Tayla Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Anika, Yes Having someone removed from an unhealthy environment (mental mind games with a twist of emotional turmoil) and getting a room and starting their own life can help. To her its an issue despite where you are viewing things from. This is her issue, so the suggestions given are for *HER* to consider. I believe her mom loves her, yet is not very loving or open in communication. Which involves, listening, validating and resolving if need be. I don't think Battlefront is being heard by her family....In the best of ways....she is the scapegoat, the one who sees the reality of the dysfunction and is told by the unit, Oh stop talking about that big elephant in the room...it doesn't exist. Yet I tend to think it does...and Battlefront is sharing that here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Battlefront Posted March 14, 2016 Author Share Posted March 14, 2016 Agree that race shouldn't be a factor but it is. Where would I go, who should I stay with, truly don't have money for the bus. Where do I go? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Battlefront, tough it out. Get through your college/technical education (IT is the future), keep your head down when around your family, consider it your 'tough time' so you can just get through it and then out into the real world earning your own money. Many many people have survived hellholes and gone on to do great things. You can too. I'm sure you're aware of the phrase "hire a teenager while they still know everything," right? You have a lot of living ahead of you. And the brain doesn't stop developing until around age 25. So you have a lot of thinking and changing and growing to do yet, before you become the person you will be for the rest of your life. So take the advice I gave my daughter when she was your age - don't take life so seriously; it will change in a couple days. Link to post Share on other sites
Ferret Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 Im sorry I think to play the race card in this day and age is a excuse I will not hide that fact to "fit in" with popular opinions poverty doesn't have a "color" or "race" attached to it there are working class poor now a days for gods sake..im sorry but my white skin didn't give me a easier ride in life im sorry if you really think it some how did..anyways this is almost going to off topic here so im going to address the OP directly.. OP what are your goals in life? others have asked you this and you have as of yet not answered what do you want for YOUR life? remove the family issues at hand..you are now 18 you are knocking on the door of adulthood actually you have one foot in that door already. Lets say things went south with your family and there was a horrible fight and tomorrow you are indeed out on the streets what is your plan? Finishing high school is good but you must also start thinking about your long term life and some sort of plan.. You can vent here and its all good but we cant tell you how to go about everything and from the sounds of it you haven't had the proper guidance for stepping into adulthood witch add in the volatile family mix could make for some sudden and unpleasant issues. Are there councilors at your high school you can talk to? that might be a good start they can help you start to figure out what you want long term and help you get set in some sort of direction. Just cause you are in a bad neighborhood and just cause your family are having some issues doesn't mean you cannot pull yourself out of it..but you need to be smart about it yes keep your head down but also start thinking longer term for your own security..do you have any friends who are working? maybe ask them if the places are hiring and if you could ride with them to work.. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 I've only read 8 pages of your thread and I'm suprised how harsh and mean many posters have been to you once they found out your age. You'll never understand why your sister tolerates what she does. I would suggest low self esteem and a dysfunctional upbringing are a major factor. The jibes of people who have repeatedly asked when you're moving out are unfair.. you're only 18 for goodness sake. All I can advise is that you break the cycle and get yourself a good education... so you know better than to put up with any of this and so that you can earn a decent salary to support yourself..... and never have to tolerate such abuse from any man. Now..from how you've spoken..... it's clear money is an issue. If getting a college degree is out of the question... then in whatever job you are doing.. you should be smart .... work hard and learn fast. Your talent and initiative will be recognised and you will be able to progress within that company. Your mother set a terrible example throughout and that is unfortunately reflected in your sister...... you should work on yourself and know that in your life ... in the future you WILL BE a better parent. I can understand you are concerned about your sister and quite frankly I wouldn't tolerate my BIL being that abusive to my sister... but I would have the support of my entire family. None of us would accept my sister /their daughter being mistreated...... if needs be we would all be able to provide the necessary financial support for my sister... but because of the family you come from ... The approach has to be different. Save yourself and resolve to break the cycle of poverty where having McDonald's seems like such a big deal. I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted March 16, 2016 Share Posted March 16, 2016 OP, correct me if I'm wrong, but the impression that I get from your posts is that you feel misunderstood in your family. Your mother expects you to act in a certain way, and when you don't she becomes upset. It's almost as if she doesn't accept or respect the fact that you think or feel differently, or maybe she thinks that you don't worry about your sister just because you don't act in the way she expects you to. If that's the case, then I can understand. It can be frustrating to feel as if the people you care about don't hear you, don't listen, or understand. It also sounds like the main focus of attention is on your sister, which can also be frustrating. Your family is set in their ways and it's not likely that they will ever act any differently. As others have said, all you can do is focus on is your own life. Get your education and consider getting a part-time job. Sometimes all you can do for other people is to set a good example and hope that they feel inspired by it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Battlefront Posted March 17, 2016 Author Share Posted March 17, 2016 OP, correct me if I'm wrong, but the impression that I get from your posts is that you feel misunderstood in your family. Your mother expects you to act in a certain way, and when you don't she becomes upset. It's almost as if she doesn't accept or respect the fact that you think or feel differently, or maybe she thinks that you don't worry about your sister just because you don't act in the way she expects you to. If that's the case, then I can understand. It can be frustrating to feel as if the people you care about don't hear you, don't listen, or understand. It also sounds like the main focus of attention is on your sister, which can also be frustrating. Your family is set in their ways and it's not likely that they will ever act any differently. As others have said, all you can do is focus on is your own life. Get your education and consider getting a part-time job. Sometimes all you can do for other people is to set a good example and hope that they feel inspired by it. Yes everything revolves around her, but the worst is that I'm not allowed to talk about IT (my brother in-law) to mum from now on I can only say good things. Last night he informed us that he is gonna be the new Steven King and needs to continue writing so he spends little time with my sister. Okay ferret you gave me permission to be mean. My sister is a big fat stinky slob who doesn't style her hair. Maybe he is right in dumping her fat a22 at home. But why not leave her or she leave him wtf. Link to post Share on other sites
Ferret Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 Yes everything revolves around her, but the worst is that I'm not allowed to talk about IT (my brother in-law) to mum from now on I can only say good things. Last night he informed us that he is gonna be the new Steven King and needs to continue writing so he spends little time with my sister. Okay ferret you gave me permission to be mean. My sister is a big fat stinky slob who doesn't style her hair. Maybe he is right in dumping her fat a22 at home. But why not leave her or she leave him wtf. No sorry im not giving you permission to be mean im saying adults have to take equal responsibility in a adult relationship that means taking the others wants and needs into consideration there is a massive difference cause and effect we cant be the cause and not expect the effect...Op why are you continuing to focus on these people? Hes making his choices shes made hers..ignore them focus on your life if you have to stay in your room so you don't have to be constantly exposed to the craziness..your more caut up in their dramas then you need to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Ferret Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 The jibes of people who have repeatedly asked when you're moving out are unfair.. you're only 18 for goodness sake. Lifes unfair no child should have to deal with family drama but it happens when they are old enough and im starting to doubt it from some of the OPs recent responses the only way to start themselves on a healthy road is to remove ones self from the toxic environment. Sadly it seams the OP is now conditioned into the drama as shes pretty much ignoring any advice of her trying to move past it and choosing to be a part of it..that's again if she is of the age were she can legally move out who knows.. Link to post Share on other sites
mcjordan Posted March 17, 2016 Share Posted March 17, 2016 This is the story of a high school student who believes they are entitled to interfere in their adult sibling's life. The best advice would be to let it go, mind one's own business, and work toward independence. Link to post Share on other sites
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