GOSSMAN Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 My girlfriend told me 5 days ago that she wanted a break, we had been together for 2 years and I am pretty sure there is no other guy involved. She seems stressed with Uni work and her Piano stuff as well. I was pretty shocked as were my family and friends. I checked her phone and all my messages were on it still. Apparently a couple of days after it she was still really upset and wanted to call me but her friend suggested that she didnt. She told me that after 2 weeks she will call me. Originally I didn't want a break, I said that we may as well breakup because that is what a break really is, however she insisted that she didnt want to break up, she just wanted a break. I don't know what to do. It is my Birthday in a couple of days and what do I do if she contacts me then. She told me that I was the guy she wants to marry and have kids with but she's just pressured at the moment. Does anyone know what I should do? I really love her very much. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 Call this a crazy hunch, but maybe give her a break? Don't call her, don't email her, don't text her. Let her come to you. Give it at least a week or so. I've been learning lately just what a blessing having patience can be. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 Dump her ass and see how she reacts to that. Excuses, excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 "Taking a break" means that she is unsure about whether or not to stay in the relationship. Period. You can ignore everything said before those words, because once someone 'needs a break', it pretty much negates everything up until that point. Its a way of saying "I have considered all you have done for me and given me - and despite what I said in the past, I'm not sure I want you or this relationship anymore." Any 'confusion' is not confusion about how she feels - because a person who tells you "I need a break" is pretty clear about how they feel, its confusion about why she feels it - and confusion on the best way to break it to you with minimal pain. So, what to do? Give her the break. In fact, it probably wouldn't hurt to tell her that you have been rethinking things and that you need a break too. Then cut off all the ways she can contact you, and make a point of not contacting her. That will kick her off the fence, for better or worse. It is painful, and it is so tempting to make yourself available - but your availability is what got her on the fence in the first place. Take yourself out of the equation and she will be forced to make a choice about it. If she moves on, then you'll know her feelings were not only weak enough to 'need a break', but so weak that when given the opportunity to show that she was willing to put forth effort to get you back, she simply walked away instead - seeing it not worth the time or effort to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Dump her ass and see how she reacts to that. Excuses, excuses. Totally agree. No one takes a "break" if they are really into you. At best, it means they have strong doubts about the relationship. Why not find someone else who really appreciates you? Dump her sorry ass and cut her off, then go find someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GOSSMAN Posted June 11, 2005 Author Share Posted June 11, 2005 yeah i havent contacted her, but its my birthday tomorrow, she said she would call me for it. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted June 11, 2005 Share Posted June 11, 2005 Don't take her call. Or take her call and break it off before she does -- and don't say I love you or get sentimental. Just tell her to send you a crown of thorns, since you're already bleeding. (Personally, I'd go with the first option... let her bleed a little.) Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 I agree with everything westernxer has said. There are no breaks. There is together and not together. Nine times out of ten when people request a break its because they met someone that stirred up feelings inside them. And even if that isn't the case and its just stress so what? So if everytime there is stress in her life she gets to pause the relationship? Tell her no deal that if she wants a break then you're leaving her. She is not communicating and thats wrong. She is asking way too much of you. Link to post Share on other sites
suegail Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 I agree with everything Lucrezia said and I add: When she does get back in touch I think it is a good idea to say to her that you have thought it over and decided this decision will be good for both of you. Don't be cold to her, but don't be emotional. Just be accepting, be gracious if you can manage that. Let her know that you've thought about it a great deal, but stop there and don't offer her any further information. Change the subject, shorten the conversation, you're busy, you have to be somewhere. Are you getting my drift? Let it be for her to decide and make no attempt to be in touch with her. I think this is the kind of reaction she will not expect and it may get her thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
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