Things really do change

[Foreverago]

Hi there LoveShack members

 

I used to lurk here years ago, reading and trying to figure out my situation. I was too ashamed to make an account but I still read everything I could. The forum's name came up a few weeks ago on a social media site and out of curiosity I peeked at the stories. I'm wanting to hopefully give someone else a little hope.

 

My story:

 

I was young, a virgin even, and had fallen in "love" with a supposed single father. The reason I wasn't allowed over was because he wasn't ready to introduce his children to me. In reality, I was just a mistress. Probably one from a line of them. They married while we were "dating". I had no clue, I was at work while it happened. I didn't find out for months and by then it was from googling his name. We had been together over a year and a half in and I was wondering why I kept getting stonewalled into not being allowed over. Looking back, I was an idiot. But there it was, a marriage announcement. I confronted him and he came to my side for a week telling me "how much he loved me and it was all a mistake and he had to marry her or she was taking off with his kids and to give him time." Then it was business as usual for him. Sadly and stupidly, I chose to believe him, I stayed for a while longer. Here I'll insert all the things you see other people post: we had a connection, I knew his heart, we were soul mates, he was confused, he didn't want to hurt his kids....

 

Right.

 

My commenting here is not about that. No sympathy for me. It's about what happens next. One night, after being accused of cheating over the phone, I snapped. I'd had enough of his projecting. Of his wasting my precious life minutes. All of the pain I was in drained away at that moment and I told him I no longer loved him, and that it was over. He was blocked everywhere. I went NC. I moved.

 

I stayed single for a long while, I needed to heal. I needed to be ok with being alone or that baggage would hurt my next relationship. A lot of self reflection happened in that time.

 

I just wanted to give some of you hope that when you leave the affair, when you stop allowing yourself to be someone's lie and most importantly, when you stop lying to yourself, great things can happen. I turned 30 last year. I'm married to a great guy. I'm not a secret. The most amazing feelings in the world for me are holding my husband's hand while we walk, living life together, playing with our daughter, waking up to my family. We take care of each other through everything. We pay our bills and live and love with honesty. Is it work? Of course! But it's way sexier than an affair will ever be.

 

And none of it comes with shame.

 

None of it makes me look at myself in the mirror and wonder why I'm only worthy of stolen moments and being with someone who says one thing and does another. No future faking. That was 10 years ago and I still remember the shame vividly. That's all I remember with clarity. The rest is just a blur of disgust.

 

I don't really know why I felt the need to share, maybe it's because I can emphasize with others pain pretty well. Just know, there's a whole world of people out there. People who aren't married or users or broken and want a human bandaid. Someone who wants to be loved just as much as you do. And when you truly get it, the married affair partner will feel like a bad dream.

 

It really does get better.

[lemondrop21]

Thank you very much for sharing. This gives me hope. I'm so glad things turned out so well for you and it was lovely to read your story.

[among the pines]

Foreverago - Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have helped me today. My relationship with MM ended a few months ago when he went NC on me. I'm still in love with him. And while I know he loves me - I guess not enough to leave. My self esteem took a terrible nosedive. It was my first and last experience being a OW. I know some women can handle it but I found out I'm not one of them.

 

I'm so glad to hear how things are now for you You deserve happiness!!!