I am totally in love but her past sexual experiences are haunting me.

[jefferylove3]

I am an 18 year old guy and I have been dating my girlfriend for four months. I am absolutely in love with her and our relationship is perfect. We get along perfectly, I love being around her, and the sexual aspect of the relationship is amazing as well.

 

Recently, we had a conversation about past sexual experiences and I regret this decision whole heartedly. She brought up how she had been in a FFM threeway before and that she had had sex with eight other guys before me. All of the sex she had was casual because she has never had a serious relationship before me. She is also 18 years old. I have had sex with multiple girls ( 7 to be exact ) before my relationship with this girl, but for some reason I cannot seem to get over the fact that she had been with so many guys before me. I know this might seem hypocritical, but I simply cannot help myself from thinking like this. Also, the fact that she had been involved in a three way has been messing with my mind so much, and I just wish I didn't know any of this.

 

I feel like having sex with her now is no longer as pleasurable because there is nothing sacred or special about it due to her past experiences. I am so stuck right now and it is ruining me because our relationship is so good and I love being around her so much. She is so smart and she works so hard to make sure that I am happy. She tells me that she has never been in love before me and that the three way was a very in the moment thing that she would never go through with again.

 

What can I do to get back to feeling the same way about her before the past sexual experiences conversation? Knowing her promiscuous sexual past is causing a huge mental block within my head that is forcing me to feel guilty for loving her. It just destroys that the girl I am in love with and care so much about is just thought of as some girl that's only good for sex in someone else's mind. I know I cannot be the only one who has been in a situation like this so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Edited February 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for paragraphs and indignant reference ~ V

[Poutrew]

The 3-way is what would greatly concern me. If she has been fooling around with women it probably means she is bi. Do you really want to be dating a girl who is bi? She may have desires that you cannot, even in principle, meet.

[basil67]

Wow, I thought I was a promiscuous teen - but your number just blew me out of the water LOL

 

Frankly, both of you have had a lot of partners for your ages, so I don't think that you are in a position to judge sex with her as not being sacred or special.

 

Try looking at it from a position of love. Doesn't the existence of love make it more special? I mean, without love, it's just sex. But with you, she's experiencing sex for the first time with someone where there is mutual love. That must be an awesome experience for her.

 

I hope she doesn't know how you feel about this. I've always found that it's best to keep our irrational thoughts to ourselves and deal with them privately. If she found out that you were a hypocrite, she may well leave you - and that's probably not what you want.

 

Oh, and if she doesn't want to do a threesome again, it means that the experience wasn't amazing and she's discovered that she's not really into it. I wouldn't suggest she was bi - more likely she was a little bi-curious (not at all unusual) and discovered that it's not what she wants.

 

Go and love her. And if those insecure demons eat at you, just kick them up the arse by reminding them that your backgrounds are very similar and that you're in no position to judge. And remind those demons about love.

[lolablue17]

Your haunted mind is a separate problem, but I don't think that her past should worry you, whether i was guys, or a threesome.

 

Would you prefer she was a virgin? An unexperienced girl could be always curious "how is it out there?". Your girl knows how is it out there, but she is in love with you. She has a ground to compare between meaningless sex with others and her feelings for you. She values her relationship with you very based on her experience. She can see that sex with the one you love is very different from sex without feelings.

 

The only problem is in your mind. It's your possessiveness which creates retroactive jealousy. You may use it for your benefit as a constant alarm, who will keep you from taking her for granted in the future.

[road]

This girl has leant that meaningless sex is not where it is at.

 

 

Her number, well your's is not any better. You both have pasts. What has happened needs to be left in the past.

 

 

The sex is good, the relationship is good, you have no worries about her cheating, all is good.

 

 

Let sleeping dogs lie.

 

 

Just be good to each other, grow as people, and let time take this relationship to where ever it was meant to be.

[moebius]

I'll be brutally honest:

 

I have had sex with multiple girls ( 7 to be exact ) before .... I know this might seem hypocritical...

Yes, it sounds hypocritical.

 

What can I do to get back to feeling the same way about her before the past sexual experiences conversation?

Nothing.

 

Knowing her promiscuous sexual past is causing a huge mental block within my head that is forcing me to feel guilty for loving her.

You shouldn't have asked about it in the first place.

 

You are not the only one. But this problem has several sides.

 

You have a problem with her values. She had sex out there and you can't stand it. Why? You had sex too with almost the same number. How is it different? Maybe you loved every girl you had sex with. Or maybe you think is ok for a guy to sleep around but it isn't ok for a girl. In which case you are way beyond hypocritical. Maybe the only problem is the threesome. You should think about her values and yours. If they are too different better dump her.

 

You have a problem with insecurity. The fact that she had eight guys before means it's likely she was with a guy who was better than you in bed. Bigger than you, gave her more pleasure and all that stuff. We all know girls like to have sex as much as guys do. They will go after wild bad boys for having fun. Then they will look for a guy to fall in love with. Which usually isn't the best in bed compared to their former lovers. A virgin girl would mean nothing of this can be true.

 

The point is you can't control your thoughts no matter how much you understand they are irrational. You will need therapy. If you were virgin I'd recommend you to have sex with her for a while and then leaver her. Have sex with a bunch of girls before getting into a romantic relationship again. Thinking that being even will help. But in your case there isn't much difference in your sexual experience.

Edited February 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for reference ~ V

[soleilesquire]

Please break up with this girl.

[smackie9]

Everyone...well most young people are sexually curious and I feel if it was consenting and they knew going in what it was all about that's their business and not ours to judge. The reason why you can't get your head around is due to the fact you are in love. New love creates jealousy of anyone touching your partner....this is a perfectly normal reaction. We all would like to think they are untouched or never shared intimacy with others, but that's not going to happen. This is real life, and in real life, especially being so young don't always make the right choices. The young can be impulsive, and that's no lie, is beyond anyone's control.

 

Trust me on this, once the honeymoon stage of your relationship fades, so will your feelings on her past experiences.

[BlueIris]

It’s gnawing away at you. You can’t get over it. You should break up with her. She probably wouldn’t want to be with someone who views her that way.

Edited February 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for reference ~ V

[Spikiera]

OP, men can be possessive and what you are feeling is normal, it happens to many of us.

 

However, as you mature, you will realize that her past shapes who she is today and that is why you guys are having such a good time. You definitely should look pass that and just be with her and enjoy the time together.

 

Now, if she still goes around and fool around with other guys, then that's a different story. From the sound of it, she is committed to you and you have a pretty solid relationship, so grow it with her.

 

Take care.

[thecrucible]

This thread basically proves that we women shouldn't tell me men EVER exactly what we've been up to in the past. It's not like they'll ever find out. Anyway, if you try and get past but you just can't then maybe you should consider that you can't be together. Do you know much about the circumstances of the threesome? I like lolablue's advice here.

[Bluewhitegreen]

Look up a book by Zachery Stockhill. "how to get over your partners past" Implement the tips, hit it hard. What your feeling is a biological evolutional emotion hardwired into many people. People saying "Just get over it" or "the past is the past" Dont understand the irrational emotion of retroactive jealousy. [] You are experiencing an irrational emotion that is very powerful and hurts like mad. Its like telling someone with OCD to simply just "stop washing Your hands".

 

Your brain is firing off anxious thoughts out of fear and confusion. Buy the book, implement the stratagies, if in 6 months you still feel same then perhaps you might have a moral difference with your GF. Then maybe call it a day. Your young, very young. You have your life ahead of you. If you split up, the sun will still shine the next day and life will go on.

 

DO NOT keep asking questions. Each time you feel anxious, dont fight it. Observe the emotion, and try to let it pass. Stay busy, get a hobby, a passion, and a sense of humour. You are not alone in this and it can be conquered. All the best.

Edited February 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language and paragaphs

[Methodical]

Yes, you are hypocritical. She has had one more sexual partner than you, with one of those experiences being a threesome. In your eyes she's [] promiscuous [] and you are?.... [] You think her past is horrible yet your past is perfectly fine. Double standard.

 

What's baffling is that with relatively equal past partners, you have labeled her, but not yourself. You are certainly entitled to your opinion.

 

I wouldn't want to be with a guy who stamped a derogatory label on my back.

Edited February 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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