Message of Hope for Divorcees

[M30USA]

Hello everybody, I used to be a regular member on this forum a few years back. Some of you probably remember me.

 

 

I just wanted to come back and give you guys some perspective now that I'm about 4 years post divorce. I recall people on here wondering why there was never any good news about people after divorce. Some posters correctly said that only those who are still in the struggle are hanging around for support, while those who have moved on are never heard from again.

 

 

Well I'm back to give you some perspective. My divorce was 4 years ago. I went from seeing my children every day to now only having standard possession (alternate weekends and Thursdays). At first I was devastated. I was also devastated about the death of my marriage. I thought I would forever have to live with a "limp" from this experience.

 

 

After some years, while nothing has really changed as far as the custody status, and while I am still divorced, what's funny is that my perspective has begun to change. As time goes by, you start to find that no matter what happens in life, God can give you peace and understanding to be okay--and not just be okay, but to have joy. You start to realize that $hit happens and it's just part of life. Nobody goes through this life unscathed. But these things are not PART of you. They happen but they don't define you. People can wrong you and hurt you...but that's on them. Sure, it affects you. But that's on them. You do what is right and you follow what is right, and the rest is in God's hands.

 

 

Right now I'm in a great place. I am more than half-way through a college degree that will significantly boost my career. It's a great experience. Not only am I improving myself, but I've also made some great friendships. It's really a great way to channel my energy and not dwell on the past.

 

 

I've also developed my hobbies and become a pretty damn good bass fisherman. At first when I pursued these hobbies after my divorce, I had this guilty feeling. It was like one part of my mind would think about how my children were with their mom while I off doing my own thing. But you know what I realized? I didn't choose this. I didn't choose to have my children taken half the time. I would CHOOSE to see them every day if I could. But I can't. So you know what? When they're not with me, I'm going to do what I love. And you know what else? This has made me a better father to them what they ARE with me, because they can clearly see that I'm happier.

 

 

I haven't dated at all in 4 years since my divorce. I am completely happy being single. I have learned more about myself during this time than probably any period of my life--what career I truly want, what kind of lifestyle matches my personality, and how to be a man. Being a man, I have learned, means that you do not seek the approval of people. You do not need women's approval, either. You are a man and you are a trailblazer. You must be the one who speaks the truth even when nobody else in a crowd of 1000 people does. Lastly, you must not let others define who you are. God made you a distinct individual for a reason. If there were someone else like you, then you wouldn't be necessary. Don't let others trample over you and mold you into what they want. Be yourself. And most of all stand up for what you believe and have boundaries. If you don't create boundaries for others, it's a matter of time until someone walks all over you. No human being is an exception to this--not even you.

 

 

If you are in the middle of a divorce or recently have gone through the wringer, just know that nothing in life lasts forever. This dark period WILL come to an end. I know this doesn't give you much consolation now, but it does mean that you should take advantage of this period of your life. I know that sounds crazy but it's true! Learn from this time. Embrace it. Do you feel pain and heartache? Embrace it. You will learn more from this pain than anything else in life. Don't hide from it. The Bible says: "When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future." (Eccl 7:14). You must realize that you are here NOW for a reason. God wants you HERE during this darkness right now for a reason. Otherwise you wouldn't be here.

 

 

Take care of yourself and do the best you can to keep up healthy habits. Get adequate sleep, don't eat too much junk food, try to spend time with family/friends, and focus on Christ as your rock and foundation. Maybe this is happening because God wants you to know that you cannot put your hope in anything or anyone except Him? It's worth considering.

 

 

Hang in there everybody.

Edited February 18, 2016 by M30USA