imperfectangel Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I would say sorry, I don't mess around with married women anymore. I'd be interested to know if other on this forum think you are correct that the MM/MW...ALL come back at some point. Based on what I have read on the various posts it would seem to be 50/50. Anyone else got any insight on this? Most threads that I read they do return in one way or another. A mistaken Mis-dialed call here or there, a email sent in error. Fishing I think it's called. Even if it's not direct contact it is still contact. They need that buzz. Same as us. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Might want to get your locks changed at your apartment. Just in case she decides to let herself into your place some day to surprise you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 Might want to get your locks changed at your apartment. Just in case she decides to let herself into your place some day to surprise you. Maybe I'm naive but I would consider the chance of this happening to be 0%. she seemed to be accepting of the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Maybe I'm naive but I would consider the chance of this happening to be 0%. she seemed to be accepting of the break up. Okay but is she giving you back the house key? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 Okay but is she giving you back the house key? Yes, when she picks up her stuff she said she will leave the key on the desk. she could easily make a copy of course but I'm confident she won't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 Still more concerned about the the ex wife doing that. Our son lives with me and she forced her way in once to snoop around when I wasn't there and he answered the door, but I digress that's another story Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Hmm, another reason to change your locks? No reason for your ex to have a key... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 She doesnt have a key, she only got in that one time cos my son let her in. I filed a restraining order because of it. It was denied but was enough to scare her off trying it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Gigi2015 Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I am 99.9% sure she was telling me the truth that she was in a sexless marriage. I'm also 99.9% sure she loved me. End of the day though it wasn't a strong enough attachment to be worth the turmoil of separating from BS and give up the comfortable life she had. As per my previous post, chance of MW leaving a M after 1 year of the affair is low, and gets less and less likely with time. Is this all based on her telling you that or anything else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 Is this all based on her telling you that or anything else? I've been in their house, seen the separate bedrooms first hand. I know how they spend very little time together and have few common interests. Hes a lot older, the plumbing long since corroded. Link to post Share on other sites
rhymemepoet Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Hi Jack, Same story here, was with MW for three years. Like you, I'm a dad, yet I was separated from my wife for six years and the actual divorce just languished. The reasons to compare the affair to an addiction are pretty obvious. But to those who do not experience this it's impossible to understand. I agree with the previous poster regarding taking the affair for what it's worth. I can see clearly now two years out, I was broken and the affair fixed the brokenness. I'm glad I was the OM and not the married, whom I feel is stuck in the room we just escaped from. I fell lucky that I moved past that point and I can look forward to finding that love again with someone I can share my life with. If it's worth anything to you, I ended up moving back with my family and even though we are purely just parents, I am glad that I'm here and not there. Stay sane. Don't let yourself fool yourself. Be glad you had it, not sad you don't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 19, 2016 Author Share Posted February 19, 2016 Same story here, was with MW for three years. Like you, I'm a dad, yet I was separated from my wife for six years and the actual divorce just languished. I can see clearly now two years out, I was broken and the affair fixed the brokenness. Stay sane. Don't let yourself fool yourself. Be glad you had it, not sad you don't. Thanks, there were some good positives. I also was somewhat broken when I met my AP, had just separated after a long emotionally abusive marriage. She did help me a lot get back on my two feet. However I know now it was right to end it, I'm beginning to see more clearly how it was starting to drive me crazy, the constant stressing out about where she is and when Ill next hear from her and next see her. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I would say sorry, I don't mess around with married women anymore. Heh, I'm at the point in life where I do and don't care, but never sex. They like that since, to most I've interacted with, it's not an affair. I see it as passing flirtations. I'd be interested to know if other on this forum think you are correct that the MM/MW...ALL come back at some point. Based on what I have read on the various posts it would seem to be 50/50. Anyone else got any insight on this? If that's an accurate assertion, that they always come back, my experiences run contrarian, mainly IMO for two reasons. One, I only have sex in committed and exclusive relationships and, generally, sex bonding is what keeps a MW on the hook when they'd otherwise be gone. The emotional attachment surrounding sex. Otherwise, attention gained and oracle of it easily forgotten. Two, with the most serious, when I'd had my fill, I sent BH's evidence. That tends to shut the door permanently. Think of it as blowing up the bridge and burning what remains just to be sure. For those who tease and titillate and romance, sure, it's possible to perpetuate that a long time after an active, or obvious, affair concludes. Same with any other relationship. It depends on the persons involved. IME, with the MW's I've been around, when they're done, they're done. Only they know the whys for sure. I can pull together discrete experiences into an educated guess but that's all it is, as is most everything since we can't read minds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 xMW picked up her stuff from my apartment today I was doing ok with it but she left me note most of which I can ignore but one line got me... "One day I will be single and if you are free I can promise that I will be with you forever til then end". This line messed me up, help. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 xMW picked up her stuff from my apartment today I was doing ok with it but she left me note most of which I can ignore but one line got me... "One day I will be single and if you are free I can promise that I will be with you forever til then end". This line messed me up, help. DO not fall for that. Shame on her for saying that for so many reasons. She has some balls to think that you're going to pine away and wait for her for years to come. Does she think in 2-5 years if she ends her marriage then calls you, you're gonna go running back into her arms and sail into the sunset together? WTF. She said that so you are her back up. You're not good enough now but later you will be? Don't let her note mess you up. Take it as a sign that she's so selfish and not the right person for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 Thanks whichwayisup. I needed to hear that. Gotta keep reminding myself that in her eyes I'm not good enough to be with now, I'm just her plan B. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Yeah, normal stuff. They know all the right buttons to push. Once one figures out the keyboard, it kinda becomes sport. Over time, hopefully with no further iterations, you'll develop a perspective about this stuff. The key is sussing out the signs early and exiting as quickly and painlessly as possible. Caution: Trust, but verify, especially when it comes to relationship status. Tricky stuff sometimes. Feminine wiles can be very convincing. Heh, rant over. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 xMW picked up her stuff from my apartment today I was doing ok with it but she left me note most of which I can ignore but one line got me... "One day I will be single and if you are free I can promise that I will be with you forever til then end". This line messed me up, help. Don't confuse an attempt to have control for love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 One day I will be single So she is planning to D her H someday, when the time is right for HER Deception. She should give this info to her H not you. I may be off base here, but due to the fact that he is older and supposedly impotent, she sounds like a gold digger or user of some sort. Did she have a kid with him? She may be setting her self up financially by him first, or waiting for him to pass on so she don't have to split assets. I have seen younger women do this with older men a lot. And cheat on them the whole time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 Good guesses. Yes they have a 13 yo daughter. And yes I wasnt her first AP. Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 xMW picked up her stuff from my apartment today I was doing ok with it but she left me note most of which I can ignore but one line got me... "One day I will be single and if you are free I can promise that I will be with you forever til then end". This line messed me up, help. Disturbing and Sick. I have been reading your posts; haven't posted. I'm sorry for what you're going through. There's something missing in a person's ability to imagine the other person's pain when writing a note like that. No clue, whatsoever, what a comment like that can do to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JacksBack Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 Thanks for the reaffirmation. It hurt to read it, put me back a step but I'm (slowly) making progress. Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Jack, just wanted to say Hi! It's a rough situation. You seem to be doing well and staying as strong as you possibly can. Keep going - it will gradually get easier. I agree with other posters that that note was wicked, although she clearly didn't intend it to be. I think she intended it as a ray of hope, but as burnt suggested, to write something like that shows she has no idea as to your mental state and what damage something like that can do to a hurt, confused mind. Keep posting. We're here for you 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts