I'm a 37 year old man with no friends..

[spmh1017]

I mean I have some, but nobody I can hang out with and do anything with.

 

This usually means when I date I become super needy cause if I'm not with my GF I'm at home drinking a bottle of wine by myself.

 

Before I was single my wife was my best friend. My life revolved around my wife and kid, day in and day out.

Now that I'm single every guy I would count as a "friend" has their own family. My other "friends" are the shut-in/nerdy type and I'm looking to spread my wings.

 

I asked my buddy out the other day saying "lets just get a beer" and his response was "Naw, I'm gonna stay in and Vape and watch Starwars"

 

I went to the bar alone and sat by myself for a hour before I called it quits.

 

To top it off I really dont "fit in" with people around where I live. I make good money and dress very well, nothing over the top like 3 piece suits, but if I'm going out for a drink I'll wear something like a Burberry button up and some $200 skinny salvedge denim jeans..I go to a stylist not a barber even..

But my local bars are basically people wearing Malboro branded clothing or even worse...sweat pants!

I stick out like a thumb and more then likely have everyone thinking Im gay.

 

This isnt really a problem when I'm out with my GF cause she lives an hour away in the city and I fit in more with the trendy crowd but I'm not driving an hour to sit alone get a little drunk then driving an hour back.

 

So I sit all week long texting what few contacts I have saying "What are you doing tonight?" and getting the same responses "Kids/Wife" or "Staying in playing video games"..

[Alamo657]

It could be much worse, you could be 37 years old with no friends AND no kids.

[spmh1017]

It could be much worse, you could be 37 years old with no friends AND no kids.

 

I have a 14 year old who basically thinks I'm the most boring nag in the WORLD lol

3 times a week we do soccer but other then that he would rather have nothing to do with me. All about his friends and his Call of Duty...

 

I basically spend my week cleaning up behind him, cooking for him, taking care of our dogs, washing clothes, etc.. and sitting alone watching Netflix drinking a bottle of wine alone eating cheese till I pass out lol

[GorillaTheater]

You need to circulate more. Are you a member of a gym? Lots of people to meet and talk to there. Meet-up group? Volunteer work? People you know from your job? Lots of opportunities to seize.

[spmh1017]

You need to circulate more. Are you a member of a gym? Lots of people to meet and talk to there. Meet-up group? Volunteer work? People you know from your job? Lots of opportunities to seize.

 

I'm very shy which doesnt help, I usually wont initiate a conversation and no one ever does with me it seems. I go to the gym but I have a trainer so its usually a 1 on 1 thing plus I stand out cause I'm not a big hulking guy so I rarely go over to the male dominated heavy weights area.

No groups Ive found nor would I know what to look for...I have no hobbies really

I work alone, headphones and audio books are my best friends at work. The guys I do know are all family men, I'm the lone single guy.

 

Every parent on my sons soccer team is 10-15 years older then me...plus again, I'm the only single parent.

 

Plus I always fall into the "wierd" camp...I dont do "man" stuff like hunting or watching football and such. I kinda just exist alone.

[deckard11]

I'm 41 and have no friends and I'm totally fine with it. I got sick and tired of so called "friends" ditching me all the time.

[loveweary11]

Was in the same situation.

 

No friends due to having been married.

Don't like going out alone ( had a thread on that).

Somewhat the same as you not fitting in at redneck bars.

Work alone managing people.

I don't do "man stuff" either.

I even have friends who stay in and vape! ha ha ha

 

I used the interwebs to meet women in real life, then formed many, many friendships from that.

 

A possible solution.

 

Watch out for the bottle of wine a night thing... it can become a problem, especially if you're bored.

[HansonGirl]

I mean I have some, but nobody I can hang out with and do anything with.

 

This usually means when I date I become super needy cause if I'm not with my GF I'm at home drinking a bottle of wine by myself.

 

Before I was single my wife was my best friend. My life revolved around my wife and kid, day in and day out.

Now that I'm single every guy I would count as a "friend" has their own family. My other "friends" are the shut-in/nerdy type and I'm looking to spread my wings.

 

I asked my buddy out the other day saying "lets just get a beer" and his response was "Naw, I'm gonna stay in and Vape and watch Starwars"

 

I went to the bar alone and sat by myself for a hour before I called it quits.

 

To top it off I really dont "fit in" with people around where I live. I make good money and dress very well, nothing over the top like 3 piece suits, but if I'm going out for a drink I'll wear something like a Burberry button up and some $200 skinny salvedge denim jeans..I go to a stylist not a barber even..

But my local bars are basically people wearing Malboro branded clothing or even worse...sweat pants!

I stick out like a thumb and more then likely have everyone thinking Im gay.

 

This isnt really a problem when I'm out with my GF cause she lives an hour away in the city and I fit in more with the trendy crowd but I'm not driving an hour to sit alone get a little drunk then driving an hour back.

 

So I sit all week long texting what few contacts I have saying "What are you doing tonight?" and getting the same responses "Kids/Wife" or "Staying in playing video games"..

 

I think this is God's cue for you to venture out and get some new hobbies. I know that sounds cheesy. But most of the people I know are through some shared interest. If you have no interests, well now it's our chance to develop some. I have a friend who is in the local running group and she's friends with all those people and does a lot of stuff with them

 

and ps stop thinking you are better than your locals with your burberry shirts - nobody is telling you to wear that - just go buy something less expensive if you think that's what is keeping you from fitting in

[Satu]

Shared interests are the way to go.

 

You get something to talk about as part of the package.

[mrs rubble]

You need new hobbies.

Do they have a pub quiz night near you? That's often a good way to meet people.

There are loads of groups and clubs, just pick a couple out, go visiting them and see what you enjoy.

[RRM321]

Friendships are forged not found. Those people wearing sweat pants and uniform jersey's in the bar met there for a drink but, they forged their friendships in the community. Bars serve drinks not friends, just check the menu. You need a community you can get involved with not simply a place to position yourself.

 

Look for activities where that kind of work can be done. Think of friendship as the match up of two different but compatible gears. For the teeth to engage the gears both have to be involved in a mutual machination.

 

Right now, your approach to friendship is more like placing a billiard ball on the table. It can collide and bounce but, has no opportunity to engage.

 

Being a parent is priority #1 but, standing on the sidelines at a soccer game makes you a spectator (billiard ball) whereas, had you volunteered to coach you'd be more engaged with both your son and other adults. Let's use scouting as an another example: an activity for your son where you can also volunteer and be part of the adult organization.

 

You're a single guy so, you're needs will frequently not align with couples with respect to what you do socially. The attribute you most have in common with other people is parenthood - so see where you can expand that to meet other adults with similar interests.

[risjurad]

I'm 41 and have no friends and I'm totally fine with it. I got sick and tired of so called "friends" ditching me all the time.

I wouldn't mind not having any friends really. However, if something I'm doing is putting off girlfriends, or employers, I'd like to know and fix it, as it's hard to get by in life without a job, and I'd like to have a decent shake of getting married one day.

[BlametheIrish]

You need new hobbies.

Do they have a pub quiz night near you? That's often a good way to meet people.

There are loads of groups and clubs, just pick a couple out, go visiting them and see what you enjoy.

 

This.

Also not trying to pick on you but I haven't met a woman yet who finds skinny jeans on a man attractive.

[MCGar]

You've boxed yourself in and are either looking for solutions that aren't possible with the roadblocks you have put up or are looking to just vent and possibly have people just sympathize about how crummy things are.

 

What are YOU willing to do to overcome those obstacles?

You're shy.....and? What are you going to do about it? Nothing? and bemoan that people around you don't befriend you out of nowhere if you don't speak to them?

 

Adults are shy, don't like confrontation, feel out of place, on and on but in order to GET what we want or need, we need to find a way through that obstacle.

 

Take a community college course for something you are interested in. When I was in community college while young, I found a bunch of senior citizens taking courses to better themselves, they were easier to talk to than my peers and if I had been just a decade older, I'm SURE I would have hung out with them a little more. Take classes that have group work or labs and you'll find instant buddies to chat with.

 

Volunteer in the community, from the animal shelter to the homeless shelter, if you expand your experiences you might find yourself being a little less close-minded (only wanting to hang out with those that are so similar to you) and you might find some really good friendships.

 

Go to your libraries book clubs.

 

Take a public speaking course in order to help with your shyness.

 

These are only a few suggestions, but I still end up where I had began.

 

What are YOU willing to do?

[SSJROMANCE]

You just need to get out and meet new people. Friends come and go - good friends stay around forever. But with a wife and kids it's hard to find time to "get away" although it does become a little easer when they get older.

 

I do know married guys with younger kids who go out all the time WITHOUT the kids and go on vacations WITHOUT the kids. These are the selfish fathers who only had kids for sex and not to raise them. So you probably understand that. For the nerdy guys let them stay in - don't feel bad. They are nerds. That's why you need to finds new friends to enjoy.

 

Life is an evolving door my friend. Things rarely remain the same. For myself I do the kids thing the husband thing the cooking thing the running around thing but then I need down time more so than most people. So many times I would rather sit in my recliner at the end of the night have a few beers and watch the tube and tomorrow start all over.

Edited February 25, 2016 by SSJROMANCE

[Emilia]

You need to find hobbies and interests to become a better rounded person. That will give you confidence because you will get out of your comfort zone and have subjects to talk about.