Where do I find guys that are NOT just looking for hookups?

[ilovemusic3]

It seems like that's all guys in their 20s are looking for. I'm on Pof, Okcupid, and Tinder. How do I find guys that are more serious about dating and not just sex?

[thejabberwocky]

I have never online dated, but I've heard that people who just want to hookup use those types of dating sites, especially Tinder.

 

Maybe back off from the online dating thing and just wait to meet someone organically?

[fitnessfan365]

Well Tinder was originally designed to be a HOOK UP app. However, people that are too cheap to use paid dating sites started trying to use it for online dating. If you go on YouTube, there are countless Tinder horror story videos w/people trying to find actual romance on there. Also POF and OKC are traditionally more casually geared as well. Not quite as much as Tinder, but definitely still a lot of hook up hunting on those.

 

I know Match costs money, but if you're looking for something more serious online that would be a better bet IMO. I mean there's no guarantee you won't meet a guy looking for a ONS, But people that are willing to pay for online dating, are more likely to take it serious.

[ManyDissapoint]

It seems like that's all guys in their 20s are looking for. I'm on Pof, Okcupid, and Tinder. How do I find guys that are more serious about dating and not just sex?

 

Everywhere. It's more important to make sure that you are the type of woman with whom a man would like to be in a relationship.

[AverageJoe1986]

It seems like that's all guys in their 20s are looking for. I'm on Pof, Okcupid, and Tinder. How do I find guys that are more serious about dating and not just sex?

 

Seriously this does get on my nerves. I was on dating sites for months NOT looking for just sex. No one responded to anything I sent out. There are plenty of guys similar to me in that respect. If you cannot find them you are not doing it right.

[Bossanova]

I stuck to very strict rules on who I would 'like' and have now found a dream guy- someone on Tinder who took me on thoughtful dates, didn't bring up anything sexual and waited to be invited back to mine a few dates in rather than pushing me to go to his. Turns out he's a bit of a dream in bed too

 

Anyway, my tips for success are-

 

- Only 'like' people who have something written in their Bio. Any blanks are instantly swiped left.

- Have something interesting in your own Bio. Only respond to guys who send an opening message referring to something in your Bio/ pics (proves they've bothered to read it)

- Swipe left on anyone with just low quality/ blurry/ head shot only pics

- Don't take a chance on anyone you don't immediately find reasonably attractive. I've tried going on dates with 'meh' men and it just was never going to happen. I swiped left on any I thought were well out of my league looks wise too- I don't want a pretty boy posing, taking selfies, loving himself!

- Move from chat to date quickly- my best successes came off the back of no more than a couple of days of general chat. Save yourselves something to talk about in person!

[d0nnivain]

They are everywhere but you have to see past the glitzy mega-handsome guy to his buddy who is not quite the perfect Adonis.

 

 

Eons ago when I unsuccessfully tried OLD I picked e-harmony. That questionnaire was a p.i.t.a. way more trouble then it was worth if you just wanted a hook up. At the time it was also the most expensive site out there. To me the combo gave me some measure of comfort that anybody who would go through all that must be serious about dating / finding a relationship & want more then just a hook up which could be at with a lot less effort & money at the corner bar. Every guy I met was a serious individual, with a decent job who was hoping to marry one day.

 

 

OLD is a single tool. To find quality people you need to add real life events / meet-ups even singles events into your rotation of ways to meet people.

 

 

I met DH at a networking event for work. I got dates through other business functions like chambers of commerce. I went to a few singles events. I liked the niche groups like wine tasting dinners & a thing called Leashes & Lovers because I could bring my dog. There are groups that pursue all sorts of interests: beer tasting; sports (you are paired with someone for tennis or golf); travel etc. I went to one group that played board games on Monday nights. Didn't really meet anybody but it got me out of the house & it was very low pressure. You were kind of "stuck" with your gaming opponent for an hour.

 

 

Try volunteering doing something you are passionate about: saving the environment, rescuing animals etc. Work on your favorite political campaign. There are always interesting involved committed people in that arena.

[SSJROMANCE]

I think one of the worse ways to find dates are these online sites. It's easy for guys behind a computer to quickly proposition you and if they don't you don't know what their true intentions are until you meet them. Someone who has low self esteem and validation issues are ofter preyed on these sites.

 

Forget these sites and join groups around your area. Do new things meet new people. Safer and you end up with a better experience.

[Httm]

Pof and tinder are the 2 lowest class sites. Use match and okcupid and be clear about what you want in your profile.

[Popsicle]

I wouldn't assume that there are only guys looking for hookups online, but for many reasons beyond that, I recommend meeting men the old-fashioned way in the meat world, too.

[strawberryshortstack]

Well Tinder was originally designed to be a HOOK UP app. However, people that are too cheap to use paid dating sites started trying to use it for online dating. If you go on YouTube, there are countless Tinder horror story videos w/people trying to find actual romance on there. Also POF and OKC are traditionally more casually geared as well. Not quite as much as Tinder, but definitely still a lot of hook up hunting on those.

 

I know Match costs money, but if you're looking for something more serious online that would be a better bet IMO. I mean there's no guarantee you won't meet a guy looking for a ONS, But people that are willing to pay for online dating, are more likely to take it serious.

 

Then I must have some SERIOUSLY bad luck.... I paid for a six-month subscription to Match. I went on ONE date in that entire time (and it was horrible). I'm not an unattractive woman, and I've got a good personality...yet very few men ever contacted me, and those who did were not good matches at all (ultra conservative while I'm a bleeding heart liberal, super religious while I'm atheist, etc, etc, etc). I have always had the best luck with okcupid.

[Httm]

Then I must have some SERIOUSLY bad luck.... I paid for a six-month subscription to Match. I went on ONE date in that entire time (and it was horrible). I'm not an unattractive woman, and I've got a good personality...yet very few men ever contacted me, and those who did were not good matches at all (ultra conservative while I'm a bleeding heart liberal, super religious while I'm atheist, etc, etc, etc). I have always had the best luck with okcupid.

 

You do realize you could send out messages too, right?

[Toodaloo]

Tinder does still seem to be more for hook ups rather than relationships although I know some who have found good men on there its not really seen for that in general.

 

Men who want more in their 20's are found in the same places as men who just want hook ups so you have to try and filter through it all I am afraid!

 

Rather than use OLD you will be far better off joining groups and attending events etc. You are 20. Go out and live rather than sit and swipe right all night!

 

If you do still use OLD you need to taylor your profile towards those who are looking for that. So less selfies, no pouty pics, clothes ON in all of them and not too many... a good write up that is fun and not too long then go for it.

[Httm]

I disagree completely with finding groups. Finding groups on meetup is great fun and should be done, but if you want to find someone for dating, I have not found it to be the case at all. A lot of people are already taken.

 

Join a more serious dating site and take it seriously.

[SmartDude]

It seems like that's all guys in their 20s are looking for. I'm on Pof, Okcupid, and Tinder. How do I find guys that are more serious about dating and not just sex?

 

Guys in their 20's are smoking weed and playing video games at their friends house.

Just kidding.

 

Its not were you look really. In your case, it is more related to your age group. People in their 20's are often less serious about dating. Try putting yourself in front of men during the day when they are not thinking about sex. Make your first dates short, like an hour or less, so you can screen your dates more effectively.

[PegNosePete]

if you want to find someone for dating, I have not found it to be the case at all. A lot of people are already taken.

It's the opposite in my group. It's not a singles group or anything, but most people are single, and when they couple up (whether with someone from the group or not) they tend to attend less and less, or disappear. IMO it's a fantastic place to meet both like-minded friends, and a partner.

[thefooloftheyear]

I wouldn't assume that there are only guys looking for hookups online, but for many reasons beyond that, I recommend meeting men the old-fashioned way in the meat world, too.

 

 

.....As opposed to the newfangled way, in the produce world?

 

 

 

TFY

[katiegrl]

It seems like that's all guys in their 20s are looking for. I'm on Pof, Okcupid, and Tinder. How do I find guys that are more serious about dating and not just sex?

 

I am wondering.....how do you know that's all they're looking for.

 

Many guys will try for early sex (especially 20ish guys), but that does not necessarily mean that's all they want... many want a RL also...but are not mature enough to know how to go about developing one, so they push for early sex, and then decide afterwards if they like you enough to want a RL with you.

 

It's kind of a back-ass way to go about it IMO....but that was my experience with guys in their 20s...even older sometimes!

 

By the way, my ex and I had sex the first night we met, and we lasted six years.

Edited February 18, 2016 by katiegrl

[blackcat777]

Statistically, if you are looking for DATES and not hookups through OLD, Okcupid seems to be the best free site for a younger demographic. Lots of people like Match.

 

The key is, next, how you present yourself. SHOW NO CLEAVAGE. Talk about relationships. Do not sexualize yourself IN ANY WAY. Stay cute or business casual.

 

And finally, delete all the, "Wats up?" messages, the phone numbers, and reply only to sincere inquiries. Avoid messages that are obviously impersonal or looking for sex.

 

I still had to do a significant amount of weeding, but when I did OLD, I received more quality messages than I could keep up with and I never received a dick pic. Not one. The dates I picked were never with creepers. Chicks who show the slightest bit of boob don't have the same luck.

 

The power of a picture in these venues is ridiculous, but it's true. There is a ton of research out there about camera angles, types of smiles, clothing, etc. in OLD pictures.

 

If you like sex but don't want to hookup with a stranger, keep sex FAR, FAR away from words and pictures in your profile, and you should meet some normal people. This doesn't mean you don't like sex: it's just that *ANY* mention of sex or ANYTHING SEXY WHATSOEVER will SEVERELY degrade the results you are seeking, if you don't want to hookup.

 

(I never put a "no hookups" disclaimer because it seemed the opposite of lighthearted and a little offputting.)

[katiegrl]

Everywhere. It's more important to make sure that you are the type of woman with whom a man would like to be in a relationship.

 

Quoted again for emphasis....

[Jejangles]

Agreed with others, it's not where you meet someone, it's who you meet! I have tried almost every dating site out there: POF, OKCupid, Match (briefly), Eharmony (briefly), Tinder, Hinge... I met both genuine and shady guys on each site. I have probably online dated on and off for 6 years and in that time have had a few short term relationships but nothing truly serious that felt like it was going somewhere. But I just kept going on dates, reassessing my wants, reassessing what might be holding me back and giving it my best effort.

 

I'm in my 30s and I recently met the highest quality guy I have dated so far on Tinder (he did also have an account on OkCupid, so remember, there's a lot of overlap between the sites). I got to know him relatively slowly, didn't rush the physical and so far he is the most promising guy I have ever dated.

 

So be open to trying everything and see what works for you! Online dating IMO is a numbers game and requires some degree of luck. You just have to keep plugging away, knowing what you're looking for and keeping an open mind.

[strawberryshortstack]

You do realize you could send out messages too, right?

 

Of course, and I did. And got crickets back. Match simply doesn't work for everyone.

[phineas]

Pof and tinder are the 2 lowest class sites. Use match and okcupid and be clear about what you want in your profile.

 

nope.

They are all the same now these days.

both match & okcupid are sites where I met women who just wanted to have sex with me on the first date.

THEY wanted to come home with me.

 

I wasn't even talking sex or trying.

They came onto me.

[FleshNBones]

Seriously this does get on my nerves. I was on dating sites for months NOT looking for just sex. No one responded to anything I sent out. There are plenty of guys similar to me in that respect. If you cannot find them you are not doing it right.

My experience was similar only it took a few years to get some responses.

Dating is easy. Only getting a first date was extraordinarily difficult.

 

Fortunately, it worked out in my case, and I am married with children.

[guest569]

Found mine on tinder there is no particular place, you just have to screen them.