Mom wants me to leave!

[Battlefront]

So now your insulting your sister what role do you want to play here concerned sister or jealous angry one? just wondering..

 

Dunno but ur kids prolly understand me.

[candycane82]

[]. It's your sister's life. If he's not abusing her, let her deal with it. So what he watches porn. My ex watched porn and it didn't bother me a bit. He's not having sex with any of them. He's just watching people have sex. So what?

 

 

So what if he looks at other women? Is he screwing them? Is he cheating on her? I bet your sister checks out other dudes. I glanced at other guys when I was with my ex. I didn't go track them down and have sex with them. It's natural for people to notice an attractive person walking by.

 

 

You need to worry about your own life. If he's such a perv, why are you hanging out with him? []

 

You need to get over it. Move on.

Edited February 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content and language.

[Tayla]

Battlefront- you actually do have a point of reference, otherwise you wouldn't be here stating such things about how in your mind your sister is being mishandled and disrespected. SO Logically speaking you have a mind and a set of standards. The problem is, learning how to guide your tongue when attempting to be of a certain opinion.

 

When its family that is living together, we do have an initial desire to be a bit more supportive or sometimes angst driven.

 

In a perfect world, what would you think would be the wisest thing to do for a family that is having these challenges?

[Battlefront]

Battlefront- you actually do have a point of reference, otherwise you wouldn't be here stating such things about how in your mind your sister is being mishandled and disrespected. SO Logically speaking you have a mind and a set of standards. The problem is, learning how to guide your tongue when attempting to be of a certain opinion.

 

When its family that is living together, we do have an initial desire to be a bit more supportive or sometimes angst driven.

 

In a perfect world, what would you think would be the wisest thing to do for a family that is having these challenges?

 

Thank you Tayla for your rational voice. Yes porn like alcohol is an addiction which causes a disconnection in the home. At one point we used to get together as a family at least once or twice a month with my sister and her husband staying over at our house.

 

I have the fondest memories of all of us spending quality time together it's this disjunct that badly affects us. For example if my sister is not happy with her husband she is uncool with us, Her excuse is that she is highly stressed. Truly she cannot be happy and carry-on a normal relationship with us while she is herself unhappy. Where do I restart how do we as family work through it?

[Battlefront]

[]. It's your sister's life. If he's not abusing her, let her deal with it. So what he watches porn. My ex watched porn and it didn't bother me a bit. He's not having sex with any of them. He's just watching people have sex. So what?

 

 

So what if he looks at other women? Is he screwing them? Is he cheating on her? I bet your sister checks out other dudes. I glanced at other guys when I was with my ex. I didn't go track them down and have sex with them. It's natural for people to notice an attractive person walking by.

 

 

You need to worry about your own life. If he's such a perv, why are you hanging out with him? []

 

You need to get over it. Move on.

 

Sorry for your trauma! Surely his porn addiction affected Your love life. Just as it has with my sister. Truth! They been married for 5 years and this is their first kid and she tells mum that sex is infrequent.

[Ferret]

Dunno but ur kids prolly understand me.

I highly doubt that my kids IF I had any would be respectful and know well enough not meddle in other peoples business..

[Ferret]

she tells mum that sex is infrequent.

Its infrequent because hes not attracted to her its really not hard to understand that doesn't make him a bad guy some might say a little shallow but honestly

a year is a long time enough to start getting your self back into some

sort of shape you were in before having a baby if you know that's important to your

spouse..

[Tayla]

Thank you Tayla for your rational voice. Yes porn like alcohol is an addiction which causes a disconnection in the home. At one point we used to get together as a family at least once or twice a month with my sister and her husband staying over at our house.

 

I have the fondest memories of all of us spending quality time together it's this disjunct that badly affects us. For example if my sister is not happy with her husband she is uncool with us, Her excuse is that she is highly stressed. Truly she cannot be happy and carry-on a normal relationship with us while she is herself unhappy. Where do I restart how do we as family work through it?

 

Your most welcome. Your response seems more grounded and seeking towards resolution. That is your voice of reason. Well done!

 

Sincerely, It sounds like You miss those times when things were fonder. This eye opening experience into the adults life choices is confusing eh?

Can you in small steps mend this opinion of your sister? Just a small dose of support or encouragement towards her? I can only imagine how sad it must be for her...

[Battlefront]

Your most welcome. Your response seems more grounded and seeking towards resolution. That is your voice of reason. Well done!

 

Sincerely, It sounds like You miss those times when things were fonder. This eye opening experience into the adults life choices is confusing eh?

Can you in small steps mend this opinion of your sister? Just a small dose of support or encouragement towards her? I can only imagine how sad it must be for her...

 

The healing process is hard sis has told us in the past I don't want your critique I want your support. Normally when we get together it's a big cry session mom has her tissues out crying And dabbing her eyes. Sis responded to me harshly when I mentioned developing something workable solution. You don't even listen mum does by the tears in face, you don't care. Mum reply to all this is simply that I should show a little facial emotion.

 

The question how do I tell my sister that I'm don't care about how noble hubby ignores her.

[lilyrocks9956]

I've read through this thread and I agree with 99% of the other posters here.

 

I think you mean well, you've just handled it the wrong way. I understand that you care about your sister and want to protect her but honestly their marriage is between themselves only. Yes maybe he watches porn or they argue sometimes. All relationships have arguments, in fact I think as long as it's on a reasonable level arguing can strengthen a relationship and help the couple understand each other better if that makes any sense. It would be your sister's decision if she wanted to divorce your brother in law or not. It is not your place to decide whether she should stay married to him.

 

It would be different if she asked for your opinion but she didn't, therefore you should just let them work it out by themselves.

 

 

If you want to work this out you should definitely start out by apologizing to everyone involved and that you did not mean for it to go this far. You would like to work it out as a family and see how they respond.

Edited February 26, 2016 by lilyrocks9956

[soleilesquire]

Dunno but ur kids prolly understand me.

 

I have an 18 year old and a 20 years old and their response when I showed them this thread was:

 

Why is this any of her business????

 

So no. You need to build a life for yourself and stay out of your sister's.

[Noproblem]

Exactly. But it's not OP's problem. My guess she is a teenager.

 

how can't it be her problem?

She is her sister!

 

it's her problem, since the girl is her SISTER!

 

I mean not the porn, of course not, but the fact that her sister married someone who treats her badly!

[Noproblem]

I have an 18 year old and a 20 years old and their response when I showed them this thread was:

 

Why is this any of her business????

 

So no. You need to build a life for yourself and stay out of your sister's.

 

 

 

if my sister is married to someone bad, it's my problem because I care and feel and I am not blinded by the love she feels toward that awful person!

 

There is nothing called "Not my business" When it comes to family. It's always everyone's business, because they care.. but of course if they are so not attached to each other or selfish and don't care about other siblings

of course it's none of their business.

 

For Heaven's sake if your bff is married to someone bad you will make it your business if you are a true friend!

 

Bear in mind I am not talking about the porn, of course it's non of my business or anyone business. I am talking about the fact that she is saying her sister's husband is not treating her sister in a good way..

Edited February 28, 2016 by Noproblem

[Battlefront]

if my sister is married to someone bad, it's my problem because I care and feel and I am not blinded by the love she feels toward that awful person!

 

There is nothing called "Not my business" When it comes to family. It's always everyone's business, because they care.. but of course if they are so not attached to each other or selfish and don't care about other siblings

of course it's none of their business.

 

For Heaven's sake if your bff is married to someone bad you will make it your business if you are a true friend!

 

Bear in mind I am not talking about the porn, of course it's non of my business or anyone business. I am talking about the fact that she is saying her sister's husband is not treating her sister in a good way..

Recently seen an article which says that 70% of women of color 25-29(myself eventhough I'm 18) are single. My take on it is that we've no positive role models. If man is caught watching porn good for him. My sisters doctor told her that the probable cause for being without a kid for so long was due to her husbands masturbation. Which he admitted to doing while watching porn. Sorry if I appear gross but I stating what happens in their marriage. What I needed was for a stronger woman to stand up to it all and say enough is enough.

Edited February 28, 2016 by Battlefront

[S2B]

Recently seen an article which says that 70% of women of color 25-29(myself eventhough I'm 18) are single. My take on it is that we've no positive role models. If man is caught watching porn good for him. My sisters doctor told her that the probable cause for being without a kid for so long was due to her husbands masturbation. Which he admitted to doing while watching porn. Sorry if I appear gross but I stating what happens in their marriage. What I needed was for a stronger woman to stand up to it all and say enough is enough.

 

But she's not the gal to be strong.

 

And you'll need to accept that.

 

And mainly stop meddling in her personal life.

[anika99]

how can't it be her problem?

She is her sister!

 

it's her problem, since the girl is her SISTER!

 

I mean not the porn, of course not, but the fact that her sister married someone who treats her badly!

 

Well the OP doesn't seem to be addressing that bad treatment of her sister. She only tattled about the porn, meanwhile she goes out with her brother in law and let's him say awful things to her about her sister, like she's fat and gross, and the OP does nothing about that. Why? That is worse than the porn. I think it's because the OP's actions are driven by sibling rivalry rather than concern for her sister.

 

Also I can be concerned and supportive of my family and still not meddle in their relationship. If a family member comes to me to cry about their realationship I'm more than willing to listen, offer comfort and even give advice if it's asked for, but that doesn't give me license to talk gossip or to turn into a meddling tattletale.

Edited February 28, 2016 by anika99

[Battlefront]

Well the OP doesn't seem to be addressing that bad treatment of her sister. She only tattled about the porn, meanwhile she goes out with her brother in law and let's him say awful things to her about her sister, like she's fat and gross, and the OP does nothing about that. Why? That is worse than the porn. I think it's because the OP's actions are driven by sibling rivalry rather than concern for her sister.

 

Also I can be concerned and supportive of my family and still not meddle in their relationship. If a family member comes to me to cry about their realationship I'm more than willing to listen, offer comfort and even give advice if it's asked for, but that doesn't give me license to talk gossip or to turn into a meddling tattletale.

 

We don't talk! Can't stand to be around him. Who'd be into him? No my sis and I have discussed him enough and every time she's promising to do something about his misbehaviour and never does.

[preraph]

I can't believe all you defensive porn watchers are attacking this 18 year old for telling his mom the brother-in-law was up at 3 in the morning watching porn. After all, she's probably who taught him porn was not a great habit -- and it isn't since it uses women.

 

The snitch here isn't this 18 year old -- it's his mother who apparently regrets her decision to tell the daughter about it. This kid didn't go do it directly. He told a fully grown adult, probably because he's been taught it's a bad habit, and then she told the daughter and now the daughter is acting like a spoiled brat about it and causing drama. I don't fault the mother for telling her, because it is her daughter and she might have cared, I don't know. But there was no reason for her to be mad about it. She could have just said, Oh, I know and I don't care. Thanks for letting me know, though.

 

It's the mom's fault. And he shouldn't be ostracized for it. That tells me his mother is weak and blaming him for it instead of taking responsibility herself. Or god forbid the BIL take responsibility.

 

If I were the son, I'd stand up to mom and tell her, Hey, you're the adult -- if you thought it was so wrong to bring it up, why are you the one who told sister about it? That oughta shut her up.

 

Now, one word to the son, the poster: Obviously you are very angry about this whole thing and looking for anything to hate the BIL for at this point, like going to the gym. I get your point about this probably did cause a division between them - but it's him who did it, not you. BUT the details of that are none of your business and should be private between those two. The sister is probably embarrassed that others think she should be upset about it and she isn't that upset, that's all. So she's defensive.

 

But I will say that you need to zip it about any other petty little comments about his weight or them not sleeping together or any of that business. Because that's you being defensive too because you're being unfairly blamed. But two wrongs don't make a right. Tell your mom she's the one who reported it and made sister mad, and then stop being involved in at all and you owe it to your family to be polite and not causing any drama by looking for things to criticize. Let them deal with it themselves so they have no one else to blame if it implodes on them.

[Ferret]

Recently seen an article which says that 70% of women of color 25-29(myself eventhough I'm 18) are single. My take on it is that we've no positive role models..

 

 

Actually I found this statement interesting so I did a little research and also found that "than 72 percent of children in the African-American community are born out of wedlock" That also means that women are making just as bad choices as men it takes two to tango after all..

 

I still don't get why the guys porn usage is such a concern at least hes not cheating on her with another women witch if hes not attracted to her anymore and shes not doing anything about that ide say is a fair deal..

[stillafool]

OP are you going to move out?

[Battlefront]

Actually I found this statement interesting so I did a little research and also found that "than 72 percent of children in the African-American community are born out of wedlock" That also means that women are making just as bad choices as men it takes two to tango after all..

 

I still don't get why the guys porn usage is such a concern at least hes not cheating on her with another women witch if hes not attracted to her anymore and shes not doing anything about that ide say is a fair deal..

 

It's the porn that makes her boring or ugly especially after watching a lot of it. I'd say that porn has ruined a lot of relationships, who wants a wife when they can have porn and fantasy. Suppose those models are thinner than my sister. Why doesn't she tell him move out of the home?

[S2B]

It's the porn that makes her boring or ugly especially after watching a lot of it. I'd say that porn has ruined a lot of relationships, who wants a wife when they can have porn and fantasy. Suppose those models are thinner than my sister. Why doesn't she tell him move out of the home?

 

Why don't you mind your own business?

 

Everyone has told you to stop this. Yet you keep thinking you are the one married to him!

 

It is NONE of YOUR concern.

 

When are you moving?

[anika99]

I can't believe all you defensive porn watchers are attacking this 18 year old for telling his mom the brother-in-law was up at 3 in the morning watching porn. After all, she's probably who taught him porn was not a great habit -- and it isn't since it uses women.

 

The snitch here isn't this 18 year old -- it's his mother who apparently regrets her decision to tell the daughter about it. This kid didn't go do it directly. He told a fully grown adult, probably because he's been taught it's a bad habit, and then she told the daughter and now the daughter is acting like a spoiled brat about it and causing drama. I don't fault the mother for telling her, because it is her daughter and she might have cared, I don't know. But there was no reason for her to be mad about it. She could have just said, Oh, I know and I don't care. Thanks for letting me know, though.

 

It's the mom's fault. And he shouldn't be ostracized for it. That tells me his mother is weak and blaming him for it instead of taking responsibility herself. Or god forbid the BIL take responsibility.

 

If I were the son, I'd stand up to mom and tell her, Hey, you're the adult -- if you thought it was so wrong to bring it up, why are you the one who told sister about it? That oughta shut her up.

 

Now, one word to the son, the poster: Obviously you are very angry about this whole thing and looking for anything to hate the BIL for at this point, like going to the gym. I get your point about this probably did cause a division between them - but it's him who did it, not you. BUT the details of that are none of your business and should be private between those two. The sister is probably embarrassed that others think she should be upset about it and she isn't that upset, that's all. So she's defensive.

 

But I will say that you need to zip it about any other petty little comments about his weight or them not sleeping together or any of that business. Because that's you being defensive too because you're being unfairly blamed. But two wrongs don't make a right. Tell your mom she's the one who reported it and made sister mad, and then stop being involved in at all and you owe it to your family to be polite and not causing any drama by looking for things to criticize. Let them deal with it themselves so they have no one else to blame if it implodes on them.

 

Actually, having reconsidered this, I think the post quoted above makes some really good points. It was the mom who ran to the sister about what the OP told her. The sister said it wasn't true and got angry at the OP and for some reason the mom then turned on the OP too. That is odd behaviour for a mom. Either she is not entirely stable herself or there is more to this than the OP is sharing.

[Battlefront]

Actually, having reconsidered this, I think the post quoted above makes some really good points. It was the mom who ran to the sister about what the OP told her. The sister said it wasn't true and got angry at the OP and for some reason the mom then turned on the OP too. That is odd behaviour for a mom. Either she is not entirely stable herself or there is more to this than the OP is sharing.

 

It the whole grandchild thingy. Mum wants a close relationship to her grandkid, plus well mum didn't have much luck with men either. She was married 5 times, 3 times before I was born. 90% of the women at church or single, there hasn't been a marriage in the church for 5 years yada yada, but there has been divorce parties so mum has an image to preserve.

 

Don't get the martyrdom picture and how that benefits our family. Yes I told mum about the porn and the way he talks to her an example is when he left the basement door opened and my sister asked why he left the basement door open with the baby crawling about? You leave the door open too. His how he replied to her, constantly I find myself closing doors that you've left open. Then he ignores her and continues making facial gestures at her.

 

Look if it's a relationship at least we can all agree that's it's not a complimentive one.

[MidwestUSA]

We don't talk! Can't stand to be around him. Who'd be into him?

 

You've gone out with him late at night/early morning to McDonald's and Starbucks. Why?

 

How does your sister feel about that?