Fear I am not progressing well in coping, 2

[Lostdreams]

Dear GC,

 

I feel for you and want to give you strength - maybe you can relate this to when you go on a hike, the weather gets bad so you have to shelter and take cover ....... once it's blown over you can start out again to reach the summit.

 

So maybe you need to talk some shelter now but while you're at it please think of this .....

 

From my outlook it will be absolutely great if he moves away and the sooner the better - no more chances of bumping into him or watching out for his damn pick-up truck in front of a store. This would give you total FREEDOM in your home town and you will be able to walk around carefree and be 100% yourself without always look over your shoulder.

 

Can you anticipate that feeling of freedom ?

Can you not feel already now how much of a weight will be off your back ?

Can you look at his moving away and anticipate the benefits this will bring you ?

 

Sending hugs

[BC1980]

That's the thing, though--I still don't know WHAT was the right conclusion. Was he a jerk, or not?

 

I struggled quite a bit with the narrative of my relationship as well. I don't think it's so black and white. I don't think there is any "right" conclusion regarding your ex. Most people are not all good or all bad. Was my ex a jerk at times? Yes. Was he loving at times? Yes. It would be easier if he were a sociopath who abused me or cheated on me, but he's not. He's a person, like me, with a past that makes him who he is. What I do know is that I can look at myself and say, "Whatever happened with EX, I can change MY patterns and behaviors moving forward."

 

The real problem is that you can't paint a person into a corner and say that you have the absolute truth of what this person is. We all change as time goes on, and we only truly know ourselves. I can't say that I have the narrative of who my ex was/is on lock down. I can only take what he showed me during our three years together and apply it to the way I reacted to him.

 

I think it will drive you absolutely bonkers to try to come to some absolute conclusion regarding K. However, the good news is that you can come to some absolute conclusions about yourself, which is why I keep harping on you to invest your time there. Whatever K was/is, it's not your problem anymore, and you are free to leave it in the past. You are free from his dead weight.

 

You put a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself to come to some great conclusion about K. It reminds me of how I used to exhaust myself trying to figure out my ex. I would go over every minute interaction and detail to try to find the answer or to come up with the "correct" narrative of what happened. I guess I thought that if I solved the riddle, something would happen. I don't even know what I thought would happen. It's so funny because I never expended that much energy during the relationship.

[Zapbasket]

I only speak for me, but I doubt he has. A change in location doesn't mean a change in attitude. It just means that he's going somewhere else. Depending on his experiences there, it may generate a shift in attitude, but if you are fundamentally an ass-ole, it more than likely won't.

 

Metaphors aside, I don't think your ex has grown up. A change in location does not mean a change in attitude. He may be running away from something. It is not a position of strength, but a position of fear. That's what my ex did, and he is worse off because of it, as far as I know.

 

Thank you. Petty of me, maybe, but--I needed to hear this. It's the only thing that makes real sense given what I know about him. I used to believe people could have huge epiphanies that would give them an incredible wave of energy to work quickly even through the most deep-seated of issues, but I no longer believe that. So if he DID, in fact, have an epiphany, it would turn all my carefully arrived at conclusions completely on their heads.

 

Next point:

 

 

Shortly after I broke up with my ex, my mother said this to me:

 

"Elsea, you and P had a good relationship, but I could tell for a long time that you two just weren't going to work out. I didn't know how, or when you two would separate. It could have been after you two got married, after you two had kids, I don't know. But you two had been growing apart. Now, you are going to grow on your own without him weighing you down."

 

Like I mentioned before, I'd been thinking of leaving my ex. We were on different paths. I was tired of the bullsh-t.

 

Well, to be honest, I could hear that also in your posts. I don't hear any residual love for him in what you post (not that that means there ISN'T any); in fact, you sound like you're tired of him and were tired of him in the relationship, too. Maybe you outgrew him will still in the relationship with him?

 

GC, you need to tend to your garden, because you best know how it should grow.

 

that's the thing. I really have no idea. I've always been this self-directed, ambitious person, and for the first time I feel kind-of lost. That's another element at play that makes me so upset he could act like such a schmuck and even APPEAR to be moving forward. I mean, I had to start from absolute scratch here, and he freaking grew up in this state and lives here, in the town we presently both are living in, with his family. When he moves to his hometown, he'll be at the family ranch, again with family. It seems like I just keep struggling, and he has it so easy. And yet, one of the reasons he broke up with me was because he felt always like he was two steps behind me.

 

Today, I really feel like a loser.

 

Where does your heart want to go?

 

To a giant reset button that, once pressed, can take me to where the only people who ever get into my inner circle are people who truly care about and love me. Beyond that, I really don't know.

[Minneloa]

GC,

 

I really feel for you right now. I have long struggled with this sort of mental spiral, and I know how all-encompassing and compelling they can feel.

 

That said, I think this is an ideal opportunity for you to practice self-awareness and self-care. I know you might feel overwhelmed and panicky, but take a few deep breaths (literally) and, for just a few minutes, set aside the *content* of your spiral (what K. may or may not be doing/thinking/feeling) and focus on the mental mechanisms and assumptions that have created this free-fall of confusion, anxiety, and pain. Here is the list of common cognitive distortions:

 

15 Common Cognitive Distortions | Psych Central

 

Which of these might apply to your current thought processes?

 

I am not asking this to be bitchy or condescending. I am sincerely asking you to reflect on the list, as a fellow over-analyzer and spiral-er. I know it might seem impossible at this moment, because your mind is so, as I like to say, "on fire." But push yourself, GC. Don't give into the rabbit hole. Fight back!

 

M.

Edited September 2, 2014 by Minneloa

[elseaacych]

that's the thing. I really have no idea. I've always been this self-directed, ambitious person, and for the first time I feel kind-of lost. That's another element at play that makes me so upset he could act like such a schmuck and even APPEAR to be moving forward. I mean, I had to start from absolute scratch here, and he freaking grew up in this state and lives here, in the town we presently both are living in, with his family. When he moves to his hometown, he'll be at the family ranch, again with family. It seems like I just keep struggling, and he has it so easy. And yet, one of the reasons he broke up with me was because he felt always like he was two steps behind me.

 

Today, I really feel like a loser.

 

There is a great difference between perception and what is. So he's leaving. You have established roots here. Last I heard, you were interviewing for a promotional position at the place you work. (How did that turn out by the way? I know you were having doubts about putting that on your plate at this time.)

 

We are all moving in some direction. A whole year has passed since this break up occured. Everyone to some extent, has changed in at least subtle ways. Think of where you were a year ago and how far you have come. What you have to focus on is YOUR DIRECTION AND WHERE YOU WANT TO GO. If you have to look back to a little before the break-up and what you wanted then, that's fine. I am sure your whole life does not revolve around your ex.

If you have no goals for where you want to go, make some up!

 

This all kind of reminds me of that movie Bridesmaids, where two bridesmaids are arguing over whether their mutual friend has changed, or if she's the same.

 

Is it fair to expect life to be static? We all undergo changes, for better or worse, and what I am pointing out is that it would be more surprising to discover that nothing about him had changed, even just a little bit.

 

Nothing he does at this point reflects on you.

 

Do not despair, the waves of sadness will pass. Life is not static. Today may be sad, tomorrow may be sad, but, you have to override the thoughts. Three days from now you may be freaking awesome and on top of the world. You never know what could happen. Some days it is so hard, but you're lucky that you've got regulars looking out for you. I would have killed to have this much action on my breakup thread.

 

It's all gonna get better.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

GC, I am sorry if my post sounded harsh. Of course it's okay to care, but I think it's very important that you ask yourself why, because it might help you understand why you keep obsessing over his character and personality more than a year later. What answer do you think you'll find? How would it help you?

 

"The past is a story we tell ourselves." Your carefully considered conclusions are based on incomplete information and, as you said, may change, so why work so hard to make the facts fit a narrative that vindicates you? You are never going to know why K did what he did and what kind of person he becomes. You simply can't know. While that lack of information may seem scary (I'm a professional analyst; trust me, I know!) it is ultimately far more healthy and freeing, because it means his life has no reflection on who and where you are now.

[Carpe-diem]

GC,

 

Take a deep breath. You fear he has moved on whilst you remain in purgatory with your frustration and bewilderment.

 

I think for once K is doing the right thing. Look at how difficult you said it was bumping into him at the food store etc? He said meeting up with you would be 'daunting' so he would feel the same way if you actually come face to face which would have eventually happened in a small town. And one of those encounters he may have a new girlfriend. Moving away will avoid all this.

 

Sounds to me like the summer job offered him a more permanent job. Why wouldn't he move back? It is his hometown. His Mother feeding you this information has not helped at all. And I'm pretty sure she relates some of your feelings back to him. He probably thought it's best to get away and make a fresh start. For once maybe he was thinking of you.

 

As for him growing up? Perhaps, career wise but his attitude won't have changed. He's still the same person that didn't want to be with you. Sorry to be blunt. He had ample opportunity to change, he chose not to. He is moving on. He will in time be someone else's problem.

 

Cyber hugs. xx

[Zapbasket]

I think this all would be easier to deal with if it had been ME turning him down. All this about how he is moving on and doesn't want to be with me makes it sound like he is this put-together king who knows what he wants and know it's not me. I wish I had put him in the position to think this about me. Why can't he be the one feeling insecure? And no way is he thinking about me in this possible move. It is alike about him and what he wants to avoid. I do worry that his mom tells him stuff about me and that seems the more to cast me in the role of lose. Because I have been open about this being a struggle for me. If it had been a struggle for him, wouldn't she have told me? So it means he has been peachy.

 

I am just thinking aloud as I sit waiting in the doctor's office. I will reply to your thoughtful posts when I am in front of my laptop and not on my smart phone (I am not the best texter.)

[Zapbasket]

And another thing: If it's true that people change and nothing is static, then why is he so rigid about contact with me being "daunting"? Why doesn't he seem to be the remotest bit curious what I'm up to, or feel just a little jealous that I might be dating? Why doesn't he feel uncomfortable with the fact that I'may moving forward in my life carrying with me the memories of how he acted? From a purely ego-driven perspective, why doesn't it bother him that I could think badly of him?

[BC1980]

And another thing: If it's true that people change and nothing is static, then why is he so rigid about contact with me being "daunting"? Why doesn't he seem to be the remotest bit curious what I'm up to, or feel just a little jealous that I might be dating? Why doesn't he feel uncomfortable with the fact that I'may moving forward in my life carrying with me the memories of how he acted? From a purely ego-driven perspective, why doesn't it bother him that I could think badly of him?

 

You are assuming a lot about his feelings. Stop the spiral. How does this benefit you? I understand that these feelings come up because I've felt them myself. Other posters have felt them too, but you can't give in and go down the rabbit hole as Minneola said.

 

You have gone from wondering why he is moving to projecting a ton of emotions onto him and wondering if he cares if you are dating.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

I feel badly about saying this but I think deep down you already know the truth. He was ambivalent even while you dated, no? Well he's even more ambivalent now and is not interested in who you're dating or what your life is like. He isn't jealous and doesn't worry about your opinion because it doesn't matter. He just doesn't care. That stings, but think of it this way: if he doesn't care, why should you? Why give him even a moment's consideration? Why invest so much as a thought when he won't do the same?

[elseaacych]

And another thing: If it's true that people change and nothing is static, then why is he so rigid about contact with me being "daunting"? Why doesn't he seem to be the remotest bit curious what I'm up to, or feel just a little jealous that I might be dating? Why doesn't he feel uncomfortable with the fact that I'may moving forward in my life carrying with me the memories of how he acted? From a purely ego-driven perspective, why doesn't it bother him that I could think badly of him?

 

These are all speculative questions that you cannot answer.

 

1. I don't know.

2. I don't know.

2.5. I don't know, he could be.

3. I don't know, he could be.

4. I don't know. Maybe he thinks they're justified.

5. I don't know. But its easier for him not to talk to you and find out that answer, so he doesn't.

 

The sameness of the answers is comforting in a way. You need to find a new "same" cycle to break into, maybe something empowering.

Edited September 3, 2014 by elseaacych

[BC1980]

I feel badly about saying this but I think deep down you already know the truth. He was ambivalent even while you dated, no? Well he's even more ambivalent now and is not interested in who you're dating or what your life is like. He isn't jealous and doesn't worry about your opinion because it doesn't matter. He just doesn't care. That stings, but think of it this way: if he doesn't care, why should you? Why give him even a moment's consideration? Why invest so much as a thought when he won't do the same?

 

This is basically what it boils down to. K was never as invested and had checked out long before he physically checked out. The same thing happened to me. I highly doubt my ex has gone through as much pain as me because he wasn't as invested in me as a person as I was in him. He was invested in the idea of a marriage and family.

 

I have said before that there is no riddle. You thought about leaving a year into the relationship because you knew the truth. You continue to ask these inane questions as a distraction from the pain.

[Minneloa]

GC,

 

Let me begin by reiterating that I genuinely relate to your thought patterns, your difficulty in letting go, and your tendency to circle back to the past in ruminative cycles.

 

I am rooting SO HARD for you, sister. But I know from my own breakup and subsequent entrance into (heavily CBT) therapy that the answers do not lie with your ex. They lie within you. So, a few questions to consider, similar to ones that my therapist posed to me, are: Why do you continue to cling so tenaciously to someone who has been gone from your life for an entire year? What benefit do you receive from focusing your emotional energy on someone who is absent and silent? And, I would add, does this dynamic of pursuing (or investing in) someone emotionally unavailable feel familiar? (It did to me.)

 

I don't know the answers to these questions, for you. But I so hope that you could turn the lens of your analysis towards yourself rather than K., who no longer deserves even a speck or smidgen of your attention.

 

Can you see how your continued focus on K. is diverting precious mental and emotional resources from yourself? Think what you might accomplish if you devoted the same level of analysis and consideration to your own life and emotional process and future plans as you currently lavish on (UNDESERVING) him.

 

Why are you continuing to care about the whereabouts/feelings/development/motivations/psychopathology/future plans of someone who has cut you completely from his life? That's not a rhetorical question.

 

With empathy and concern,

 

M.

Edited September 3, 2014 by Minneloa

[Zapbasket]

I feel badly about saying this but I think deep down you already know the truth. He was ambivalent even while you dated, no? Well he's even more ambivalent now and is not interested in who you're dating or what your life is like. He isn't jealous and doesn't worry about your opinion because it doesn't matter. He just doesn't care. That stings, but think of it this way: if he doesn't care, why should you? Why give him even a moment's consideration? Why invest so much as a thought when he won't do the same?

 

I don't think that's the whole story at all.

 

If it is, or whatever it is, the answer to your question would be because I'm not a cold sack of sh*t like he is. Because if I spend any kind of real time with someone, it's because I care. And that doesn't just shut off "knowing" he doesn't care.

 

I'm not getting after YOU, per se, but one thing I hate about breakup threads is that people end up rationalizing really cold behavior as somehow NORMAL--"He just doesn't care and that explains everything!" If anything it's even more disturbing. Unless there is a high proportion of people LS-ers get involved with who are sociopathic, it seems the higher likelihood than "not caring" is being too COWARDLY and IMMATURE to deal appropriately with their relationships and thus slinking away without really putting in any effort or doing anything that takes them out of their comfort zone. Obviously I'm not saying everyone who breaks up with someone is cowardly and immature, but maybe in these more baffling breakups, where the person comes on here feeling completely blindsided.

 

I don't know. I believe what I am saying but I get what you are saying, too. I don't know why this hurts me so much--well, maybe I do.

[Zapbasket]

Dear GC,

 

I feel for you and want to give you strength - maybe you can relate this to when you go on a hike, the weather gets bad so you have to shelter and take cover ....... once it's blown over you can start out again to reach the summit.

 

So maybe you need to talk some shelter now but while you're at it please think of this .....

 

From my outlook it will be absolutely great if he moves away and the sooner the better - no more chances of bumping into him or watching out for his damn pick-up truck in front of a store. This would give you total FREEDOM in your home town and you will be able to walk around carefree and be 100% yourself without always look over your shoulder.

 

Can you anticipate that feeling of freedom ?

Can you not feel already now how much of a weight will be off your back ?

Can you look at his moving away and anticipate the benefits this will bring you ?

 

Sending hugs

 

Thanks. In stronger moments, yes, I feel like it would be the healthiest thing possible if he got out of here rather than this ridiculous passing each other on the road and having to avoid each other, etc.

 

And in weaker moments, it just hurts that I have had to be at the mercy of this immense immaturity that he couldn't have handled the breakup in such a way that we could have acknowledged the reality of our proximity and agreed on some ground rules. God, I HATE him.

 

I hope he moves, yes--but I also hope he gets his. I'm so tired of seeing people act with no gumption and integrity and not have ever to face their bad behavior and choices. I hate admitting it but I just do not wish him well at all, whether he stays here or leaves. I want him to get served a huge dollop of whoop-ass--because he won't be able to deal with it because all he ever does is just run away. So sick of it.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

There are many reasons why people become cold towards those they once loved, but at the end of the day it really does come down to a lack of feeling. I don't care about who my ex is dating or what he's up to because he's no longer in my life, and I don't think he deserves any more of my energy or attention.

 

I think you cling to the themes of cowardice and immaturity because they are easier to accept than the alternatives. When you realize a relationship is doomed it IS normal to stop caring or investing in it. You may still have kind thoughts about the person but you recognize they are no longer a part of you, and it doesn't matter what their life is like. You detach and move on. Everything you've said about K makes it sound like he was detached from the get-go so I imagine it was even simpler for him than for most. It's not normal to become cold and cruel but we all know it happens.

[Zapbasket]

I have understood for a while this thing about myself: that if you REALLY want to hurt me--if you want to bring me to my knees in pain--then the thing to do is to refuse to speak to me. If you want control in relation to me, then shun me and you can enjoy the upper hand because I will be devastated. This, of course, only if I really care about you. If I'm not that into you, then all this behavior will make me feel is that you are a worthless b*tch or jerk, and then I will shun you. But if I care about you I become a quivering pile of jelly.

 

There is something about being shunned or abruptly cut off that affects me more deeply than anything else. It triggers old abandonment fears, I believe. When my father committed suicide when I was two, apparently for months and months I asked my mom, "Where's Da-Da?" And my mom, under the advice of my pediatrician, answered very definitively, "He's gone and he is never coming back." Over and over I asked and over and over she gave this answer, until I just stopped asking. It took a long time, and I highly doubt I stopped asking because I finally understood my mom's answer. I just think the full reality of the abandonment by someone I loved quietly folded itself into my psyche and has made me highly susceptible to dynamics like the one I have and had with K.

[Carpe-diem]

GC,

 

 

Focus on what you do know for sure and that is he doesn't want to be with you. He has never tried to reconcile with you. These are facts. All the rest is speculation. You will/are driving yourself crazy second guessing him. You'll most likely never know his feelings.

 

 

I'm sure I speak on behalf of every person on this thread (who really have your back) that we all have one thing in common, we've been rejected. Like you said that feeling stems from other parts of your life. My first therapy session years ago was about rejection and I wasn't seeing anyone at the time or suffering from a recent heartbreak. I've cried my eyes out when I didn't get a job! It's my insecurity and lack of confidence but that's improving. I hope this makes you laugh at least but on my return visit to said therapist....she didn't turn up!! That really helped with my fears of rejection.

 

 

No cold hearted break ups aren't normal but they are common, hence websites like this. The dumper checked out long time before they make that final departure. We are then left guessing/wondering what was real, what was fake. This is normal. But then you have to 'Let it go'! Why do you think that song is so popular, cos it's so true.

 

 

Look to yourself for the answers because you'll get nothing from him.

 

 

xxx

[heartshaped]

GC,

 

Do you know what stands out to me about you the most? Your inability to let go of people. Maybe it has something to do with you being such a loving, caring person or perhaps something to do with a loss you were dealt earlier in life that you never dealt with appropriately. Either way I think you hold on to people, places, and things far past their prime.

 

Yes, letting go is painful and sad and final, but we all must, at some point and time, let go. You need to let go of K, completely, for your own mental health and well being. Delete him from everything, block him from everything, cut ties with his family, and move on.

[Carpe-diem]

I forgot to say that I think you should really consider ending the friendship with his Mother. This doesn't mean you have to ignore her but you don't have to meet up with her or confide in her. I think you do keep in contact with her to find out about K. Look what's happened when you found out he was moving! I'd say in 3 months time you'll be trying to find out if he is dating. How will you cope with that? I reckon that will totally destroy you.

 

 

Self preservation GC. When we deliberately go looking for information on the ex you'll usually hear/see something you didn't want to. No news in this scenario is good news.

 

 

xx

[Michael 93]

GC,

 

Let me begin by reiterating that I genuinely relate to your thought patterns, your difficulty in letting go, and your tendency to circle back to the past in ruminative cycles.

 

I am rooting SO HARD for you, sister. But I know from my own breakup and subsequent entrance into (heavily CBT) therapy that the answers do not lie with your ex. They lie within you. So, a few questions to consider, similar to ones that my therapist posed to me, are: Why do you continue to cling so tenaciously to someone who has been gone from your life for an entire year? What benefit do you receive from focusing your emotional energy on someone who is absent and silent? And, I would add, does this dynamic of pursuing (or investing in) someone emotionally unavailable feel familiar? (It did to me.)

 

I don't know the answers to these questions, for you. But I so hope that you could turn the lens of your analysis towards yourself rather than K., who no longer deserves even a speck or smidgen of your attention.

 

Can you see how your continued focus on K. is diverting precious mental and emotional resources from yourself? Think what you might accomplish if you devoted the same level of analysis and consideration to your own life and emotional process and future plans as you currently lavish on (UNDESERVING) him.

 

Why are you continuing to care about the whereabouts/feelings/development/motivations/psychopathology/future plans of someone who has cut you completely from his life? That's not a rhetorical question.

 

With empathy and concern,

 

M.

 

 

 

This is excellent Minn

 

@Minneloa

[elseaacych]

Sending you good thoughts this morning, GC.

[Zapbasket]

There are many reasons why people become cold towards those they once loved, but at the end of the day it really does come down to a lack of feeling. I don't care about who my ex is dating or what he's up to because he's no longer in my life, and I don't think he deserves any more of my energy or attention.

 

I think you cling to the themes of cowardice and immaturity because they are easier to accept than the alternatives. When you realize a relationship is doomed it IS normal to stop caring or investing in it. You may still have kind thoughts about the person but you recognize they are no longer a part of you, and it doesn't matter what their life is like. You detach and move on. Everything you've said about K makes it sound like he was detached from the get-go so I imagine it was even simpler for him than for most. It's not normal to become cold and cruel but we all know it happens.

 

But then, why, a few weeks ago when I encountered him in the grocery store parking lot, did he park just a few spaces up from me as I approached my car, and then wait until I was completely out of sight even to open the door of his truck...and then, not half an hour later, block me from FB chat? He had blocked me from chat all year (not that we ever even USED FB chat with each other and I never use it, period), then unblocked me in May, and then, boom, that night, blocked me again.

 

I understand what you are saying and it makes sense, but I also think it's the easiest thing of all to presume a person doesn't care. I say cowardice and immaturity because he exhibited a lot of both traits in the relationship. I think what hurts the most about breakups is that I was the one who actually knew this person, and then people who never met him and can't possibly know all the ins and outs of our dynamic can say, "Oh, it's easy, he just doesn't care, and didn't care." The only thing anyone can know is that in a whole year, he never reached out, and I can't do anything about it, no matter how much I might want to or how much it confuses me that things seemed one way and then they were something else and he never even tried to clarify or talk to me about what he was feeling, and most importantly, he just felt sorry for himself in the relationship and never TRIED. So, yes, that is cowardice and immaturity, and he might be staying away for the same reasons. He never liked that I held a mirror up to him; he never wanted to really examine himself.

 

So I just don't think you can come on and explain it all away with, "He didn't and doesn't care." He hasn't contacted me and after all this time it is highly unlikely he ever will, unless moved to do so by reasons or events even he doesn't know about yet. And the only conclusion I can draw from it is that the relationship is over.

 

That creates a black, empty space where once there was something shared, something outside of me, a series of bonds that gave a lot of meaning to my life here. It's hard to just sit with that black empty space and sometimes, in weaker moments, I fall into wondering WHY? WHY does he feel we have to have nothing to do with each other?

 

I'm crying right now. I know I'll never get those answers, and it's just a very very very hard thing to accept, and it hurts so, so badly because I loved them all so much, K and his family. I just thought that anything that was going to happen was past the point of it ever coming to THIS. It was a possibility that we might break up, absolutely, but I just never thought it would be...THIS.

[Zapbasket]

GC,

 

Do you know what stands out to me about you the most? Your inability to let go of people. Maybe it has something to do with you being such a loving, caring person or perhaps something to do with a loss you were dealt earlier in life that you never dealt with appropriately. Either way I think you hold on to people, places, and things far past their prime.

 

It is true. I don't really know what to do about it, aside from working to become much more closed off, and much less willing to let people in.

 

It's funny, because in my early adulthood I worked so hard to be the opposite, because I didn't let people in at all.