Chatwriter Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I have been dating my man for 2 years. We are divorced, no kids and in our 50's. He continues to take his ex wife out to dinner a few times a month and has said that they are fond of each other and may want to see more of each other. He says it is platonic yet I am not ever invited to join them. He said he worries about her and misses the friendship they had. She texts and calls when I am with him. We have had many fights over this. I know it is not sexual or romantic, but it really bothers me. Not sure if I can stay with him or if I should move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Move on. No reason you have to accept his actions. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 A few times per month? Waaaayyyyy too much. If he had dinner with her 1-2x per year, maybe I could get past that but multiple times per month. Honey, he's dating her. I couldn't put up with that. You can't tell him to stop. He won't. Your choices are put up with it or leave. I'd leave. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 So I take it you are not married to him? How do know it's not sexual or romantic? are you at these "dinners". And has this been going on for the entire 2 years you have been together? I'm sorry but you are being played. It is almost laughable that somebody would put up with this once let alone multiple times. Please start the process of gaining your self worth back this very day by telling Lover Boy to take a hike with his ex and stay there. Do not accept this treatment. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 This fails. It's a no brainer that eventually this will end up something more than "friendship". 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ilovemefirst Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 a word of advice.....NEXT! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 He continues to take his ex wife out to dinner a few times a month and has said that they are fond of each other and may want to see more of each other. He says it is platonic yet I am not ever invited to join them. He said he worries about her and misses the friendship they had. She texts and calls when I am with him. We have had many fights over this. I know it is not sexual or romantic, but it really bothers me. Not sure if I can stay with him or if I should move on. Huge red flag - I am sorry but you need to get out of there, before he dumps you, as that is the next step. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 This is unreasonable. I wouldn't stand for it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 This is unreasonable. I wouldn't stand for it. No-one should He is taking the mickey. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatwriter Posted February 18, 2016 Author Share Posted February 18, 2016 Thank you for the wise advice. I need to end this nightmare. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 A few times a month isn't enough......and he wants to see more of her eh..... leave them to it as you've decided and move on. He must think you were born yesterday to believe that nonsense. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 I have been dating my man for 2 years. We are divorced, no kids and in our 50's. He continues to take his ex wife out to dinner a few times a month and has said that they are fond of each other and may want to see more of each other. He says it is platonic yet I am not ever invited to join them. He said he worries about her and misses the friendship they had. She texts and calls when I am with him. We have had many fights over this. I know it is not sexual or romantic, but it really bothers me. Not sure if I can stay with him or if I should move on. I'm glad you're moving on. But for future reference, when you have many fights with a person over the same issue, it means that you're not compatible and should end it. Don't waste 2 years of your life with someone who's morals and ethics aren't compatible with yours. When he's made it perfectly clear that he planned keep meeting her, why did you keep raising the issue? Surely you'd know that he wasn't going to change. I'm not being mean. I just hope you will reflect on your own choices so that you won't end up in the same toxic situation again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 I have been dating my man for 2 years. We are divorced, no kids and in our 50's. He continues to take his ex wife out to dinner a few times a month and has said that they are fond of each other and may want to see more of each other. He says it is platonic yet I am not ever invited to join them. He said he worries about her and misses the friendship they had. She texts and calls when I am with him. We have had many fights over this. I know it is not sexual or romantic, but it really bothers me. Not sure if I can stay with him or if I should move on. End it. DO NOT waste your time on someone who is wanting to still spend time with his ex wife and invest in her rather than you. You deserve better than this crap he's trying to sell you! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Thank you for the wise advice. I need to end this nightmare. If I was seeing my exH a few times a month - that would be considered dating him. I don't EVER get together with him. That would only send a message that I prioritize time with him. And don't think they don't have sex - I'm sure they do...after all it's like they are dating, right? And then he says he wants MORE time with her? Well, it's time to tell him to take a hike! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Thank you for the wise advice. I need to end this nightmare. Yes you do. I am still very good friends with my ex wife (been divorced almost 5 years), and I would never disrespect a girl I am with the way he is doing with you. My ex wife and I chat about once a month, but I have never gone to dinner with her, and on the rare occasion that she has called and my girlfriend at the time was with me, I put my ex on speaker phone. The man you are with is an absolute a$$hat. Run. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Please don't believe they aren't having sex. They are. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 (edited) We are divorced, no kids and in our 50's. No kids means no reason to see her. No seeing exs outside of dealing with children is a normal part of most exclusive relationship boundaries. He continues to take his ex wife out to dinner a few times a month and has said that they are fond of each other and may want to see more of each other. This is called dating. Dating is two people seeing each other in order to develop a potential or existing relationship. Even if they are not having sex yet, studies show that most dates do not involve having sex, so do not buy into this not being called dating. Not dating others is a normal part of most exclusive relationship boundaries. He says it is platonic yet I am not ever invited to join them. He said he worries about her and misses the friendship they had. You not being invited to join them confirms that this is dating, and means that she is not a friend of the relationship. No having opposite sex friends that are not friends of the relationship is another normal part of most exclusive relationship boundaries. I know it is not sexual or romantic, but it really bothers me. You have no idea if it is sexual or romantic, because if it were he is not going to tell you. Also, even if it is not currently sexual or romantic it could easily become so as it has happened between them before; again he is not going to tell you when it does cross over if it has not already. What you do know for sure is that his relationship with her is based on him ignoring most normal exclusive relationship boundaries. Explain to him that you want immediate full no contact between her and him for the life of your relationship, or you will be going full no contact with him. Tell him that you are done sharing with her his dating time, and that you are sure that you can find someone that would be very happy to have you and only you as their dating partner. Tell him that if he cannot decide on the spot, that this tells you that it is time to move on, as no answer is not a yes, and will be treated the same as a no. Edited February 19, 2016 by Try Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 This is unacceptible. Tell him goodbye. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Over the time you've dated him - have you told him it hurts you when he goes to dinner with her? Have you ever asked him to stop going? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Thank you for the wise advice. I need to end this nightmare. Good idea. They are dating. I wouldn't stick around for another second. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 My exH and are long distance. When I've traveled to his area he lets me borrow his car while he is at work and I have taken him out for supper and filled his gas tank. I did stay on his couch one time for a few days - that was too much togetherness. We haven't seen each other in several years and he has a girlfriend now. If I were to go to his area now, I'd ask him out for supper, girlfriend can come along, but it would be Dutch treat. I had an ex boyfriend who was way too friendly with his ex. She was seeing a loser and whenever she needed anything she would be calling my boyfriend. He would drop everything, cancel our plans and was her lapdog. I got tired of hearing how great the ex girlfriend was - and I actually liked her. Eventually, there was one time too many and I told her what was happening. She was livid with him for lying to her, " No, I'm not busy" or "Lady has other plans, want to grab a bite?" She ripped him up one side and down the other. He then ended things with me. At the time I was heartbroken, but he spent years alone and then had a woman who wouldn't tolerate even a hint of another woman. I'd try to explain to the boyfriend one more time how this makes you feel and how it just isn't appropriate. Then I'd tell him you want to speak with the ex wife. If she wants him back, then run as fast as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherryz Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 I thougth at that age people wiser. And treat each other better..... Whatever it is, if she so important why he wasting your time? And even if they just friends its so wrong for him not to bring you. If he cant bring you and also if you have to feel like you are there in middle of their relationship as third wheel, then you really have to ask yourself if this is a healthy relationship for you or anyone. I would say leave him now. But if you feel the need,Have a last conversation with him about this, with a deadline, and what you want to see happen,and if you see you dont get the respect you deserve, leave! Whatever age you are, you can still meet your soulmate out there that will truly value you. No need to waste years and days of tears on crushes that dont even respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
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