My sister and had a bad fight

[jessicaromano411]

For Valentines Day I brought toys r us gift cards for my little nephews. I still live with my parents and don't drive, so I'm not able to spend time with my nephews alone and drive them places like I would love to, their other aunts/uncles do take them out and I'm the only one in their life not able to. My sister is younger than me but has a "normal" life and we don't get along these days which is a shame as her kids adore me and I'm close to them.

 

So one day I called my sister about the gift cards I brought and said I would like to take the kids out and treat them and my sister will drive us around. She said ok to toys r us but asked to go to Costco to print photos using my membership card as hers got cancelled, I said ok I'll walk with the kids while you go in she said ok.

 

Then I said I was willing to treat them to McDonald's for lunch, they get it from the drive thru sometimes, and growing up me and my sister always went in to eat there. So I said lets go in and eat instead of the drive thru, my treat, as this was time to spend with my nephews it was for them. My sister tells me she refuses to eat in McDonald's and they are her kids and she says no. She won't let them eat in McDonald's saying its dirty, yet gets food from there constantly and just used that as an excuse because she didn't want to sit inside.

Then she tells me she doesn't want the kids in Costco and for me to wait in the car with them while she goes in.

I told her I'm sick of her always telling me no and she's not going in Costco because she isn't allowed my membership card and that started a huge fight. I said I'm out for the kids, not you, if you don't want to work with me I'm not helping you out. After the fight she admitted she doesn't trust me with her kids and I got really upset about this! The kids went to toys r us only because I told her she owes me my money back if she doesn't take them.

She doesn't treat her sister and brother in laws like this, they take the kids out wherever they want and she doesn't question them, but because I'm not able to drive my sister takes advantage of me and bosses me around about her kids when I just want to spend time doing things I like with them which I don't find abnormal for an aunt to do! My parents got wind of this but won't get involved.

 

I don't want to see my sister but that's hard when she comes over our house and my parents allow her, I don't want to see her because she just ticks me off and the kids always hear is argue and if I'm not going to be treated with respect this isn't going to work.

[whichwayisup]

Why did she say she doesn't trust you with the kids? What's the age difference between you two?

 

You both need to go out for a walk alone and talk it out without parents and little ears/eyes around. Sort thing out with her and really try to communicate calmly, from a place of hurt and love not from anger and ego/resentment/pettiness.

[jessicaromano411]

Why did she say she doesn't trust you with the kids? What's the age difference between you two?

 

You both need to go out for a walk alone and talk it out without parents and little ears/eyes around. Sort thing out with her and really try to communicate calmly, from a place of hurt and love not from anger and ego/resentment/pettiness.

 

She won't even let me alone in the store with the kids! I don't know why she says this, she had me babysit them all these years and never distrusted me, nothing bad ever happened.

 

She is two years younger than me. I'm 30 she is 28.

 

She refuses to talk, or do it not around anyone. I have tried talking about these issues for years as when she was living here we never got along, she was the kind to do what she wants and not listen not even to my parents and they let her do this, they were always strict on me though. things never got resolved, and now kids are involved between the mess of a relationship we have. I have tried to be nice but my sister just uses me to get what she wants and never returns the favor and helps or listens to me. We don't hug or say I love you and saying happy birthday is even akward, I get a card from the kids, not my sister or brother in law, it's messed up! But, she is super friendly with her in laws (my brother in laws family), but not her own sister!

 

I cannot say I love someone like that who isn't going to change, and if all seeing her does is cause me stress and getting upset id rather not see her.

[Mirage10]

Any idea why she does not trust you with the kids?

Try some self improvement, get driving lessons, become more independant. (is there a medical reason for you not driving?)

[jessicaromano411]

Any idea why she does not trust you with the kids?

Try some self improvement, get driving lessons, become more independant. (is there a medical reason for you not driving?)

 

I have no idea. Driving lessons aren't going to help I have my license. I have a form of dyslexia that affects my navigation and even with GPS I get lost. On top of that I have bad anxiety and depression. These make it extremely difficult to be independant, but it's not impossible. However due to lack of family support and all other kinds of stress my head is spinning trying to figure out what to do as I've seen doctors and therapists and it helped very little. This problem with my sister I do not need to deal with at this time....

[Mirage10]

This problem with my sister I do not need to deal with at this time....

 

Then don't deal with it now. Sort yourself out first. Maybe its your stres/anxiety/issues that your sister sees and thinks that you are not able to cope with her kids on your own. If that is the case, try and see it from her perspective. Seems like you need to sort yourself out first. Find other doctors/therapists. Can you afford some "me" time? Book a holiday, treat yourself to a nice resort for a week or so, even a weekend away by yourself just to recharge your batteries. Do you have a good friend that you could take along?

[amaysngrace]

Your sister sounds like a mean selfish bitch who has zero empathy for you.

 

Good for you for standing up for yourself!

 

I wouldn't concern yourself so much with how she gets along with her in-laws. If she's not nice toward you she isn't in harmony. For all you know it may all just be an act.

 

Next time that she asks you to babysit say no if you want. Next time they come to the house leave if you want.

 

Don't subject yourself to her nastiness but know that you won't see the kids as much but that's okay because it sounds like she is holding your love for them over your head anyway.

 

Two can play that game.

[jessicaromano411]

Then don't deal with it now. Sort yourself out first. Maybe its your stres/anxiety/issues that your sister sees and thinks that you are not able to cope with her kids on your own. If that is the case, try and see it from her perspective. Seems like you need to sort yourself out first. Find other doctors/therapists. Can you afford some "me" time? Book a holiday, treat yourself to a nice resort for a week or so, even a weekend away by yourself just to recharge your batteries. Do you have a good friend that you could take along?

 

I'm not able to afford going away, I wish I could I would be out of here so fast! I don't have anyone to go with either.

[Mirage10]

I'm not able to afford going away, I wish I could I would be out of here so fast! I don't have anyone to go with either.

 

Why not join social clubs? That is what one friend did when his long term relationship broke up. Instead of sitting at home feeling sorry for himself, he looked up a few social clubs online and now he s hardly at home, he goes hiking, out for dinners, gatherings etc. Not an expensive thing to belong to.

 

IMO, you need to fix yourself first, you need to sort out the anxiety and depression.