Cherryz Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Because it seems he has no choice. This is what happens when you hook up with a guy in a relationship: you never know whether he is with you out of choice or because he doesn't have anyone better at the moment. My guess is that he'd rather be with her - judging by the thread. She isn't having it though. Otherwise he would have broken up with her. Yeah, it looks also like a ego thing he have. maybe because she left him and he see her "happy" at work and cant stand it. What a idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Yeah, it looks also like a ego thing he have. maybe because she left him and he see her "happy" at work and cant stand it. What a idiot. I think it's beyond ego. I think he thinks he screwed up by cheating. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 She's refusing to sign the cease and desist meaning refusing to end the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 She's refusing to sign the cease and desist meaning refusing to end the drama. Well then from your boyfriend's response you'll see what the situation is. If he changes jobs and stops contact with her, it was her all along. If he carries on with the conflict then it will be clear that he gets off on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Well then from your boyfriend's response you'll see what the situation is. If he changes jobs and stops contact with her, it was her all along. If he carries on with the conflict then it will be clear that he gets off on it. We've discussed this and he's a aid he's not switching jobs. It's a great job and he makes great money. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Confusedchica try to get this through your head: While she is on the scene, you aren't even half as important as you should be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 We've discussed this and he's a aid he's not switching jobs. It's a great job and he makes great money. People can make money in very similar jobs at different places. Once you have the ability to make money, that doesn't just go away. Being away from his ex would help his concentration - one would think A Previous poster about high conflict was right. He enjoys the drama, plus he is a proven cheat. Enjoy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Confusedchica try to get this through your head: While she is on the scene, you aren't even half as important as you should be. Whooooa that's a HUGE statement. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Whooooa that's a HUGE statement. It's what most of us - if not all - have been saying. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Whooooa that's a HUGE statement. It's what most of us - if not all - have been saying. And it's not the first time I've said it, which is proof positive that you're looking for what you want to hear, not what we are actually telling you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Why doesn't he find a job somewhere else? This way he wouldn't have to see her at all. Problem solved. This he DOES have control over - and the ability to change it is up to him. Is he willing to find another job ASAP? And since there is emotion between the two of them - it shows proof they both care. When I am OVER someone I actually don't care at all - about them or enough to even respond to them at all. At that point when any interactions happen I ONLY reply if I have to and its with the simplest of answers which are yes and no. Why isn't he seeking a job somewhere else? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 Why isn't he seeking a job somewhere else? Uh because he has a great job..great pay awesome benefits and he's been there for 4 years that's why. She's only been there a year. She should leave. The fact that they've turned this into a legal battle when she should've been fired is baffling Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 And it's not the first time I've said it, which is proof positive that you're looking for what you want to hear, not what we are actually telling you. First she found out about us and blew up on him. He didn't try and get her back they just started this battling. If he had intentions of getting her back he would've fought for her when she found out and wouldn't be open about us on Facebook at all. Second he told a coworker that he and her don't want the same thing as in she wanted a relationship and he did not. So if he's so "in love" with her why am I his girlfriend and she's NOT. if he didn't want the same thing as her yet I am what she wanted to be, that means be just doesn't like her enough Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I'm sorry... I'm picturing you like this.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 First she found out about us and blew up on him. He didn't try and get her back they just started this battling. If he had intentions of getting her back he would've fought for her when she found out and wouldn't be open about us on Facebook at all. Second he told a coworker that he and her don't want the same thing as in she wanted a relationship and he did not. So if he's so "in love" with her why am I his girlfriend and she's NOT. if he didn't want the same thing as her yet I am what she wanted to be, that means be just doesn't like her enough I'm guessing it's because he is smart enough to know that you put up with more than she does. I've seen men choosing docile women for relationships all the time only to treat her bad. I bet when she found out his true nature she just dumped his sorry ass*, didn't try to justify his behaviour like you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Uh because he has a great job..great pay awesome benefits and he's been there for 4 years that's why. She's only been there a year. She should leave. The fact that they've turned this into a legal battle when she should've been fired is baffling Probably because HR know that it's him and not her 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 We went to a coworkers get together tonight. Things were going great until she walked in. When she walked in a coworker pointed her out to him and he said something like "there's a difference between past mistakes and BAD mistakes". Someone asked her about a trip she was taking and she said she was going to Miami. Few minutes later he made the comment that he'd go on a trip anywhere but Miami. (Not sure why he said that) he started singing a song referencing her being a whore. I pulled him to the side and asked him with everything that's going on, is it necessary to aggravate her. She's known to have a bad temper. I tried to explain to him not to poke the bear Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 You would be best to get ready to understand that you are #2 in his mind. He lets her get to him a lot - and that indicates he has very strong feelings for her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 We went to a coworkers get together tonight. Things were going great until she walked in. When she walked in a coworker pointed her out to him and he said something like "there's a difference between past mistakes and BAD mistakes". Someone asked her about a trip she was taking and she said she was going to Miami. Few minutes later he made the comment that he'd go on a trip anywhere but Miami. (Not sure why he said that) he started singing a song referencing her being a whore. I pulled him to the side and asked him with everything that's going on, is it necessary to aggravate her. She's known to have a bad temper. I tried to explain to him not to poke the bear How freaking inappropriate and embarrassing. Do you not see how he's instigating this garbage? He keeps risking his job, being outright rude and inappropriate, and starting up conflicts where there shouldn't be any. Plus, he's in no shape to be calling anyone else a whore. Talk about projection. Still, right there with you and he just can't shut his ignorant mouth. Quite a prize you have there. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Meh I'm done with this thread, clearly both you and your boyfriend are drama and gossip mongers. He is a bully. Good luck, you will need it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 I get that you LOVE him, but this obsession with his ex and it is obviously an obsession is not what you are imaging it to be. YOU think he is just defending your relationship against the"nasty" ex, but he is not doing that, he is projecting. Projecting is a psychological device that shifts the blame, so instead of blaming himself for cheating and having loose morals, he instead accuses his ex of cheating and having loose morals, when indeed he knows he is the one who did the dirty on her. He feels guilt and shame for the way he acted and no doubt upset that she had to throw him out, and this shows up as annoyance and anger directed at her. People tend not to want to be angry at themselves, they want to protect their own ego, so instead of accepting that he messed up, he is furious with her instead. If he didn't care, he would say nothing and move on with his life with you, and ignore her completely, but he cares a lot, so he cannot leave it be. He NEEDS her attention, that is very obvious, any attention is good attention, so he goads her to get a reaction. She did nothing wrong on this night out, all the nastiness and aggression came from him - you need to remember that the next time he is bad mouthing her. YOU may think you won the prize here, but it is a hollow victory. A man who cheats with you will often cheat on you, and the way he is acting with his ex here I would not be surprised if they ended up in bed together: hopefully she will have the good sense to stay clear. Sorry! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 When we talked last night he said that he hates her and that she tried to make him lose his job. And I stated it might be smart to not bicker with her in work environments and he said he "can't control" the anger when he sees her and what a bitch she is basically. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 When we talked last night he said that he hates her and that she tried to make him lose his job. And I stated it might be smart to not bicker with her in work environments and he said he "can't control" the anger when he sees her and what a bitch she is basically. Which basically tells you everything you need to know. She is still sufficiently significant in his life for him to make any effort to NOT engage with her. He is essentially abdicating any responsibility of control for his actions/reactions, because he thinks it would be too much of an effort to control himself. So rather than take your counsel, and make that effort for the good of your (collectively) relationship, he would rather still pay into the one he has with her, no matter how toxic or dysfunctional it is. In brief? He's in it with her, because he wants to be. He's chosen his stance. And his stance indicates continued connection with her. Ooooh, You lucky girl, you.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusedchica Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 I get that you LOVE him, but this obsession with his ex and it is obviously an obsession is not what you are imaging it to be. YOU think he is just defending your relationship against the"nasty" ex, but he is not doing that, he is projecting. Projecting is a psychological device that shifts the blame, so instead of blaming himself for cheating and having loose morals, he instead accuses his ex of cheating and having loose morals, when indeed he knows he is the one who did the dirty on her. He feels guilt and shame for the way he acted and no doubt upset that she had to throw him out, and this shows up as annoyance and anger directed at her. People tend not to want to be angry at themselves, they want to protect their own ego, so instead of accepting that he messed up, he is furious with her instead. If he didn't care, he would say nothing and move on with his life with you, and ignore her completely, but he cares a lot, so he cannot leave it be. He NEEDS her attention, that is very obvious, any attention is good attention, so he goads her to get a reaction. She did nothing wrong on this night out, all the nastiness and aggression came from him - you need to remember that the next time he is bad mouthing her. YOU may think you won the prize here, but it is a hollow victory. A man who cheats with you will often cheat on you, and the way he is acting with his ex here I would not be surprised if they ended up in bed together: hopefully she will have the good sense to stay clear. Sorry! Just realized you called it an obsession Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 It's never occurred to you, that it's what this is? Heck, 'obsessed' isn't even enough. He seems possessed by the situation. He's an extreme maniacal drama-Queen. They deserve each other. Are you staying because you think you deserve this? You just want the left-overs, do you? The scraps, or remnants of the feast you should be getting, and as his apparent GF, are entitled to? He cheated on her. She found out from a third party. It's no wonder she flew off the handle. So she's going over the top, but his sense of entitlement and self-righteous indignation is farcical. it would be funny if it wasn't so tragic. And it's tragic, because your second post should have read "I'm dumping him, he's an over-dramatic loser." Instead, here we are, Page 7, and you still seem to be in a fog. What are you going to do - given that anything you HAVE done (or might have done) up to now, has fallen on deaf ears? (Pretty much like our advice to you, really.....) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts