Confusedchica Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been together for a little while now. He has this ex that he CONSTANTLY fights with. Like it's so exhausting. They have no kids or any connection so they have no reason to even communicate. They do however work together. Some nights ago he came home and was livid. He was angry because she told him supposedly that if he continues to "bother" her then she'd be speaking to Human resources at their job.... funny I wasn't aware of him bothering her. The very next night they had a company party for valentine's day. I attended it with him. Everything was going smoothly until he spotted her talking to a manager. From what I seen they appeared to just be having a regular conversation. They didn't appear to be discussing my boyfriend. My boyfriend and her ending up locking eyes. She made a weird face at him. It was like a confused mixed with a wtf face. As soon as they exchanged looks he bolted over there and said to the manager "the 3 of us need to talk in the office because we have an issue". The manager looked confused and his ex seemed thrown off. At the end of the night the manager attempted to get them together to see if the issue could be resolved. My BF walked in the room and said "don't worry about it. I was advised to go to HR". I was mortified by his behavior because he acted gulity!! What the hell was he doing !? The next day human resources called him saying they need to talk to him. They said the manager emailed them out of concern after the party incident. When he spoke to them they said that they'd spoken to her as well a few hours before and were concerned as to why he would be showing other employees inappropriate pictures of her and making sexual comments to her. He said that he isn't doing these things but he acted so strange at the party. Had he not.made that scene they wouldn't be in trouble. What he did was beyond stupid and now idk what to believe 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DropCity Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Confusedchica, has your boyfriend shared with you his issue he has with his ex? It may explain to you the "odd behavior" and what to think. Personally if I was in your situation, I would not be with any angry, livid girl who "bothered" her ex. I especially would not be with a girl who acted uncontrollably in front of her boss and coworkers. (I'd expect her to be fired on the spot!) Finally, I would run from any person, "girlfriend" or not, who (even allegedly) showed other employees inappropriate pictures and made sexual comments about an ex! Whatever "odd behavior" you're trying to understand or "think" may not be your biggest problem very soon. It may be having to deal with being the next "ex" subject to crazy behavior such as inappropriate pictures and sexual comments spread about you. Take care and do be careful! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 He always says she's crazy and needs help. That she's a liar. I'm confused because he acted guilty at the party. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 His relationship with her never really ended. They are still intensely connected on an emotional level. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 His relationship with her never really ended. They are still intensely connected on an emotional level. ^^^ This. I hope you are not too involved with him, as I guess YOUR relationship with him, is going nowhere fast. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 He says that because he left her for Me that when ever he says ANYTHING that she feels isnt work related she flips out Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 (edited) While in HR office she told them that he said to her that her butt appeared smaller and that she should do squats because that was his favorite part about her. She flipped out because he said that. She also told them that when she was leaving he yelled after her "losing it! Lost it" referencing her butt. As she walked away. VERY DISAPPOINTED in his behavior Edited February 20, 2016 by Confusedchica Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Get a new boyfriend. This one is an idiot. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Lindsaycaper Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 That's harassment 7 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 What a person needs to hear in this situation with an ex is indifference and neutral conversation. "Lovely day." "I saw your mum the other day, she is looking well" "Have you been playing football recently?" etc.etc. Here he is making sexual comments to her about her butt, and that has to be very worrying for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 He's still really into her. I mean everyone knows about he and I. We post pictures on facebook we are very open. So he's not shy about us.its not like he hides me. She's blocked him or he blocked her either way, it's not like she isn't aware. So idk how into her he could be Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 What a person needs to hear in this situation with an ex is indifference and neutral conversation. "Lovely day." "I saw your mum the other day, she is looking well" "Have you been playing football recently?" etc.etc. Here he is making sexual comments to her about her butt, and that has to be very worrying for you. I feel they shouldn't talk at all They aren't friends so there's no need. Im.concerned because he mad himself seen guilty by barging over to the manager 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Here's the core problem as I see it. He hasn't been able to move on from the ex and he's now jeopardized his job because he's so out of control he can't just maintain politeness at work and leave her alone otherwise. He's bitter and vengeful and out of control and has handled this badly. Whatever she's done, I don't know, but nothing justifies his hanging on and bad behavior and not being mature enough to be professional around her at work. And by the sound of it, he's done plenty of other things, like she reported. And of course, he's never going to confess that to you. But now you know who he is. Maybe a double dumping would wake him up a little. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 I just don't think he is honestly. *They have no positive connection. It's always fighting or trying to prove the others stalking the other *Thats right; they have no positive connection. They have a very negative connection instead. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 He's not telling you the truth about what's happening. I'd walk if I were you because it sounds like he still has unresolved issues with his feelings about her. How can he be fully committed and happy with you if he's still obsessing about an ex he works with. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 I guess I worded that wrong what I meant was It's not like they're fond of eachother. Like they only seem to have negative feelings Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 20, 2016 Share Posted February 20, 2016 Like I always say.....go by their actions not what they tell you. He has been the aggressor in all this, you yourself have witnessed it. Me, I would never find this kind of behavior acceptable....if I were you I would be worried on how he would treat you if you broke up. This guy is cuckoo for coco puffs. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 Like I always say.....go by their actions not what they tell you. He has been the aggressor in all this, you yourself have witnessed it. Me, I would never find this kind of behavior acceptable....if I were you I would be worried on how he would treat you if you broke up. This guy is cuckoo for coco puffs. So that's what I was asking by him storming over to interrupt her and the managers conversation....that was a gulity move? I felt it was unnecessary and I didn't see why he did it. I wish I had some.insight as to why he felt the need to barge over there Link to post Share on other sites
DropCity Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 I guess I worded that wrong what I meant was It's not like they're fond of eachother. Like they only seem to have negative feelings The old adage is this... the opposite of love, is not hate... it's indifference. So how does that relate to your boyfriend and his ex? It means they could still have strong feelings for each other. If they didn't, they wouldn't care about the other and act civil. Especially civil at work. He says that because he left her for Me that when ever he says ANYTHING that she feels isnt work related she flips out Those opposite feelings of love could very easily turn back to love for each other and thus... he would leave you for her. Your "boyfriend" very well could just be using you to make his ex feel jealous. So that's what I was asking by him storming over to interrupt her and the managers conversation....that was a gulity move? I felt it was unnecessary and I didn't see why he did it. I wish I had some.insight as to why he felt the need to barge over there Yes, it's "guilt" of something. What do you suspect that guilt of admission is, Confusedchica? Guilty of him still having a love/hate relationship with his ex? Guilty of not being able to handle rejection by is ex? (Think of that... maybe the ex discovered his erratic behavior and broke up with him.) Which stands to reason... if your boyfriend won't tell you the whole story, maybe the ex knows the truth. Whatever the guilt, behavior, or simply the fact that you're concerns are left in the dark by this guy... do you feel your affection is worth more than "whatever" is not being divulged or given back to you? Stay safe! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 So that's what I was asking by him storming over to interrupt her and the managers conversation....that was a gulity move? I felt it was unnecessary and I didn't see why he did it. I wish I had some.insight as to why he felt the need to barge over there His wife threatened to speak to HR due to him "bothering" her, and there she was speaking to the manager, so he went over there to protect himself and find out what she was saying about him. If he is accused of showing inappropriate pics of his ex wife to other members of staff and making sexual comments to his ex wife, then that is easily proven by asking said members of staff had they been shown any pics or heard any comments. If the manager, by email, is then asking him the reason as to why he is showing inappropriate pics to other employees and making sexual comments to his ex wife? then I guess they have that proof. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 His wife threatened to speak to HR due to him "bothering" her, and there she was speaking to the manager, so he went over there to protect himself and find out what she was saying about him. If he is accused of showing inappropriate pics of his ex wife to other members of staff and making sexual comments to his ex wife, then that is easily proven by asking said members of staff had they been shown any pics or heard any comments. If the manager, by email, is then asking him the reason as to why he is showing inappropriate pics to other employees and making sexual comments to his ex wife? then I guess they have that proof. They weren't married. I agree tho I believe he went to protect himself because he thought she was revealing the truth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 How long have you two even been together? My last boyfriend had a gf he left for me. She was ALWAYS in the picture in some form or another. Not to this extent, but the fact that he never left her alone, or cut her out of his life should have been a huge red flag to me. He would tell me all the time how she was a terrible gf, he stopped wanting her years before he ended it, there was nothing there. But there was ALWAYS drama with her. She'd show up places where we were, or I'd find out after the fact that there was a group get together and the only person not invited was me (and she was there). We were very open on Facebook too. Pictures, happy statuses, I'd met his family/friends, the whole 9 yards. But again, the fact that he never put an end to her involvement in anything should have woken me up. He was cheating on me with her. Despite EVERYTHING he had said about her. And that's why there was always her background involvement. I agree with everyone here that he has unresolved feelings, and that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. If there was nothing there for her, he'd be indifferent. Instead, there's always drama regarding her, work problems with him. Oh, and I'll leave you with this. If he does it WITH you, he'll do it TO you. My ex eventually left ME for another chick. :rolleyes: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 My boyfriend and I have been together for a little while now. He has this ex that he CONSTANTLY fights with. Like it's so exhausting. They have no kids or any connection so they have no reason to even communicate. They do however work together...... It's very simple: You tell him: either he changes job, or you change BF. Sorted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 My last boyfriend had a gf he left for me. She was ALWAYS in the picture in some form or another. Not to this extent, but the fact that he never left her alone, or cut her out of his life should have been a huge red flag to me. He would tell me all the time how she was a terrible gf, he stopped wanting her years before he ended it, there was nothing there. But there was ALWAYS drama with her. She'd show up places where we were, or I'd find out after the fact that there was a group get together and the only person not invited was me (and she was there). People only cause drama if there some reason to do so. The "crazy ex*" who is always hanging around does so, because she is getting something out of it. No-one hangs around for no reward - blank stares and the back of his head as he disappears as soon as she shows up, is going to fuel nothing. BUT "fighting", and "banter" and "hatred" and "storming out dramatically" between the ex partners are all designed to attract. Any attention is good attention and as many have found out unfortunately, merely fuels sexual tension and can lead to actual sex with the ex. [* I exclude stalkers and other mentally ill people, who often have other agendas.] 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 How much of an investment could you possibly have in this guy, anyway? Why are unable to believe what your own eyes SAW and still want so badly to believe that there was an altruistic reason for his actions? But more importantly, why would you continue to cling to someone whose clearly shown you he's shady as hell? He's CLEARLY got unfinished business with the ex, and I'd be willing to bet there's a lot more you DON'T know about. Respect yourself and scrape this guy off your grill. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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