Cpdgirl Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I am unhappily married for two years to an emotionally abusive man been having an affair for a year with a married man I used to work with and lately he's been real controlling saying he wants me to obey him and he wants to own me he has kids and married doesn't seem to be leaving in the future I'm thinking about getting a divorce soon and he says when I'm alone things will be different between me and him but just wondering is he Using me since we don't see much of each other we normally just sext and send pictures and one possible meet up but never in public . I'm trying to get them out of my head but I am in love with them even though he says he loves me I'm not sure what his real feelings are. Feel Like a fool that I even started this. I've blocked him from my phone but I know that he's wondering what happened and I wonder if I should tell him or just not even talk to him anymore ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 You are going from the frying pan and into the fire!! He just wants to control you even when you divorce. End this affair for your own safety. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Yes, end it (you can email him goodbye if you want) and move on with your life with a fresh start without him. PS- he would have never left his wife btw. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Cpdgirl I really feel for you - you are involved with two men who don't seem to be any good for you. Your husband is emotionally abusive and your AP is controlling. I can understand why having an abusive husband would lead you to look for comfort elsewhere, but in fact your situation became even worse. You need to deal with the issues in your marriage, but you won't even begin to be able to do that when you in the middle of a affair. End the affair as soon as you can and then turn your attention to your marriage. Do you love your H? Does he love you? Is he willing to go to therapy? Does he listen to you when you tell him how unhappy you are? You won't even be able to address these questions when your head is all over the place with your affair. You deserve to be happy and you deserve a man who loves you and treats you well. good luck and keep posting, we are here for each other. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Go to counseling to figure out why you are having an affair for one and why you allow these guys to treat you like this. Secondly of course this guy is using you - don't be naive. Maybe it's your personality that make it easy to treat you like this. But seek professional help to figure it out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 just to be clear, I think you should dump them both, and have a fresh start. They both suck and will never change. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Neither of them are the kind of person you should be with. Get away from both. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) Go to counseling to figure out why you are having an affair for one and why you allow these guys to treat you like this. Secondly of course this guy is using you - don't be naive. Maybe it's your personality that make it easy to treat you like this. But seek professional help to figure it out. Absolutely agree with above. Usually the things/people we feel drawn to describe who we are more than who they are. You married a man that turned out to be emotionally abusive--something made you fall for him. You are now involved with another man who is controlling (aka emotionally abusive). What made you fall for this type of men in both times? Yes, you need to put this question under a microscope with the help of a counselor to understand YOURSELF. Were there unresolved things in your childhood that need to be addressed? How was your relationship with you father, in particular? Usually, a dysfunctional relationship with a father figure for a girl often times leads her down a road to seek familiarity by getting involved with dysfunctional men. This may or may not be case with you, but you absolutely need to address it. I agree with most posters--ditch BOTH men. Start on a fresh NEW path. If you think you 'love them', it's unhealthy attachment, not love: ask yourself the question: Do YOU feel WORTHY when you are in the company of either men? Are your needs as a human being and a woman being met by being with either man? Edited February 18, 2016 by burnt Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I'm sorry - whaat??? Own you and have you obey him? Go to therapy, you clearly need a way to get healthier and be able to end these relationships and find better human beings to involve in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Summer3 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I am unhappily married for two years to an emotionally abusive man been having an affair for a year with a married man I used to work with and lately he's been real controlling saying he wants me to obey him and he wants to own me he has kids and married doesn't seem to be leaving in the future I'm thinking about getting a divorce soon and he says when I'm alone things will be different between me and him but just wondering is he Using me since we don't see much of each other we normally just sext and send pictures and one possible meet up but never in public . I'm trying to get them out of my head but I am in love with them even though he says he loves me I'm not sure what his real feelings are. Feel Like a fool that I even started this. I've blocked him from my phone but I know that he's wondering what happened and I wonder if I should tell him or just not even talk to him anymore ? What is it about controlling men that draws you in? Link to post Share on other sites
Maddieandtae Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Cpd girl don't email him ANYTHING! For your safety and sanity block any avenues this married man has to you. Being in an abusive relationship has your esteem very low, you maybe looking for someone to have you feel good about yourself but this married man is also waving big red flags that are impossible to ignore. I was in an abusive relationship, it wasn't my personality that brought this on it was my very low self esteem that came from a very traumatic incident that happened as an young girl. You need to establish an support system and talk to someone who deals with abuse. Please end the affair and focus on what is keeping you in an abusive marriage. Take care of YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 MM often zone in on vulnerable women, the young, the naive, the weak, the sad, the lonely, the needy, the damaged, the abused. That is due to the fact that any normal woman who is comfortable in her own skin would tell him where to go, if he approached her. She would send him packing back to his wife... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Summer3 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 MM often zone in on vulnerable women, the young, the naive, the weak, the sad, the lonely, the needy, the damaged, the abused. That is due to the fact that any normal woman who is comfortable in her own skin would tell him where to go, if he approached her. She would send him packing back to his wife... True enough. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I'm sorry - whaat??? Own you and have you obey him? Go to therapy, you clearly need a way to get healthier and be able to end these relationships and find better human beings to involve in your life. At the very least read the Emancipation Proclamation. Yes, that's how crazy this is. Link to post Share on other sites
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