Infidelity + murder

[HurtHusband]

Hello folks,

 

I'm a B.S. My wife's cheating as well as being hurtful, has also caused me to feel a whole range of emotions and is one of the worst things I have had to experience in my life. It's true your not the same person afterwards and learn a lot about human nature...

 

Now, I started watching shows like 'my dirty little secret' 'scorned, love kills' and

'Deadly affairs'. I enjoy watching dramatized crime shows based on real events, but it surprised me how frequent homicides connected to infidelity actually are!

 

I don't have plans to kill my wife/ but it made me think about

our situation / my wife's cheating and deception had revealed a different side of her character / it would be far fetched to think my wife might try to kill me.. But

how much can you really know a person? I know she keeps in touch with an OM who lives in a different country and they plan to meet up if he visits..

 

I guess you can't predict the future/ but when your partner is in a full blown physical affair ( as she was in the past) they can be downright unpleasant, and snap at you or take their anger out on you...

[Mr. Lucky]

I don't have plans to kill my wife/ but it made me think about

our situation / my wife's cheating and deception had revealed a different side of her character / it would be far fetched to think my wife might try to kill me.. But

how much can you really know a person? I know she keeps in touch with an OM who lives in a different country and they plan to meet up if he visits..

 

I guess you can't predict the future/ but when your partner is in a full blown physical affair ( as she was in the past) they can be downright unpleasant, and snap at you or take their anger out on you...

 

I'd guess you have it backwards - someone twisted enough to murder a spouse might be willing to use infidelity as a means to an end, perhaps to recruit/motivate an accomplice.

 

Don't think it works the other way, not many WS intent on killing their spouse - other than emotionally ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[soleilesquire]

Yeah, I agree. Cheating is awful but the implication that it means they're a murderer waiting to happen is ridiculous.

[TX-SC]

Does this belong in the infidelity section or the murder section?

[Mrs. John Adams]

you made me spit out my wine...lol...not good

[MuddyFootprints]

I've witnessed an infidelity based murder conviction. I'm still not entirely convinced the conviction wasn't morality based instead of on guilt of murder. Yes, he may have had motive, but is that enough to convict?

 

Regardless, be careful.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Hurt husband, I have to ask why you are still with your wife? It does not seem that you or, for that matter she, have reconciled with each other. From the little that you have written in your OP, it is clear that your wife is not remorseful at all and, what you say is true about her being in contact with an OM who is abroad, it is apparent that she is only waiting for a chance to meet up with him and resume an affair. You, on the other hand, have developed some bizarre tendencies such as watching crime movies with infidelity as the motivating ingredient. I think such tendencies are morbid and not likely to do any good for your mental and emotional health. Even some of the thoughts that you have expressed here are tinged with morbidity.

Why don't you do yourself a big favour and just leave? What is holding you back in such a toxic relationship? I would think that no reason that you could come up with can trump( Not the Republican Presidential candidate) the one singular reason which is your mental, physical and emotional well being. Just think about this and act expeditiously otherwise you will be sucked into a cauldron of depression, mental and physical I'll health and be a broken man a few years down the line. Act while you still have the wherewith all. Warm wishes.

[carhill]

Yeah, we as guys have that dark side that allows us to kill people with little or no remorse, which is why we've been doing it for centuries both as a result of anger like in an infidelity situation, or fear, like when threatened, or on orders, like when soldiering. The basics are in our genes, of course socialized to a more peaceful and socially acceptable level for relationships and societal interactions.

 

IMO, the key is how one processes that anger due to the betrayal in the moment and, later, upon reflection, figuring out where it comes from. IME, anger usually comes from fear, not in the moment necessarily but rather from emotional memories stored in the brain made over time.

 

IMO, any man who really loves or loved his spouse and completely attached to her will have flashes of dark thoughts when confronted with the betrayal of infidelity. That doesn't mean they will become action. There's a lot of layers of conditioning between those two places, and conscious thought and reflection.

 

 

I did note your comment about your unfaithful spouse also having potential for deadly results. Sounds far-fetched, right? Probably is, in most cases. However, I'm always reminded of the local gal who tasered her husband until he was unconscious then stuck him alive in a barrel of acid and killed him. She didn't like how the divorce was going, apparently. So, anger and deadly action isn't exclusively the purview of men, though in general it is fairly isolated and unusual in women.

 

Betrayal, of which infidelity is one betrayal we can suffer in life, can certainly affect or change one. What comes after we have control over. Our power is in the choices we make. It sounds like you have that dynamic firmly in hand and are reflecting on things. Good on ya for that. My sympathies.

[JohnAdams]

It does seem that every week on the network reality shows that it highlights a murder that stems from infidelity. No doubt the trauma of infidelity can cause murder.

 

I certainly never had an urge to commit murder.

 

I do know my wife's AP had been involved with numerous women including married women. If someone had taken him out, I certainly would have contributed to the defense fund of the accused.

[66Charger]

I would have loved to have put a bullet in the head of my daughters mom EA X boyfriend, struggling musician, pot head blah blah blah

 

And i still do.

 

Every time I see him.

 

But in truth, I really dont care.

 

Because anyone who wants to go, can get going already.

[MuddyFootprints]

On what legal basis?

[HurtHusband]

If anything, watching these shows has just shown me that the last thing you ever want is some sort of messy physical altercation. For example, I've never hit my wife and I never will, but she has hit me when particularly stressed. Not enough to hurt me, but it was more the shock that she can't always control her emotions and is likely to lash out + how disrespectful it is.

 

I can imagine what confronting her would be like / I think I would just prefer to leave a note or the divorce paper and exit quietly....

[MuddyFootprints]

Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.

 

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.

 

There is danger from all men. The only maxim of a free government ought to be to trust no man living with power to endanger the public liberty.

 

Let us tenderly and kindly cherish, therefore, the means of knowledge. Let us dare to read, think, speak, and write.

 

Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order.

 

But a Constitution of Government once changed from Freedom, can never be restored. Liberty, once lost, is lost forever.

 

 

 

So says John Adams.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'd guess you have it backwards - someone twisted enough to murder a spouse might be willing to use infidelity as a means to an end, perhaps to recruit/motivate an accomplice.

 

Don't think it works the other way, not many WS intent on killing their spouse - other than emotionally ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Not so true.

 

WS whack spouses. OM/OW whack WS and BS.

 

Lots of people go way too bonkers.

 

Although those shows do remind me to get Life Insurance for H and I.

 

I keep forgetting to get that done.

[dreamingoftigers]

Yeah, I agree. Cheating is awful but the implication that it means they're a murderer waiting to happen is ridiculous.

 

I wasn't trying to suggest ^this with my post.

 

Just that when someone DOES whack someone over infidelity, it can come from any party towards any party.

 

Look at the Amy Fisher story for instance.

[MidwestUSA]

 

Although those shows do remind me to get Life Insurance for H and I.

 

I keep forgetting to get that done.

 

Make sure he signs his own policy; don't forge it for him. If you get my drift.

[MidwestUSA]

 

I can imagine what confronting her would be like / I think I would just prefer to leave a note or the divorce paper and exit quietly....

 

 

What is stopping you from doing exactly this?

[dreamingoftigers]

Make sure he signs his own policy; don't forge it for him. If you get my drift.

 

Ha. I know, I know.

 

The closest I ever came to "whacking" my husband for his infidelity was that we used to have a bit of a running joke between us. I told him that if I ever wanted to kill him that all I would need to do is make him a pound if bacon each day and he'd do the job himself. Even if he KNEW I was trying to kill him.

 

Well, not long after I found out about his infidelity, I was in a very cheeky mood and fried up a pound of bacon and left it on the stove. (I hate bacon, so it's obvious whonit was for.) We weren't really speaking and he got up AND ATE IT!

 

His reasoning "I wasn't going to waste bacon!

I didn't do it again because I really didn't want to kill him, just show him I was REALLY upset.

 

Years later we've reconciled. Since then I've done things like make " bacon roses" on Valentine's Day. (To be nice, not homicidal)

 

Another time I laid out paper towel and left a trail of pre-cooked bacon strips to the bedroom.......where I was sitting holding a salad.

[soleilesquire]

The whole premise is just disgusting and insulting. Or rather the TWO premises:

 

A WS is so unfixable they'll probably murder someone

 

It's okay for a BS to commit murder cause cheating hurts.

 

Disgusting

[dreamingoftigers]

The whole premise is just disgusting and insulting. Or rather the TWO premises:

 

A WS is so unfixable they'll probably murder someone

 

It's okay for a BS to commit murder cause cheating hurts.

 

Disgusting

 

From where I sit the premise of the thread was "holy cow, this stuff is sick and it goes to show you never really know someone."

 

And maybe, at a stretch, "am I at risk here?"

 

I didn't think it was a hard and fast "WS KILL" [insert stabby sound here].

 

I tried looking up more stats regarding infidelity and homicide, but I'm about to do the morning routine. So I've given up. However, I did come a across a link that found a correlation between a husband's LARGE penis size and wife infidelity. I guess I'm at risk for cheating.

[MJJean]

It's human nature to kill. We've been doing each other in for one reason or another since before we were walking upright or had mastered fire.

 

It doesn't surprise me at all that occasionally someone loses their sh*t and kills off a WS or a BS, even.

 

Lord knows, there have been a few times in my life when the only reason someone walked away from me still breathing was that I have no desire to go to prison.

 

One of my husbands friends was in a LTR with a woman, they had a kid, she cheated and then left him for the OM, friend was doing the kid exchange, lost his sh*t when the OM tried to talk to him, shot the OM, his baby momma, and her mother. He's currently in prison, but I don't remember the sentence.

 

My friend, Cassie, was murdered on her honeymoon by her husband. He stabbed her 37 times on the hotel bed. No one knows why, but we do know he had been cheating on her and she'd discovered it, there was a big blow up, they got married anyways, and then she was found dead at his hand. he's currently serving a 25 year sentence.

 

My friend,M, got pregnant at 17 by a man in his 20's. He was cheating on his SO/baby momma with my friend. When the baby was 2 weeks old, he showed up at my friends house to visit. A few hours later, there are police everywhere! Apparently, the guy had beaten his SO/baby momma and her mother to death with a shovel shortly before he came to M's house to visit the baby. He spent 24 years in prison, got out on parole.

 

*sigh* I have other examples from people I know/knew or am related to. I don't even have to watch true crime shows. I just have to show up at my high school or family reunion.

Edited February 20, 2016 by MJJean

[Morro72]

The instances of infidelity which are chosen for TV and movie dramatizations are hardly a random sample.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I don't know anyone that murdered someone else because of infidelity.

 

Robbery... yes

Infidelity... No

 

I am quite certain it happens more than we know.

 

I am an hgtv tv watcher... So I stay away from crime shows and concentrate on chip and jo and ship lap....

[Raena]

I think the charged emotions of affairs/infidelity can cause people to do crazy things. It does happen. I know I was more concerned with what my exes OW would do to me than what I would do to her or even to him. My emotions were raw but there was no way I'd do anything at all to make myself look bad. I figured neither one of them were worth it.

 

She on the other hand was a vengeful bunny boiler. Who knew what she was capable of. I remember at one point I found out that my ex had purchased a gun for her after we split up and that worried me. I had nightmares of her showing up at my house to kill me just because she hated me so much and wanted me gone out of his life. It wasn't happening the way she hoped. She thought he and I would split up and I'd just disappear and she'd ride off into the sunset in my seat with him. When it didn't happen that way, she went nuts.

 

Does it happen often? Probably not. Certainly not as often as infidelity happens.

[goodyblue]

I don't know anyone personally but it does happen. When someone is deeply hurt it can make them do crazy things . I always think of Betty Broderick but Amy Fisher is a great example too.