S2B Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 I mean everyone knows about he and I. We post pictures on facebook we are very open. So he's not shy about us.its not like he hides me. She's blocked him or he blocked her either way, it's not like she isn't aware. So idk how into her he could be This doesn't even matter! He's still connected to HER! And connected on a deep level. You need to step aside and save yourself from his extreme drama!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 21, 2016 Author Share Posted February 21, 2016 It does matter in.my eyes because wouldn't he be hiding it if he wanted to be with her Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 21, 2016 Share Posted February 21, 2016 Oh, of course. Cheaters are always very open with their SO's and everyone else, about how they're having an affair. I'm sorry, but you're wearing blinkers, hun.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 22, 2016 Author Share Posted February 22, 2016 We had a get together last night and a few of his work buddies were there. I was having a conversation with one of them and he mentioned that, that day he worked directly with my boyfriend for a few hours. I asked him.what they talked about and he said "a few things". He waited until we were completely alone. He told me that my boyfriend randomly brought up problems with the girl. He said that he said that they have problems and that HR is now involved. The guy said he responding by saying "yeah she did mention that you were harrassing her" to which my boyfriend said no its her harrassing HIM. The guy said something like "well you guys always have problems but always figure it out" and my boyfriend said "idk about this time". It seems to be really bothering him but he's not showing it in our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 And you're still with him....because? I don't know...try as I might, I'm having a lot of difficulty appreciating his marvellous, loyal, even-tempered, rational, down-to-earth character. You must see something in him that for the life of me, I am totally missing here..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 And you're still with him....because? I don't know...try as I might, I'm having a lot of difficulty appreciating his marvellous, loyal, even-tempered, rational, down-to-earth character. You must see something in him that for the life of me, I am totally missing here..... Its a competition... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 Sounds like your boyfriend has two relationships going at the same time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 22, 2016 Author Share Posted February 22, 2016 Its a competition... What's a competition? ? Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 I was that ex a few weeks ago. This guy I used to date years ago I still had contact with on/off and the old issues would come up and we'd have a fight. One of us would drag up the past and sex. I told him now that he had a new gf it wasn't appropriate to be in touch anymore because of the unreasolved stuff but he fought me pretty hard to stay in touch. Some of his texts probably count as emotional cheating. It's completely my call that we are in NC. There are unresolved issues for sure and this time around it was him that brought up the sex. I'll eat my hat if I don't hear from him in a few weeks/months. Link to post Share on other sites
strow Posted February 22, 2016 Share Posted February 22, 2016 What's a competition? ? When two or more people are trying to obtain the same goal and only one can reach it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 Today at work they had to sit with managers separately and he declined to meet with her and also two managers to settle it. He is now accusing her of HARASSMENT. I don't know why he declined to meet with her there but he did. They aren't allowed to talk unless it's about work Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 Also I seen her when I was picking him up from work she looked like she wanted to cry Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 One thing someone told me one time really resonates as I read this thread... love and hate are not opposite ends of the spectrum, they are two sides of the same coin. This anger and sadness they feel towards each other, shows a lot of passion. The fact that they both care so much, means they are not over each other. The fact that he's making such a big deal about your relationship with him, and Facebook photo's and everything doesn't change it. He isn't in love with you, he is in love with her. Cut your losses before you get hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) I get what you are saying but these two have soooo much hatred. It's come to the point where one will lose their jobs of it doesn't stop. I feel like he could've ended by agreeing to sit down with her. But as he told me he declined and only asked for the managers to tell her never to talk to him and that he wants no communication with her at all. ...the doesn't seem like love. He flat out denied meeting with both of them there. Edited February 24, 2016 by Confusedchica Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 He always says she's crazy and needs help. That she's a liar. I'm confused because he acted guilty at the party. Look up projection. There are a lot of men to call the other person what they are doing themselves. It doesn't sound like he's fully over her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 Look up projection. There are a lot of men to call the other person what they are doing themselves. It doesn't sound like he's fully over her. So you don't find it off that he DECLINED TO even meet with her and requested no communicating Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 You don't get it... The fact that he's even communicating with her is bad news. He shouldn't even be engaging with her, other than for purely, perfunctory business purposes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 When I was working with an ex (not the one I mentioned here already), we considered dating again after about 7-8 months of break. Of course the whole thing went belly up and I wished with all the will in the world that I could get away from him but I couldn't. I felt massive hate and anger for about a month. A colleague of mine called me over to discuss something, looked at me and went 'Dude, there is so much anger in your eyes, I can really feel it. I know it's not directed at me but I can feel it.' That's how bad it was, I just wanted to kick his chair or whack the back of his head out of frustration for not being able to get away. Then it all calmed down and we were ok for a few months again. Point is, anger always means something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 When I was working with an ex (not the one I mentioned here already), we considered dating again after about 7-8 months of break. Of course the whole thing went belly up and I wished with all the will in the world that I could get away from him but I couldn't. I felt massive hate and anger for about a month. A colleague of mine called me over to discuss something, looked at me and went 'Dude, there is so much anger in your eyes, I can really feel it. I know it's not directed at me but I can feel it.' That's how bad it was, I just wanted to kick his chair or whack the back of his head out of frustration for not being able to get away. Then it all calmed down and we were ok for a few months again. Point is, anger always means something. Maybe his anger does mean something but I wouldn't go as far as to say he's in love with her Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 You're still not getting it. If you do some research, you will find that the emotions of 'Love' and 'Hate' emanate from virtually the same place in the brain. I once read a quotation that struck me as so true; it really resonated. "When you hate, abhor and cannot abide something with a passion, you hold it as close and embrace it as fully, as if you loved, cherished and yearned for it." The opposite of Love IS NOT Hate. The opposite of Love - is Indifference. It is abundantly and patently clear & obvious to everyone here that whatever he might feel for her, it's keeping them close to one another ... and frankly? You think you're getting a look-in. But you are only receiving 50% (if you're lucky) of his emotions. He doesn't feel for you half as much as he should, because he's too busy also feeling something for her. Whatever that might be. You - are losing out. BIG. TIME. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Maybe his anger does mean something but I wouldn't go as far as to say he's in love with her When I left the company and was given a leaving card signed by the others, my ex drew a little heart and wrote the first two lines of a sad lovesong about a lover moving away. I'm not saying my situation was like yours exactly. Only that strong emotions exist side by side. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 I have more information. Basically they've been bickering back n fourth for months since he left her for me. She was heartbroken and doesn't want to speak to him. She told him if he talks to her again she was going to tell human resources at their job. The episode he had where he barged over caused the manager to alert human resources even though neither of them did themselves. So whether she was bluffing or not they were now forced into it. They had two separate meetings both accusing the other of harassment. Apparently she didn't open up as much in fear of him losing his job. He however complained alot about her harrassing him. HR isn't allowed to tell one what the other says they only said she seemed to not want him to get fired. He declined to meet up with her face to face with managers present but only requested that she does not communicate with him . So when I saw her when I picked him up I'm guessing that's why she looked sad. Maybe that hurt her feelings. So how could he possibly be in love with her after doing this ?? Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 It's not about whether he's "in love" with her. His way of dealing with this and talking about her arse etc. Is totally out of bounds and should be a deal-breaker. Even if they stay out if each other's hair at work now, you see how he handles himself and that is a bad foreshadowing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 It's too messy. As much as people make mistakes, the way he is handling this isn't endearing. He is either cruel to her or still has feelings for her. I think you said earlier he was showing photos of her and she is worried that he will be fired. He sounds like a massive loser if I'm honest. I never get why women hang out with men like him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Confusedchica, think - if nothing else is convincing you - on this: When he breaks up with you (and I think he will, because through all of this I am really questioning his maturity and competence in communication), he will treat you, like he's treating her. His attitude, language and temperament will colour you, in precisely the same way he's colouring her. You really want to be with a guy who handles things so badly? I would find the entire episode distasteful and off-putting. He's being quite extreme in his behaviour. And it seems he's out of control. Honey, you really need to walk. Seriously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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