Woman demands exclusivity in the "talking stages"?

[LookAtThisPOst]

This was an interesting read. Some woman stated specifically in her profile that "Loyalty through the talking stages is what gets you to the next level." Then expressed, "I am not sure what rule is out there that states one shouldn't need to be loyal unless there exclusivity involved. Me wanting to be with YOU in a relatonship is because you'ev shown BEFORE what kind of boyfriend you will BE! Not the opposite."

 

So it sound like that even in the "getting to know you process" she expects loyalty.

 

Is this her way of saying she doesn't date guys into multi-dating?

[PegNosePete]

It is her way of saying she is not a well-adjusted individual and is irrationally jealous. As she says, she is showing you BEFORE what kind of girlfriend she will be.

 

NEXT.

[RRM321]

There is something inherently disingenuous about "multi-dating." I don't think a person is fully present in the moment when I'm being shopped or sampled with the same ferocity they would apply to hire a contractor.

[central]

She sounds like a highly insecure control freak who will make your life miserable. Next!

[RRM321]

She sounds like a highly insecure control freak who will make your life miserable. Next!

 

I don't think it enough to apply to the entirety of their persona. More likely, the issue has plagued them enough in their recent dating experience to become a hot button or filter.

 

Multi-daters can also come off as controlling because their comparative shopper mindset lays out a lot of hoops people have to jump through.

Edited February 19, 2016 by RRM321

[salparadise]

There is something inherently disingenuous about "multi-dating." I don't think a person is fully present in the moment when I'm being shopped or sampled with the same ferocity they would apply to hire a contractor.

 

Agree. Regardless of what it's called––exclusivity, multi-dating, playing the field, etc.––at the point that two people express interest in pursuing a relationship with one another, setting up a competitive environment is counter productive to establishing the trust that should be the foundation.

 

Exactly where that begins is not defined in the official rule book, but in every successful dating experience I've had there was what you might call an unspoken understanding that we'd give and receive undivided attention. When I'd go to a first meeting and then and see that as soon as he got home she was back online (other than to view my profile or send me a message) I'd take that as sign of no interest and move on.

 

My girlfriend went several weeks without logging on at all until one day I saw that she had taken her profile down. At that point I did the same. We never had the exclusivity conversation, we just were. Also, whenever we were trying to set up a time to get together if she was busy she'd always tell me what was going on so that I'd not be left wondering what she was up to.

 

I realize not everyone thinks the same way, but to me a feeling of congruency from the beginning is important. It would sound wacky to try to broach the topic with a new person, but nevertheless there are many people who share the perspective I believe.

[WaitingForBardot]

For me it would depend on exactly what the talking stages are. When I meet someone that I click with I will be in and exclusive from the first meet, just how I am. However, I would never dream of making any demand on another person at that stage. So this woman would likely be a non-starter for me, not so much for the exclusivity desire, but rather for the demand. Fortunately I've always met women that had more or less the same attitude as me.

 

There is something inherently disingenuous about "multi-dating."

And while I don't necessarily agree with this first statement, I strongly agree with your second...

I don't think a person is fully present in the moment when I'm being shopped or sampled with the same ferocity they would apply to hire a contractor.

[elaine567]

I think she probably has spent a lot of time with men who she thought she was getting somewhere with to find she was just one of many, or she is fed up correcting men who mix her up with other dates.

 

Him: How long did you live in Gibraltar?

Her: I have never been to Gibraltar in my life

Him: Oh sorry... must have you mixed up with someone else..."

Her: NEXT!!!!

[Popsicle]

This was an interesting read. Some woman stated specifically in her profile that "Loyalty through the talking stages is what gets you to the next level." Then expressed, "I am not sure what rule is out there that states one shouldn't need to be loyal unless there exclusivity involved. Me wanting to be with YOU in a relatonship is because you'ev shown BEFORE what kind of boyfriend you will BE! Not the opposite."

 

So it sound like that even in the "getting to know you process" she expects loyalty.

 

Is this her way of saying she doesn't date guys into multi-dating?

 

Correct, and I agree with her.

[PegNosePete]

But this is not about multi-dating, or messaging other people you've met. Unless I've mis-read the OP, this is about messaging multiple people who you've never met, on a dating site, before meeting any of them! Right?

 

I am not a multi-dater. I believe you should decide whether you want to take it further with one person before even having a first date with another. I am the most anti-multi-dater you'll find. Yet even I never went as far as insisting on exclusivity from first message! That is just plain ridiculous. Anyone who expects that is in for a very lonely and unsuccessful OLD experience.

[Imajerk17]

Yes indeed, women do tend to be self-protective more so than men. And there are many people in your dating pool who are overly self-protective to the point of self-sabotage. I mean, right or wrong, it is hard for many people (not everyone) to talk to more than one person after they already made contact w someone who really excites them (sometimes even before meeting in person). But if this happens, this tends to happen naturally. Her expecting it and putting in her profile as she did is strange and does make her sound unusually demanding.

 

However, a lot of people online aren't suitable for you. If you truly have the time to be writing threads on here about so many of them (which to be real is just as strange), then maybe you need a new hobby?

Edited February 19, 2016 by Imajerk17

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yes indeed, women do tend to be self-protective more so than men. And there are many people in your dating pool who are overly self-protective to the point of self-sabotage. I mean, right or wrong, it is hard for many people (not everyone) to talk to more than one person after they already made contact w someone who really excites them (sometimes even before meeting in person). But if this happens, this tends to happen naturally. Her expecting it and putting in her profile as she did is strange and does make her sound unusually demanding.

 

However, a lot of people online aren't suitable for you. If you truly have the time to be writing threads on here about so many of them (which to be real is just as strange), then maybe you need a new hobby?

 

Actually it's not strange if it's being posted on LS. ;-) So it serves its purpose for such a themed message board.

[Easyguy14]

This was an interesting read. Some woman stated specifically in her profile that "Loyalty through the talking stages is what gets you to the next level." Then expressed, "I am not sure what rule is out there that states one shouldn't need to be loyal unless there exclusivity involved. Me wanting to be with YOU in a relatonship is because you'ev shown BEFORE what kind of boyfriend you will BE! Not the opposite."

 

So it sound like that even in the "getting to know you process" she expects loyalty.

 

Is this her way of saying she doesn't date guys into multi-dating?

 

To me, personally, she sounds selfish and possessive. I'd steer clear of her. I think the writing is already on the wall with what she's about.

[Redhead14]

This was an interesting read. Some woman stated specifically in her profile that "Loyalty through the talking stages is what gets you to the next level." Then expressed, "I am not sure what rule is out there that states one shouldn't need to be loyal unless there exclusivity involved. Me wanting to be with YOU in a relatonship is because you'ev shown BEFORE what kind of boyfriend you will BE! Not the opposite."

 

So it sound like that even in the "getting to know you process" she expects loyalty.

 

Is this her way of saying she doesn't date guys into multi-dating?

 

Absolutely.

[ManyDissapoint]

When I show interest in a woman, she is the only one. I don't waste my time or hers by trying to hook up with groups of women at a time. I find one woman that interests me, and see what comes of things. If nothing, then I move on to the next girl. How is a girl supposed to feel special when a guy is hitting on a bunch of randoms while he was trying to hook up with her?

 

Well that's all well and good if she is reciprocating. If you are pining over a girl who has the same regard for you as the gum she stepped in on her last shopping trip, then you would be a bit of a simp to be devoted to her.

 

People should display loyalty commensurate with the seriousness of the relationship.

 

A girl I was trying to date was trying to make me exclusive with her, at the same time accusing me of being a player. I told her how can I know if I want to be exclusive with her until I get to know her? She said she won't go out with me unless I'm exclusive with her.

 

Sure enough she was a right bag of crazy and I'm so glad that my radar has been fine tuned to detect such behavior. It's a shame, she was very beautiful.

[elaine567]

I told her how can I know if I want to be exclusive with her until I get to know her?

 

That makes no sense whatsoever, exclusive does not mean you want to marry her, have kids with her and die in her arms, exclusive just means you are not seeing/talking to other women.

So it is impossible for you to stop seeing/talking to other women, unless you know her well????

 

It IS perfectly possible to just see or talk to one woman or man at a time.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Actually, I don't see a problem in the "getting to know you" process or "talking stages" and doing the same with one other person, should the opportunity arise only as a back-up in case the initial person decides to flake.

 

Always good to have a back-up in case one flakes.

[sweetlips2201]

Is it possible that she has a different cultural background? There are some cultures that you do the courtship thing even if you're just talking and the women see from there if you're a potential partner because you "adore her" and just her.