How to deal with weekends alone when you're used to being with your ex?

[qwrt12]

Hi,

I've been getting slightly better during the week days, when I work and go to the gym but when the weekends come I get extremely sad and depressed and go right back to thinking about my ex because she'd stay the weekends and we'd enjoy it together. I don't have many friends here, most are older than I am with families and I always ask around and they are busy. I really want to not dread weekends anymore but I don't know what to do without making myself feel terrible and miss her. I feel like people are forcing me to go out because of the breakup but sometimes I feel better at home, but at the same time I might lose a chance meeting someone elsewhere? I just don't know what to do and how to handle the weekends alone anymore

[Melrapuo]

Do you remember things you did before dating your ex? Or is there something new you've never done before? Both are a good start.

 

I've been 3 years single. The first few months were annoying because my ex popped into my thoughts all the time. Now I can't even remember any good reason why I'd want to be with my ex at all. Time is a funny thing.

 

Take time to take care of yourself, but don't push yourself into something you don't feel ready for yet. If you do something to keep busy and it isn't working, try something else. Just don't limit yourself.

[Raina314]

I know this seems really random and potentially even a bit silly, but try doing those 1000+ piece jigsaw puzzles. That's what I've been doing (my social life has really disintegrated over the past year) and I find it rather therapeutic. That said, weekends are indeed rough, and it may be that way for a bit. I feel you. But hey, at least you don't have to dread Mondays as much anymore!

[Raina314]

Popping back in here.

Its Friday, and I cried on my way to work for the first time in a few weeks. While weekends were a little easier than weekdays in the beginning, they've now gotten a lot harder. I feel myself getting sadder on Friday and then by the time the weekend rolls around I miss my ex so much it hurts again .

 

I don't even know what triggered it today. I just keep getting caught up thinking how great it was in the beginning and wondering how he just stopped caring.

[Bito]

Don't be to hard on yourself for feeling bad. It's ok to feel awful. Even though you might not want to. Just remember how you feel is not what is representative of reality. Our minds warp and mangle our perception and memories to fit a certain story.

 

The last thing you want to do is escape from your feelings by jumping into a new relationship. They always follow you. Take your time to heal properly. You will become a much stronger person for it.

 

Best wishes,

 

Bito

[Mr. Disposable]

As hard as it seems, everyone here is right. Find something that you love to do and the loneliness really does start to fade away.

 

You'll remember it, but if you channel it into what you're doing and it helps you create something or fuels an effort with passion, it gets way easier.

 

I've been furiously creating things since my break up. Lyrics, music, artwork. Anything that you have in your life that makes you feel creative, use it to make a bigger fire. Let that thing burn out and that's when the healing starts.

 

Got anything you love to do in your life?

[Raina314]

I've been furiously creating things since my break up. Lyrics, music, artwork. Anything that you have in your life that makes you feel creative, use it to make a bigger fire. Let that thing burn out and that's when the healing starts.

 

Got anything you love to do in your life?

 

I used to really love writing, so I've been trying to get back into that, and it is helpful. ^This is also why I suggested the jigsaw puzzling earlier, even though that's not an expression of my personal creativity, it does sort of result in a new "creation."

 

I hope this weekend is better.

[DatingDirection]

I took time, enjoying the new start, and enjoying being alone with me, getting back to knowing who i was with out him. Watching stuff on youtube that made me laugh...or just cried my eyes out. Going to the gym helps too.

[jen1447]

1. Get plenty of exercise - doesn't have to be crazy exercise, just walk. Think of it as walking her out of your system. It's healthy physically and also it's a great platform for your mind to do some good processing work. (I think this has been shown in studies before - you think 'better' while moving.)

 

2. Do something. You don't want to just stare out the window all day. It could be sth like puzzles or being creative - as long as your mind's occupied you'll benefit. You'll never completely take her out of your thoughts but even if you can lesson it by a quarter or sth that's a huge win.

[Damaged217]

My bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago so I understand how hard it is. Some days I am just fine and other days I just feel so hollow and empty. Nights are really hard for me for some reason.

 

My advice is not to just do random things that will only distract you for a little bit at a time. Do something for YOU. Start a new hobby or continue with something that you used to do before her. For example, maybe try learning a new language. That's something that is time-consuming, but also beneficial for you. Try writing out your feelings and just cry and get them out. I find when I'm feeling blue and start trying to analyze the break up, it helps soooo much to just write all of my thoughts out. I have a livejournal so I just type all of my feelings and cry if I have to then go about my business. It's okay to feel sad, but don't let it consume you. Tell yourself you will only allow yourself to sulk for a few minutes then you have to stop. Staying at home and just sulking is only letting your ex win the breakup. You don't want that, do you? Do you think she is sitting at home and crying about you? I highly doubt it. Go do things that make you happy! Laughter is the best medicine. Go watch a funny movie or grab some friends and go to a comedy show. Just find a way to laugh again. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel.

[sorano]

I thought I was the only one who was feeling the same thing. My ex gf broke up with me a month ago. when I am at work, I feel ok. Not 100% bc she still pops in my mind, but I am not depressed. I am keeping myself occupied. Around 8 I go to the gym. I am getting back into body building. One of my old hobbies.

 

weekends come along, depression. I get sad, feel like crap, and think of my ex all day. we used to do things together and sunday was our day to do everything bc we both had off from work. she would sleep over and we had fun.

 

Now im left on the side of the curb. I know I have to keep myself occupied and have fun, but this really sucks. I know the feeling.

[kztar]

someone give me some insight on this too. Weekends are a nightmare. They used to be what I looked forward to all week. SMH. Same boat buddy. Hang in there

[sorano]

I just wrote this in another thread on here few seconds ago.

 

I used to look forward to the weekends before I met my girl and would get even more excited for the weekends when I met her and did things. Now I hate them.

 

Two weeks ago, I woke up at the same time I would wake up when my girl spent the night. It was every weekend. Got dressed, got in the car, and I drove to the places that we would go to. whether it would be a supermarket, clothing store, whatever. I would drive to the destination and walk the same path. I made pretend she was by my side.But I glanced over, and she wasn't there. Reality sunk in. My fairy tale ended.

[Satu]

Snip

 

Hi,

*I just don't know what to do and how to handle the weekends alone anymore

 

You're living in a new chapter of your story, so do new things, meet new people, go to new places.

 

The world belongs to you.

[sorano]

How is everyone doing? really feel like crap today. Had a decent morning. But now, im just sad again. I never thought I would say this in a million years, but I cant wait to go to work tomorrow.

[kztar]

Sorano. I am another one CHEERS TO MONDAY. Although I did have a pleasant weekend. Im kind of getting used to this life. Don't know how long you were dating your ex but I would say focus on how life was before your ex came in the picture. Picture your weekends. I know when I think about life before my ex it was honestly much more exciting. That helps although im still sad.

[Randomlyrandomme]

One thing I've noticed about the weekend that makes it more difficult is the lack of structure schedule.

 

Mon-Fri your in school or at work. You know ahead of time that you'll be there, doing said activities, home, dinner, bed.

 

Weekend- empty space.

 

Try schedule tasks, appointments and errands for the weekend to keep you busy.

[LostOne1]

I remember myself being in the same spot 3+ years ago.

 

Honestly... time was the only thing that really helped.

 

But, what also helped was school, work, friends, family etc...

 

I just decided I was going to work on myself. I went to the gym a lot too.

I think the problem is we have this feeling of we need to do something, or else we will go crazy in our thoughts.

 

The biggest thing for me probably was hanging with my siblings. I think with them I was able to take my mind off things a lot easier.

 

Go take some long walks. I found it sort of helped get me out there. Sure, I did ask myself a lot of questions. But, it was nice to be out and about and observe people or at least be in an area full of people.

 

But, I find time heals a lot. Anyone that's ever left my in my life family, friends, pets or partners. It all got better in due to time.

 

I guess as it was said earlier... the world will still turn, days will still count down. The world won't stop for you in any way. So you have the choice to move on with the world, or sit back and hope it stops. Eventually, your body, mind and soul will realize it's time to finally move on with your life.

 

hang in there!

[acrosstheuniverse]

I honestly recommend that you get some kind of weekend paid or, even better, voluntary job. It'll get you out meeting new people and fill your time, and if you are just volunteering it'll give you chance to really feel good about your achievement, meet others who tend to be open and giving people, and potentially give you some insight into other people's lives which are more difficult than yours.

 

Xmas day 2012 and 2013 I was going to be spending alone as I usually spent it with my ex's family, instead I spent the majority of the day at my voluntary job and then saw friends. Treat your weekends similarly. Make sure you have a plan for each day, doing something productive and then seeing a friend on at least one day. In a few months you'll be back to simply enjoying the downtime and pursuing your hobbies but in the meantime you're gonna have to be a bit more proactive to ensure your weekends don't suck.

[Tribble]

Weekends are tough. And like someone else said, I struggle with nights. Be thankful work gives you some respite. The distraction is good but my ex works here. A good day is when I don't bump into him. A bad day is when I hear his voice downstairs.

 

 

One thing that stuck out to me in your post is sometimes you'd feel better at home but you're worried about missing out meeting someone. If you want to stay home, stay home. Just make sure it isn't all the time. It's all about balance. I've forced myself to go out plenty of times and ended up feeling worse because I haven't been in the right place to be out and about with people. Don't go out with the hopes of meeting someone. Go out because you want to and hopefully that person will come alone. If you're in 2 minds about going out, then go out. But stay in if that's what you absolutely want.

 

 

I would also second that writing down what you're thinking helps tremendously!

[losangelena]

One thing I enjoyed about breaking up (about the only thing) was all the "me time" I got back. I like to wake up early, but my ex was always a late-riser, so it's nice to spend that time I normally spent sitting around waiting for him to wake up, doing all the things I like to do that he didn't—go hiking, run over to the farmers market, grab a book and head to the coffee shop. It helped that my ex and I live on opposite sides of the city, so it was easier to get into a routine that didn't remind me of him on a daily basis.

 

The beginning was truly hard, but over time I felt motivated to do new things. I started a succulent garden; currently I'm writing and recording a podcast I'd wanted to do for a long time. Also, I go out with friends a lot. Just yesterday I spent helping one friend weed out her backyard. It was physically demanding, but digging in the dirt and yanking those weeds out by their roots was so satisfying.