CrystalMinds Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Hello! I really need to get things off my chest, see how other people think about how I'm feeling because it's a bit of a mess in my head. I'm feeling very insecure lately. Part of this you could read in my thread about me being jealous of the fit girls in the gym me and my boyfriend go to. I'm working on my physique, try to look good every day, work out when I can and I look alright. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a little over a year and we had our ups and downs, went through some hard situations but we always managed to work our way through and got stronger. Now since a few weeks I'm feeling very insecure. I compare myself to every fit girl in the gym we both go to and I can't help but thinking "he should be with her, her stomach is more flat" or "he thinks she's hotter than me because she has a nicer bum", all kinds of those thoughts. I do my best when I work out and my boyfriend is proud of how focused I am and tells me I'm doing a good job. But I can't help thinking he'll leave me because he met someone prettier or funnier. When I tell him this, I always feel bad for being so insecure. Though he reacts very well to it, he hugs me and always lets me know how he feels about it. He's sorry if he did anything to make me jealous or to make me feel like I'm not good enough. He tells me he loves me and that I'm the girl he wants and was looking for. To be blunt, he even told me that, if he wanted to be with one of them, he would be because he knew them way before he met me. Then I start thinking "he should find someone more confident". It's like all he says and does comes down to me thinking I'm not good enough for him... Then I get scared and start thinking it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, I know he wouldn't cheat but me thinking he will cheat could lead to him actually doing it. Any advice on how to get through this negative thinking would be really helpful, thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I'm all about fixing issues in a relationship and making them work but with exceptions. If he is not making you feel good about yourself , leave. He could be bringing out the bad on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrystalMinds Posted February 18, 2016 Author Share Posted February 18, 2016 I'm all about fixing issues in a relationship and making them work but with exceptions. If he is not making you feel good about yourself , leave. He could be bringing out the bad on you. No no, he's doing everything he can to make me feel good about myself and in this relationship. It's me who is the issue here, with my negative thinking and comparing. Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 It's worth bearing in mind that others don't see us through our eyes, they see us through their eyes. What you see as imperfections may well be the things that he sees that make you desirable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 He can't make you feel good about yourself. You are the only one who can do that. Stop talking to him about your insecurities, especially this one. Although he's being amazing, every time you bring this up you put a chink in your relationship. Eventually he will get sick of gluing you together & your fear will become a self fulfilling prophecy & he will leave. Now hush. Get some books on improving your self esteem. Write a list of all your good qualities & then read it over & over until you believe it. Also remember if you think he is all that amazing, he must have good taste & he picked you right? So if he's so great & he picked you, that means you must be a pretty good catch. Start seeing yourself through his eyes; he's way less critical of you then you are of yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rumely Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 (edited) Listen to d0nnivain. She is spot on!! This is one thing NOT to be "open and honest" about in a relationship. There are many resources available, so get going on building your self-esteem. Edited February 18, 2016 by Rumely 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I have also sometimes had issues like this, but as a guy. And your partner can give you all the reassurance in the world, but it still won't always fix the issue. Know why? Because your issue is more inside of your head than in theirs. Having low self-esteem sucks! If crap like that creeps in, a trick I do is instead of thinking, "that person is more attractive than me," I use them as motivation to make myself better. And when you work out, don't do it for him. Do it for you. Hmm, this gives me an idea for a new goal: Get so hot, that the other person starts to have worrying thoughts like that about me? hehehe 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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