Mom wants me to leave!

[Ferret]

How the heck is an eighteen year old who is still in school supposed to immediately move out and fully support herself? Why do posters seem to think she can just go out and rent her own place tomorrow? She needs a freaking plan! And she at least needs a job that pays a decent living wage. If she moves out and just works low paying jobs that only keep her at a poverty level she will be setting herself up for failure. She will wind up just like her sister, latching onto the first sweet talker who comes along and makes empty promises.

 

OP I say stick it out in school and ignore the drama in your family. Accept that you can't really do anything about your sisters marriage and keep your opinions to yourself. Keep your eyes on the prize which is your education and your eventual total independence. Make it your goal to rise above your dysfunctional background and come out a winner. Leaving home just to work in minimum wage jobs is not a good plan. Sure there are stories of people who have started out that way and succeeded but for every success story there are way more stories of defeat, chronic poverty and despair. Don't choose that path if you don't have to.

 

This is your golden opportunity to get your education. When your family upsets you and pushes your buttons just bite your tongue and remember the payoff coming your way.

 

 

Lots of people move out of a toxic home situation when they are 18 or younger if you want it enough you make it happen. If things are as bad as the OP says even moving into a shared apartment would suffice she doesn't need to live in the lap of luxury just to get out of a negative situation no one dose.

 

I know of a few people who moved out young cause of bad family situations did they struggle a bit more? sure did they end up in perpetual poverty? no matter of fact one owns her own beautiful home and is in a happy marriage..

 

I also know of a guy who did just as you are suggesting he "stuck it out" and got the diploma and you know what? hes so screwed up in the head hes now a drug addict you can struggle a little in life and still be a happy mentality stable person at the end of the day.

 

And what about the mother in this situation why isn't the OP helping to contribute to the home shes living in? she sure seams to have a lot of comments about it yet shes living there for free...im genuinely surprised more are ok with a 18 year old not contributing to the home at all..

[anika99]

I left home when I was 16yrs old and I never went back. Once you enter the cycle of working low paying jobs and poverty it can be very difficult to claw your way out of it. Healthy men without an education can make a decent living if they are willing to work at labour type jobs but women usually end up in customer service type jobs and those jobs always pay bottom dollar. Of course there are always exceptions and inspirational stories of people who started out on skid row and became a huge success but let's be real and acknowledge that is not the case for most people.

 

it is extremely rare for an uneducated female to rise to the top and getting educated becomes much harder once you have left home and you are working a couple of minimum wage jobs just to make the bills. Women in that situation are likely to just get married and have babies. Nothing wrong with that but I get the impression the OP doesn't want that.

 

As for people here being ok with an eighteen yr old living at home rent free, well why would I care? The OP is still in school and most parents I know are more than happy to support their kids as long as they are in school. It's not like the OP is some kind of outlier because her mom still supports her while she is in school. These days that is the norm. The mom has obviously had some personal issues based on what the OP has said but since she is also letting her daughter live at home, rent free, while she goes to school, I get the impression that the mom likely loves the OP and wants her to get an education too. I still say the OP is best off staying put while she gets educated. It doesn't have to be misery for her if she just focuses on herself and stays out of her sisters drama. Remember this whole thread was started because the OP got involved in her sisters marriage and that's where the drama started. If she stays away from that drama she will be fine.

Edited March 12, 2016 by anika99

[SpiralOut]

Where I live it is not unusual for people to graduate high school at age 17 and begin university right after. The OP hasn't specified if she is in high school or college/university. Either way, I agree she shouldn't have to pay rent while living at home since she is in school.

 

OP what are your long term goals?

[Ferret]

I left home when I was 16yrs old and I never went back. Once you enter the cycle of working low paying jobs and poverty it can be very difficult to claw your way out of it. Healthy men without an education can make a decent living if they are willing to work at labour type jobs but women usually end up in customer service type jobs and those jobs always pay bottom dollar. Of course there are always exceptions and inspirational stories of people who started out on skid row and became a huge success but let's be real and acknowledge that is not the case for most people.

 

it is extremely rare for an uneducated female to rise to the top and getting educated becomes much harder once you have left home and you are working a couple of minimum wage jobs just to make the bills. Women in that situation are likely to just get married and have babies. Nothing wrong with that but I get the impression the OP doesn't want that.

 

As for people here being ok with an eighteen yr old living at home rent free, well why would I care? The OP is still in school and most parents I know are more than happy to support their kids as long as they are in school. It's not like the OP is some kind of outlier because her mom still supports her while she is in school. These days that is the norm. The mom has obviously had some personal issues based on what the OP has said but since she is also letting her daughter live at home, rent free, while she goes to school, I get the impression that the mom likely loves the OP and wants her to get an education too. I still say the OP is best off staying put while she gets educated. It doesn't have to be misery for her if she just focuses on herself and stays out of her sisters drama. Remember this whole thread was started because the OP got involved in her sisters marriage and that's where the drama started. If she stays away from that drama she will be fine.

 

 

I don't know ive seen more succeed then fail and they are women like I said the guy who stayed failed big time. Living on ones own doesn't always have to be a sentence for failure do you struggle? sure but I personally think it builds character man or women. The one girl ended up doing a Secretary job for a architecture firm she owns her condo and new car outright she struggled no one gave her nothing for free but she got there..

 

I was kicked out rather abruptly at 19 if she could have gotten away with it she would have kicked me out at 12 but that's another story.. I struggled but now I have a nice home and a healthy relationship looking back the best thing my mom did back then was kicking me out cause it freed me from the abuse..

 

Like I said we don't know if shes still in high school or not cause she hasn't said. But to me even so at 18 she would have to have some sort of a part time job and be contributing to the home even a little how else are they going to learn how life is going to be when im gone and they are out in the real world?

 

I think we coddle our kids to much these days as a whole and that's why we end up raising generations of self entitled brats who cant really function in the real world very well. 18 is to close to the adult world to not be getting them ready for it in my opinion.

 

You are right in one thing the OP should be just ignoring this drama and it is her sisters marriage not hers! but it doesn't seam like shes going to do that and now shes going on about her mother like shes a abuser. If that's the case then its obivisely causing her mental stress hence my suggestions of her moving out we are only going on the ques the OP herself is giving..

 

Unless its all just a lot of needless drama?? who knows but if your going to sit here and tell me how bad your home life is then im going to tell you to get out and start living on your own for mutable reasons..

[Battlefront]

Where I live it is not unusual for people to graduate high school at age 17 and begin university right after. The OP hasn't specified if she is in high school or college/university. Either way, I agree she shouldn't have to pay rent while living at home since she is in school.

 

OP what are your long term goals?

 

Finishing school since most ppl in the community don't even have that. Also do some therapy through you guys lol. I just can't believe there exists ppl who date loosers that demand support instead of criticizism. My sister was over here this morning and mum and I sat down at the table with her as she went into an extrapolating diatribe against her husband when mum and her were almost in tears is when I excused my myself to go the washroom. When I got back they were both mad "why weren't you here supporting your sister"? Why are there no tears present in your eyes cos you wasn't caring or listening"? This is hard to talk about but she wants more money to buy a van for her and the kid. Mum and I live in a small old duplex with gangs galore and shootings outside the home. Sis lives in neighborhood where the ppl don't even look like and now she wants a 50k van to keep update. A couple of years ago I told mom next it's gonna be a new house then she gonna want a van. Hell no you'll never have a new home as long as she around here. Oh no... Mum said, don't say things against her it may cause me to look at her in a different light. Instead we have to support her and be there for her.

[Tayla]

battlefront- I think you shared that incident a few pages back as well.

 

You haven't clarified, is this high school education or are you in college? We are trying to gage if the one is mandatory. Usually college can be delayed and picked up later... when finances and stability are more in tune.

 

invest in ear plugs and sunglasses...

 

We are sounding boards, but what you may need is a separate residence and yes some therapy to evaluate how to handle emotionally crippled adults... Your sister is whining without directly making healthy choices... she does need support but thru a counselor...

[stillafool]

 

I don't have money to even take the bus let alone move out. Mum takes to school and that's what I'm going to do is too ignore them.

 

Why don't you have a part time job? Many students work and go to school. It seems what everyone is forgetting is that OPs mom wants her to leave. Thus, the title of this thread.

Edited March 13, 2016 by stillafool

[anika99]

Why don't you have a part time job? Many students work and go to school. It seems what everyone is forgetting is that OPs mom wants her to leave. Thus, the title of this thread.

 

I don't get the impression that the OPs mom is actually insisting she leave. I think the mom may have said something like that in a moment of anger but wasn't really planning on kicking the OP out. However I agree that the OP should at least have a part time job. It is over the top for her mom to be chauffeuring an 18 yr old kid to school everyday

[Battlefront]

I don't get the impression that the OPs mom is actually insisting she leave. I think the mom may have said something like that in a moment of anger but wasn't really planning on kicking the OP out. However I agree that the OP should at least have a part time job. It is over the top for her mom to be chauffeuring an 18 yr old kid to school everyday

 

No, mum doesn't want me to move. I've no idea the recipes for future restaurants let alone want I'm going to study in college. We live in a gang infested ghetto the nearest places to work is a bus drive away. But mum is afraid of me getting raped which is why we wanna move.

[Ferret]

No, mum doesn't want me to move. I've no idea the recipes for future restaurants let alone want I'm going to study in college. We live in a gang infested ghetto the nearest places to work is a bus drive away. But mum is afraid of me getting raped which is why we wanna move.

 

 

Right so whats the plan on getting out of the ghetto then? is your mom actively trying to move to a better place? if not you might want to start thinking about figuring out a way to get to a part time job so you can start helping ether move the entire family or yourself there are people who also ride share and car pool people do work even ones in bad areas..

[Tayla]

No, mum doesn't want me to move. I've no idea the recipes for future restaurants let alone want I'm going to study in college. We live in a gang infested ghetto the nearest places to work is a bus drive away. But mum is afraid of me getting raped which is why we wanna move.

 

I think that sentence is about as clear as mud. Care to state it another way? And who is even talking about recipes and restaurants? dern, now I'm gettin hungry!

( I swear the twilight zone has entered this thread!)

[BettyDraper]

I left home when I was 16yrs old and I never went back. Once you enter the cycle of working low paying jobs and poverty it can be very difficult to claw your way out of it. Healthy men without an education can make a decent living if they are willing to work at labour type jobs but women usually end up in customer service type jobs and those jobs always pay bottom dollar. Of course there are always exceptions and inspirational stories of people who started out on skid row and became a huge success but let's be real and acknowledge that is not the case for most people.

 

it is extremely rare for an uneducated female to rise to the top and getting educated becomes much harder once you have left home and you are working a couple of minimum wage jobs just to make the bills. Women in that situation are likely to just get married and have babies. Nothing wrong with that but I get the impression the OP doesn't want that.

 

As for people here being ok with an eighteen yr old living at home rent free, well why would I care? The OP is still in school and most parents I know are more than happy to support their kids as long as they are in school. It's not like the OP is some kind of outlier because her mom still supports her while she is in school. These days that is the norm. The mom has obviously had some personal issues based on what the OP has said but since she is also letting her daughter live at home, rent free, while she goes to school, I get the impression that the mom likely loves the OP and wants her to get an education too. I still say the OP is best off staying put while she gets educated. It doesn't have to be misery for her if she just focuses on herself and stays out of her sisters drama. Remember this whole thread was started because the OP got involved in her sisters marriage and that's where the drama started. If she stays away from that drama she will be fine.

 

Life is about choices and how we respond to our circumstances. I have seen many young women and start out poor and do better in the future. It is difficult but certainly not impossible.

 

I was in the cycle of low paying jobs for years but I managed to go to college and start a career. It's just not true that a woman who is poor at a young age cannot improve her lot in life unless she marries. That's a very old fashioned and defeatist mentality. Even well educated young women are poor when they finish school and start their careers since it is hard to get the ball rolling and entry level salaries are low.

 

I agree that living at home at 18 and receiving financial help from parents at that age is very typical. However, it isn't the best position to be in if the young person is a toxic situation. Even if the OP stays out of her sister's marriage as she should, it sounds like her mother is not emotionally healthy. The OP's mother clearly cares far more about her other daughter than she cares about the OP getting an education.

[anika99]

Life is about choices and how we respond to our circumstances. I have seen many young women and start out poor and do better in the future. It is difficult but certainly not impossible.

 

I was in the cycle of low paying jobs for years but I managed to go to college and start a career. It's just not true that a woman who is poor at a young age cannot improve her lot in life unless she marries. That's a very old fashioned and defeatist mentality. Even well educated young women are poor when they finish school and start their careers since it is hard to get the ball rolling and entry level salaries are low.

 

I agree that living at home at 18 and receiving financial help from parents at that age is very typical. However, it isn't the best position to be in if the young person is a toxic situation. Even if the OP stays out of her sister's marriage as she should, it sounds like her mother is not emotionally healthy. The OP's mother clearly cares far more about her other daughter than she cares about the OP getting an education.

 

I didn't say that a poor young woman can only improve her lot in life by getting married. I don't believe that getting married improves anyone's lot in life. You put a slant on words and gave them a different meaning than I intended. I am not old fashioned, I'm realistic and informed. There is being poor and there is being trapped in a cycle of poverty and they are not the same thing. The OP talks about being raised poor and living in a neighbourhood full of violence and gangs and poverty. She has a background where the odds are stacked against her if she leaves home and quits school right now. This isn't the same thing as a middle class white kid who struggles a bit after college. It is harder to break free of poverty when it has spanned generations.

 

Of course there are always stories of success but it is not easy. People do get defeated especially if they don't have a people in their life offering good emotional support. Almost everyone who quits school says they're going to go back later but many never do because sh@t happens that sidetracks. I didn't say a woman has to get married to improve her lot, I think anyone who gets married just to improve their lot is going to be very disappointed with how that turns out, however it's a fact that poor uneducated women are more likely to marry young and have babies young.

 

I'm not defeatist, I'm realistic and I think telling this young girl to move out and throw away her golden opportunity to get her education right now just because she had a little fight with her family is very irresponsible. She is a young girl and she needs some rational and logical advice. The mom is letting the OP live with her rent free and she drives her to school every day so I suspect she loves her daughter and wants her to stay in school.

Edited March 14, 2016 by anika99

[Ferret]

I didn't say that a poor young woman can only improve her lot in life by getting married. I don't believe that getting married improves anyone's lot in life. You put a slant on words and gave them a different meaning than I intended. I am not old fashioned, I'm realistic and informed. There is being poor and there is being trapped in a cycle of poverty and they are not the same thing. The OP talks about being raised poor and living in a neighbourhood full of violence and gangs and poverty. She has a background where the odds are stacked against her if she leaves home and quits school right now. This isn't the same thing as a middle class white kid who struggles a bit after college. It is harder to break free of poverty when it has spanned generations.

 

Of course there are always stories of success but it is not easy. People do get defeated especially if they don't have a people in their life offering good emotional support. Almost everyone who quits school says they're going to go back later but many never do because sh@t happens that sidetracks. I didn't say a woman has to get married to improve her lot, I think anyone who gets married just to improve their lot is going to be very disappointed with how that turns out, however it's a fact that poor uneducated women are more likely to marry young and have babies young.

 

I'm not defeatist, I'm realistic and I think telling this young girl to move out and throw away her golden opportunity to get her education right now just because she had a little fight with her family is very irresponsible. She is a young girl and she needs some rational and logical advice. The mom is letting the OP live with her rent free and she drives her to school every day so I suspect she loves her daughter and wants her to stay in school.

 

So your making this a racial thing? your saying that cause she is a disadvantaged black girl living in a less then ideal neighborhood that she cant make something of herself on her own? shes 18 not 13 I don't get why race is now coming into this by the way the girl I mentioned came from a poor white dysfunctional family but I guess that gave her a advantage some how darned if I know how poverty is poverty *shrugs..

 

I think this is kinda a insult to this girl it doesn't matter her color or if shes in a less then ideal neighborhood she can get a part time job and she can save up for a better future. And again if things are as bad as SHES MAKING THEM OUT TO BE she can move out there is no reason she couldn't rent a room and finish high school at 18 she can do these things and still succeed shes not cause she comfortable in the situation that's the reality..race and were she comes from is a excuse im sorry..

[anika99]

So your making this a racial thing? your saying that cause she is a disadvantaged black girl living in a less then ideal neighborhood that she cant make something of herself on her own? shes 18 not 13 I don't get why race is now coming into this by the way the girl I mentioned came from a poor white dysfunctional family but I guess that gave her a advantage some how darned if I know how poverty is poverty *shrugs..

 

I think this is kinda a insult to this girl it doesn't matter her color or if shes in a less then ideal neighborhood she can get a part time job and she can save up for a better future. And again if things are as bad as SHES MAKING THEM OUT TO BE she can move out there is no reason she couldn't rent a room and finish high school at 18 she can do these things and still succeed shes not cause she comfortable in the situation that's the reality..race and were she comes from is a excuse im sorry..

 

 

Oh for the love of God, I never said any such thing and I wish people would stop twisting my words. I never said she couldn't make something of herself, I said it will be harder for her if she leaves home, not because she's black (I don't even know if she is black) but more because it sounds like she comes from an uneducated family that has experienced generational poverty, and yes, if she is a minority race then she will also have to deal with a prejudiced, bigoted world on top of everything else and you people who don't think that being a poor minority are at a disadvantage are living in lala land.

 

I am a Cree native and I left home at 16. I lived in poverty for many years, working crappy jobs and getting looked down upon because of my poverty and my race. I was in my mid-thirties before I was able to get back in school and I was almost 40 before I got my first decent paying job, so it took me almost 25 yrs to fight my way to middle class. Please don't tell me that just because that was my life it doesn't have to be the OPs because I already know that, I have said in every single post here that there are success stories, however there are just as many if not more sad stories of defeat and despair

 

This is a teenage girl who had a family fight and came here to vent. Teenagers tend to be a little dramatic and over animated but overall I get the impression that this girl's mother loves her. She is supporting her and helping her get her education. This is the best opportunity she will ever have. Go rent a room somewhere and save up for the future? Lol. Yeah that sounds like a perfect solution to her problems. It's all moot anyways because she doesn't want to move out and her mother doesn't want her to move out.

[Tayla]

Anika, Yes Having someone removed from an unhealthy environment (mental mind games with a twist of emotional turmoil) and getting a room and starting their own life can help. To her its an issue despite where you are viewing things from. This is her issue, so the suggestions given are for *HER* to consider.

 

I believe her mom loves her, yet is not very loving or open in communication. Which involves, listening, validating and resolving if need be. I don't think Battlefront is being heard by her family....In the best of ways....she is the scapegoat, the one who sees the reality of the dysfunction and is told by the unit, Oh stop talking about that big elephant in the room...it doesn't exist. Yet I tend to think it does...and Battlefront is sharing that here.

[Battlefront]

Agree that race shouldn't be a factor but it is. Where would I go, who should I stay with, truly don't have money for the bus. Where do I go?

[turnera]

Battlefront, tough it out. Get through your college/technical education (IT is the future), keep your head down when around your family, consider it your 'tough time' so you can just get through it and then out into the real world earning your own money. Many many people have survived hellholes and gone on to do great things. You can too.

 

I'm sure you're aware of the phrase "hire a teenager while they still know everything," right?

 

You have a lot of living ahead of you. And the brain doesn't stop developing until around age 25. So you have a lot of thinking and changing and growing to do yet, before you become the person you will be for the rest of your life.

 

So take the advice I gave my daughter when she was your age - don't take life so seriously; it will change in a couple days.

[Ferret]

Im sorry I think to play the race card in this day and age is a excuse I will not hide that fact to "fit in" with popular opinions poverty doesn't have a "color" or "race" attached to it there are working class poor now a days for gods sake..im sorry but my white skin didn't give me a easier ride in life im sorry if you really think it some how did..anyways this is almost going to off topic here so im going to address the OP directly..

 

OP what are your goals in life? others have asked you this and you have as of yet not answered what do you want for YOUR life? remove the family issues at hand..you are now 18 you are knocking on the door of adulthood actually you have one foot in that door already.

 

Lets say things went south with your family and there was a horrible fight and tomorrow you are indeed out on the streets what is your plan? Finishing high school is good but you must also start thinking about your long term life and some sort of plan..

 

You can vent here and its all good but we cant tell you how to go about everything and from the sounds of it you haven't had the proper guidance for stepping into adulthood witch add in the volatile family mix could make for some sudden and unpleasant issues.

 

Are there councilors at your high school you can talk to? that might be a good start they can help you start to figure out what you want long term and help you get set in some sort of direction.

 

Just cause you are in a bad neighborhood and just cause your family are having some issues doesn't mean you cannot pull yourself out of it..but you need to be smart about it yes keep your head down but also start thinking longer term for your own security..do you have any friends who are working? maybe ask them if the places are hiring and if you could ride with them to work..

[sandylee1]

I've only read 8 pages of your thread and I'm suprised how harsh and mean many posters have been to you once they found out your age.

 

You'll never understand why your sister tolerates what she does. I would suggest low self esteem and a dysfunctional upbringing are a major factor.

 

The jibes of people who have repeatedly asked when you're moving out are unfair.. you're only 18 for goodness sake.

 

All I can advise is that you break the cycle and get yourself a good education... so you know better than to put up with any of this and so that you can earn a decent salary to support yourself..... and never have to tolerate such abuse from any man.

 

Now..from how you've spoken..... it's clear money is an issue. If getting a college degree is out of the question... then in whatever job you are doing.. you should be smart .... work hard and learn fast. Your talent and initiative will be recognised and you will be able to progress within that company.

 

Your mother set a terrible example throughout and that is unfortunately reflected in your sister...... you should work on yourself and know that in your life ... in the future you WILL BE a better parent.

 

I can understand you are concerned about your sister and quite frankly I wouldn't tolerate my BIL being that abusive to my sister... but I would have the support of my entire family. None of us would accept my sister /their daughter being mistreated...... if needs be we would all be able to provide the necessary financial support for my sister... but because of the family you come from ... The approach has to be different.

 

Save yourself and resolve to break the cycle of poverty where having McDonald's seems like such a big deal.

 

I wish you well.

[SpiralOut]

OP, correct me if I'm wrong, but the impression that I get from your posts is that you feel misunderstood in your family. Your mother expects you to act in a certain way, and when you don't she becomes upset. It's almost as if she doesn't accept or respect the fact that you think or feel differently, or maybe she thinks that you don't worry about your sister just because you don't act in the way she expects you to. If that's the case, then I can understand. It can be frustrating to feel as if the people you care about don't hear you, don't listen, or understand. It also sounds like the main focus of attention is on your sister, which can also be frustrating.

 

Your family is set in their ways and it's not likely that they will ever act any differently. As others have said, all you can do is focus on is your own life. Get your education and consider getting a part-time job. Sometimes all you can do for other people is to set a good example and hope that they feel inspired by it.

[Battlefront]

OP, correct me if I'm wrong, but the impression that I get from your posts is that you feel misunderstood in your family. Your mother expects you to act in a certain way, and when you don't she becomes upset. It's almost as if she doesn't accept or respect the fact that you think or feel differently, or maybe she thinks that you don't worry about your sister just because you don't act in the way she expects you to. If that's the case, then I can understand. It can be frustrating to feel as if the people you care about don't hear you, don't listen, or understand. It also sounds like the main focus of attention is on your sister, which can also be frustrating.

 

Your family is set in their ways and it's not likely that they will ever act any differently. As others have said, all you can do is focus on is your own life. Get your education and consider getting a part-time job. Sometimes all you can do for other people is to set a good example and hope that they feel inspired by it.

Yes everything revolves around her, but the worst is that I'm not allowed to talk about IT (my brother in-law) to mum from now on I can only say good things. Last night he informed us that he is gonna be the new Steven King and needs to continue writing so he spends little time with my sister. Okay ferret you gave me permission to be mean. My sister is a big fat stinky slob who doesn't style her hair. Maybe he is right in dumping her fat a22 at home. But why not leave her or she leave him wtf.

[Ferret]

Yes everything revolves around her, but the worst is that I'm not allowed to talk about IT (my brother in-law) to mum from now on I can only say good things. Last night he informed us that he is gonna be the new Steven King and needs to continue writing so he spends little time with my sister. Okay ferret you gave me permission to be mean. My sister is a big fat stinky slob who doesn't style her hair. Maybe he is right in dumping her fat a22 at home. But why not leave her or she leave him wtf.

 

No sorry im not giving you permission to be mean im saying adults have to take equal responsibility in a adult relationship that means taking the others wants and needs into consideration there is a massive difference cause and effect we cant be the cause and not expect the effect...Op why are you continuing to focus on these people?

 

Hes making his choices shes made hers..ignore them focus on your life if you have to stay in your room so you don't have to be constantly exposed to the craziness..your more caut up in their dramas then you need to be.

[Ferret]

The jibes of people who have repeatedly asked when you're moving out are unfair.. you're only 18 for goodness sake.

 

 

Lifes unfair no child should have to deal with family drama but it happens when they are old enough and im starting to doubt it from some of the OPs recent responses the only way to start themselves on a healthy road is to remove ones self from the toxic environment.

 

Sadly it seams the OP is now conditioned into the drama as shes pretty much ignoring any advice of her trying to move past it and choosing to be a part of it..that's again if she is of the age were she can legally move out who knows..

[mcjordan]

This is the story of a high school student who believes they are entitled to interfere in their adult sibling's life.

 

The best advice would be to let it go, mind one's own business, and work toward independence.