Is he a rebound? [new update]

[Satu]

snip

*I then followed the rule of he who cares less, has the most power....until today.

 

**I'm so so so sad....lying in our bed alone....I just wish she comes back.

 

*This 'rule' is total nonsense, just like all the other relationship 'rules' that people throw around on the internet.

 

**The way you are feeling is absolutely normal and to be expected.

 

Divorce from someone you want to be with is a major loss, and a major emotional wound, which has to be healed by going through the grieving process.

 

Cry your tears, rage against fate, and feel sorry for yourself.

 

This is one life experience that makes it OK to feel sorry for yourself for a while. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that its necessary that you feel sorry for yourself.

 

Not forever, but for a while.

 

You'll be OK.

 

 

Sooner than you think.

 

 

Take care.

[Mikep88]

It has been a long while since I posted something.

Since my last post I've learned such alot about myself and got to know lots of other people....slowly and surely I started moving on, until Saturday!

 

I was on my way to a local bar to meet up with some friends, when they called me to inform me that she and her boyfriend are also there.

They told me to get them at another bar, they will get me there because they are afraid that seeing them together would hurt me, so I did just that.

 

My friend told me that she bursted out in tears when she tried to introduce her new boyfriend and he was not interested in meeting him....please can someone explain to why she would cry???

 

After doing some pub crawling with a few friends...guess who walks in at our last pub....my ex and the bf.

I didn't care that much because I was under the influence and surrounded by alot of beautiful women who I'm friends with. They also knew she was there, do they decided to give me extra attention. Most of these girls are all new friends I met the past few months.

 

I gazed a few times in her direction....seeing her all happy and laughing and hugging him. We have mutual friends, so she still has contact with them, but he does not have alot of friends.

They did not stay very long.

 

So, waking up the Sunday afternoon.....sober.....it finally hit me and took me back to Square 1.

We stay around 3 miles from each other and hang out at the same pubs. First time seeing her in how long and when it happens, it breaks me and the chances are pretty damn good we will bump into one another again.

 

So how am I suppose to move on if I'm going to keep running into her, even after a few months??

After our divorce was finalized she wanted to come to me ti drop the apartment keys, I told her I don't think it's a good idea and she should drop it at a friends.....was this the correct thing to do??

 

It looks like she is pretty happy with him....but sometimes I wonder if she ever thinks about us...mourn the death of our relationship or if she just moved on with her life and totally forgot about me.....

[Mr. Lucky]

All backwards looking thoughts when you should be enjoying the view forward.

 

Give yourself a day to wallow and then let it go. Sounds like you're on a good path...

 

Mr. Lucky

[smudge21]

Any contact with an ex will always set you back if you are still in the healing stages. The focus is on how long it takes you to feel calmer and better about it. You'll notice that as time goes on, you calm down quicker - yeah, it hurts bad when you see them and they've moved on, and it can hurt for a long time, but then it slowly gets easier. It's those periods that shorten as you slowly (very slowly) heal. You can't force yourself to feel better and you should never beat yourself up for feeling bad or down. It happens to us all and we all heal in different ways and times. You have a good set of understanding friends (and some attractive ladies too) so spend as much time with them as you can and just let no contact continue.

[keiji]

Any chances of avoiding certain places to minimize the possibility of bumping into her? I haven't set foot in my ex-g's neighborhood for almost eight months and I'm not planning to do it until I feel I'm fully healed. I have a horrible time whenever I'm in a place where there's even the tiniest possibility that she may show up. I know some people are all for "manning up and facing reality", but I tend to be more practical and avoid unnecessary suffering.

[Cooper04]

Pretty much the exact same thing has happened to me. Was doing fine, then met my ex out on a date on sunday and came crashing back down to earth.

It feels like such a massive set back, just when you think you're doing ok.

My ex has moved into my neighbourhood, so like you I will be running into her and probably see her again with other guys.

Breaks my heart, but what can you do?

 

Avoiding places I think she might be sounds like being weak and letting her run my life, but it is perhaps for the best right now.

[keiji]

Avoiding places I think she might be sounds like being weak and letting her run my life, but it is perhaps for the best right now.

 

Perhaps I'm kidding myself because I'm one who runs away from potentially painful situations, but I don't think having feelings for someone and not wanting to be hurt is a sign of weakness at all. It's just a fact. I wouldn't go to my ex-g's usual hangouts in the same way I wouldn't put out a cigarette on my forehead.

[kgcolonel]

your best strategy is when you do see her....ignore her and act as though she is invisible. If you simply can't avoid her, be polite and move on quickly. Don't be fake and smile, laugh or anything else that is not genuine....simple say, I have something i need to attend to...(namely exiting her presence).

 

Do this until you can be happy about her situation with a new BF.

[Cooper04]

Perhaps I'm kidding myself because I'm one who runs away from potentially painful situations, but I don't think having feelings for someone and not wanting to be hurt is a sign of weakness at all. It's just a fact. I wouldn't go to my ex-g's usual hangouts in the same way I wouldn't put out a cigarette on my forehead.

 

Perhaps I phrased that poorly, didn't mean for it to sound harsh..

I agree with you, but in my case she has moved in 200 yards from me, next to a park that's always my favourite hang-out place during the summer. And she brought a date there.

Abandoning it because of her sticks in the throat, but I probably should. Like you say, it is the most practical and rational choice given my situation.

[keiji]

Perhaps I phrased that poorly, didn't mean for it to sound harsh..

I agree with you, but in my case she has moved in 200 yards from me, next to a park that's always my favourite hang-out place during the summer. And she brought a date there.

Abandoning it because of her sticks in the throat, but I probably should. Like you say, it is the most practical and rational choice given my situation.

 

Sure, I didn't think it was harsh at all. It's just that in these cases some people tend to advise you to "be a man" and face the issue right ahead and I don't think it's a very reasonable way to approach it. You protect yourself and once you're over the breakup, those considerations don't even cross your mind, but you've saved a ton of pain in the process.

[Mikep88]

Any chances of avoiding certain places to minimize the possibility of bumping into her? I haven't set foot in my ex-g's neighborhood for almost eight months and I'm not planning to do it until I feel I'm fully healed. I have a horrible time whenever I'm in a place where there's even the tiniest possibility that she may show up. I know some people are all for "manning up and facing reality", but I tend to be more practical and avoid unnecessary suffering.

 

That will be close to impossible as there are only a few spots in our neighborhood we hang out. And not going places she goes to....I'm like, why must I not go, she is the 1 who messed up and I'm sure she is the 1 who will be leaving 1st. But I also scan the place as I walk in to prepare myself if I see her. Like smudge21 said, I'm keeping the NC rule and it set me back....but as time moves on you recover more quickly. It's Tuesday and I'm over it already!

[Cooper04]

That will be close to impossible as there are only a few spots in our neighborhood we hang out. And not going places she goes to....I'm like, why must I not go, she is the 1 who messed up and I'm sure she is the 1 who will be leaving 1st. But I also scan the place as I walk in to prepare myself if I see her. Like smudge21 said, I'm keeping the NC rule and it set me back....but as time moves on you recover more quickly. It's Tuesday and I'm over it already!

 

 

I hear you. I just saw my ex again, driving past the same park. This time she spotted me as well, she turned and looked at my car, which is easy to recognize. Fortunately not with some guy.

Still, I nearly crashed..

I'm uneasy with having to abandon "my" places to accomodate her, but is it worth the pain?