your tactic of "put out or get out" just didn't work on her.

 

My best advice for you is to find a lady that is interesting and attractive to you; one that you like spending time with (and money on) whether you have sex with her or not. I say this because, one day, if you ever do marry, most of your time will be spent NOT having sex. And, having sex, no matter how often or how hot, cannot makeup for an otherwise unsatisfying relationship.

[Miss Mojo]

Please spare me of your ignorance Miss Mojo. If you don't feel like giving yourself sexually to a guy, do you feel like letting him pay for your dinners and getting nice gifts from him?? DOn't you??

 

NO!!!! for god's sake, you are so quick to ASSUME what women want, and even quicker to call them "miserable and stupid".

 

please spare me of your judgments, mr kola. perhaps you are the ignorant one here, but then again, who am i to judge?

 

FYI - i have only let a guy pay for me ONCE. personally, while chivalry is all fine and dandy, i don't believe that a guy should always pay for a night out with a girl. i have never felt comfortable with a guy wanting to pay for the evening. i go dutch (halves), because 1. i think it is fair 2. i'm not a sponge 3. i believe in being equal. i have received gifts from boyfriends, but i have also given plenty of gifts to boyfriends. i give just as much as i take in a relationship - in fact i have been known to give too much - so don't assume that i fall into your stereotype of girls who want expect guys to pay for them all the time.

 

a guy buying me a gift or taking me out has NOTHING to do with sex, and vice-versa. i understand that most people can find someone who will have sex with them in a short time, and there is nothing wrong with that if that's what they want. but some people like to wait a bit before having sex.

 

some girls don't mind if a guy pays all the time, because they've been brought up to believe that it is how it should be. some girls don't mind guys paying for them all the time because they are sponges.

 

for some reason, i get the feeling that your girlfriend is rather young, or not very experienced in relationships, and probably doesn't know what to expect. i understand that you told her you are feeling used, and i know what that is like, because i have been there myself. but do you know for a fact that she was using you????? for all you know, she may want to sleep with you, but not feel ready yet. she could be shy or she could be waiting for that moment where it feels special.

 

communicate and sort out problems with girlfriends before jumping to conclusions about their actions. if you don't like what you hear, leave the girl, if you do like what you hear, good. but it would suck if you were throwing away a potentially great relationship without even realising it. i just hope you haven't assumed to know what she's thinking.

[Miss Mojo]

I know that she had 3 or 4 boyfriends before me, and all of them treated like S**T, and she fails to see that I am much better than those dweebs she dated, and she plays hard to get with me, and not with the ones she was supposed to be careful with.

 

ok....a little bit more insight into the situation. i take back some of my previous comments (it appeared that you weren't a happy chappy because you weren't getting sex).

 

you know what? i think it is a great compliment that she doesn't want to push things in this relationship. i can completely understand that she FEELS you might dump her if you have sex with her, but it sometimes very easy to draw from past experiences. i have a feeling that this girl is learning from her past experiences, and that is why she is holding off. she wants this to be nothing like the other pigs she has been with who have treated her like rubbish. i wouldn't be surprised at all if she knows you're nothing like the guys she's dated in the past, and that's what scares her so much.

 

i was once in an abusive relationship and i left the guy, and for a while i was so scared of relationships because i thought "what if i meet mr wonderful and he hurts me?". when i met my ex, i was a bit scared to trust, but after a bit of perseverance, i finally let my guard down and was for the first time, able to experience a really fantastic relationship. i mean, mr wonderful did hurt me in the end, but so what? it's a risk i had to take and now i know what i will and won't settle for.

 

i can understand where the both of you are coming from - she's scared because she's been hurt in the past, and you're frustrated because you're nothing like these guys who have hurt her in the past.

 

ultimately, the decision is yours - if you feel it will be too exhausting proving to her that you're not like them, don't pursue the relationship. there are girls out there who won't throw you into a category that you don't belong in (or even throw you in category at all).

 

part of me thinks that it would probably be best not to pursue this with her. why? well, she's afraid of getting hurt, and she most likely will because you both want different things. she might be better off finding someone who wants a committment, while you find someone who wants the same thing as you, and has confidence in herself and in you.

[Miss Mojo]

....things are a little clearer now i read your post below.

[Laurynn]

I can't honestly believe you're 23 years old. The level of maturity that comes through in your angry, selfish, vindictive responses is equivalent to that of an immature 16 yr old.

 

You don't know jack sh*t about women.

 

You think that if you spend the money on a woman, that she owes you a boink in the sack. Who the hell do you think you are? You spent the money on dinners, and movies, and gifts of your OWN FREE WILL. Did she put a gun to your head to force you into doing these? No. It's as clear as a bell that you did all this simply to get laid. No doubt she sensed your 'macho attitude' and was afraid to give herself to you sexually, for fear that you'd have what you set out for and dump her. Gee, didn't you already say this was what you think she worried? I wonder why?!!!!

 

Did it ever dawn on you that this girl takes sex seriously? Or would prefer some skanky ho who sleeps with any guy, any day of the week, and has any number of diseases?

 

Some day when you grow up, and get your head out of your ass, you'll realize that what you had, was a good woman who had some class and self respect, and a respect for sex and your relationship.

 

How freaking nasty and cruel of you to purposely ignore her...and have her beg to see/talk to you......to have this attitude that you're going to make her suffer for the fact that she didn't put out for you.

 

I'm going to get down on my knees and pray that this poor girl immediately comes to her senses, and decides that she deserves better than you, and she stops reaching out to you, gets on with her life and finds a good man...not some cocky, immature, selfish little punk.

 

Oh, was that harsh? Too freaking bad. It's guys like you that mess up young women. Thought I'd give YOU a little taste of your own medicine.

 

L

[Tony T]

I noticed how you spelled pr*ck and sh*t above. You may need to take your new keyboard in and get another one. At least one of the keys isn't working.

[Laurynn]

LOL!

 

Actually, ya know..when I took the other one back last time, not only had I spilled coffee in the keyboard and screwed up using CAPS, the stupid thing had worn out letters on the keys. The "N" was completely worn off, and the "I" key. Guess what?..how long has it been since I got this one? 2 months? Dang keys are warn off again. I'ave never heard of this happening to anyone else. It's a "BELKIN" ergonomic k/b. Piece of crap. Never had this problem with my Microsoft k/b.....I sure wish I hadn't spilled Iced Tea on that baby :-)

 

L

[clia]

Oh my God! I wear off the 'N' on my keyboard, too. I've gone through 4 laptops in the past few years and my 'N' disappeared after a few months on every single one. The tech support guys at my office think I'm crazy. Glad to know I'm not the only one that happens to! (Mine's a Compaq. Must just be our power index fingers.)

[WGirl]

Women wait for a few reasons. Most of the time, I don't think it is because they want to frustrate you or play games with you. Women have to look out for themselves. Come on, a lot of men use women for sex. Some men are out to f*** as many people as they can. The longer you are with a guy, there is a lower chance of that happening. It still could. Women like a deeper intimacy. They want to establish an emotional bond before they sleep with someone and they want to do their best to make sure their partner isn't sleeping with 10 other people.(most women anyways) They want to make sure the guy really cares about them and not just about getting down their pants. Anyone can pretend and lie for a few dates but after a while, you can sense what a person is all about. That is why women wait.

Do usually girls drag guys around before they decide, that the "relationship" is steady and they have sex with them? Is there like a period, a test, guys need to pass, before they get some, a number of dates, whatever the rules you girls have. I hate this, why can't you girls jsut play from your heart, and not play by the rules. It is so obvious that you are as much interested in sex as we are, so why don't you stop playing hard to get, because it will happen today or tomorrow, so why stretch and make everyone frustrated. I just dumped my stupid girl-friend for playing hard to get. I went out with her like 3 months, and then i realized that she was just using me for dinners, movies, and when It was coming to sex, she was backing off and afraid. Well, she was not afraid to use me and enjoyed the places I took her??? Did not she? Now she is crying, and I told her to get on with he miserable life and find someone as stupid as herself. Is not this crap too much? It's like if I leave a girl after having sex, does not matter whether the sex takes place in a week or 6 months....

[Tony T]

Women have a tendency to wear out the "N" key first because it's the first letter of the word "NO".

 

No what I mean???

[WGirl]

I agree. I think it is a poor attitude and I can see why his ex was reluctant to sleep with him. I hate it when guys take a girl out to the movies or whatever and then they expect some kind of payback. Isn't that prostitution at a cheap rate? Some guys do think they are entitled if they spend money on you. Just because you take a woman out to dinner, it does not mean she owes you sex. You should take her out because you like her and you want to spend time with her. I thought dates were supposed to be so you could get to know one another. I am not for women using men for money either. I know some women do that. I have been out with a couple guys like this so I can sympathize with his ex. She is better off without him. It doesn't even seem like he cares about her at all. If he did, he wouldn't even be talking about her like this.

hi mr kola, i feel like saying "wake up, peckerhead", but that might be considered as rude. where's your respect for girls, buddy? did it ever occur to you that maybe she didn't want to give herself to you sexually because it means a lot to her to be with a guy she loves, perhaps? or maybe she is nervous? or maybe sex isn't the only thing on her mind like it is on yours? go and get a porno and release some of this pent up anger and tension that has so obviously built up inside of you, stop being so selfish, and learn to develop some respect. by the way, i don't think she was stupid miserable one in this situation. p.s. since when is dinners and movies using? or are you just pissed off because you want to get laid? please....grow up and wake up.

[WGirl]

I have news for you, two months isn't a long time.

 

Just because she slept with her other boyfriends doesn't mean she is obligated to sleep with you. Maybe she realized the errors of her ways and is trying not to make the same mistake again. I hope for her sake she doesn't go back to you because it does sound like you are playing her as much as you say she is playing you.

 

I mean, you "want to teach her a lesson." She is not ready to have sex with you buddy. What kind of lesson are you trying to teach her? If she doesn't have sex with you, you will dump her. Isn't that just splendid.

I agree with you on this. But, it just pisses me of when women are totally clueless. They will jump in to bed with some morons, and then they regret it, and then they are being overly careful with people who treat them nice. Now she cries and sobs. She will run back to me I know, but I will torture her for a while... These kind of women have to understand and learn the lesson, that guys can not be thrown around and we are persons too, and just because they are women and (I know there is too much testosterone out there, supply and demand is in favor of women) they can not control this issue as they wish. I think the realationship needs 50/50 in terms of putting effort and compromising. I never pushed her into having sex with her, and the main reason I broke up with her is because she really "pissed" me off by playing silly with me. SO I am teachin her a lesson. She keeps e-mailing me and calling, maybe I will get back to her when she comes to her senses.

[Laurynn]

Yes Tony, you have us pegged now don't you? LOL

 

Clia, if you're reading this.....that's neat to know I'm not the only one with this problem LOL...I just don't get it, though. Is your "I" key rubbed off completely like mine? My "T" is on its way too. One might think I type the words "nit" or "tin" a lot. I really don't! *grin*

 

Good thing I don't have to look at the keys to be able to type, or I'd be hooped.

 

Clia, why have you gone through so many laptops? You mean when the keys wear out, you get a new one? LOL

 

Laurynn (tin tin tin tin nit nit nit nit)

[clia]

My T key gets pretty worn, too, but not nearly as bad as N. That one completely vanishes. I've never had a problem with my I key. To answer your other question, I've had other problems with my laptops (motherboard dying, monitor problems, etc.) so it was easier and faster for them to give me a new one then to fix the problem. There's no way they'd give me a new laptop for my keyboard problems. (This is all through my company, not through Compaq.) But every time I bring the darn thing in they take a look at my keyboard and say "What did you do to your N key?" Quite embarrassing. I really don't know why it happens, but I'm glad to hear that it happens to you, too. No one else I know has this problem.

[Mr Kola]

Thank you all for your advice and input. I have reconciled with my girl friend, and she is coming to her senses. She said she will start putting more effort in our relationship, and she admitted that she has not appreciated me like she was supposed to. Well, we are going on a vacation next week, and I hope things will work out between us. And to all of you , who have put me down or called me a pri*k, F**K Off, and have wonderful life.

 

M.Kola

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "she admitted that she has not appreciated me like she was supposed to."

 

In the context of your posts below, the implication here is that you have finally convinced her that she should go to bed with you in return for all the time, movies, dinners, gifts, etc. that you have given to her.

 

I hope this girl has not made the turnabout you described. I would feel extremely sad for any situation in which a woman felt obligated to give a guy sex against her wishes because he made her feel guilty or expected it as a payback for being good to her.

 

This is not a good day for mankind.

 

YOU ALSO WROTE: "she is coming to her senses."

 

I don't think so.

 

Normally I am very happy when couples reconcile. I really want to be happy for you here. But the only thing that would make me feel good is if you implied there was more caring, love and emotion or your part in this relationship and less of a sense of entitlement to sex.

[Mr. Kola]

Let's put it this way. She is going to stop playing silly with me, I hope, sex is just a way of expressing your trust in a person. I dont necessarily want sex from her, but the way she did not trust me and did not have confidence in me was expressed in many ways, including being afraid to sleep with me... When a woman does not sleep with a man, that is a major sign of NOT trusting a man.

YOU WRITE: "she admitted that she has not appreciated me like she was supposed to."

 

In the context of your posts below, the implication here is that you have finally convinced her that she should go to bed with you in return for all the time, movies, dinners, gifts, etc. that you have given to her. I hope this girl has not made the turnabout you described. I would feel extremely sad for any situation in which a woman felt obligated to give a guy sex against her wishes because he made her feel guilty or expected it as a payback for being good to her. This is not a good day for mankind. YOU ALSO WROTE: "she is coming to her senses." I don't think so. Normally I am very happy when couples reconcile. I really want to be happy for you here. But the only thing that would make me feel good is if you implied there was more caring, love and emotion or your part in this relationship and less of a sense of entitlement to sex.

[Sally]

You have major issues. I'm a woman and if ANY man ever said to me that I should have sex with them in order for me to prove that I trust them is not worth anything. It's really sad that you associate sex with trust. Maybe you should tell that to all the prostitutes on the street corner. Do you think that they trust every man they sleep with????? They must if, according to you, sex and trust are the same thing. I have many wonderful guy friends, one of which I've lived with for 5 years. We've never had sex and I trust him with my life. The fact that I haven't had sex with him, does that mean I don't really trust him? I think the real issue is for your poor girlfriend. The fact that you are pushing a girl for sex (who may not be ready for whatever her reasons are)shows that it is YOU who doesn't really love or care for her as much as you say and it is YOU who can't be trusted. I really hope you don't hurt this poor girl, because you're mean and incredibly selfish.